Baby / Toddler Night Terrors and Nightmares Series: Part 2
Posted by Nicole on July 28th, 2009Welcome to part 2 of the Night Terrors and Nightmares Series. If you are just joining us, you might want to start with part 1 where I go over night terrors in babies and toddlers.
What are Nightmares?
Nightmares are very scary dreams. They usually start as a normal dream and then they take a turn for the worst. We don’t remember every dream or nightmare. It’s only when we wake up at the end do we remember them, even if we just wake up briefly.
What age do nightmares start?
This, they don’t know for sure, but they do know by one year old, a child can definitely have a nightmare. It makes sense that it can and does happen sooner, but it’s hard to say how complex a dream can be at one day, one month, or 6 months old, but since nightmares occur during our “active sleep” (during rapid-eye-movement (REM) for those who want to know a bit more about the technical terms), it is possible even your newborn can have a dream and therefore, a nightmare. Newborns spend a good amount of time in this stage of sleep.
Since a one-year old can’t talk or express himself that well, it’s hard to know just how complex his dreams are, but by two years old, when the imagination has really started to come alive, nightmares can get very specific. However, at this age, although they might understand a nightmare is just a dream and have idea about what a dream is, when he wakes up, he might not fully understand the dream is over and still remain scared for a bit later.
As your child gets older, the understanding between dream and reality will get better and by 5 years old, she will have a much bigger grasp of the difference between dream and reality. Even when your child is older, it doesn’t mean the dreams won’t be scary, but they may not always need you to come for help (which I’m sure is a bittersweet feeling).
All children are different in their development, so the age that your child may or may not need you after a nightmare will vary.
Why do we have nightmares?
Everyone has nightmares at one time or another, but those with more emotional tension or upset during the day will probably have more nightmares, because nightmares usually come about from the daily struggles in your day. This will also depend on how sensitive the dreamer is. Nightmares are a very normal part of your child’s development and working through daily’s life struggles.
Night terrors vs. Nightmares
We learned last week when I described night terrors, that it’s important to distinguish night terrors from nightmares because how we resolve them will be very different. Night terrors or other confusional events will not result in your child being fully awake afterward, but with a nightmare, he will be and he will be clearly frightened.
With Night terrors you usually figure out your child is having one in the middle of it happening, but in a nightmare, you will only know it happened after it’s over and your child is awake and scared. It is also important to note that nightmares usually occur in the second half of the night while night terrors typically happen within the first few hours of the night. It is often hard to settle or calm a child having a night terror and he isn’t fully awake barely responding to you, but once it’s over he goes back to sleep quickly. After a nightmare your child will feel comforted by you, but may or may not go back to sleep as easily depending on the age of your child and how scary the dream was.
Nightmares can be very scary and in the final part of the series, I will discuss ways to try to limit night terrors and nightmares, how to handle each when you’re in the thick of things, and how to discourage any bad habits from forming.
Share your child’s nightmares
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August 15th, 2009
I read your article with interest and would appreciate some feedback for my own situation. The last two days my 16mth old daughter woke from her two hour day time nap and made what I thought were her usual”i’m awake” cries. However when I entered the room she looked at me absolutely terrified- backed in the corner of the cot and screamed louder. The 1st time i picked her out of the cot she went limp trying to resist me touching her and then she ran to the corner of the room trying to hide behind a chair. She looked at me in terror and continued screaming/crying for 10mins finally let me hug her and then wimpered a bit- 10 mins after that she was back to normal. Today the same reaction when I entered her room but this time I left her in the cot and got her dad to come in – she went to him but still seemed scared of me. Clearly very distressing for me as I am her primary care giver and look after her full time and still breast feed first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Does this sound like night terrors -in the day? or should I search for some other explanation?
September 3rd, 2009
@Jacqueline That sounds very distressing for you.
I have not heard of night terrors during the day, but it sounds like maybe she was just half asleep and just confused (i.e. confusional event during a sleep cycle transition). Has it happened again? I doubt it’s you unless you got a drastic haicut or something big has happened in your home lately.
February 9th, 2010
For the past week my 13 month old son has been waking up a few hours after bed time, screaming and crying big fat tears. He stops crying when I walk into is bedroom and is quiet while I hold him and rock him. He seems to be awake and even giggles at me when we cuddle in the rocking chair. But to try and put him back in his crib is very difficult. As soon as I set him down he starts crying and screaming again. It takes several tries and a couple hours to get him to calm down enough and relax to go back to sleep. I don’t know what to do for him or why he’s all of a sudden started this. He’d been sleeping through the night very well for quite some time now. He’s been going to daycare for a couple months now and seems used to it, could it still be separation anxiety? I’m at a loss.
March 23rd, 2010
Danita, I am having the same problem. In fact this is the first night I am trying to let him cry (after rocking him for over an hour), and it is so hard. Someone, please help us!
March 24th, 2010
@ Danita & Lindsey- I recommend checking out Nicole’s series on sleep training where she discuss different options for how to help your baby learn to comfort themselves to sleep. This link is to the first post in the series and I recommend going through the whole series. http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-training-from-no-cry-to-cry-series-part-1/.
I also recommend this post on Toddler night waking: http://www.babysleepsite.com/toddlers/toddler-night-waking/