Comments on: Cry It Out Defined and Age to Do It http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/ Offering baby sleep and toddler sleep help with free articles and guides and easy to read sleep books with custom baby / toddler sleep consulting services included. Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:37:40 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Kia B. http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-5109 Kia B. Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:42:47 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-5109 Meagan, Ug---so sorry! I felt like I was re-reading my own experience with a new baby. I know what that struggle is like, went through it with our first child til we picked up "The Baby Whisperer". Just know I am not judging you--you are doing your best--so give yourself a break. You are sleep deprived and depleted, I'm sure. Hospitals give you a lactation consultant, but what we all really need is a sleep consultant! It sounds like you are missing your baby's "sleep window". If your child starts showing signs of sleepiness (rubbing eyes, etc), they need to go to bed right then,not a few minutes later. So you need to do all the extras a bit more in advance (nurse, diaper, etc). You want to do all the nap and bed prep about a half hour before they show sleepy signs. If you get on a routine (not a rigid schedule, just a general time frame for eating, snacks and naps), it helps keep you from missing sleep windows. And babies respond to routines, even when you are feeding on demand, you can do both. Also, 7:30 p.m. sounds pretty late to start the bedtime routine. The bedtime routine should be about 45 minutes before they are physically in bed and off to dreamland (hopefully). We did cry it out, so I am a believer, but I think and the literature agrees that 9 weeks is a bit early to start CIO. Around this age, they should be waking up about 2-3 times a night, that's unfortunately normal (don't listen to people who brag about their kid already sleeping through the night---I swear they are lying). Also, you may want to investigate if your baby has reflux (there is a thing called silent reflux, where the spit-up does not come up, but burns the esophagus) or if there are food allergies that upset your baby's tummy making sleep uncomfortable. Our baby kept waking up all the time b/c of reflux, so we had to feed her and then hold her upright for about 30 minutes before laying her down to sleep. check with your pediatrician, and if they don't seem very knowledgeable (make sure you google infant reflux and protein allergies before your visit so you are informed), ask for a referral to a pediatric gastroenterologist. I work for one and they know more that might be missed by your regular pediatrician. Try CIO around 5-6 months. We did it, but teething and illness screwed it up every time it started working, so we did the "Sleep Lady Shuffle" (google that book--it's awesome) that is basically where you let the baby cry but you stay in the room until they fall asleep, and every 3 days you move futher away and out the door. The baby learns that you are nearby and is able to put themselves to sleep. HANG IN THERE! Meagan,

Ug—so sorry! I felt like I was re-reading my own experience with a new baby. I know what that struggle is like, went through it with our first child til we picked up “The Baby Whisperer”. Just know I am not judging you–you are doing your best–so give yourself a break. You are sleep deprived and depleted, I’m sure. Hospitals give you a lactation consultant, but what we all really need is a sleep consultant! It sounds like you are missing your baby’s “sleep window”. If your child starts showing signs of sleepiness (rubbing eyes, etc), they need to go to bed right then,not a few minutes later. So you need to do all the extras a bit more in advance (nurse, diaper, etc). You want to do all the nap and bed prep about a half hour before they show sleepy signs. If you get on a routine (not a rigid schedule, just a general time frame for eating, snacks and naps), it helps keep you from missing sleep windows. And babies respond to routines, even when you are feeding on demand, you can do both. Also, 7:30 p.m. sounds pretty late to start the bedtime routine. The bedtime routine should be about 45 minutes before they are physically in bed and off to dreamland (hopefully). We did cry it out, so I am a believer, but I think and the literature agrees that 9 weeks is a bit early to start CIO. Around this age, they should be waking up about 2-3 times a night, that’s unfortunately normal (don’t listen to people who brag about their kid already sleeping through the night—I swear they are lying). Also, you may want to investigate if your baby has reflux (there is a thing called silent reflux, where the spit-up does not come up, but burns the esophagus) or if there are food allergies that upset your baby’s tummy making sleep uncomfortable. Our baby kept waking up all the time b/c of reflux, so we had to feed her and then hold her upright for about 30 minutes before laying her down to sleep. check with your pediatrician, and if they don’t seem very knowledgeable (make sure you google infant reflux and protein allergies before your visit so you are informed), ask for a referral to a pediatric gastroenterologist. I work for one and they know more that might be missed by your regular pediatrician. Try CIO around 5-6 months. We did it, but teething and illness screwed it up every time it started working, so we did the “Sleep Lady Shuffle” (google that book–it’s awesome) that is basically where you let the baby cry but you stay in the room until they fall asleep, and every 3 days you move futher away and out the door. The baby learns that you are nearby and is able to put themselves to sleep. HANG IN THERE!

]]> By: Victoria http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-5108 Victoria Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:27:45 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-5108 Meagan I had to chime in on this one. Like Nicole mentioned in another response, some babies cannot self soothe until 4-6 months old. Until my babies reach at least 3 months of age I live by the book The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. He talks about something he calls the missing fourth trimester and encourages things like shushing, swaddling and swinging combined to emulate the womb. With our second baby my husband was overseas and I can't tell you what a lifesaver it was. Yes she slept in her swing mostly for the first 6 weeks but she slept peacefully and was a happier baby because of it. You can purchase an e-copy for just under $6 on Amazon.com and read it with a free Kindle for PC version. Just go to their site, go to the Kindle page and load the free software then search for Happiest Baby on the Block and it'll download in seconds. I hope it helps. Meagan I had to chime in on this one. Like Nicole mentioned in another response, some babies cannot self soothe until 4-6 months old. Until my babies reach at least 3 months of age I live by the book The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. He talks about something he calls the missing fourth trimester and encourages things like shushing, swaddling and swinging combined to emulate the womb. With our second baby my husband was overseas and I can’t tell you what a lifesaver it was. Yes she slept in her swing mostly for the first 6 weeks but she slept peacefully and was a happier baby because of it. You can purchase an e-copy for just under $6 on Amazon.com and read it with a free Kindle for PC version. Just go to their site, go to the Kindle page and load the free software then search for Happiest Baby on the Block and it’ll download in seconds. I hope it helps.

]]> By: Meagan http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-5099 Meagan Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:29:11 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-5099 My son is 9 weeks old. He is healthy and growing well. He has trouble napping and going to sleep at night. He has a calm, happy temperment when he is awake. His sleeping patterns/habits keep getting worse and worse and I can't take it anymore. It usually takes about an hour or two, or longer to get him to sleep for his naps. When he starts showing signs of tiredness I will start the routine of changing his diaper, dimming lights, then feed him(I feed him bottles of expressed breast milk, he had problems latching on). He always falls asleep in my arms with the bottle in his mouth in the rocking chair. I will put him in his crib. Then he will wake a few minutes later, and I will go back in and soothe him with his paci, or more bottle and rock him back to sleep. This is repeated 5-10 times before I finally put him in his swing where he falls asleep. I used to could move him from his swing after a half hour and put him back in his crib, but now he will just wake up. The last few nights he has slept all night in his swing! If I leave him in his swing he will sleep for about 1-2 hours for his naps. At night I start his bedtime routine around 7:30pm because he usually starts getting tired around 8pm. From 7:30-midnight it is the same thing. Rocking and feeding, putting him in his crib, then him waking up every few minutes. Then around midnight I am so frustrated and tired I just put him in swing and he falls right to sleep, but only if I leave him in there. I am also worried that he is getting very sleep deprived since he never really enters into a deep sleep. I have been wanting to CIO, but I don't know if it is too soon, I dont know what to do. Thanks, Meagan My son is 9 weeks old. He is healthy and growing well. He has trouble napping and going to sleep at night. He has a calm, happy temperment when he is awake. His sleeping patterns/habits keep getting worse and worse and I can’t take it anymore. It usually takes about an hour or two, or longer to get him to sleep for his naps. When he starts showing signs of tiredness I will start the routine of changing his diaper, dimming lights, then feed him(I feed him bottles of expressed breast milk, he had problems latching on). He always falls asleep in my arms with the bottle in his mouth in the rocking chair. I will put him in his crib. Then he will wake a few minutes later, and I will go back in and soothe him with his paci, or more bottle and rock him back to sleep. This is repeated 5-10 times before I finally put him in his swing where he falls asleep. I used to could move him from his swing after a half hour and put him back in his crib, but now he will just wake up. The last few nights he has slept all night in his swing! If I leave him in his swing he will sleep for about 1-2 hours for his naps. At night I start his bedtime routine around 7:30pm because he usually starts getting tired around 8pm. From 7:30-midnight it is the same thing. Rocking and feeding, putting him in his crib, then him waking up every few minutes. Then around midnight I am so frustrated and tired I just put him in swing and he falls right to sleep, but only if I leave him in there. I am also worried that he is getting very sleep deprived since he never really enters into a deep sleep. I have been wanting to CIO, but I don’t know if it is too soon, I dont know what to do.
Thanks,
Meagan

]]> By: Irina http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-4980 Irina Sat, 20 Feb 2010 21:37:43 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-4980 Started CIO at 7 weeks (I know, I know...) and first night she slept for 5 1/2 hrs (3 max before) after 35 minutes of cring. After 5 days she was sleeping great sometimes fussing around for 10 min. I think is very important to start the training when the baby is rested, not after a hard day when the baby cried a lot and he is tired. Maybe it doesn't work for everybody, but I really belive in this method. Good luck!!! Started CIO at 7 weeks (I know, I know…) and first night she slept for 5 1/2 hrs (3 max before) after 35 minutes of cring. After 5 days she was sleeping great sometimes fussing around for 10 min. I think is very important to start the training when the baby is rested, not after a hard day when the baby cried a lot and he is tired.
Maybe it doesn’t work for everybody, but I really belive in this method.
Good luck!!!

]]> By: Victoria http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-4800 Victoria Mon, 15 Feb 2010 01:33:54 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-4800 Nicole- the difference between a baby who can handle CIO and one who can't is huge! I'm happy to report that after trying every other method on earth it took two nights(less than 45 minutes each night, half crying and half playing) of CIO for our younger daughter to put herself to sleep! Sometimes she cries for 2-3 minutes now and then but usually she just snuggles with her blankie and watches the kitties watching her until she doses off. As a parent doing this on my own, those 2 nights were pure torture but it didn't last nearly as long as it seemed and being able to do the dishes, put away laundry and take a shower all before 1am was worth it. So glad I found your site and all the helpful comments! Nicole- the difference between a baby who can handle CIO and one who can’t is huge! I’m happy to report that after trying every other method on earth it took two nights(less than 45 minutes each night, half crying and half playing) of CIO for our younger daughter to put herself to sleep! Sometimes she cries for 2-3 minutes now and then but usually she just snuggles with her blankie and watches the kitties watching her until she doses off.
As a parent doing this on my own, those 2 nights were pure torture but it didn’t last nearly as long as it seemed and being able to do the dishes, put away laundry and take a shower all before 1am was worth it. So glad I found your site and all the helpful comments!

]]> By: Nicole http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-4797 Nicole Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:54:08 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-4797 @Victoria Thank you so much for sharing your story! What a tough situation. :( This is definitely one reason I recommend stopping the cry-it-out method if you haven't seen improvement within the first few nights when working on nights. It's so hard to know the "right" thing to do and I hope you've found it in yourself to forgive yourself. Parenting is so hard and full of so much guilt, isn't it?! Good luck and I hope your younger one is now sleeping well! @Victoria Thank you so much for sharing your story! What a tough situation. :( This is definitely one reason I recommend stopping the cry-it-out method if you haven’t seen improvement within the first few nights when working on nights. It’s so hard to know the “right” thing to do and I hope you’ve found it in yourself to forgive yourself. Parenting is so hard and full of so much guilt, isn’t it?! Good luck and I hope your younger one is now sleeping well!

]]> By: michelle http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-4732 michelle Sat, 13 Feb 2010 13:58:57 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-4732 My baby is almost 6 months and I have had success getting him to fall asleep on his own. He is 22 lbs - well above the weight where he NEEDS to eat at night, however he still wants too. I have two problems - my husband can not get him to bed and my son is not comforted by him. The other is that my son will no STAY asleep. I would appreciate any thoughts and suggestions. My baby is almost 6 months and I have had success getting him to fall asleep on his own. He is 22 lbs – well above the weight where he NEEDS to eat at night, however he still wants too. I have two problems – my husband can not get him to bed and my son is not comforted by him. The other is that my son will no STAY asleep. I would appreciate any thoughts and suggestions.

]]> By: Nicole http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-4639 Nicole Sat, 30 Jan 2010 03:31:25 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-4639 @Kim This is very common for this age. I have an article about it here: http://www.babysleepsite.com/how-we-sleep/4-month-baby-sleep and he's waking so often because he has a sleep association with nursing to sleep. You can read about that here: http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-association There are many different ways to do this, so the key is to find the method that works best for you and, mostly, your son. Good luck! @Kim This is very common for this age. I have an article about it here: http://www.babysleepsite.com/how-we-sleep/4-month-baby-sleep and he’s waking so often because he has a sleep association with nursing to sleep. You can read about that here: http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-association There are many different ways to do this, so the key is to find the method that works best for you and, mostly, your son. Good luck!

]]> By: Elisabeth http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-4617 Elisabeth Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:21:22 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-4617 I wrote in earlier about having trouble getting my baby to sleep. We worked for several nights on sleep training, using sleep associations, scheduling and some crying (but not fully letting her cry herself to sleep). Just wanted to say that this article and this website was tremendously helpful for us. Evangeline is now eight months old, sleeping twelve hours at night and taking 2 1-2 hour naps a day. She is able to put herself to sleep in her crib after we do our regular sleep routine. She knows that it's time to go to sleep based on these cues. Of course she has bad nights, but so do all adults, so it's to be expected. For the most part, our lives are so much easier, and she is so much more well rested. We still use the pacifier, although half the time she spits it out. We no longer swaddle her (as we did for the first six months) but found that she felt safe and secure falling asleep on her stomach. And since she can roll over we know it is safe. Thank you! I wrote in earlier about having trouble getting my baby to sleep. We worked for several nights on sleep training, using sleep associations, scheduling and some crying (but not fully letting her cry herself to sleep). Just wanted to say that this article and this website was tremendously helpful for us. Evangeline is now eight months old, sleeping twelve hours at night and taking 2 1-2 hour naps a day. She is able to put herself to sleep in her crib after we do our regular sleep routine. She knows that it’s time to go to sleep based on these cues. Of course she has bad nights, but so do all adults, so it’s to be expected. For the most part, our lives are so much easier, and she is so much more well rested. We still use the pacifier, although half the time she spits it out. We no longer swaddle her (as we did for the first six months) but found that she felt safe and secure falling asleep on her stomach. And since she can roll over we know it is safe. Thank you!

]]> By: Victoria http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/comment-page-1/#comment-4596 Victoria Mon, 25 Jan 2010 05:07:25 +0000 http://www.babysleepsite.com/?p=170#comment-4596 I'm glad to have found this site and the input from other parents. I only want to share my story to stress the importance of parents paying attention to their children and not choosing the CIO method due to family pressure or just from being tired. When our first daughter was born we listened to our parents and the same doctor I had seen as a baby. We had severe issues breastfeeding (we found out later that it was acid reflux and a dairy protein allergy), and if we altered her routine by even 5 minutes at night it would throw her off for literally weeks. We started CIO when she was 4 months old and it only got worse, not better. The doctor confirmed there was nothing physically wrong with her. By 12 months she could cry forever and we honestly thought it was manipulation because if we did rock her for a couple hours she would fall asleep easily and stay asleep and if we walked into the room she would laugh. Her sleep issues never stopped. Much later we found out that she actually lacks the ability to self soothe due to her mood disorder (juvenile bipolar disorder). Imagine how bad I felt for all those nights she screamed while my parents and my husband's parents told us we were doing the right thing. This time around things are a bit different. Our second daughter had lots of issues in the beginning (reflux, dairy protein allergy, fractured collar bone from birth) and she would only sleep for up to 2-4 hours at a time which I understood. At 3 months she began to sleep 6-8 hours a night, then at 5 months it stretched to 10 hours. Everything was great until a few weeks ago at about 7 months. All of a sudden my super sleeper who nursed to sleep each night within half an hour was ending her nursing sessions wide awake and ready to play. Now I've seen this little one put herself to sleep many times when I simply put her down to tend to her older sister and I know she doesn't have the same inability to self soothe so tonight, at 10pm when she finished nursing, looked up at me and smiled before trying to scramble for the floor to crawl around I kindly told her it wasn't play time, rocked her for a couple minutes while she still fought to get out of my arms and play, and brought her into her crib. So far she was quiet for 10 minutes and is yelling at me at the moment. I think for this part of parenthood I'm kind of glad my husband is deployed for the first year of her life, somehow it's a bit easier to follow and enforce the rules if I know I'm the one who made them. Once again, just a reminder to KNOW your child, pay attention to your child and don't just take well meaning family and friends advice, research it. If I had done that years ago then maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty now. Baby girl #2 has quit yelling and is now crying so due to my own rules it's time to reassure her that Mommy hasn't run away to join the circus. Good luck to all of you, no matter what method you choose. I’m glad to have found this site and the input from other parents. I only want to share my story to stress the importance of parents paying attention to their children and not choosing the CIO method due to family pressure or just from being tired.
When our first daughter was born we listened to our parents and the same doctor I had seen as a baby. We had severe issues breastfeeding (we found out later that it was acid reflux and a dairy protein allergy), and if we altered her routine by even 5 minutes at night it would throw her off for literally weeks. We started CIO when she was 4 months old and it only got worse, not better. The doctor confirmed there was nothing physically wrong with her. By 12 months she could cry forever and we honestly thought it was manipulation because if we did rock her for a couple hours she would fall asleep easily and stay asleep and if we walked into the room she would laugh. Her sleep issues never stopped. Much later we found out that she actually lacks the ability to self soothe due to her mood disorder (juvenile bipolar disorder). Imagine how bad I felt for all those nights she screamed while my parents and my husband’s parents told us we were doing the right thing.
This time around things are a bit different. Our second daughter had lots of issues in the beginning (reflux, dairy protein allergy, fractured collar bone from birth) and she would only sleep for up to 2-4 hours at a time which I understood. At 3 months she began to sleep 6-8 hours a night, then at 5 months it stretched to 10 hours. Everything was great until a few weeks ago at about 7 months.
All of a sudden my super sleeper who nursed to sleep each night within half an hour was ending her nursing sessions wide awake and ready to play. Now I’ve seen this little one put herself to sleep many times when I simply put her down to tend to her older sister and I know she doesn’t have the same inability to self soothe so tonight, at 10pm when she finished nursing, looked up at me and smiled before trying to scramble for the floor to crawl around I kindly told her it wasn’t play time, rocked her for a couple minutes while she still fought to get out of my arms and play, and brought her into her crib.
So far she was quiet for 10 minutes and is yelling at me at the moment. I think for this part of parenthood I’m kind of glad my husband is deployed for the first year of her life, somehow it’s a bit easier to follow and enforce the rules if I know I’m the one who made them.

Once again, just a reminder to KNOW your child, pay attention to your child and don’t just take well meaning family and friends advice, research it. If I had done that years ago then maybe I wouldn’t feel so guilty now. Baby girl #2 has quit yelling and is now crying so due to my own rules it’s time to reassure her that Mommy hasn’t run away to join the circus. Good luck to all of you, no matter what method you choose.

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