Tag Archives: baby sleep schedule

How Daycare Impacts Your Baby’s Sleep Schedule and Habits

Posted by Emily DeJeu on June 11th, 2013 in Sleep Training

When it comes to daycare, many parents have no shortage of questions, ranging from “What’s the staff to child ratio at this facility” to “How on earth am I going to beat traffic and manage a 5:30 p.m. pick-up time?!” But here’s one question you may not have thought to ask yourself: “How is daycare going to affect my child’s sleep?”

Some Babies Sleep Better at Daycare Than They Do At Home

Most daycares operate on a schedule for all children, including infants. If you haven’t adopted a schedule at home, you may find that your baby responds so well to this kind of consistent routine that he’s sleeping far better at daycare than he does at home! For instance, babies who struggle with naps at home may nap like a dream while at daycare. If this is true for you, and if you want your little one to sleep as well at home as he does at daycare, consider asking the daycare to write out their schedule and then try to duplicate it at home as much as you can.

Your baby may also sleep better at daycare because she knows it’s expected of her. Children are experts at knowing how to “read” adults. If your child has learned that her daycare caregiver won’t rock/sing/nurse her to sleep, then she’s much more likely to sleep without fuss when she’s at daycare. But at home, it’s a different story! If your child knows that you’ll spend hours rocking her to sleep, then she’ll likely require you to do it. If you suspect this is the case, consider weaning your child off her sleep associations at home (especially since you know she can sleep without them at daycare!)

Some Babies Sleep Worse at Daycare Than They Do At Home

Other babies fall into this category. This is especially true for babies who have highly-structured nap schedules and routines at home. It can be difficult for these little ones to adjust to a different schedule at daycare. For example, if your child is used to napping at a certain time each day, or if he’s used to napping in a certain way (with the shades drawn, with a certain CD playing, etc.), it can be very difficult for him to nap at daycare when that same environment isn’t provided. What’s more, daycare is usually a more stimulating place than home — there’s lots of noise, lots of toys, lots to see and do. This extra stimulation can make it hard for a baby to wind down enough to take a nap.

If this is the case, consider writing out your child’s daily routine and asking your daycare providers to follow it as best they can. You may also want to consider sending familiar items from home that will help reproduce your child’s napping environment. These might include sheets and bedding, a “lovey”, a lullaby CD, etc. A good daycare will be willing to work with you and will attempt to accommodate your child’s needs.

Your Baby’s Temperament Matters

If you’re struggling with daycare-related sleep challenges, it’s important to remember that your baby’s unique personality and temperament play a big part. Some babies are great at quickly adapting to new settings, new people, and new schedules. Highly adaptable babies will likely have no problem adjusting to different settings and sleep schedules, and for those babies, daycare may not present any real sleep challenges.

Other babies, however, are much slower to adapt. Slow-to-adapt babies have a much harder time dealing with change, and they tend to need lots of consistency. If your baby is slow to adapt, then it may be hard for him to transition easily between the setting and schedule at daycare and the setting and schedule at home. If this is the case for you, do the best you can to make the transition between home and daycare smooth and easy, and work to build in as much consistency as you can at home.

When Should You Make A Change?

If your child’s getting less sleep in daycare than you’d like, monitor her for a few weeks. If she seems to be coping well, then make the best of it. If you feel that your baby’s lack of sleep is affecting her health and well-being, however, consider making a change. For example, an in-home daycare with fewer children might be a good choice. Or hiring a private nanny might be an option, especially if you only need care a few days a week, or for a few hours each day. And there are ways to offset the cost of a private nanny. The practice of “nanny sharing” allows families to split the use of the same nanny and share the cost.

Daycare is a reality for children of working parents. For some, it may not affect sleep much (or it may even improve it!) For others, however, daycare will negatively impact sleep. If that’s the case for your child, educate yourself about healthy sleep habits, do everything you can to implement them at home, and then do what you can to make sure your daycare provider is implementing them, too.

Has daycare affected your baby’s sleeping habits and schedule? How do you handle the sleep challenges that daycare creates? Share your story with us!

Helping your baby learn to sleep soundly can be a real challenge, can’t it? That’s true for both working parents and stay-at-home parents! Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

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5 MORE Things You Need To Know About Baby and Toddler Naps

Posted by Emily DeJeu on June 4th, 2013 in Baby Naps

Last month, we brought you a napping “cheat sheet” — 5 things you need to know about your baby’s or toddler’s naps. Since many of you found that nap list so helpful, we’re bringing you a new one this month — 5 more things you need to know about baby and toddler naps (it’s amazing how much there is to share about baby sleep! ).

Let’s dive in!

**5 More Things You Need To Know About Baby and Toddler Naps**

On-the-go, “moving” naps aren’t as restorative as naps that happen at home, in bed. This might come as a bit of a surprise, but it’s true — naps that happen “on the go” (in a moving car, for example, or in a moving stroller or shopping cart) aren’t as restorative as naps that happen on a non-moving surface (like a bed). They aren’t as long, for one thing, and during a “moving” nap, your baby’s or toddler’s sleep won’t be as deep. The occasional on-the-go nap isn’t a big deal, of course; sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. But if the majority of your baby’s or toddler’s naps are happening in the car, or in a stroller, you may need to rethink your daytime routines and schedule.
It’s possible for your baby or toddler to nap too much. Yes, we realize that this particular “problem” doesn’t plague most of you. But it’s true; some babies and toddlers nap too much, and it negatively affects their nighttime sleep. How much nap time sleep is too much? You can check out this article for details, but here’s a fast breakdown:
*INFANT STAGE (birth – 4 months) — newborns will sleep 14-18 total hours during the day. To maximize nighttime sleep, limit naps to two hours, and try to keep your baby awake for 30 minutes between naps.

*BABY STAGE (4-12 months) – babies need 13-15 total hours of sleep during the day. 2-4 of these hours should be naps (depending on how much sleep your baby is getting at night.)

*TODDLER STAGE (12 months – 3 or 4 years) – 1-3 hours of total naptime is considered normal and healthy.
Educate yourself on when common nap transitions occur, and how to manage them. Nap transitions are likely to occur at the following times:
*3-4 MONTHS – baby transitions from 5 naps to 4.
*5-6 MONTHS – baby transitions from 4 naps to 3.
*8-9 MONTHS – baby transitions from 3 naps to 2.
*15-18 MONTHS – toddler transitions from 2 naps to 1.

As for how to handle these nap transitions? Be sure to read through this article from some hands-on, practical tips on how to manage them well.
If a nap just isn’t happening, know when to give up and try again later. We end up dispensing this advice quite often to our consultation clients who we are working on nap training: don’t waste too much time trying to make a nap happen. After about an hour, it’s okay to give up and wait for the next nap window to come along before trying again. No sense in spending 3 hours trying to force an afternoon nap to happen — at that point, you’re probably closer to bedtime than you are to naptime!
When your toddler is finally done taking naps, consider replacing nap time with “rest time”. It’s always a little sad when your toddler finally ages out of his naps. Gone are those one or two hours of peace, when mom or dad could get some work done, catch up on chores, or take a nap themselves! However, the end of nap time doesn’t have to mean the end of your afternoon peace and quiet. Simply replace nap time with rest time. I’ve done this with my boys (and Nicole did it with hers), and let me tell you — it’s a beautiful thing.
What does rest time look like? That will vary from family to family, of course, but here’s how rest time goes in my house: after lunch, my boys retire to separate rooms, where they’re allowed to read books, do puzzles, and play quietly with toys. It usually lasts about an hour (although on days when I feel like I’ve used up all my patience and sweetness by noon, it lasts a bit longer! ) My boys are past the toddler years now; one’s a preschooler, and one’s in kindergarten. But this is the nice thing about rest time — it can extend well into the elementary school years. Win!

This time of solitude is good for your child; it gives her time to unwind. It also gives her a chance to learn how to occupy and entertain herself, which (in my opinion, at least) is a great skill for a child to have. And, of course, it gives you a much-needed break in the middle of the day.

As always, if you need help working through your baby’s or toddler’s napping problems, we’re here for you! We offer an e-book devoted entirely to helping parents overcome their babies’ or toddlers’ napping issues; take a look!

Are you working through any of these nap situations? Any tips or advice to offer other parents who are struggling with naps? Chime in and let us know by commenting below!

Ready to get your baby or toddler napping like a champ? First, make sure you are not making those pesky 7 Common Napping Mistakes and/or check out Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-to” of good baby sleep. With over 40 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (for babies) or The 5 Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (for toddlers). Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and teleseminars. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations. Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a sleep plan; sometimes you’re just close to the situation or too tired to!

Tagged baby nap, baby nap transition, baby sleep patterns, baby sleep schedule, baby sleep training, getting baby to nap, getting toddler to sleep, helping baby sleep, how to get baby to nap, sleep training toddler, toddler nap, toddler nap schedule, toddler not sleeping, toddler rest time, toddler sleep training | 11 Comments

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When Your Babysitter or Nanny Just Won’t Stick To The Baby’s Schedule

Posted by Emily DeJeu on May 28th, 2013 in Sleep Training

Those of you who rely on the aid of a babysitter or a nanny to help you care for your little one know what a blessing it can be to have childcare help. Raising a child is hard, hard work, after all! And while many cultures around the world consider it the norm to have extended family help with childcare, that’s not usually the case in the Western world. Here in the West, many parents are often alone in their child rearing.

So having the help of a babysitter or nanny can be a real godsend! But what happens if your babysitter or nanny, well-meaning though he or she may be, simply won’t stick to your carefully-crafted schedules and routines? If that’s your situation, then having a babysitter or nanny may not feel so helpful after all when it comes to helping your baby or toddler get the rest she needs.

Why Your Routines and Schedules Matter

If you’re a Baby Sleep Site™ regular, then you probably already know why we think schedules and routines are important. Simply put, babies and toddlers thrive on consistency and predictability. Most babies and toddlers like to know exactly what’s happening, and when it’s going to happen. And consistency is key when you’re sleep training especially. If you’re working towards helping your baby learn to sleep through the night, or towards helping your toddler overcome her sleep challenges, then having predictable and consistent schedules and routines is a critical component.

And if you’re working on getting your baby or toddler to nap well? Oh, yes…you’re going to want to have a predictable daily routine going, in order to encourage consistent naps!

This isn’t to say that routines and schedules are important to every family — they’re not. Some families are more on-the-fly with their daily activities, and that’s okay! But most of the families we work with prefer to stick with consistent daily routines, so for these families, having a babysitter or nanny who doesn’t observe the schedule is a problem.

5 Steps To Take When Your Babysitter or Nanny Ignores the Schedule

If you’re a schedule-oriented parent, yet your child’s babysitter or nanny (and sometimes a spouse, actually) just won’t stick to the routine, what exactly should you do about it? Below are 5 steps we suggest taking to solve this problem:

Evaluate your expectations, and make sure they’re reasonable. This is an important first step. Are your expectations about schedule-following reasonable, or are you asking too much of your babysitter or nanny? Remember, even the tightest, strictest schedules need to have some flexibility built in. Life happens! Our little ones get sick, go through bouts of teething, experience sleep regressions…there’s a lot of unpredictability built in to your child’s early years.
So it’s important that you offer your babysitter or nanny the option to be flexible, and to bend the schedule when necessary. Obviously, this will require some trust on your part, and some discernment on the part of your babysitter or nanny. But be sure you’re extending your childcare provider the same kind of flexibility that you’d extend to yourself.

A sidenote about evaluating your expectations: if you’re working on sleep training, and you’re using any form of the cry-it-out method, be aware that it can be challenging to ask other people (like your babysitter or nanny) to do this with you. Nobody enjoys the sound of a wailing baby, and while you may be able to tolerate it, your babysitter or nanny may not. I speak from experience here. When my oldest was a baby, my family briefly lived with my parents. I was working on sleep training at that time, and I was trying some (modified) CIO with my son. My mom could. not. handle. it. It was making her frantic, having to listen to my son cry for even 30 seconds. It became a point of contention between us. So just know, moving forward, that this scenario can be tough.
Clearly explain the schedule, as well as your expectations. This might seem obvious, but it’s important that you clearly outline the schedule for your babysitter or nanny. Don’t take anything for granted here — don’t expect your childcare provider to “just know” what the schedule is, and how to follow it closely. Instead, take the time to explain the schedule in detail. Write it down and put it in a visible place in your home, so that there can be no confusion about what’s supposed to be happening when.
What’s more, you’ll need to explain your expectations regarding the schedule. Conversations like this can be a bit uncomfortable (at least, they are for conflict-avoiders like me!), but don’t shy away from this. People in any job (childcare or otherwise) tend to perform better when they know exactly what’s expected of them, and when a definite standard has been set.
Share why consistency in following the schedule is important to you. This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. Share with your babysitter or nanny why it’s so important to you that they stick to the schedule. Direct them to this site, if necessary! If your babysitter or nanny understands the philosophy behind your schedule-oriented approach, he/she may be more likely to “get on board”, and to make consistency a priority each day.
Check in regularly, to determine how things are going. Once you’ve laid out your schedule for the babysitter or nanny, and explained how and why you want it to be followed closely, you’ll need to follow up. Ask questions — what time did lunch happen? Did she go to bed right at 7? Did he get 30 minutes of tummy-time before his nap? Again, asking these kinds of questions may feel a bit uncomfortable, but it’s important for you to follow through on your expectations. Alternatively, consider having your childcare provider fill out a journal that you can review at your convenience.
If all else fails, consider finding a new babysitter or nanny. We’re not telling you to fire your childcare provider — that’s your call, not ours! But if your babysitter or nanny just won’t stick to the schedule, and if consistency and routine is something that’s really important to you, it might be time to get a different caregiver. It may just not be the right “fit.” No doubt that your nanny or sitter may have years and years of experience, but you still want someone you can work with long-term. Again, not every family will care about consistency in the daily schedule, but if you do, then the person who cares for your baby or toddler each day needs to care about it, too.

Is this something you’ve dealt with? How have you handled it, when the babysitter or nanny won’t stick to the schedule? Share your wisdom with other moms and dads!

Working on creating a schedule for your baby or toddler? Check out Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-to” of good baby sleep. With over 40 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (for babies) or The 5 Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (for toddlers). Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and teleseminars. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations. Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a sleep plan; sometimes you’re just close to the situation or too tired to!

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5 Things You Need to Know About Baby and Toddler Naps

Posted by Emily DeJeu on May 14th, 2013 in Baby Naps

We’ve written quite a bit about baby and toddler naps here on the blog, so if you’ve been following our site for awhile, you’ve had the chance to read a lot of baby and toddler nap tips and tidbits. But, some of you are new moms or new to The Baby Sleep Site™ and we strive to educate all of our parents on the importance of good sleep and how to achieve it!

Today, we’re presenting you with 5 must-know facts about your baby’s or toddler’s naps. Think of it as your nap “cheat sheet”. And we’re not stopping here; look for another post in the near future with 5 additional baby and toddler nap tips.

5 Things You Need To Know About Baby and Toddler Naps

The first nap of the day is the most important. This isn’t to say that other naps aren’t also important. But the first nap of the day tends to be the most restorative, setting the tone for the day, and it’s generally the one that produces the best sleep for babies and young toddlers. (Note the generally there — this isn’t true for everyone!) So what does this mean for you? Make that first nap a priority. If you have errands to run, run them in the afternoon, if possible. Schedule appointments for the afternoon, if you can.
Most babies don’t transition to one nap at 12 months; most transition to one nap between 15-18 months. There seems to be a prevailing opinion out there that at the one year mark, babies should suddenly transition from two naps to one. And some will, with no problem. But we’re here to tell you that making the 2-to-1 nap transition at 12 months isn’t the norm for most babies. In fact, most babies aren’t ready to move to one nap a day until 15-18 months. While it’s possible that your baby will be ready to make the transition at 12 months, we usually urge families to wait until closer to the 15-18 month window before making this shift.
Most 6 month old babies aren’t ready for just 2 naps per day; most still need 3 (or even 4). Just as there’s a misconception that all 12 month old babies are ready to transition to one nap per day, there’s also a misconception that 6 month old babies are ready to transition to just 2 naps each day. We think this misconception is at least party due to a recommendation that Weissbluth makes in his book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. In the book, Weissbluth states that only 16% of babies need a third nap after 5 months. Keep in mind this statistic came from a study of a limited number of children.
We are not discounting Weissbluth’s studies, but we do take it with a grain of salt, since all babies vary in their ability (particularly mood-wise) to stay awake for long periods of time. In our extensive work with families, we’ve found that far more than 16% of babies appear to need 3 naps at 6, 7, even 8 months of age. Therefore, we usually tell parents not to rush into a 2 nap schedule with their 6 month old babies. Doing that increases the chances that their 6 month olds will become overtired, which will in turn affect their night sleep. We’ve found it’s better to stick to a 3 nap schedule (or even a 4 nap schedule) and then gradually transition to a 2 nap schedule around 8 months.
Your child’s nap needs will change greatly between birth and 18 months. Greatly. This just makes sense if you think about it — newborns nap pretty much constantly during the day, while an 18 month old needs just 1 nap. That’s a lot of change during a relatively short period of time!
So, how many naps does your baby or toddler need in the first 18 months of life? You can read this article for detailed information, but here’s the short version:

*1-3 MONTHS – 4-5 naps per day, depending on how long his naps are and how long he can stay up between naps.

*3-4 MONTHS – 4 naps.

*5-8 MONTHS – probably 3 naps (though some will need 4 until after 7 months). A few babies will only have 2 naps at a very young age, but those naps are usually long.

*9-15 MONTHS – 2 naps. Some babies will transition to 1 nap at 12 months, but that’s not common.

*15-18 MONTHS – 1-2 naps. The transition from 2 naps to 1 usually happens in this window of time.

*18 MONTHS-4 YEARS – 1 nap. The age to transition away from all napping varies a lot, from 2 to 5+ years old, but the average age is between 3 and 4 years old.

Nicole’s Note:
“But, of course, my son was very NON-textbook. He had 4 naps until 7 months old, because he simply could not stay awake longer than 1 hour 15 to 30 minutes without turning into Senor Cranky Pants! It was simply NOT fun to even try. So, I rolled with it and he stayed home all day pretty much until he seemed to change overnight, taking 3 naps at 7 1/2 months old. He then dropped to two naps a short month later at 8 1/2 months. It happened so fast! He also transitioned to one nap early and away from napping early. I would never have guessed that based on our first 7 months. So, if your baby is struggling with staying awake for long periods, he’s not alone and it could change fast for you, too! ”

If your baby or toddler sleeps well at night, that doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll nap well during the day. Remember, nap sleep is different than night sleep. Naps happen during daylight hours, when the sun’s up and when it tends to be noisy and busy. External factors like that can make it hard for a baby or toddler to nap well. And many families struggle with keeping a consistent daily nap routine in place — because life tends to get in the way! That, too, can make it hard for a baby or toddler to nap consistently. Contrast that with nights — it’s dark, it’s (usually) quiet, and everyone is (usually) at home. That at least partly explains why many babies and toddlers who sleep just fine at night struggle with their naps.

Don’t forget, if you need help working through your baby’s or toddler’s napping problems, we’re here for you! We offer an e-book devoted entirely to helping parents overcome their babies’ or toddlers’ napping issues; take a look!

Which of these 5 things are you currently working through in your house? Any nap-related info you’d like to contribute to our “cheat sheet”? Add your voice to the conversation by commenting below!

Tagged baby nap, baby nap transition, baby sleep patterns, baby sleep regression, baby sleep schedule, baby sleep training, getting baby to nap, getting toddler to sleep, helping baby sleep, how to get baby to nap, sleep regression, sleep training toddler, toddler nap, toddler nap schedule, toddler not sleeping, toddler sleep regression, toddler sleep training | 30 Comments

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4 Tips When Your Baby Won’t Sleep Like Other Babies

Posted by Emily DeJeu on April 2nd, 2013 in Sleep Training

If there’s one thing we know to be true here at the Baby Sleep Site™, it’s this: the parenting journey is made easier when you don’t have to travel alone. When you can collaborate with other parents, sharing insights and experiences, the journey tends to feel a little easier.

But there’s another side to this, of course. When you journey alongside other parents, and you compare their experiences to yours, you may sometimes feel like you’re coming up short:

‘Her baby nurses so well — why doesn’t mine?’

‘He’s such a calm, relaxed dad. Why don’t I feel that way?’

‘Their baby almost never cries; mine cries all the time!”

And there are few things parents compare more frequently than their babies’ sleeping habits:

‘Your baby naps for two hours twice a day?! I’m lucky to get 30 minutes!’

‘Wait — you don’t have to nurse your baby to sleep? I thought everyone had to do that.’

‘Your baby started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks? SERIOUSLY?!’

It can be so easy to feel like you’re losing when you play the sleep comparison game, especially if you’re surrounded by families whose babies sleep through the night from a young age and take regular, marathon naps. So how are you supposed to handle this? What do you do when your baby won’t sleep like everyone else’s?

Not to worry, Baby Sleep Site™ readers! Today, we’re bringing you four simple steps to dealing with this kind of situation.

4 Steps To Handling The “My Baby Won’t Sleep Like Your Baby” Problem

If you find yourself facing the “why won’t my baby sleep like everyone else’s?” issue, try following this four step process:

Determine what’s actually “normal”. This is an important first step. When you’re looking at other families, and comparing their babies to yours, remember that their babies aren’t necessarily an indicator of what’s standard, or average. Yes, your sister’s baby may have started sleeping through the night at 3 months, but that definitely doesn’t mean it’s standard practice for babies everywhere!
Instead, focus on what’s considered “normal” for your baby’s age. Our sleep and feeding schedules provide an easy way for you to get a glimpse of standard, average sleep amounts for your baby. And remember, when it comes to sleep, “normal” is always a spectrum.
Take your family’s unique situation into account. No two babies are the same; no two families are the same, either! Some families put baby to sleep in his own crib, while other families are proud co-sleepers. Some parents work night shifts. Some families live in multi-generational households. Some families have to contend with health issues. And the list goes on.
Your family probably has some unique factors at work, too, and it’s important to remember that those factors may very well affect your baby’s sleep. And since your friends’ families aren’t identical to yours, it makes sense that their babies may sleep a little differently.
Determine how you actually feel about your baby’s sleep. All too often, parents feel highly competitive about baby sleep: who’s doing it “better”, who’s doing it “right”. It’s easy to get swept up in that. But remember, “baby sleep” isn’t an Olympic sport. You can’t medal in it! So don’t let yourself get caught up in the competition.
Instead, really analyze how you feel about your baby’s sleeping patterns. If your 9 month old still wakes up once during the night to nurse — does that bother you? Some of you might answer yes, but others will likely answer no. If your baby doesn’t nap at the same time each day — does that bother you? Again, some will say yes, and some will say no.

There are two things to ask yourself here: ‘is my baby getting enough sleep?’ and ‘do I feel fine about my baby’s sleeping habits?’ If the answer to both questions is ‘yes’, then guess what? You’ve won. You’re a winner. It doesn’t matter what your mother, or your neighbor, or your best friend thinks about your baby’s sleep; if you’re okay with the your baby’s sleeping patterns (and if your baby is getting enough sleep each day), then you’ve won. Competition over.
If it’s necessary, make changes to your baby’s sleeping habits. Of course, once you’ve completed step 3, and analyzed how you feel about your baby’s sleeping patterns, you might come to the conclusion that you don’t like them one bit! If that’s the case, then by all means, make changes!
If your baby’s waking too frequently at night, then take steps to begin sleep training. If your baby’s napping is erratic and chaotic (or maybe even non-existent!), then begin creating a daytime schedule that will help her nap more regularly.

But don’t do these things because you want to “win”, or because you feel pressured to. Don’t start sleep training out of the panic-stricken fear that “everyone else’s” baby is sleeping the “right” way, and yours isn’t. No, sleep train because you want to, because it’s something you feel is important for your baby.

Nicole’s Note:
“I have two boys, one who was a ‘hard’ sleeper and one who was ‘easier’ (not perfect). However, the ‘easier’ sleeper was a horrible teether. As they grew older, they were both ‘easy’ and ‘hard’ in their own ways. One threw stuff in the toilet and did other things like that while the other would would never do that! So, even if your sleeper is ‘harder’ that may simply mean she’ll be ‘easier’ in another way. Try not to feel the pressure that she must be ‘perfect’ or easy in every way. It’s unfair to her and unfair to you.”

It’s good to be part of a community. It’s good to have friends to walk alongside you as you work to parent your little one. (Some of those friends may be able to support you through sleep training — what a blessing that can be!) But remember that when you surround yourself with other parents, things can start to feel competitive. Guard against that as best you can, and focus on simply doing your best. If you do that (and heap as much love as possible on your little one), you can’t go wrong!

Have you felt the “your baby sleeps better than my baby” pressure? How have you dealt with it? Share your tips below!

Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Tagged baby nap schedule, baby not sleeping, baby schedule, baby sleep habits, baby sleep help, baby sleep patterns, baby sleep problems, baby sleep schedule, baby sleep through night, baby wont nap, baby wont sleep, getting baby to sleep, helping baby sleep | 5 Comments

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How and When to Nap (Sleep) Train Your Baby or Toddler

Posted by Emily DeJeu on March 26th, 2013 in Baby Naps

If there’s one thing we’ve written A LOT about here at the Baby Sleep Site™, it’s sleep training. Dare we say we’re sleep training experts?

And usually, when we talk about sleep training, we’re talking about sleep in general — both nap time sleep and nighttime sleep.

Today, however, we’re going to consider the two separately. We’ll compare nap training and night training, and we’ll explore when it’s best for nap training to happen.

In Some Ways, Nap Sleep Training Is Different Than Nighttime Sleep Training

Why? Because nap time sleep is different than nighttime sleep. Remember, according to Dr. Weissbluth, nap sleep and nighttime sleep are actually controlled by different parts of the brain.

Some families find that naps are easier, but many of the families we work with testify to just the opposite: that naps are HARD. And that’s understandable. Naps tend to be less predictable and routine than nighttime sleep. That’s especially true if you’re an on-the-go parent who doesn’t spend loads of time at home. And of course, your baby or toddler’s naptime environment is far different than his nighttime environment. Nights tend to be dark and quiet — days not so much!

Something else to factor in: nap time sleep needs change and shift more than nighttime sleep needs. Your child will go through a handful of nap transitions in the first few years of life, because as he gets older, he needs progressively less daytime sleep.

So what does this mean for your sleep training plans? It means that training your baby or toddler for naps may present different challenges than training her for nights. So don’t be surprised if certain sleep training techniques work well at bedtime but not at nap time (and vice versa).

It also means that you may have to be more persistent in your nap time training. This isn’t true for every family, of course, but it might be true for yours. Don’t be surprised if your baby or toddler gets nighttime sleep figured out but still struggles with naps.

In Other Ways, Nap Sleep Training and Nighttime Sleep Training Are Very Similar

Training your baby or toddler to nap well may be a little more challenging than training her to sleep well at night. And you might find that you have to use different sleep training techniques at nap time.

But overall, nap training and night training follow the same basic principles, and they’re based on the same premise. Remember, sleep training is simply the practice of helping your baby or toddler overcome his bad sleep habits and learn new, healthy ones. That applies to both naps and nighttime sleep.

One of the biggest goals of sleep training is to help a baby or toddler overcome sleep associations. And sleep associations usually apply to both nap time sleep and nighttime sleep. For instance, a baby who has to be rocked to sleep at night will probably insist on being rocked to sleep for naps, too. A toddler who needs mom in his room in order to fall asleep at night will probably need her there at naptime as well. So in this way, sleep training for naps and sleep training for nights are similar.

Another overarching purpose of sleep training is to create some predictability and routine in a baby’s or toddler’s schedule.The level of scheduling depends on the family, of course; some parents want concrete, down-to-the-minute schedules while others simply want to establish some general times for meals and sleep. Regardless of the type of schedule desired, however, the “predictability and routine” aspect of sleep training affects both naps and nights. You’ll need to establish a timeframe for naps and for bedtime, and you’ll need to build some routines that will help ease your baby or toddler into both nap time and bedtime. Again, in this way, sleep training for naps and for nights tend to be the same.

When Should Nap Training Happen?

In terms of when to nap train your baby or toddler, you have three options:

Do nap training and night training together: Some families opt to tackle naps and nights together, and to sleep train for both at the same time. This is kind of a “rip the band-aid off all at once” approach — it can be painful while it’s happening, but it’s over fairly quickly. Some parents also prefer this method because they feel it helps maintain consistency and eliminate confusion. If you’re nursing your baby to sleep for naps but not at night, that can be confusing for your little one, and it can cause setbacks.
Do nap training first: Other families prefer to deal with naps first, and leave night training for later. For some parents, it feels less stressful to deal with crying and fussing during the day, as opposed to dealing with it a 3 a.m. And parents who take this approach sometimes report that when their baby or toddler starts napping consistently, it actually helps their nighttime sleep, since they’re not getting overtired during the day. This approach may make more sense for those babies or toddlers whose nights aren’t terrible, but whose naps are.
Do night training first: Of course, some babies and toddlers nap pretty well but are up all night. In those cases, it could make more sense to focus on nighttime sleep training first. Some families prefer this approach because they feel that if they can finally get the rest they need at night, they’ll be more equipped to deal with any nap time drama that might happen during the day.

Nicole’s Note:
“Every family will be a little different, but in terms of age ranges, we generally do not nap train until 4-5 months old, at least. If you still haven’t nap trained and your baby is now a toddler who’s older, it’s never too late. Of course, the closer he is to the age of transitioning away from naps (3-4 years old), the harder it will likely be (not to mention how persistence only increases!) We generally start with nights and follow with naps soon thereafter, but again, every family’s needs are a little different, so we keep an open mind. We do not have a ‘one-size-fits-all’ type of mindset around here.”

When you nap train is up to you, of course, and will depend on a lot of unique factors (your parenting preferences, your family’s schedule, your baby’s temperament, etc.) But as you work to create a nap training plan, keep this in mind: your goals in nap training will probably be the same as those in night training. But the training itself may look a little different, or progress differently, since nap sleep is different than night sleep.

And remember: if you need a little extra help in your nap training, we’re here for you! We’ve written an entire e-book on just that topic, and we invite you to check it out.

How did your baby’s or toddler’s nap training compare to night training? Did you sleep train for naps and nights at the same time, or did you break them up? Any tips for parents who are nap training right now? Chime in; we love hearing from you!

Tagged babies nap schedule, baby nap, baby nap schedule, baby nap training, baby sleep patterns, baby sleep problems, baby sleep schedule, baby sleep training, baby wont sleep, sleep training baby, sleep training for babies, sleep training toddler, toddler nap, toddler nap training | 43 Comments

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Handling Daylight Savings Time: 3 Ways To Prevent “Springing Forward” From Ruining Your Baby or Toddler’s Sleep Schedule

Posted by Emily DeJeu on March 5th, 2013 in Sleep Training

Happy March, Baby Sleep Site™ readers! If you’re anything like me, you’re glad we’ve put February behind us. All that snow and ice and biting cold make the shortest month of the year feel like the longest, in my opinion.

(Of course, if you’re reading this from a tropical location right now, and freezing cold wasn’t part of your February, then I have only one thing to say to you: invite me over next February? )

Now that we’ve entered the month of March, we have something besides ice and snow to occupy our attention: the beginning of Daylight Savings Time. If you’re a U.S. reader, circle March 10th on your calendars; thats the date that DST starts here. If you’re a European reader, then you have a few extra weeks — DST won’t start for you until March 31st.

Whether it’s March 10th or March 31st, however, one thing is certain: if you have a baby or toddler at home, you’ll want to make a plan, so that “springing forward” doesn’t result in too much sleep-and-feeding-schedule craziness.

And we’re here to help you make your plan! Today, we’ll explore 3 options for dealing with the upcoming time change; we’ll also review a short list of general tips for making DST easier on everyone.

3 Scheduling Options To Make “Springing Forward” Easier

What can you do to prevent springing forward from wreaking havoc on your baby or toddler’s schedule? Let’s take a look at your options:

Don’t do anything. This is the best option for parents whose babies or toddlers are currently waking too early. If that’s the case, then simply “go with the flow” of the time change. Do that, and the baby who was waking at 5 a.m. will now wake closer to 6; the toddler who was rising at 6 a.m. probably won’t wake until 7. Early rising problem solved! Meals, nap times, and bedtime will also (probably) adjust themselves accordingly.
Of course, this isn’t always an option. If your baby or toddler already has a late bedtime, then it might not be feasible to have bedtime happen a whole hour later. Or perhaps you need your child out of bed and ready to go at a certain time each morning. If that’s the case, then letting her sleep in an extra hour won’t be possible.

This option also won’t work for parents who happen to like their baby or toddler’s current schedule, thank you very much, and don’t want to change it.

Which brings us to option 2…
Stick to your child’s normal schedule. You’re not actually doing any schedule shifting here; you’re simply observing your baby or toddler’s “old” times for meals, naps, and bedtime. So, for example, if your baby was consistently waking at 7 a.m. before the time change, then wake her at 7 a.m. after the time change (even though 7 a.m. was 6 a.m. just a few days ago.) Similarly, if your toddler was going to bed at 8 p.m. before the time change, then put him to bed at 8 after the time change (even though 8 p.m. was 7 p.m. just a few days ago.) Do the same for naps and meals.
Make sense? This is definitely more of a schedule-oriented method than a child-oriented method, and you may find that it doesn’t work out perfectly at first. Your baby may not sleep at all when her bedtime rolls around, since her internal clock is telling her that it’s too soon for bed. Or your toddler may be sleepy in the morning, even though you’re waking him at his normal wake-up time, because his internal clock is telling him it’s too early to wake up. Same with naps and meals.

However, after a few days (or maybe a week), your baby or toddler will probably adjust. And if you really, really want (or need) to preserve your current schedule, then this is the option you’ll probably want to try first.
Split the difference. This is a nice, middle-of-the-road option for parents who can’t let DST shift their schedule by a whole hour but who also know that sticking to the old schedule won’t work. With this option, you shift the schedule by 30 minutes. So, the example scenarios would look like this: if your baby was waking at 7 a.m. before the time change, then wake her at 7:30 after the time change. If your toddler was going to bed at 8 p.m. before the time change, then put him to bed at 8:30 after the time change. Adjust naps and meals by 30 minutes, too.
You can stick with this schedule long-term, if it works for you. But if you want to get back to your pre-DST schedule, you can do that, too. Simply go with the “split the difference” routine for a few days/weeks; then, shift everything back to its original time. So, in the above scenarios, your baby’s wake time would return to 7 a.m. (as opposed to 7:30 a.m.), and your toddler’s bedtime would go back to 8 p.m. (as opposed to 8:30 p.m.)

This is a nice way to ease your baby or toddler into the time change. It keeps the “post-DST” schedule pretty consistent with the current schedule, but it also accounts for your baby’s or toddler’s internal clock.

Tips to Remember When Planning for Daylight Savings Time

Regardless of which option you end up choosing, be sure to keep these tips in mind as you create your DST plan:

Our internal clocks are powerful things. Some babies’ and toddlers’ internal clocks will be so strong, they’ll defy your carefully-planned schedule. Try as you might, you won’t be able to get your toddler into bed at 8 p.m.; his internal clock will be too busy screaming, “But it’s only 7!” And really, our adult clocks behave the same way, don’t they? In my pre-kid days, I had to wake up for work at 5:30 each weekday morning. And on Saturdays, the one blessed day each week that I had a chance to sleep as late as I wanted, guess what time I usually woke up? Yep. 5:30 a.m.
I repeat: your child’s internal clock is a powerful thing. So respect it as you create your post-DST schedule.
Two things will drive your child’s schedule: sunlight and routine. Simply put, sunlight tells us it’s time to wake up (and stay awake). As we approach summer, and our days start to get longer, and our nights shorter, you may find that the extra sunlight is impacting bedtime (making it later) and wake-up time (making it earlier). If that becomes an issue, consider investing in some good room darkening shades. This’ll help keep your baby or toddler on track, sleep-wise.
The daily routine will also help create and reinforce your child’s sleep schedule. As you’re working to adjust to DST, remember — now is the time to stick with your predictable, daily routines! Doing so will help your baby or toddler adjust to the time change faster.
Most children will adjust quickly, but some will take longer. Most babies and toddlers will adjust to the time change in a week or so. For some though, it may be more like weeks, with an “s”! If that’s the case with your baby or toddler, don’t panic. Simply ride out this season and trust that as long as you stay consistent, things will work themselves out. (Of course, if they don’t, you can always contact us for help!)

How are you planning to cope with the time change? What’s worked for you in the past? Share your strategies and tips with other parents!

Special Announcement: Did you know that we’re already two days into National Sleep Awareness Week? In honor of this special, sleep-focused week, we’re hosting another fabulous Baby Sleep Site™ giveaway with a $150 Gift Card to Amazon as the Grand Prize plus many other fantastic sleep related prizes — you won’t want to miss out on entering! Click here to see the complete list of prizes and to enter!

DST have you feeling anxious about your baby’s or toddler’s sleep? Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Tagged baby nap schedule, baby sleep patterns, baby sleep schedule, baby sleep time change, baby sleep training, baby sleeping schedule, baby sleeping through the night, daylight savings time begins, daylight savings time change 2013, daylight savings time ends, daylight savings time spring forward, my baby wont sleep, spring forward 2013, toddler sleep problems, toddler sleeping schedule | 10 Comments

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How To Avoid Common ‘Babywise’ Pitfalls

Posted by Emily DeJeu on February 26th, 2013 in Sleep Training

So let’s just get it out in the open right away: we’re talking about the book On Becoming Babywise today. And if you’ve been a Baby Sleep Site™ reader for any length of time, you know that’s bound to create some controversy.

We’ve written about Babywise before, and about the cry-it-out method in general. And we know all too well that this is an emotionally charged topic for many of our readers. Some of the parents in our Baby Sleep Site™ community are proponents of cry-it-out methods like Babywise; others denounce these kinds of methods completely. And many of you fall somewhere in the middle.

The purpose of today’s article isn’t a controversial one, though. This article doesn’t denounce Babywise methods (like crying it out.) But it doesn’t attempt to convert parents to those methods, either. No, we’re not doing either of those today.

What are we doing? We’re taking a look at how to apply Babywise methods properly and safely, and how to avoid some of the common pitfalls associated with Babywise.

Babywise Works for Some Families; It Doesn’t Work for Others

Before we get into some Babywise “do’s” and “don’ts”, though, let’s make one thing clear: Babywise isn’t for everyone. Here at the Baby Sleep Site™, we believe that every child (and family) is different, so there isn’t a sleep training method out there that’s right for everyone. And Babywise is no exception.

We’ve heard from lots of parents who tried Babywise methods and, for various reasons, had no success. We’ve also heard from parents who’ve used Babywise methods with great success. Recently, Baby Sleep Site™ reader Amy e-mailed us and told us not only about her own success using Babywise, but also about how helpful the techniques were for her friend:

The reason this method is so near and dear to my heart is because of a dear friend of mine. My best friend had her baby a week early, and her daughter only weighed 5 lbs at birth. The baby wasn’t considered failure to thrive, but she was very close. The pediatrician tried everything from supplementing, to medication, but nothing would really work. At 5.5 months, her daughter stopped sleeping through the night, and would only take one 20 min nap a day if they were lucky and she fell asleep while eating. By 7 months, her daughter was losing weight, now making her failure to thrive, and my friend was desperate since there was no medical reason for it. I told her about Babywise, and helped her set up a schedule, coaching her through it. At month 8 (2 weeks into the program), her daughter is now sleeping through the night, taking two 45 min naps, and gained almost two pounds!! I have witnessed what this method can do for a failure to thrive baby.

This is a good example that what doesn’t work for some families will work for others. In some situations, Babywise has been known to contribute to failure to thrive; in others (as Amy points out), it can actually help a baby overcome the failure to thrive problem!

**Some Babywise Do’s and Dont’s**

In the spirit of Amy’s e-mail, we wanted to remind our readers that you can apply Babywise principles (and cry-it-out principles in general) in a thoughtful, safe way. Babywise tends to be painted in extreme terms, but it doesn’t have to be an extreme sleep training method. Remember, any sleep training method is only as intense and “hard core” as you make it.

So, if you’re interested in using some Babywise methods to sleep train your own baby, but aren’t sure how to go about doing it in a way that’s both effective and safe, consider a few of these “do’s” and “don’ts”:

DON’T start too early. Here at the Baby Sleep Site™, we generally don’t recommend formal sleep training until a baby reaches 4 months of age. Some editions of On Becoming Babywise recommend starting earlier (as early as 6-8 weeks), but we don’t support that recommendation. Newborns need loads of sleep and loads of breastmilk or formula, so trying to impose sleeping and feeding schedules too early can be problematic (and potentially dangerous). What’s more, your baby really isn’t ready for sleep training until the 4 month sleep regression, when her sleep patterns have become more developed.
DO consider your personality (and your baby’s!) Babywise is built around carefully-timed schedules. This kind of schedule-oriented method can work beautifully for a mom and dad who are schedule-oriented people themselves. But those who aren’t? Those parents who tend to be more carefree, “let’s see what comes” types? Highly-scheduled methods like this may not work.
You’ll need to consider your baby’s temperament, too. Some babies are very regular and consistent; others aren’t. Having an inconsistent baby doesn’t mean you throw the schedule out the window; it does mean, though, that you need to be more flexible.
DON’T check your brain and parental instincts at the door. There is no (NO) parenting book, or sleep training philosophy, that can stand in as a substitute for a parent’s own common sense. If you’re going to try Babywise with your little one, remember that you’ll need to combine the book’s recommendations about schedules and feeding with your own observations and gut feelings. For instance, if you know your baby is crying his “hungry cry”, don’t ignore it, even if the schedule you’ve created says he shouldn’t eat for another 45 minutes. Instead, use your instincts to keep your schedule in check, and vice versa.

Nicole’s Note:
“The biggest misconception we’ve come across is that Babywise is too rigid with feedings and recommends too long stretches when your baby is young. While it does encourage stretching out feedings to a point, it also clearly states that if your baby is hungry before a designated feeding time to go ahead and feed him. It is important not to get too caught up in following every little thing to the letter. Every baby is different.”

DO honor your parenting philosophy. Some parents are just flat-out opposed to any method that’s going to force them to listen to their babies cry. That’s okay. Other parents are fine with letting some controlled crying happen, because they believe that, in the end, the benefits to the entire family can be worth it. And you know what? That’s okay, too. Know your parenting philosophy, and own it. If Babywise stands in direct opposition to everything you stand for as a parent, then forget it (and feel fine about doing so!) But if Babywise is right up your parenting alley, you can embrace that, too. If we’ve learned one thing in our work with families over the years, it’s that loving, caring families can have very different approaches to raising their children. But the “approach” matters far less than the “loving, caring” part.
DON’T be guided by extremes. There are those who will tell you that Babywise will have your 4 week old baby sleeping through the night. There are others who will attempt to convince you that Babywise will ruin your baby forever. Odds are, though, that neither extreme is accurate. When done properly, Babywise methods can work well, but they won’t perform actual miracles. And provided you implement them with love and care, they almost certainly won’t harm your baby.

These aren’t hard and fast rules, of course. That’s not the purpose of this article. Rather, it’s our hope that these general pointers will help you think through whether or not Babywise is right for your family. And if you decide that it is, we hope that these insights will help you apply it in a way that works well for your baby, and for you.

**Have you tried Babywise methods? Did they work for your family? Share your Babywise experiences with us! And remember — let’s keep our discussion civil and respectful.**

Whether you use Babywise or not, if you’re considering sleep training your baby or toddler, please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Tagged 6 week old baby sleep, baby sleep books, baby sleep schedule, baby sleep training, baby sleeping through the night, baby wont sleep, babywise, babywise schedule, cry it out age, cry it out method, cry-it-out, failure to thrive, help baby sleep, sleep training for babies, sleep training infants, sleep training methods, when to cry it out | 65 Comments

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7 Tips for Better Baby and Toddler Sleep in 2013

Posted by Emily DeJeu on January 1st, 2013 in Sleep Training

Happy New Year, dear Baby Sleep Site™ readers! We’re thrilled to be ringing in 2013 with you today.

We know that, for some of you, 2012 was an exhausting year. You may have spent many nights up with your sleepless baby or wide-awake toddler, or you may have endured a number of longs days, wishing your little one would just nap already!

As we look ahead to 2013, we’re offering you you 7 tips for better baby and toddler sleep in the new year. We shared these at the beginning of 2012, but they’re so helpful, they bear repeating.

Enjoy!

1. Be realistic

Having realistic expectations is key in working to improve your baby or toddler’s sleep. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and a baby or toddler with bad sleep habits won’t improve 100% overnight.

Here’s what Nicole had to stay a year ago about being realistic:

All babies will not sleep through the night at the same age, weight, or other arbitrary quality. Your baby is unique and may be 6 months or 8 months or 13 months old when she finally sleeps through the night. Once you do start “working” on sleep, your baby may or may not respond as quickly as some of the lucky few who have success in one or two nights. I wish they all did, but frankly, if they did, I wouldn’t have this site because my own son would not have been as challenging as he was and I wouldn’t have had to obsess about his sleep as much as I did! Please have realistic expectations for your baby that while he may respond in a few days to a week, he might not or he will and then backslide. If you are realistic, you will have less frustration and more success, since you are less likely to give up before he has time to learn. This is especially true for slow-to-adapt babies. It’s easy to read through our testimonials and get very excited that we can help you overnight, but that will only be true for some of you. Our track record is good, but some parents send just one e-mail, receive a sleep plan, and away they go, while others consult with us for 30 days where we can touch base very frequently to tweak their plan. A family’s solution is as unique as their baby, sometimes.

2. Be consistent

As we frequently preach to our clients, consistency is key. Inconsistency is confusing to both babies and toddlers, and it undermines your sleep training efforts.

As Nicole pointed out,

Boring, I know. “Consistency is key” is something we all hear all too frequently, but I can’t emphasize this enough. When we read through family histories, certain things jump out at us and lack of consistency is a huge factor. Sometimes it’s not your fault. It’s hard to know when to feed, when not to feed, when it’s okay to rock them to sleep, when you should try to have them learn to fall asleep on their own, etc. If your toddler is playing with the trash can, if you sometimes let him and sometimes not, he won’t understand the rules and what’s expected from him. Look at it from their perspective to see how your inconsistency could be confusing your baby. This typically increases crying, rather than lessens it, and none of us want that.

3. Make smaller goals

Sometimes, a big problem can seem so overwhelming, you can’t even muster the energy or courage to start solving it. Inertia sets in. Sleep training may feel like that for you — maybe your baby’s or toddler’s sleep issues are so far gone, you don’t know where to begin.

It’s best to start by creating small, manageable goals. Nicole explains it like this:

One helpful step you can make is to set (realistic) goals for your baby’s sleep. Even better to choose baby steps in sleep training. If you don’t know where you want to go, it’s very hard to find a path there. And, you should be more specific than making “sleeping through the night” your goal. That is too broad and you may be disappointed. You might first decide “Go to sleep without breastfeeding.” Then, you might say “Wakes up for less than 4 night feedings.” And, so on. Make smaller goals to help yourself see progress and avoid giving up before you achieve your granddaddy goal.

4. Make a plan

We’re not urging you to carve your sleep training plan in stone — as parents, we all know from experience that our best-laid plans often go haywire, thanks to our little ones! Rather, it’s best to have a general overview of how you’re going to go about sleep training your baby or toddler, and then to build in room for flexibility.

Here’s Nicole’s advice about making your plans:

After you make your goals, decide on how you’ll achieve those smaller goals. If you’re going on a road trip across country, most people make some sort of plan. Some of us will plan it down to the finest details, including where we will eat a meal or go potty or what specific hotel to stay in. Some of us might make loose plans such as what city we’ll stay for the night, but if we are making good time, we might go further or, if we are tired, stop sooner. We see a lot of different personalities in our personal consultations. Some need to know every little detail about what they need to do and ask a lot of “What if?” questions (which is a big reason why we’re here!) while others don’t. Whether you are type A or type B or go where the wind blows you, success usually starts with a plan, even if it’s not super detailed.

5. Take the first step

The first step in any new endeavor is usually the hardest. But once you’ve taken that first step, you gain momentum, and the rest of the journey (usually) seems easier:

Once you have your plan, taking that first step is often the hardest. Very often we build up how terrible sleep training will be in our head and, often, it’s worse in our head than in reality (unfortunately, not always). We’re afraid we’ll be sleep training a tortoise and we’ll feel guilty because our baby won’t sleep because it’s our fault and how guilty we feel that we’re changing the “rules.” The first step in solving any problem is usually the most difficult (usually admitting there is a problem or that you need help), but one of the most important.

6. Gather Your Support

Once you’ve started sleep training, it’ll probably be easier for you to manage if you have a good support network in place:

Whether it’s another friend going through a similar situation, your partner/spouse, a friend on Facebook, your parent helping you through, or us, one thing that helps you succeed in making a big change in your life is your support network. Holding yourself accountable by “checking in” with someone also helps you succeed. So, try to get your support lined up before you start. Someone who is non-judging if you make mistakes and someone who can empathize.

7. Expect backsliding

When your baby or toddler starts to shown signs of progress, by all means, celebrate! But don’t count yourself done too quickly. Some backsliding is perfectly normal during the course of sleep training:

No doubt that just when you figure out the first thing, a second thing pops up: “She was sleeping great and then learned to roll! AAAHHH!” When we potty train, we are not surprised by accidents, so I’m not sure why parents sometimes expect perfect sleep after sleep training. Your sleep training progress might look more like a roller coaster than climbing to the top of a mountain.

Was 2012 a sleepless year for your family? Are you making any plans to sleep train in 2013?

Adding sleep training to your list of new year’s resolutions? Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Tagged babies sleep schedule, babies sleeping schedule, baby awake sleep time, baby awake time, baby not sleeping, baby overtired, baby sleep cues, baby sleep schedule, baby sleeping patterns, baby sleeping schedule, getting baby to sleep, how to get your baby on a sleep schedule, newborn sleep schedule | 6 Comments

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How to Manage Your Baby or Toddler’s Nap Transitions

Posted by Emily DeJeu on December 4th, 2012 in Baby Naps

You know what frustrated me most when my oldest son was a baby and a young toddler?

The fact that just when I’d worked out a nice, predictable daytime sleep schedule, he’d get a little bit older, and that would blow my perfectly-crafted routine to pieces.

I’m positive a lot of you know exactly what I’m talking about (even those of you who’ve never been able to establish a nap schedule.) The first few years of a child’s life are full of changes, and those changes add up to mean ever-shifting sleep patterns and schedules.

This is really apparent when you consider a child’s typical nap schedule from birth to toddlerhood. Newborn babies take 5 or more naps each day; by 18 months, toddlers are taking one nap. That’s a lot of change. And transitioning between all those nap schedules can be a huge headache for little ones and for their parents.

That’s what we’re tackling today. We’re looking at when nap transitions usually happen, how to tell if a nap transition is coming, and how to navigate nap transitions your baby or toddler.

When Do Nap Transitions Usually Happen?

There’s no blueprint, of course, that’ll let you know exactly when your baby or toddler is due for a nap transition. However, there’s a general timeline (we’ve shared it previously in this article) that most babies and toddlers seem to follow, and that will be helpful in pinpointing when nap transitions are most likely to occur:

From 1-4 months, the number of naps your baby takes will be variable, but will hover around 4-5 naps per day, depending on how long his naps are and how long he can stay up between naps.
By 3 or 4 months old, she will lean towards just 4 naps, rather than 5.
From 5-8 months, most babies will have three naps per day. They will start to resist the fourth nap, no matter how tired they are. There are a few babies who will only have two naps at a very young age, but those naps are usually long.
From 9-15 or 18 months, on average, your baby will nap two times a day. Although many people believe most babies can transition to one nap at 12 months, the average age is actually 15 to 18 months.
From 18 months to 4 years, toddlers nap once a day. The age to transition away from all napping varies a lot, from 2 to 5+ years old, but the average age is between 3 and 4 years old.

The early nap transitions (from five, to four, to three) usually happen quickly and aren’t as problematic. It’s the other nap transitions (from three, to two, to one, to none) that tend to frustrate parents. Those nap transitions take longer, for one thing (my middle son has been transitioning from one nap to none for the past YEAR), and they seem to affect children more noticeably.

Nicole’s Note:
“By far, we get the most questions in the Helpdesk about the transition from 3 to 2 naps and from 2 to 1. The 2 -> 1 transition can be the most difficult, for some, because you now have a toddler who has tantrums and a mind of her own! It also causes the most sleep deprivation, usually.”

How To Tell If A Nap Transition’s Approaching

How will your baby or toddler let you know that a nap transition is coming? Here are a few signs to look for:

Your baby or toddler begins consistently refusing a nap: Most parents find that their little one suddenly starts refusing a nap (usually an afternoon one) that, just yesterday, they agreed to without a problem. That tends to be the classic sign that a nap transition is apporaching.
The timing of your baby’s or toddler’s naps begins to change: Other parents discover that before a nap transition, the schedule generally goes crazy. Naptime goes from being predictable to being all over the place. This can interfere with nighttime sleep, too — if the afternoon nap doesn’t happen until late afternoon or early evening, for example, it can interfere with bedtime.
The length of your baby’s or toddler’s naps begins to change: You may notice that one or more of your little one’s naps are suddenly much shorter than normal. This can be a sign that your baby or toddler is getting ready to drop a nap.

Signs of an Approaching Nap Transition, or Signs of a Sleep Regression?

One thing to remember — not all nap craziness is a sign that a nap transition’s coming on. Let’s not forget about those sleep regressions! Refusing to nap is often a symptom of a sleep regression; in those cases, it shouldn’t be treated as a sign that a nap transition is coming on.

For example, a baby who’s in the throes of the 8/9/10 month sleep regression may start to resist naps. But that’s not a sign that she should downshift from two naps to one — not at all! Most children aren’t ready for one nap until 15-18 months. Similarly, an 18 month old who suddenly starts refusing to nap probably isn’t giving up naps altogether — he’s probably just going through the 18 month sleep regression.

How to tell the difference? Wait a bit. Most regressions work themselves out within a week or two. If the napping issues haven’t resolved themselves within a few weeks, then you can think about making a nap transition.

Nicole’s Note:
“We tend to be cautious about jumping into a nap transition. Our general rule of thumb is to wait until your baby is skipping a nap more than 4 times a week. All situations can have the ‘What ifs’ of course, so we evaluate it on a case-by-case basis. Many times, your baby doesn’t seem to give you a choice and you know what to do.”

Making Baby and Toddler Nap Transitions Easier

For some babies and toddlers (especially those who are highly adaptable), nap transitions are a piece of cake. They only take a few days, and there’s little (if any) “pain and suffering” involved. If that’s the case in your home, then a sort of “cold turkey” approach to nap transitions might work well. Simply cut out a nap, re-vamp the schedule, and endure a few fussy days. Bam. Done.

For others, though, nap transitions are difficult and loooong. If your baby or toddler is in that second category, you’d probably appreciate some suggestions as to how to make those transitions a bit easier, right?

We hear you. Here are a few ideas to consider:

Use alternating nap schedules for awhile. Nap transitions aren’t an all-or-nothing process. During the nap transition itself (which can take weeks or even months!), there’s no harm in alternating nap schedules. If your baby is transitioning from three naps to two, for example, offer two naps for a few days, and then switch back to three naps for a day or two. Going back and forth like this will ensure that your baby doesn’t become overly exhausted during the nap transition, and will help ease him into the new routine. Of course, alternating like this tends to prolong the nap transition, and it won’t work for every child. But it’s a good approach for babies and toddlers who are especially sensitive to over-tiredness.
Make changes in small increments. Some children (especially those who are highly adaptable) won’t bat an eye at big schedule changes. Others, though, have their worlds rocked by even small adjustments to the routine. If that sounds like your baby, then make the nap transition happen in small degrees. If your toddler is transitioning from two naps to one, for example, don’t suddenly eliminate the morning nap altogether. Rather, push it back a bit (by 10 or 15 minutes, even). Wait a few days, then push it back a little more. Sure, this approach takes awhile, but it’s a gentle way to ease your toddler into the new schedule.
Shift bedtime as necessary. When you’re navigating a nap transition, everything else in the schedule is up for grabs, too. And this can mean manipulating bedtime to account for the changing nap schedule. To be clear, we don’t recommend pushing bedtime back; instead, we’d recommend waking your child from a late afternoon or early evening nap that’s going too long. Rather, we recommend an earlier bedtime on days when it seems necessary. For example, if your toddler is transitioning from one nap to none, on those days when she doesn’t take a nap, an early bedtime might be in order.
Don’t be afraid to wake your baby or toddler from a nap. It’s rare that we recommend you wake your child from sleep. But during a nap transition, you may need to wake your baby or toddler from a nap. For example, if an afternoon nap started later than normal and is going to extend into the “danger zone” (the point at which it starts to interfere with bedtime happening) then by all means, end the nap. Your baby or toddler may need you to guide her through the nap transition, and to make sure that she’s sleeping at appropriate times.
Be Patient. Stay Calm. This Too Shall Pass. I feel like I say this in every other article I write, but if you’re like me, you need to hear this often. Keep this phase in perspective — yes, nap transitions can be difficult. Very difficult, for some families! But your little guy or little girl will have higher hurdles to clear than this one, when it’s all said and done. There’s still potty training to contend with. And school starting. And learning to drive. And dating.
I’m going to stop now, before I give us all heart attacks.

How have you handled nap transitions with your baby or toddler? Share your wisdom with us!

Naptime sleep (or lack thereof) making you feel flustered and frazzled? Check out Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-to” of good baby sleep. With over 40 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (for babies) or The 5 Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (for toddlers). Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and teleseminars. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations. Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a sleep plan; sometimes you’re just close to the situation or too tired to!

Tagged baby nap, baby nap transition, baby sleep patterns, baby sleep regression, baby sleep schedule, baby sleep training, sleep regression, sleep training toddler, toddler nap, toddler nap schedule, toddler sleep regression, toddler sleep training | 34 Comments

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Tag Archives: baby sleep schedule

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**Have you tried Babywise methods? Did they work for your family? Share your Babywise experiences with us! And remember — let’s keep our discussion civil and respectful.**