Posts Tagged ‘sleep’

I happened upon an article where a woman (and husband) was against cry-it-out and specifically, The Ferber Method, but ended up doing it anyway, because it was what worked. In that article, Confessions of a Ferberizer, she said that, in the end, her son stopped wanting to be rocked or cuddle. She did not seem to regret doing cry-it-out, I don’t think, but reading the article reminded me that many of us wonder whether doing cry-it-out will change our child’s personality, so I thought I’d reflect on that today.

Will Cry-It-Out Change Your Child’s Personality?

In some ways, it might, and some ways it won’t and of course, all babies are different. And, if your child’s personality changes, it could be for the better. I do stand by the fact that I do not choose one method of sleep training over another. I truly believe that everyone must find what works for their family. For help finding the right solution for your family, check out my sleep training series. What works for your family will take into account your baby’s temperament, your temperament, your philosophy and both of your personalities.

Let’s look at a baby who is sensitive to being overtired and is chronically sleep-deprived because he is waking up every 1-2 hours all night long and only napping in 20 minute stretches. He might be very whiny and clingy all day long because HE IS TIRED! Let’s assume that mom is adamantly against crying methods, but has not yet found a no-cry method that has worked for her and her baby. Now, let’s assume she reluctantly uses The Ferber Method and her son begins to get enough sleep and is well-rested. It’s possible likely that her once fussy and clingy little boy is now happy!! This would be a “personality change” for the better. It is very common for a baby who is sleep deprived and fussy, to start being a very happy baby after he starts getting more rest, regardless of the sleep training method you choose.

So, what about the other way around? You have a baby that actually takes his sleep deprivation in stride and is, overall, a fairly happy baby. He just doesn’t sleep much. I don’t have to remind you that sleep problems can lead to obesity, depression, behavior problems, or that there are a variety of other reasons to get your child enough sleep. What might cry-it-out do to this baby?

Depending on his temperament, it can go one of two ways. The first way is that he is so easy-going that he cries for 5 minutes and sleeps all night like some books want you to believe will happen to your child. I do know that there ARE really babies like this! It isn’t a myth. My eldest son just wasn’t that way, that’s for sure! I don’t think anyone would say that 5 minutes of crying would do harm to any child. After all, you can be in the bathroom for 5 minutes.

The second type of baby does not have such an easy-going temperament and might cry, let’s say an hour at bedtime. Will this baby stop being as happy during the day? True, sometimes there are a few days that babies are clingier during the day after cry-it-out. This is due simply to the change in routine and adjustment to the new way to fall asleep and for the really sleep-deprived, they begin to catch up on their much needed sleep and therefore, are more tired during the day. It generally goes away after just a few days, if it was there at all. So, will an hour of crying make this particular baby damaged for the rest of his life? I guess we all need to decide for ourselves whether this is true, but I personally don’t believe it.

Now, back to the article. When I sleep-trained my eldest son, we did end up using a crying method, in the end, and I never regretted it. I actually did not notice any change in personality whatsoever. Not in a good or bad way. He was always pretty happy, when he wasn’t tired and he wasn’t clingier during the day, either. The only thing I saw was that he became more rested so I guess you can say he was happier for more of the day, since he wasn’t so tired. He never once seemed to “remember” the previous night’s bedtime. In fact, once he became a toddler and could talk and occasionally would have a tantrum right before bed (usually because he was overtired as he is still sensitive to that), crying himself to sleep once again, the next morning he was always bright and chipper and never even seemed to remember what happened. And, for his entire first 2 years of life, until we transitioned him into a room with no rocker, we rocked EVERY night. We cuddled EVERY night (and still do!). I nursed him EVERY night until we weaned at 13 months. Nothing changed but the fact he could fall asleep without me and continue to sleep all night. I, of course, am not saying that the woman in the article was making it up. I’m only telling my story to show that all babies are different and it’s possible her baby’s personality didn’t really change. Maybe he never really did like to rock to sleep but didn’t know how else to go to sleep. I don’t know.

As I’ve said many times before, when we were pregnant with our little ones, we didn’t decide one day “You know what. I’m going to let him cry so he can sleep, even if it takes an hour.” before he was even born. No parent wants to do that! But, unfortunately, for some of us, it truly is what works for our child’s temperament and personality. My second son started going to sleep on his own at bedtime without cry-it-out. All babies are indeed different, even within the same family.

Children are very resilient and our relationships with them are very complex. There have been no studies that show cry-it-out has long-lasting effects on our children. There is not ONE thing you can do (or not do) for your child and make THAT be what makes your relationship positive or negative (apart from the purely heinous crimes like child molestation, of course!). There is not ONE thing that will violate his trust in you. If that was the case, the ONE time you didn’t catch him when he was learning to walk and bumped his head would cause him not to trust you anymore. The ONE time you were late changing his diaper and he was cold and crying and you didn’t know would cause harm to him.

It is all the love, affection, and care you give him all day, day-in and day-out, that builds the relationship between mother/father and child. THAT is what is important. Just as your child might cry and scream he can’t put a fork in an outlet or eat a cookie before dinner, he does not really know what is best for himself and he trusts you to do what’s best for him. You are not making him cry, you are letting him cry and it’s an important distinction as he grows into a toddler and young child. Just remember, sleep deprivation is no better for him as it is for you!

One other thing to keep in mind is not to project your feelings onto your child. Your guilt might make you feel that she feels abandoned, when in fact the true reason she could be crying is that she is tired and simply would rather be asleep and is upset that you aren’t replacing that pacifier 10 times per night anymore or rocking him to sleep or whatever other sleep association you typically provide for her.

Just something to think about if the only thing standing in your way to a better night’s rest is your worry that your child’s personality will change. You may be interested in reading more about how I define cry-it-out and what it is and isn’t. It means something different to everyone and I am, in no way, recommending that you allow your baby to cry for hours on-end for anything and everything.

Read more about the lack of evidence that cry-it-out causes permanent damage, from a co-sleeper, in fact.

So, what do you think?

In this post, I’ll talk about baby sleep pillows. When should you give a pillow to your baby? When can you give a pillow to your baby? What kind of pillow do you give your baby? What type of pillows can help with co-sleeping? What type of pillows can help with nursing?

When can you give your baby a pillow to sleep on?

The NICHHD recommends that you avoid pillows for babies under one year of age. They recommend never to place baby on a pillow to sleep or add pillows to the crib, either. This is to reduce the risk of SIDS. Here are other ways to reduce the risk of SIDS.

When should you give your baby a pillow to sleep?

There is no rule about needing to give your baby a pillow to sleep on. Yes, it’s more comfortable for us, adults, to sleep on a pillow. After all, it is one of our sleep associations. And, because we are bigger, a proper pillow supports our neck in such a way that our bodies can fully relax at night. Buy the wrong pillow and you can wake up with a cramped neck.

But, children are smaller and the wrong pillow when they are too young can be a bad idea. Not only can it increase the SIDS risk as I mentioned above, but baby can roll off if it doesn’t have side support. If baby is old enough to move around and the pillow is too large, the pillow might move on top of baby, making it dangerous for him. In addition, if your baby is pulling up, he can use the pillow as a launchpad out of the crib. No one wants that! He might be climbing out soon enough on his own. No need to give him props.

Therefore, I recommend avoiding a pillow for your baby until she is well into being a toddler over 2 years old. And, if she is content not to use a pillow at all, don’t even worry about it. My eldest son didn’t care to sleep on a pillow until he was close to 2 1/2 and then we gave him a very flat pillow.

What kind of pillow can you give your baby for sleep?

If you are going to give your baby or toddler a pillow to sleep on, make sure it’s small and flat such that it will be better for her neck support. They make small pillows just for babies. Here are just a few:

• For babies who need to be at an incline (e.g. those with reflux), you can try this wedge pillow. It safely keeps baby at an incline.
• For help positioning younger babies on their back (also guards against SIDS), I used the Close & Secure Sleeper, but for something more inexpensive, you can try a Head-N-Back Sleep Positioner. These positioners also help with co-sleeping.
• You can buy toddler pillows like Mr. Bobbles’ Blankets pillows or sets that come with a pillow. They also have these cool travel neck pillows, now.

Baby Nursing Pillows

Using a pillow while nursing is a life-saver! It saves your wrist with support and makes it so much easier in those early days. When baby is older and can support his own head, it helps to have your hands free, especially if you have a toddler. I used to read to one and nurse the other.

I used a Boppy for both of my children, but I saw this Leachco Cuddle-U Nursing Pillow and thought it looked really cool and the reviews were really good! I have also heard good things about the My Brest Friend Pillow.

When did you start using a baby sleep pillow? Which one?

When you bring your baby home no one tells you that “sleep like a baby” only lasts a short time. This article will give you 10 tips to help your newborn sleep better.

Disclaimer: Before I get to the 10 tips to help your newborn sleep, I thought I should note that it can be dangerous for a new newborn baby (just a few weeks old) to sleep all night. They really do need to eat at least every 3 hours in those early days so they can grow well and thrive.

It is also safest to place baby on his back to sleep, to guard against SIDS. You may be interested in other ways to lower SIDS risks.

There, now that I got that out of the way.

Newborn Baby Sleep

1. Short Wake-time

The first week or so, your newborn baby will most likely hardly be awake, but after the first week or two, the #1 key with your newborn is to keep wake times very short, at first. You should soothe your baby for sleep after just 1-2 hours of wake time TOPS. You should look for signs that she is getting sleepy and start soothing her. If you wait until she is fussy, cranky or crying, you are actually too late!

An overtired baby will have more trouble settling down and going to sleep and staying asleep. My boys always fell asleep easiest when I caught them before they started to fuss and cry. Some babies are much more sensitive to being overtired than others, so while others will barely notice their child get sleepy before she drifts off to sleep, others will begin to realize just how in tune with their baby they need to be!

By wake time, I mean to include feedings and diaper changes and disregard how long her last nap was. For example, little Suzie starts to nap at 8am and sleeps for 3 hours. She eats at 11am and you change her diaper. Now, it’s 11:30 and you decide to give her a bath. At 11:45, she is fussy. She is already overtired and she needs a nap! In the beginning, they can’t go long before getting tired and overstimulated.

2. Swaddle

To help mimic the feeling of the womb, it helps to swaddle your newborn baby. This basically means to wrap him up in a blanket like a little burrito. You may have seen them do it at the hospital. This helps him feel safe and secure and also helps him stay asleep during any moro reflex or startle reflex moments. It is said that those reflexes are similar to how we have the feeling we are falling while falling asleep. It can take up to 4 or 5 months for your baby to stop the startling.

I recommend The Miracle Blanket for swaddling. It is a little pricey, but so easy to use and so hard for your baby to break out of! So worth it, to me! If you can’t or don’t want to spend that much, try this SwaddleMe Wrap

3. Days bright / Nights dark

Although you might be tempted to keep things quiet and darker for your newborn to nap well, it might prolong the day/night confusion that almost all newborns will have. Day/Night confusion can last up to 6 weeks. When she was in mom’s belly, mom’s movements lulled her to sleep and when mom was resting, she’d have a party. When she comes out, she doesn’t know she should act in the complete opposite fashion.

So, keep days bright and upbeat and nights, dark and boring, and it will help your newborn sort out her days and nights faster. This might be more than you want to know, but light is what cues our eyes to tell us to stay awake or whether it’s time to sleep.

4. Limit naps

If he is taking longer to sort out days and nights (or you are having a very rough time keeping up with him being up all night), you can further speed up the process by limiting naps to no longer than 3 hours during the day.

5. Post-feeding routine

To help your newborn baby sort out day and night sleeping even more, you may want to develop a play routine after she eats during the day. Keep her awake 30 minutes after feeding by playing, singing, bathing, etc. Again, the light stimulating her eyes will help her sort out that daylight is for being awake at least a little bit. Many people recommend the eat-play-sleep routine for newborns. This is the primary message of the popular book, On Becoming Baby Wise. You might want to review my explanation as to why I do not recommend this book, though.

6. Co-sleeping

Sometimes it helps to have your newborn in the room with you for quick access for middle-of-the-night feedings and diaper changes. This also can help give him more comfort being close by as he will be able to hear and smell you. For safety reasons, you should use a Co-Sleeper , sleep positioner, or bassinette, rather than have baby in bed with you. I used the second one with my second son and then I moved it into his crib for a seamless transition to his crib. We were able to remove it a few weeks later.

7. Angle the mattress

For babies who spit up a lot or have reflux, it helps to angle the mattress when he sleeps, so baby is not flat on his back. You’ll want to angle the mattress so his feet are lower than his head, so his stomach contents can stay put. To angle the mattress, you can simply change the support platform level on one side on most cribs. If that is not feasible, you can put blankets and pillow under the mattress. Please note that the mattress should still remain flat at all times, just at an incline. You must make sure that you do not tilt the mattress so much that your baby slides down the bed, either. I strongly recommend that you first check with a knowledgeable health care provider to make sure that what you do is best and safest for your child. I only wanted to highlight the idea.

8. White Noise

White noise is made up of the sounds like a fan whirring, vacuum cleaner, hair-dryer, etc. It helps a newborn sleep because inside mom’s womb was all white noise. The sound of her blood flow, heart beating, etc. That’s why he finds comfort when you may run the vacuum cleaner. My son used to love when I turned on the blow-dryer. Of course, you can’t run the vacuum all day, so I recommend getting a White Noise machine, sound machine or a White Noise CD. I have two of the second one in each boy’s room so they don’t wake each other and they work like a dream!

9. Wear baby

For particularly fussy babies or just for parent’s convenience and snuggling, it helps to “wear” baby using a sling. They get very folded up in a sling, but again, it mimics the womb and babies love it! I didn’t use a sling with my first, but used a BabyBjorn Baby Carrier and loved it! It really helped me walk off the baby weight, which was a bonus. But, with my second, I did use this sling (there are many others!) and my son would fall asleep in less than 5 minutes until he grew out of it. This helped tremendously when I needed to cook dinner and do stuff with my toddler, at the time. I have also heard good things about the Moby Wrap and the Maya Wrap.

Here are ten reasons to wear your baby.

10. Swing

As I said earlier, mom’s movements lulled baby to sleep while in the womb, so I also recommend trying a swing, but don’t be surprised if your newborn only likes it at high speeds. Our family teased us we were making our first son “drunk”, but he just loved it going FAST and it was the only way he’d fall asleep in it! We used something like this swingto help him sleep (I don’t see the exact one I used anymore — guess I’m officially old now). My friend has the Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium Cradle Swing and loves it. They didn’t have that when I was shopping for one!

Important Note: Some say it might not be safe for a newborn to sleep in a car seat, so be cautious about that. Some say it’s just fine.

Unfortunately, some of these tips do create sleep associations, but during the first weeks, you really do what you can to survive. Obviously, it never hurts to try to put your baby down to sleep without any of these “tricks”, but as I’ve probably said a billion times already on this site, it just doesn’t work for all of us.

For more product and site recommendations, please view my baby sleep resources page.

For additional information on helping your child sleep, you may be interested in our free guide, 5 Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night or our e-Book, Help Your Baby Sleep, a Detailed Guide.

Do you have any newborn baby sleep tips?

Many new parents want to know when their newborn will sleep on a schedule or what the baby’s sleep pattern will be. This post will outline the average newborn’s schedule and sleep patterns.

Newborn Day / Night Confusion

When your son or daughter was in mom’s womb, mom’s movements lulled baby to sleep and when mom rested, you may have noticed he or she perked up. Once she is born, she does not automatically know she is supposed to do precisely the opposite! It takes a few days to several weeks for this to be sorted out, but it will get sorted out. Of course, this is tiring for us, parents!

Newborn Sleep Patterns

When your baby is first born, he will sleep more than be awake. They sleep about 16 hours per day and wake time includes any feedings. As the weeks go by, they will be able to stay up longer, but still sleep 14-16 hours in a 24-hour period by one month of age. By 3 months old, the average amount of sleep in 24 hours is still 14 hours.

A newborn will also cry 1-2 hours per day (in total, not all at once, usually). This is normal. It is the only way she can communicate to tell us whether they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable, wet, etc. Unfortunately, some babies will develop colic (bouts of intense crying that’s difficult to soothe and the causes unknown) when they are just a few weeks old. The crying might last hours per day and colic usually ends around the 3 or 4 month mark, hopefully not longer.

Newborn Sleep Schedules

Depending on your baby’s sensitivity level to being overtired, a schedule may not form until after he is 6 months old or longer. My first son, who is the primary reason this site even exists, did not get “good” at a schedule until 7 1/2 months because he just could NOT stay up long enough without becoming so cranky.

Many parents desire a schedule much sooner, but if your baby is sensitive to overtiredness, you will only sabotage your own efforts because he will get overtired and fight sleep more, not less. This is one of the most misunderstood facts of a baby’s sleep needs, in my experience. Many people might tell you to keep your baby up such that he will sleep more at night and other advice like that (I heard a lot of it when my son was such a challenging sleeper!). Unfortunately, this will only lead to more and more sleep deprivation that will make him fight sleep more and thus lose more and more sleep until he’s one big overtired cranky mess. If that is what has brought you to this site today, try to keep wake times short and become in tune with when baby needs to sleep just as much as you are in tune with when he needs to eat and some of your problems may be resolved as simply as that.

Consistency

For some babies, they may be consistent from the very beginning while others remain inconsistent the rest of their lives. Depending on your personality, this can be very frustrating. If you get frustrated by your baby’s inconsistency, take a look within and ask yourself these questions:

• Do I go to bed at the same exact time every night?
• Do I wake up at the same time every morning?
• Do I wake up to go to the bathroom at night at the same time?
• Do I get hungry and eat meals at the same exact time every day?

If you answered no to any of those questions, you are likely realizing that your baby isn’t much different than maybe you are! If you answered yes to all of them and your baby does not follow suit, ask your partner or make sure you brought the right baby home. Kidding! I have no scientific basis for thinking this is a hereditary, just a hunch.

My first son was and still is highly inconsistent. Although I am too, it’s still hard to parent sometimes, especially given my “planning” personality. I used to log and track and track and log looking for patterns and all I found was that he had none. It took a long time, but I finally had to let it go and realize the only thing consistent about him would be that each day would be different. And, it was. Looking at myself and my own patterns helped me take the pressure off him to be the same every day. Regardless if your baby is consistent or not, the same sleep patterns generally emerge from all newborns. It still helped me a lot to track his sleep because it helped me know how many hours per day he’d typically sleep and I did start to see a pattern of when he’d wake in relation to dinner, not bedtime.

For more help on your newborn’s sleep, please see my post outlining 10 tips to help your newborn sleep.

Today’s sleep tip is brought to you by Parent Hacks, a useful site with all kinds of parent tips.

When you are breastfeeding, it’s easy to forget which breast is next in the middle of the night. Most of us know about the safety pin idea, but that could hurt in the middle of the night. Here are some other things you can do to remind yourself which breast is next:

• Lie baby down facing the direction she last nursed, so next feeding you can switch sides.
• Put a hair band around the wrist of the side you last nursed.
• If you wear a ring besides a wedding band, switch the ring to the side you last nursed.

I usually just feel which side is fuller, but sometimes that is hard to tell.

Do you have any middle-of-the-night breastfeeding tips?

My husband is finished with school this week, which means summer is upon us. This usually means family vacations. How fun! But, what to do about your baby / child’s sleep? We have been on numerous trips with our eldest son and it gets easier every time. I thought today I’d give some tips for traveling this summer with baby:

• Depending on age, prepare a “fun” pack for the car or plane trip. Have snacks (special occasion snacks became a hit like fruit snacks when he got older), books, new toys, crayons, TaDoodles First Markers, some sort of travel drawing toy like the Aquadoodle Travel N Doodle, and a book of photos to remind him/her of home. If you are not opposed to them watching TV, a portable DVD player is a lifesaver, at times, especially for very long trips or layovers. I recommend this player, the Sony DVP-FX820 8″ Portable DVD Player. I really like the Brainy Baby DVD seriesand love the Leapfrog Learning DVDs.
• Of all the things in your “fun pack”, take one thing out at a time and drag it out as long as possible. (Like I had to tell you that!)
• Try to plan your snacks around take-off and landing, if possible. At least offer milk or water to help with the ears popping. My son never had any problems, but you just never know.
• Plan your travel time accordingly with nap or bedtime. If your baby / toddler sleeps in the car, plan to be on the plane or in the car during the naptime. But, if your child is like mine and won’t sleep in the car, prepare to leave right after his first nap of the day. That first nap is usually the most restorative and the most needed in terms of overtiredness for the rest of the day.
• Unless you are co-sleeping, you can bring a Graco Pack ‘n Play or travel crib. Even if you have somewhere for baby to sleep at your destination, bring along any sheets, familiar stuffed animals, or loveys to make a “foreign” place as much like home as possible, for sleeping.
• Call ahead to make sure your flight is on-time, if you are flying.
• Decide whether to bring your car seat. If you are leaving the country, you might check to make sure the car seat will even work. When my son was about 9 months old, we went to Mexico and wouldn’t you know the back seatbelts didn’t “lock” like they do here in the U.S. I later found out you are supposed to bring something to “lock” the seatbelt with the carseat. Plan ahead for that, unlike me.
• Board early or not on an airplane? If you have a carseat, you probably want to board early to get it installed. But, at the same time, that is just longer you need to entertain your baby on board while everyone else gets seated and the plane takes off. Keep it in mind, depending on the age of your baby / toddler and energy level.
• Sleep train or not during vacation? It depends on where you are going and for how long. If you are going to grandma’s for a month, it is unlikely you want to undo all your hard work and risk overtiredness for a whole month. If you are going camping in the woods for 4 days, it is unlikely you won’t do anything you have to in order to make sure your baby does not wake the neighboring campers. Overall, I’d say you try to stick to routine as much as humanly possible, but also have fun!! The good news is a previously sleep trained baby will bounce back after vacation fairly quickly.
• Here is a packing checklist for babies and for toddlers.

My #1 tip is to relax and have fun! Most of the time your child will surprise you just like mine did. And, even if you have a rough trip, you will never see those people again, so don’t worry too much about it and just focus on you and your family. You deserve a nice vacation, so try not to stress out too much about it.

Do you have any travel tips you’d like to share?

I just wanted to share that I am in the process of writing up a document that will consolidate some useful information into one document that exhausted parents can read quickly or for all parents to have useful information at their fingertips. It will include much of the information on this website, but in an easy-to read “cliffs notes” version. It will include information such as how much sleep babies, toddlers and young children really need, why it may not be a good idea to rock your baby to sleep, useful resources to help get more sleep for you and your baby, information on how to sleep train (from no-cry methods to crying methods), when naps get dropped, and more. This information will be available via e-mail. Click here to sign up and receive your copy. The document will be available by Monday, May 19, 2008.

This isn’t a post about just children and sleep, per se, but the ongoing emphasis that healthy sleep habits are important for all of us, adults and children. I was doing some reading and have found that new studies are finding that it was once thought that sleep problems were a symptom of depression, but they are now considering that sleep problems may precede depression. In other words, if you begin to have substantial sleep problems, The American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) strongly recommends that you urgently go see a sleep specialist. Depression is the most common form of mental health problem and it now considered as common in children as it is adults. Each year 17 million people suffer from depression and as many as 1 in 33 children may have depression. It is important to determine whether your child or anyone you know has it. Studies of insomnia in children has been shown to lead to depression as they grow older and sleep problems have been linked to increased risk of anxiety and aggression, too.

The suggested treatment for depression in children is a form of psychotherapy called short-term cognitive behavior therapy in which the child is able to learn to view themselves more positively and in some cases, medication is also recommended. But, the FDA, in 2004, strengthened their warning that antidepressants in children can increase suicidal thoughts and therefore doctors should weigh the risks and benefits before prescribing them.

This is all a scary thought. Who knew that my preschooler could get depressed? I sure didn’t. But, antidepressant medication for young children? That is scary too.

What do you think? Can your preschooler or young child be depressed? What do you think about antidepressants for children?

Today I will start a series of posts outlining the variety of sleep training methods that I recommend. I will post them in order (as I interpret them) from no (or very little) crying to the most (potential) crying. There are many variations of these methods, so I am only going to highlight the main gist of each method. Every parent can add tweaks here and there to accommodate their unique style and situation. At the end of the series, I will tell my story of my first son and, eventually, my second. So, let’s get started! I’m anxious to share this information!

Why Sleep Train?

The primary goal of sleep training is to help your baby learn how to fall asleep on his or her own. We often do not give babies enough credit that they can learn to do this when they are very young. Habits become harder and harder to break as they get older, and I have had people tell me that even waiting until 8 months has felt too late. It is also important to understand how sleep associations work and why it’s often the only thing standing in your and your baby’s way of getting a good night’s sleep. The same way sleep deprivation and sleep fragmentation are hard on you, it’s hard on your baby, too. Not enough sleep can lead to obesity and other problems, as well.

When should you start sleep training?

If you have an “easy” sleeper, you probably already had it done at just a few weeks old. Some babies simply start sleeping all night. I have said before, this website is not really geared towards parents of those babies. It’s simply not that easy for all of us.

Although, it never hurts to try to put down your newborn when (s)he is still awake and see if (s)he will drift off unassisted, I do not advocate beginning formal sleep training until at least 4 months old and ideally, I believe it’s easiest during the 4 to 7 month age range. Of course, it’s never too late to help your baby learn to fall asleep unassisted, it’s just as they get older and start to pull up and stand, it becomes a bit more complicated. Once they turn one, they have a stronger will and things can get even harder. As always, this depends on the baby and thus, as usual, I urge you to decide for yourself when the “right” time is. It has to be right for you and your baby and you know your baby best. You must be in a place that you can 100% stay consistent and stick with it. That is an important step in any and all methods you choose. I have seen some parents start as early as 8-10 weeks and I’ve helped others get their 2 or 3 year old sleeping all night. That is an important item to note for those who believe that all kids will grow out of not sleeping all night. I’m sure you’ve seen commercials for drugs that help adults sleep such as Ambien or Lunesta. Your child may or may not outgrow these sleep problems and they become habit more than anything. Although babies go through sleep regressions, I always urge parents to look at the habits they may or may not help foster. Sure, it might be normal for some nightwakings throughout babyhood, but when your baby is waking up every 1-2 hours for a bottle or rocking in a rocking chair, this is not normal and not good for them. We ALL feel better on as little sleep fragmentation as possible and that includes your baby.

What’s my first step?

Your first step in sleep training is developing a bedtime routine. Children thrive on routine and it sets expectations so they know what’s going to come next. If every night is different, it does not cue them that the day is coming to a close and that their body should start to relax and get ready to go to sleep. When done right, part way into the routine, your child will probably start to get very sleepy because (s)he is associating certain actions with going to sleep. A routine also helps when you are away from home on vacation or special outing because the routine is the same.

What does a bedtime routine include?

The routine is up to you and your baby/toddler/child and what (s)he likes or dislikes, but a typical routine might include diaper and pajamas, a quiet game, teeth brushing, potty (if applicable), book (or 2), singing and cuddling, and then lights out. I purposely missed a bath in the routine. I did that for a couple reasons. Some people don’t want to or can’t give a bath every day and the other reason is if you have a spirited child like mine, a bath might actually have the opposite effect and rile up your child. For many kids, though, the warm water is relaxing, but for others the warm water and then the cooling off actually hypes them up a bit. In that case, you might just have a longer routine than others.

You now have the first step in sleep training. Next in my series, Part 2, I will start with the first method for those who co-sleep.

But, first, do you have any special steps in your bedtime routine you’d like to share?

I have added a new page, Resources, detailing various products I recommend. I wanted to clarify a few things on that page as to why I suggest a few books over others.

What I Recommend

For babies under 3 months old, I recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block by Karp. Once your baby is over 3 months, you probably won’t find it that useful. At that point, if your baby is not sleeping well he/she likely has a sleep association and that book won’t help you much. In fact, it helps you create sleep associations, but it’s a lifesaver if you have a challenging sleeper and honestly, in those early weeks, you do what you can to survive.

For babies from birth to 10 months, I recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. It has a lot of good information and action plans for exhausted parents at the end of each chapter. It is broken down by age, too.

For babies/toddlers 10+ months, I recommend Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems by Ferber. It has a lot of very useful information on circadian rhythms, sleep assocations, but also a variety of other information on bed wetting, nightmares, etc.

If I had to only choose one book, it would be Weissbluth’s. This is because it probably has the most practical information in a format that’s an easy read. He leans towards CIO (cry-it-out), but offers several other options and the rest of the information is useful, even if you don’t agree with CIO. Ferber’s book is a very close second and really good, but maybe more than you ever wanted to know about biological rhythms. It is far more detailed. I also think Weissbluth’s book seems to apply to younger babies a little better, in my opinion. I think when babies get very overtired, it’s difficult to follow some of Ferber’s recommendations on fixing some problems, if you have a challenging sleeper.

Why I don’t recommend “On Becoming Babywise”

I don’t recommend the On Becoming Babywise book not because it doesn’t have good and interesting information in it. It does. But, I just think that you either have an easier sleeper and the book will seem like it’s 100% accurate or you will have a challenging sleeper and it will be worth nothing or your baby will be in between and the book just is somewhat useful. For example, my second son started sleeping in long stretches without actually following everything exactly. I think it was just in his nature, thus I concluded that the book is likely playing on the fact that most babies will naturally do it anyway during the timeframes outlined. Also, most importantly, I do not advocate letting newborns and very young babies cry for up to 20 minutes and if you are going to follow this book to the letter, that’s what you are supposed to do. I did not. I am not against crying methods (see my philosophy), but I don’t believe it should be done at a very young age. I do think the book gets a bad rap for being too strict and people say it advocates letting your baby cry to get to the next scheduled feeding. It does NOT advocate that and CLEARLY says to feed your baby if he/she is hungry.

Why I don’t recommend “The No Cry Sleep Solution”

The reason I don’t recommend The No-Cry Sleep Solution is, again, not because it does not have useful information. It does. But, once you know about sleep associations you have most of the information you need to have from this book. At this point, you will either easily be able to break those sleep associations in “gentle” ways by just discouraging the sleep associations and using some of the methods I’ve mentioned on this site. Or, you will have a challenging baby and sleeper and get frustrated that this book will not work. This is just my opinion, but it seems a little unrealistic for the really challenging sleepers and you don’t need the book to tell you that if rocking the baby is a problem, then stop.

Questions?

I hope you find some of the other resources I’ve outlined useful and please email me if you have any questions about them (info [at] picknicksbrain (dot) com).