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Do you want more sleep?   Yes! I need more sleep.

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  1. Alina says

    Thank you sooo sooo much for this article. I feel like I have just gained enough strength to go on another year dealing with the sleep challenges with which we have been dealing. My lovely 7 month old has never slept through the night and wakes every two hours for a feeding. I am slowly weening her off of this habit in my own slow but painless way. I was doubting myself a little until tonight when I read this article. I am confident I am doing what is right for my baby, even if it is not what is recommended by most books and experts. I am looking forward to sleeping 4-6 hrs straight again. Soon!

  2. Collin says

    Thanks for the article. Parenting can be a roller-coaster ride, especially with sleep. When we decided to stop rocking and singing our 10-month old to sleep only to do it again a few hours later and sometime twice in the night, it was the most horrible feeling. Listening to him cry for the first 5 minutes, then giving him a quick cuddle and listening to him cry for another 5 minutes was aweful. My wife and I held hands looking at the video monitor and reminded ourselves that this was for his own good and that if we could get some sleep that would be good for him too. Before the second 5 minutes was up, he was asleep and both asked why we didn’t do that sooner. He also slept through the night and kept sleeping through the night, but we had withdrawls from the missed cuddle time. We’ve been up and down a few times since with teething, crawling, and walking all playing a part in interrupting his sleep patterns. Everytime we slip back to old habits, maybe because he has a cold or is teething really bad, we kick ourselves as we pay for the next week. Thanks for the pep talk; everything we do, even the wrong things we do, is for his benefit.

  3. Carla says

    Sorry, but I do not love this article. I did not do any of the above with my daughter who is now 2 years old and still a bad sleeper. I have beat myself up over her sleep for a long time now, I have tried so many things for a consistent amount of time and they haven’t worked. We are now scheduled to see a sleep therapist. I have high hopes that they will fix her or fix me. I don’t think it’s fair to say that it is the mom’s fault, because there are times where the child may have a sleep disorder. My husband, his dad, and his uncle, and his grandpa all had sleep disorders, whose saying my daughter might not have one as well?
    We have an eight month old who out sleeps my two year old. I did nothing different, so how is it my fault that my 2 year old won’t sleep?
    This needs no response, I just want those who are feeling guilty to stop feeling guilty because it may not be you, it may be your child.

    • Nicole says

      @Carla I hope you don’t mind you’re getting a response anyway. 🙂 I completely understand what you’re saying. This article is more for the majority of parents who contact me and blame themselves, not for those with children who may have a sleep disorder (rare). My main intention is to stop the guilt. My younger son out sleeps my older son, too, though both are older now and have fewer problems than when they were younger. My older son (who inspired this site) still believes he will miss something if he sleeps, but we are on a good routine and he still desperately needs his sleep; otherwise, he is a mess! I’m not sure what you mean by “bad sleeper” for your 2 year old, but toddlers do tend to come with a whole new set of problems. I hope the sleep specialist helps and you find a solution. If you haven’t read it already, you may want to read the series on Baby Temperament here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/temperament/baby-temperament-sleep-series-part-1 I find that personality is a big factor. Good luck!

  4. Andrea says

    Thanks for the great site and article!

    Our first was a nightmare of colic and subclinical reflux – but he slept great! Not miraculous – just average 7 hours by 4 months, etc. and progressed well to 12 hours, etc. Our second has much milder colic (we won the colic lottery) but is a nightmare in terms of sleep. She sleeps best swaddled but at 3.5 months is starting to break free with her happy hands/arms – and she goes to sleep fairly easily when tired but absolutely needs the pacifier – it was either that or the boob constantly during sleep. But staying asleep is a different story. She’s in her own room, in her own crib, and she sleeps in it for naps etc – We have a fan in there for white noise – but it really seems to be all about sucking – she cannot effectively (for her purposes) suck her fingers/thumb (but she loves to jam her whole fist in there with those happy hands) so we basically have to swaddle or she pulls out her paci/wakes herself up with those arms. She already goes to sleep way earlier than he did at this age – she’ll go down between 6:30-8 PM – mostly around 7…

    I have been keeping a diary – the main problem was that she would get up only twice usually, maybe 3 times between 6 or 7 PM and 7 am – but then would have at least one time where it took her at least an hour to settle. And it made no difference if she was in our room still, or if I ran at the first peep of the monitor to grab her and feed her in her room. Swaddling has helped the settling a lot. She was 12 pounds 3 ounces at just over 3 months, and starting to head towards a 6 hour stretch to start the night. I think she’s having a growth spurt now – she has slept almost all day for the last two days and is up every 2 1/2 to 3 hours at night now. I don’t think her days and nights are flipped because she isn’t trying to play at night or anything – just eating a lot. We broke down and tried formula around 10-11 PM when she wakes up now – seemed to help the first night but not the last two.

    I have been hoping that as she approaches 4 months, the colic will be gone, the need to suck much less strong, and the finger/thumb sucking much more effective and we would stop swaddling.

    I’m not sure 4 months is realistic at this point and I really miss sleep. I am determined to do whatever she needs to help her learn to be a good sleeper, but am also counting down the days to about 5.5 months, when it will be Ferber time…Just the thought makes me want to cry, of course.

    I assume it’s too early for us to really do anything but keep trying to be consistent and stick to the principles? ie. only feed overnight if truly hungry but try to feed as much as can in day; dark, quiet overnight interactions; sleep routine including for naps; try to have wind down time for the last hour before bedtime, etc?

    Many thanks!

  5. Ania says

    I LOVE this article – because it describes how I feel. At 17 I took a baby psychology in class and we were taught the cry it out method – the popular way of “sleep training a baby” And our teacher (a mother of 3) made us rip out that chapter from a book. She didnt say why except – the reason people see psychologists in the first place – when you are a mother you understand.

    Now as a mom of a 6 month old who constantly hears you are spoling that baby – or dont let her sleep on you – she wont sleep on her own, and blah blah blah – I let all the “SUGGESTIONS” go in one ear and out the other. I did what my instincts told me to do. Hug, kiss, love and spoil that baby. She sleeps in our room in her bassinet (we are easing her into her own room and crib) where she does well at naptime and knows its her room. She slept all night since she was about 3 months – noone believed me.
    I rock her when I think she wants to cuddle, and let her fall asleep on her own when she starts dozing off.
    When I was pregnant with her I always hummed a song to her, and recently I started to humm it again and she looks at me and smiles. Even when I call her when shes at grandmas and I humm it on the phone she has a loud laugh and noone knows why (its our little secret way of communicating I guess)
    I know having her sleep in the crib in her own room at night – maybe a bit hard (more on me than her lol) but we are mommies, and those are our little angels – and I dont care how many books tell us otherwise – we know better – we have instincts and every child is different – dont let anyone put you down (and they will try to give suggestions) but its up to you to take it or not.

    • Kimberly says

      Yes, Ania, you are exactly right. Moms should trust their instinct and every child IS different!

  6. Julie says

    I don’t even remember how I came about your site, but this is exactly what I needed to hear. My son was born prematurely and had terrible reflux. On our first night home, our little four pound baby started choking on some spit up and it scared me to death. For the next two months, either my husband or I were awake with him 24 hours a day. We were too scared to lay him down to sleep. Connor is now 7 months and perfectly healthy. He sleeps well at night, but is a TERRIBLE napper. I feel like it is “my fault” because we got him used to sleeping in our arms. As a first time mom, I felt like a failure. Reading this article made me feel like I was just doing what I thought was best at the time. I know there are things I need to change and work on, but getting reassurance was just what the doctor ordered. Thank you!

    • Kimberly says

      Hi Julie,
      Thank so much for sharing your story. Sounds like you have a lucky little guy there surrounded by much love and great parents.

  7. Leah says

    Thank you, thank you, for this article. Nighttime sleep has been elusive for our little one for several months now and my husband and I are so tired. This article made me tear up and re-validates why we have choosen to nighttime parent the way that we do. I love your site. We are in the process of deciding what consultation service package will work best for us.

    • Kimberly says

      Hi Leah,
      So glad to hear you found this helpful!

  8. Denise says

    i have a 3 yr old and a 10 month old….my 10 month old wont go to sleep until 6am…he only gets 2 naps a day that are 45 to an hour long…please help!!! how do i get him on a schedule..he gets up at about 1pm and still doesnt go to sleep until 6am!!!!! please help me!!! what should i do??

    • Kimberly says

      Hi Denise,
      We would need to know additional specific details of your situation to be able to you help. I would highly recommend that you consider Nicole’s sleep consultation services so that she can help craft a unique and specific plan that works for you and your family especially since you have two small ones to attend to. You can find more information here about those services: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-toddler-sleep-consulting-services/

  9. StephanieD says

    Oooh, this is a sensitive subject for me. My 1st child slept with us until he was almost 2, and COULD NOT fall asleep unless he was held/rocked/nursed. We tried crying it out once and it was pure torture (he screamed until he vomited). If you got him anywhere NEAR his crib, he would wake up and scream, no matter how deep of a sleep he was in.
    My 2nd is 14 months and sleeps in her crib sporadically. Mostly she likes to nurse/snuggle with us.
    I wasn’t quite sure where you were going with your article, but was relieved to see where you ended up. Thanks so much for the support!
    .-= StephanieD´s last blog ..I Want My Traaaaaaansforrrrrmer Shirrrrrt!! =-.