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Do you want more sleep?   Yes! I need more sleep.

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  1. Mahua Mandal says

    Elizabeth – I think we may have babies with similar temperaments. I entirely understand the off and on crying for hours (with the caveat that after many, many weeks of sleep training, and hours upon hours of crying, my boy is FINALLY sleeping 10-11 hours at night). I think your perspective of trying to relax as much as physically possible, and knowing that you’re doing the best you can in this situation is right on. Something for everyone – esp. those with very persistent babies who are naturally poor sleeper – to keep in mind. Thank you for sharing that, as it makes me feel like I’m not the only one with a baby who didn’t successfully sleep train in just 4 days!

  2. Sophie says

    We stuck mostly with Ferber. I found Weissbluth’s book incredibly difficult to read and confusing. Plus I found the early bedtime to be impractical. My daughter (12 months) never seems to get more than 9-10 hrs a night, no matter how early we put her to bed. Now she wakes around 4 every morning and cries intermittently until 6. Sometimes she falls back asleep, other times I’m not so sure. We put her down at 8, she naps at 10 and 2:30/3. We’ve tried bedtime at 7, but then she’ll fight it and wake up even earlier the next morning. I’m seriously considering feeding her when she wakes at 4, but I don’t want to start another bad habit. Any thoughts?

    All this sleep stuff is so frustrating!

  3. Elizabeth says

    Oh, and just wanted to add, the super early bedtime never worked for us… Just made her really angry! She almost always goes down around 8:00 (7-7:30 if she’s really really tired that day).

  4. Elizabeth says

    I agree that there is no “one size fits all” approach to baby sleep. I’ve read many books and none of them worked completely with my baby (now 20 month toddler) who still does not sleep through the night. After a visit to a sleep specialist at Cildren’s Memorial who patted me on the back for my good work (??? But she still isn’t sleeping!) I am trying to just relax as much as physically possible. I’m doing the best that anyone can do in our situation.

    We also had a problem with extinction at 7.5 months … She cries off and on for hours. One morning I went in after 3 hrs of off and on crying to find her pj’s and sheets soaked. Her diaper had leaked.

    Also I never see anyone mention “The 90 Minute Sleep Solution” for baby sleep. Even our sleep specialist hadn’t heard of it (although he was familiar with the science behind it). That was the most useful for naps for us.

    • Nancy says

      I have as a postpartum doula for twelve years and agree that “The 90 Minute Sleep Solution” works for many babies. It’s beneficial to both babies and parents, providing an easy and accessible tool without instituting a rigid schedule.

  5. Shannon says

    I’ve been reading Weissbluth per the recommendation of friends since our 6-month-old was born. I’ve remained pretty strict about not letting our LO remain awake for more than 2 hours straight. This has translated into 4 naps per day (each over 45 minutes long, most an hour, sometimes more).

    It’s taken a while longer to get into a rhythm with our night sleep. I’m still breast-feeding and up ’til 5-1/2 months, our LO would wake up 2 – 3, sometimes 4, times at night and want to be fed (at least that’s what I was interpreting from his cries — or I fed him just to calm him down and go back to sleep myself). I was exhausted at having such fragmented sleep and figured at 6 months, we would try for extinction, especially since he would start eating solids and I felt he’d be getting enough nourishment to make it through the night. Here’s what happened:

    Night 1: Put in bed awake, but sleepy, at 8 p.m. He started crying at 11 p.m. Everything in me wanted to go in and check on him, put his pacifier back in or rub his back. But I resisted. He cried for 30 minutes and stopped. Phew. Then he woke up at 2 a.m. and cried for 15 minutes. Then back to sleep. He made it to 4:30 a.m. and woke up crying again and I went in and fed him. Put him back to sleep and he slept ’til 8:30 a.m. woke up happy as a clam.

    Night 2: Put in bed awake, but very sleepy, at 7:30 p.m. He started crying around 12:30 a.m. for just 15 minutes. Slept ’til 2:30 a.m. and started crying again, only 10 minutes. Then slept straight ’til 5:45 a.m. and I fed him, put him back to bed, and he slept ’til 7:45 a.m.

    Night 3: Put in bed awake, but sleepy at 7:30 p.m. I honestly don’t remember if he cried at all, because if he did, it was so short that I probably didn’t have time to consider going in. He woke up at 5:30 a.m. I fed him, put him back in bed and he slept ’til 8:15 a.m. Hallelujah!

    Night 4: Put in bed awake at 7:45 p.m. and he slept straight until 5:45 a.m. I fed him, put him back to sleep and he slept until 8:15 a.m.

    I was amazed at how quickly he learned to sleep through the night, with little or no crying to boot. I realize every baby is different, so I don’t expect this to “work” for every child, but for us, we are a fan of Dr. Weissbluth’s methods and his encouragement for babies to get a lot of quality sleep. I agree that you need to watch your babies cues, so I put him down for a nap when I see that he’s tired. Again, 4 naps a day and 11 – 12 hours at night. It seems like a lot of sleep to me, but I trust that he’s getting what he needs because that’s what his body is telling me he needs.

  6. Natalie B says

    I haven’t personally looked into Ferber, but was recommended Weissbluth’s book HSH,HC by a close friend of mine whose parenting style is very similar to my own. I must admit though (and I am sure this is true for many parents), I am very much a trial and error/watch and see type of person. If my baby has a new development (which they always do), I wait and see what kind of effect it has. Change isn’t always a bad thing – babies are such dynamic creatures! I do agree with Weissbluth that sleep begets sleep, and I like his no-nonsense style of writing. I find in general it’s good practice to take baby-book advice with a grain of salt… use those critical thinking skills!

  7. Kendra says

    I love Weissbluth’s message of “sleep begets sleep.” We have found it to be true, that is, whenever we can get him enough of it! We have tried extinction a lot, but we’re either not consistent enough, or it’s not right for our son. He used to cry for hours. Now he will just sit and make happy noises for hours. No sleep either way until we cave in and rock him or he crashes.

  8. Mahua Mandal says

    I read Weissbluth’s Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, but I didn’t find much on babies’ different temperaments. Perhaps a line here or there, but nothing very in-depth. Did I miss something? And, certainly, nothing (from Weissbluth or Ferber) that addresses that some babies will scream at night (when you’re trying to do any form of CIO) like they’re literally being tortured. And, even though during the day you are POSITIVE they were only screaming like that b/c they wanted to use their crutch (breastfeeding, rocking, whatever) to fall asleep, how difficult it is when you hear that type of scream not to think “Wait. Maybe something really is wrong this time!” And, not mention that – sometimes – it is REALLY difficult to distinguish between a cry that is “I want my crutch, I’m so angry you won’t give it to me” and a “I’m in pain.” Which – unfortunately – happened to me when we used a type of CIO over a few months – yes, it took a few MONTHS! (we did check and console, so my husband did go in intermittently – I’m sure it took longer than rapid extinction). One the morning I found my son had thrown up, likely from a few hours before when I thought he was just fussing b/c he couldn’t go back to sleep on his own. But, in reality, he was starting to get sick. Obviously, I was devastated and felt guilty for weeks (and still do). Anyway, sharing all that to come to my main point: What really bothers me about both Weissbluth and Ferber (I’ve only read parts of a book by Ferber) is that they insist doing their method will work for ALL children and ALL families. I guess that is true for most books and methods out there on babies and sleep. But, really, I’m not sure WHY these “sleep experts” insist on saying that. B/c it’s not like they’ve met every single baby and every single family in the world. How can they make such assertions? I did get some useful info from Weissbluth, but truthfully, it was only after observing my son over his first year of life that I could glean WHAT in the book was useful for us and what pieces of information were not relevant to him (or didn’t work for him).

  9. Lydia says

    With my daughter, I used extinction, and she was literally sleeping 12 hours at night by 6 months old. As for our new baby, who is 8 months old, we have done a blend of extinction and check&console based on the type of crying he has done. He is nursing and teething. Those teeth seem to be driving him nuts, so if he doesn’t nurse before going to bed, and then wakes up crying within 30 minutes of “going to bed,” I will go in and nurse him. Most of the time, he’s fine. But, I have found that I’m learning his cries.

    I’m a Weissbluth fan. I used his methods with my daughter (and still do – she’s 7), and everything “worked.” So far, he’s on the money with this little guy too – 🙂

  10. Meagan says

    We did extinction when he was younger (about 4.5 months) and it seemed to work pretty well then, but now (7.5) it just seems more complicated. His sleep slipped off track thanks to almost a solid month of holiday travel (including a 1 week 3 hour time zone shift) , cutting his first tooth, and a newfound ability to.both.crawl and get himself into a sitting position. I expect pulling up soon too. Right now we are doing extinction at 8pm bedtime and all naps (up to an hour) check and sooth once if he wakes before 11, one feeding between 11-2, wait and hope he self sooths between 2-5, and another feeding if he wakes after 5 (so he will, hopefully, not wake for the day). It’s probably too complicated, but seems to make more sense than something more obvious. But maybe that’s the lack of sleep talking- I’m trying to nurse him back to a couple extra hours of sleep while I write this comment. 🙂

    • Nicole Johnson says

      @Meagan It doesn’t sound too complicated to me in that we often had different strategies for bedtime than night-waking and such. I recommend that after feedings, make sure he’s still semi-awake to keep the consistency that he always goes back to sleep on his own to limit possible confusion on his part. Thank you for commenting!

      @Lydia Goes to show even babies within the same family are different! 🙂 Thank you for sharing our experience.

      @Mahua In Weissbluth’s book he doesn’t talk about all the temperament traits (that I remember), but does talk a lot about how there are different types of babies. For example, on Page 80 (in my copy), he talks about making different decisions for different babies. I appreciated that he wasn’t making the assumption that all babies are the same. Having said that, I agree that a lot of the books imply “do it my way and it will definitely work.” Soooo not true! There is no silver bullet that will work for all babies and all families. And, not all babies will cry just 3 days that the books imply. That was another thing that drove me nuts! 🙂 Thank you for commenting!

      @Kendra Oh yes! “Sleep begets sleep” is sooo true in a lot of circumstances. Get better sleep during the day and help your baby sleep better at night. Your baby sounds like a good self-entertainer! That always makes it a little tougher. Depending on his age (when they are young, they are not afraid of the dark, usually), you might turn off the nightlight. We had to do that when our boys were babies until their imagination started flourishing around 14 months. 🙂

      @Natalie Sooo true! We *have* to expect change. Babies are not robots and go through A LOT of development so quickly these first few years.

      @Shannon That’s great you’ve seen such great success and so quickly! I wish everyone had such quick success, but unfortunately, we won’t. But, it’s great when some families find what works and what works well for the baby! Thank you for sharing your experience with us!

      @Elizabeth Oh no!! I’m sorry your 20 month old still doesn’t sleep through the night! 🙁 That is exhausting, I know! I have heard of “The 90 Minute Sleep Solution” but don’t hear about it too many times in consultations. I often recommend 90 minutes of awake time in babies 4 months and younger, though. Thank you for sharing!

      @Sophie Is she hungry at 4 a.m.? If so, add in another snack somewhere in her daytime schedule, say right before bedtime, which can help a lot. My boys struggled a lot going 12-13 hours without eating, so we found a snack to be imperative.

      @Jennifer Awww, thank you! 🙂 Seeing how different my two boys are (sleep-wise and otherwise) and reading soooo many family histories every day, there is no question that temperament, sensitivity to stimuli, self-settling tendencies, and personality are huge influences in what type of experience you have surrounding sleep. Thank you for commenting and your kind words! I knew my son would change my life, but never knew just how much. I LOVE this! 🙂