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Do you want more sleep?   Yes! I need more sleep.

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  1. Yagwit says

    Having loadschildren from 20 down to 4yrs, I feel qualified to advise on sleep. Put them little buggers in bed. They don’t therapy every night. Following the new age parenting advice has produced 2 of the most self-centered, arrogant, and disrespectful people you’ll ever meet. I put my smalls to bed now, without explanation. They are never given their way. They only speak when spoken to. I’m still not a spank-er. They are given extra chores. We cancel fun if someone acts up. I’m never going back to that coddle every whim and talk out every problem BS.

  2. Andrea says

    I know this is an old post, but I felt compelled to say that I think Nicole Johnson’s point would have benefited from a less generalized approach, since other parents are stating that Jo Frost’s technique clearly worked for them, (add me to the cruel mommy group)and if Johnson finds us “heartless”, so be it. Personally, my issue with “consoling” a child during this transition is that it’s simply creating drama where there should be none. All this “consoling” implies that sleeping alone is some dreadful event that calls for constant emotional support. It could also be seen as a mother’s way of subconsciously turning a milestone into a nightmare due to her reluctance to accept that her child is no longer a tiny, helpless baby who needs her undivided attention 24/7. Maybe “it didn’t work for me because it made me feel guilty” would have been a more digestible approach. Our 8-month-old boy is sleeping happily on his own, and his cruel parents are beyond grateful to watch his growing independence.

    • Janelle Reid says

      @Andrea, Thank you for visiting the Baby Sleep Site and adding to the discussion here. One of our main goals here is to meet parents where they are at so they can feel confident about their approach to sleep training their child and helping with issues in their children’s sleep. All parents and children will need different things and I believe the main point Nicole was wanting to get across was the fact that we are happy to help provide a different way, when an all or nothing approach is not something the parent is comfortable with, or if their are other factors making that a poor fit for the child. I hope that makes sense! I can assure you Nicole would not call you heartless or put you in the cruel mommy group 😉 – we are so glad to hear you found what worked for your family and that you are all able to enjoy time together without the stress of exhaustion added to it. Thanks again for your feedback!

  3. Debbye says

    Hi Mary,
    Thank you for taking the time to write! Reality shows have become SO very popular in America and around the world, and with the popularity comes money, so I am sure we will see more and more of these reality shows in the coming days.
    Thank you for your input! 🙂

  4. Mary says

    I think a few things… you have to keep in mind this show is primarily for entertainment purposes and for whatever reason, sick America likes to see people on TV suffer on reality shows. Maybe it makes everyone feel their life is not so bad? It is for this reason that I choose to not watch shows like this. So with that said, you have no idea what else is going on in this family and what the dynamics are.

    Second, I disagree with the book reading in the parents room. We all know the first steps to sleep training is setting up a routine and environment conducive to sleep. They did none of that. They did not set up expectations. They did not even talk to the boy about what was expected.. at least we do not think since this is all we are seeing. This could have been an ongoing battle with this boy. They could have tried so many methods, etc. We have no idea.

    This leads lastly to why it is soooo important to not just post a clip of one part of a show like that. This is once again a TV show, not real life, and anyone that watches “Supper Nanny” and puts her practices into action without talking to their doctor or a trained sleep consultant is just dumb.

    Lastly, this is key… !!! …even if the bedtime routine was lack luster, the parent did give kisses and tell the boy he needed to go in his crib. As a psychologist that works with children, I know that many kids make transitions easily. This boy’s behavior is NOT NORMAL and shows signs of some other kind of attachment issue. A normal, healthy, non-behaviorally challenged child would NOT act this way. They would probably get out of the crib maybe or talk to mommy, but this behavior is NOT NORMAL and if the parent said it was time to go in the crib, this tantrum is just a reaction that is indicative of this child’s behavior issues. I would say that if a baby coslept for 3 years and was a developmentally normal child and the parent said, “tonight we are gonna try the crib’ and did all this, the child might cry or be upset, but they would not scream and freak out so violently. The normal child would cry or maybe be upset and the normal parent could maybe lie next to them or sing or hold their hand and the child would respect this and fall to sleep. But clearly this case is not normal hence the extreme actions. had the mother lied next to him and held his hand I would bet that the boy still would have cross boundaries, screamed, tantrumed, and made the mother’s life a living hell. Maybe this boy always gets what he wants and that is why cosleeping went on so long. The mother even “elludes” to that cosleeping was mainly for her benefit not necessarily the family’s. We have no idea why she kept with it. Did the boy have serious problems or was it a healthy cosleeping situation? That is why THIS CASE is on TV and not some “normal’ situation. Boring TV for sick America would not go over well so they put this garbage on TV….

    • Katie says

      It’s ridiculous to label a young child “not normal” because he cries too much.

      “I know that many kids make transitions easily” — As a psychologist, you would know that is not scientific or helpful to make blanket statements like this. As a social worker and mother, I know that Just because one kid cries more /has more anxiety than others DOES NOT mean the child is NOT NORMAL. Our society OVERDIAGNOSES AND OVER MEDICATES because we are failing to give caregivers the tools they need to succeed, first of all the faith that they have what it takes to succeed, and, that their children are going to be fine. If parents do their best consistently, and kid still has issues 2 years later, maybe it’s time to seek help. But statistically, the majority behavioral issues in childhood stem from environment. every kid is different with their own TEMPERMENT, but changing the environment /structure usually will get them on track. My son transitioned fully from cosleeping at 18 months and it took 1.5 hours of screaming to get him to sleep some nights but he sleeps just fine now, he is definitely WITHIN NORMAL RANGE. Cosleeping for many years is maybe not so normal, but the child’s reaction is normal. I think it’s safe to say all parents fear that there’s something wrong with their child. We need to encourage them and give them the right tools, not plant more seeds of doubt.

  5. Liz says

    @Everyone and Nicole J.

    Well, I dont usually comment on posts…….BUT….

    I watched many supernanny episodes and I think her method is excellent. I used to come to your site constantly but after this post u got me thinking….. Not to talk too much about supernanny she has a 100% success rate and is also a Millionaire. I am guessing from the excellent job she does. But to me at least, your post came across as a selling point, selling point from your book and your personal sleeping help to parents… Cant think of how is called nw. But anyways I have a 6 mo and a 2.5 yo and supernanny methods have worked great for both of them.

    Every parent obviously have a unique way to educate their kids but I just felt like saying something,
    Nicole I hope this doesnt come across the wrong way, but is something to think about it in the future.

    I want to hear what other people have to say about this.

    Thank you

    • Nicole Johnson says

      @Liz I’m not exactly sure what you are saying, but I am thinking you are saying that I wrote the post strictly to sell my books and services, perhaps? I write articles that come to me from working with many parents on a daily basis and knowing what parents think about on a daily basis. I write articles because I love writing and I love to promote discussion and encourage parents to think about how they approach sleep in their house and not blindly follow all the “experts” (including me) and trust their own instincts, too. I have learned to tell people about our books and services in almost every article, because many parents are new to the site and need help. We have over 200 free articles on the site and we have a new one every week as well as a free newsletter. We have free eBooks, free white noise, free sample schedules. I did a free Skype presentation today, too. All free and take time to put together. Our #1 mission here at The Baby Sleep Site is to help parents struggling with sleep. I very much know that not everyone needs additional help, but those parents who do, need to know how to get it. Honestly, we can’t have everyone buy services, because we literally don’t have the capacity to help everyone! 🙁 And, yes, this article helped parents learn more about my philosophy and seek help from us. Those who don’t need the help may see it as a sales pitch, but those parents suffering are thankful that we spell it out and are thankful there is a way to get to know our philosophy before purchasing our services. Remember, that some parents are sleep deprived and don’t know where to go for help. I’m sorry if it rubbed you the wrong way, but we promote products and services in almost every article and my passion is to help parents. If I don’t tell people how to find help, we can’t do that. 🙂 Thank you for chiming in!

    • Nicole Johnson says

      @Liz Oh and I forgot to say that I would be surprised if Super Nanny actually has a 100% success rate! 😀 And, there are different definitions of “success” if you consider the emotional well-being of the child. I’m not saying this child would be emotionally scarred or anything, depending on the situation, but just because something “works” doesn’t mean it’s “right.” Don’t get me wrong. I don’t disagree with all that is Super Nanny. I saw this clip and didn’t like what I saw. That is all. But, as someone else pointed out, there is always more to the story and it goes to show that you know your situation best. Perhaps this child did need a firmer approach…

  6. Debbye says

    @ Jessica M- Thank you for the reminders of all the “grey” areas, and we are happy that you found your way through those grey areas to better sleep. 😉

    @ David- Thank you for sharing what worked for you! 🙂

    @ Nerdular- Great! Never underestimate those wonderful parental instincts!

    @ Anna- You are right! With toddlers, it’s all about setting limits and being consistent. They may protest the change for a few days or a week, but eventually they start to get the message. Could your son just not be tired at bedtime? Is he still taking two naps a day? Here is a link to a sample schedule to use as a reference:
    And an article about transitioning to one nap: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-naps-2/12-month-olds-one-nap-transition/
    Good luck! 🙂

    @ Kathryn- Thank yo for sharing your journey. Unfortunately, not all babies or toddlers will respond like yours, like you said. It is a good idea to start out slowly and gently though! 🙂

    @ Rebecca- Congrats on your new baby! Hopefully, because of your toddler’s challenges, this time around will be easier! 😉
    Here are a couple of links to articles about newborn sleep that may help lay a solid foundation to good sleep too:

    Good luck!!

  7. Debbye says

    @ JD- Thank you for the follow up and for reminding us that because of editing and other variables, we do not always see the whole story!

    @ Katie- Thanks for sharing your story! It does sounds like a rough few nights, but that it really paid off for all of you! 🙂

    @ Angela and Lori- Thanks for writing! We at the Baby Sleep Site are big advocates of “baby steps,” no pun intended. 😉

    @ Shoshana- Please do not feel as though you are thought of as “heartless.” All families are different, and only you know your baby best, and know what his needs and your needs are too. 🙂 Your firmness in tough situations is not necessarily be thought of as heartless, but that you found a solution that worked for you. 🙂

  8. Rebecca says

    My son also has that type of personality where it actually made it worse when I went back in the room to “comfort” him. He’s very emotional and strong willed (also a little too dramatic, LOL). We first let him CIO at 9 months old. That is, after trying gentler methods. First night, he only cried about 35 minutes and went to sleep. It also had the added benefit of simultaneously weaning him the pacifier he always used to sleep. After the first night, he cried a few minutes once in a while, but he always went to sleep on his own 🙂 He is now turning 2 and still complains when going to bed (he’s still in a crib) once a week or so, but will go to sleep after a few minutes of whining. He is a creature of habit, so I am not looking forward to when he goes into a toddler bed.

    I now have a 6 week old, who does not sleep very well, so I have to start the process all over! He can’t seem to settle to sleep unless someone is holding him, which can be very exhausting. We have started a little bedtime routine already,but I am not sure what else I can do to help him sleep better.

  9. Kathryn says

    it’s not that I don’t think a child should ever be allowed to cry. but more that there should be a time limit for how long that’s reasonable – how long before that becomes neglect – or emotional torture…? Because at a young age, your child doesn’t understand “this is for my good” – all they know is that they’re upset and nobody is there for them.

  10. Kathryn says

    I’m definitely a fan of the baby steps method. My son slept on my chest til he was 3 months old – due to severe acid reflux – and once we got that diagnosed and under control I needed to start teaching him to sleep in his crib so I could get some sleep too (I’m a light sleeper and he’d move around a lot and wake me up each time).

    I started with his naps – I would put him in bed each time he fell asleep. Then, when he woke up and cried I would come into the room and try to soothe him back to sleep – or pick him up if he was ready to get up.

    After about a week of this he had gained confidence that I was always there if he really needed me – so he started taking his naps in his crib and also started sleeping through the night (or at least til 4am – which was his wake-up time til he was about a year old).

    I know my method wouldn’t work for every mom, but my son is a happy, self-secure, generally well-behaved, and independent little 17-month old toddler now – and I believe taking the time to teach him that I would always be there for him if he needed me contributed greatly to him developing thusly.

    I had a close friend who was a huge fan of the cry-it-out method for everything. She would literally leave her daughter to work it out for herself for EVERYTHING – and by the age of 2.5yrs old that poor girl was showing obvious signs of insecurity issues…and that’s just not right in my book. She would say that it was because her baby needed to learn to be independent (at a couple months old!!) – and instead of learning independence, it taught her to be insecure. I know that’s an extreme example, but it made a huge impression on me.

    I’ll let my son cry it out if I know he’s just throwing a fit – but if he might really need me I’m not going to just leave him and hope he’ll get over it. That’s just cruel – and lazy. I think that’s what it comes down to for me – it takes more effort in a lot of ways to be there and teach your child – and I’m not saying this is true of every parent who uses this method – be too many parents just let their kids cry it out because it’s too much effort to be more hands-on.