Category Archives: Sleep Training

How To Handle Your Baby or Toddler’s Separation Anxiety and Sleep

Posted by on June 18th, 2013 in Sleep Training

Baby Separation Anxiety Sleep Problems

I’ve always thought the term “separation anxiety” wasn’t an adequate one. It sounds kind of clinical and dull, in my opinion. But those of us whose babies and toddlers have experienced separation anxiety (and I’m guessing that’s almost all of us) know that the separation anxiety is anything but dull!

So maybe a term like “separation red-faced-screaming-panic-attack” would be more appropriate? Just throwing it out there. ;)

At any rate, separation anxiety is the topic of today’s article. Specifically, we’ll look at why and when separation anxiety occurs, how it affects sleep, and what you can do to cope with it.

Don’t Worry, Separation Anxiety Is Normal. (In Fact, It’s a Good Sign!)

It might not seem normal for your baby or toddler to cling to your legs, spider-monkey style, and scream until they turn purple, but don’t worry — it’s very normal indeed!

In the first few months of your baby’s life, he’s really not able to distinguish between adults; one caregiver looks and feels much like another. That’s why most newborns and young infants are content to be passed around between adults. Beginning around 7 or 8 months, however, your baby will start being able to tell one adult from another; she’ll also start to become more attached to mom and dad. In this way, separation anxiety is actually a good sign; it indicates that a baby is forming strong, healthy attachments to her parents.

What’s more, at this age, your baby’s starting to develop the concept of object permanence. In the early months of life, babies don’t understand object permanence; once an object (or a person) disappears from their line of sight, it’s simply gone, in their minds. (This is why peek-a-boo tends to be endlessly fascinating for young babies — from their perspective, you’re performing the most incredible magic trick imaginable!) But around 7 or 8 months, babies begin to understand that objects and people they can’t see still exist — they develop object permanence. So when you leave the room, your baby understands that you still exist somewhere, and that you can return. Again, in this sense, separation anxiety is actually a positive sign — it lets parents know that their baby understands object permanence.

Nicole’s Note:
“As usual, don’t be alarmed if your baby doesn’t follow the books on this one. My sons were NEVER babies who could be passed around the party! Ever. They didn’t even really go to grandma and grandpa. Not even when they were a couple weeks old! I don’t know why. I think, somehow, they DID distinguish us from other adults. Somehow. Even our nanny, who was there on day one with our second born, he would not go to her until a week or two later and we had to ‘work’ at it. He went to me and his Dad and that was it. He was literally born that way. And, he was the ‘easier’ of the two. Ha! They have both been shy with strangers from the beginning, but now at 5 and 7 are soooo different! So, if your baby has always seemed to only want you, foster the security in the relationship and the confidence will come.”

A Look At Your Baby’s Separation Anxiety, and How It Affects Sleep

Separation anxiety starts in the infant stage — somewhere between 6-10 months, for most babies. You may start to notice that your baby clings to you and cries before you leave her with a babysitter, or at naptime and/or bedtime. Often, separation anxiety appears out of the blue — your baby is fine one day and is a clinging, sobbing, terrified mess the next. This is understandably unnerving for a lot of parents!

Separation anxiety rears its head most often when parents are transitioning their babies into daycare, or into the babysitter’s care. But separation anxiety also affects sleep. It can do real damage to a baby’s nap schedule, and it can cause even the best sleeper to start waking frequently at night. And this makes sense; a baby who’s deep in the throes of separation anxiety certainly won’t want to be left alone to nap, or to sleep all night. In fact, separation anxiety can be one of the major factors involved in the 8/9/10 month sleep regression.

A Look At Your Toddler’s Separation Anxiety, and How It Affects Sleep

It’s normal for your little one’s separation anxiety to wax and wane during his toddler years; it may be better at some points and worse at others. (Of course, if your child’s separation anxiety hangs around full-force throughout toddlerhood, that’s normal, too!) Many parents find that separation anxiety resurfaces in a big way around 18 months (co-inciding with the 18 month sleep regression) and again around age 2 (again, co-inciding with the 2 year sleep regression).

Just as it did in infancy, separation anxiety can really wreck your toddler’s sleep. And it may be even harder to deal with the naptime and bedtime drama this time around, since your toddler’s separation anxiety will often manifest as full-blown temper tantrums. Naps may become royal battles. And you might find that your toddler starts fiercely resisting bedtime or crying for your repeatedly during the night.

Some Separation Anxiety Do’s and Don’ts: How To Handle Your Baby or Toddler’s Naptime and Nighttime Separation Anxiety

Yes, separation anxiety’s perfectly normal — and from a developmental standpoint, it’s actually a good sign! But that’s hardly comforting when you’re facing your third week of sleepless nights and microscopic naps, right?

Not to worry — we have tips! These won’t banish separation anxiety forever (it’s a developmental milestone, after all), but they will help to minimize the effects of separation anxiety and make it easier to handle for everyone.

  • DO develop a good bedtime routine. If you haven’t already, work to create a soothing bedtime routine for your baby or toddler. This will help her relax before bed; it will also provide the kind of consistency and predictability that she needs to feel safe.
  • DO keep things light. The last thing a parent wants to do is make their child’s separation anxiety worse. But many parents do just that without realizing it. When you put on a worried and anxious face, or when you cry along with your child, you simply reaffirm to your little one that bedtime is, in fact, terrifying, and that he has every reason to be afraid. Instead, work to keep things light and calm at bedtime and nap time. If you seem relaxed and confident, it’ll help your baby or toddler feel that way, too.
  • DON’T try to sneak away. Parents, this is a big no-no. Yes, in the moment, it seems easier to simply wait until your baby or toddler is drowsy or distracted and then slip out the door. But in the long run, it just makes things worse. It adds to your child’s fear and uncertainty, because now, he’s learned that if he so much as looks the other way, you might literally vanish. Instead, say good-bye (lovingly and firmly) and then let your child see you walk out the door.
  • DO comfort your child when she needs it, but DON’T create new (bad) habits. If your baby or toddler is wailing at naptime, or wakes in the middle of the night sobbing and screaming, feel free to comfort her. This is reassuring for your little one; it lets her know that you’re nearby. And it’s reassuring for you, too! However, keep these interactions relatively short and boring. This is not the time to read books, or to sing songs, or to play games. What’s more, make sure that when your comforting is done, you leave. Remember, you don’t want to create bad habits during this phase, so now isn’t the time to start sleeping on your child’s floor, or sitting in a rocker next to her bed.

For more information about separation anxiety, and to learn how it’s different from the more serious Separation Anxiety Disorder, see Dr. Kaylene Henderson’s excellent post on the topic over at her website, Little Children Big Dreams.

Have you dealt with (or are you currently dealing with) separation anxiety? Has it affected nap time or bedtime? What techniques have worked for you in dealing with separation anxiety? Share your strategies with the rest of us!

If separation anxiety is ruining your little one’s sleep, please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

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Is Sleep Training Cruel? The Mommy Wars Continue…

Posted by on June 11th, 2013 in Sleep Training

SleepyBabyI received an e-mail from a client upset about this article expressing frustration about the difference between “cuddlers” and “tamers.” In the article, Pinky berates the “tamers” for treating their babies like objects and having expectations that are too high. The tone of the article implies that it’s cruel to help your baby learn to sleep that involves any crying. She is clearly exasperated at receiving e-mails from parents at the end of their rope/tether, looking for “quick fixes.”

So, how do you handle the judgmental tone of those around you unable to understand why you are sleep training your baby?

While Pinky did explain later why she “flipped her lid”, the damage was done with the judgmental tone of the first article. In the end, some of us/you are still considered “tamers” rather than “cuddlers.” And, it’s still assumed that if you employ certain sleep training techniques with your baby, it says a lot about your character and how you may treat your teenager (even implying you may kick him out of the house one day!).

What is a mom or dad to do when your decision now could be speaking about your character even 15 years from now, according to other people? The pressure is insurmountable! That reminds me of that one person who said cry-it-out would lead to Prozac. **groan**

First, recognize that just because another mom feels parents can be divided into one group or another, that does NOT mean you need to be a part of either of said groups. I, for one, am a big-time cuddler (and I cuddle with my boys who are 5 and 7 years old every night still) and we are very affectionate and a close family all around, but that doesn’t mean I accepted the sleep deprivation as “normal” and one that my son would outgrow. Don’t let someone else lump you into an arbitrary group meant to divide rather than join us together as moms. The mommy wars rage on as to whose “way” is better, which really doesn’t do any one any good.

While there are certain things babies need to outgrow such as being able to go 12 hours without eating, there are other things that boil down to habits and what we teach them. No one would suggest that a child “outgrows” being rude at the dinner table or not using their manners. We teach them the “rules.” So, if your 2 or 3 year old is still expecting milk or food at night, perhaps you simply haven’t taught her the rule that you eat in the morning at breakfast, not in the middle of the night, eh? Or, perhaps your 12 month old waking up for the 10th time for you to grab the pacifier that is right next to him needs to learn how to maneuver the pacifier himself (or learn to sleep without it). And, maybe a 6 month old actually can learn to nap in his crib rather than your arms 3-4 times a day with some direction from you. What if you could get him to do it just once a day and actually get something done during the day?

There is an assumption that crying always means a baby needs something. That isn’t always the case! A baby can’t say “Moooooom! I dropped my pacifier AGAIN! Can you get it for me? I’m really tired and all I want to do is go back to sleep. Don’t you??” If a 3 year old kept calling Mom back to help him tuck in the covers, perhaps his mom would teach him how to tuck himself in. They could practice during the day and everything. You can actually teach him about the expectations for sleep rather than expect him to figure it out “one day” when he’s 5 or even later. Sometimes our babies or toddlers cry out of frustration or as an emotional release and we need to give them the space to do that rather than rush to “fix” it.

A week or two ago, I saw this on Facebook from Dr. Kaylene Henderson of Little Children Big Dreams and thought it was very fitting.

Is Sleep Training Cruel?

This is important, because while some babies truly lack self-soothing abilities and physically can’t find any other way than sucking on a pacifier or bottle, being swaddled, or breastfeeding, for example, as your baby gets older, these become habits and preferences. Yes, maybe falling asleep will be harder, at first, without a sleep “prop” but that doesn’t mean your baby can’t do it! I recently had to explain to my son that some of the best things in life are harder to come by, after all. And, yes, your baby may have moments of frustration. But, just as I’ve explained before, crying is sometimes a part of changing sleep habits, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be right there with moral support and guide your baby through the change in routine. You can even practice Attachment Parenting and Sleep Train. And, if it’s not going well, you can even take a break and wait until he’s a little older. The pace and the process is up to you and it’s not a race to the finish, but rather, finding that unique process that is right for you and your family.

As I always say, NOBODY is walking in your shoes or living what you live day in and day out. Yes, some people would have said I was mean for sleep training my son, but he was MISERABLE without sleep and so were all of us! If he was at least happy through it all, maybe I could have held on longer, I don’t know. I don’t regret our experience for a second. He needed sleep. Period. I needed sleep to be the mom he needed. Oh the patience, energy, and focus I had as a mom when I got more than 2 hours of broken sleep! If others can tolerate and even flourish on less sleep, more power to you! But, try not to judge others for something you can’t understand.

There will be parents every day at the end of their rope. These parents are frazzled and trying to function on less sleep than THEIR mind and bodies need to perform well. We may not always understand the decisions that other parents make, but remember that all babies are very different and their temperament and personality will be a HUGE variable among many families. I’ve had families contact me with their third child when they thought they had it all figured out. It’s not simple or straightforward at all. And, if you have one of these more challenging babies, take heart that you are NOT alone. The more than 400,000 monthly visitors (and growing) to The Baby Sleep Site tell you that you aren’t the only one trying to help your baby sleep, with and without a lot of tears. ;)

Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

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How Daycare Impacts Your Baby’s Sleep Schedule and Habits

Posted by on June 11th, 2013 in Sleep Training

DayCare-baby-sleep
When it comes to daycare, many parents have no shortage of questions, ranging from “What’s the staff to child ratio at this facility” to “How on earth am I going to beat traffic and manage a 5:30 p.m. pick-up time?!” But here’s one question you may not have thought to ask yourself: “How is daycare going to affect my child’s sleep?”

Some Babies Sleep Better at Daycare Than They Do At Home

Most daycares operate on a schedule for all children, including infants. If you haven’t adopted a schedule at home, you may find that your baby responds so well to this kind of consistent routine that he’s sleeping far better at daycare than he does at home! For instance, babies who struggle with naps at home may nap like a dream while at daycare. If this is true for you, and if you want your little one to sleep as well at home as he does at daycare, consider asking the daycare to write out their schedule and then try to duplicate it at home as much as you can.

Your baby may also sleep better at daycare because she knows it’s expected of her. Children are experts at knowing how to “read” adults. If your child has learned that her daycare caregiver won’t rock/sing/nurse her to sleep, then she’s much more likely to sleep without fuss when she’s at daycare. But at home, it’s a different story! If your child knows that you’ll spend hours rocking her to sleep, then she’ll likely require you to do it. If you suspect this is the case, consider weaning your child off her sleep associations at home (especially since you know she can sleep without them at daycare!)

Some Babies Sleep Worse at Daycare Than They Do At Home

Other babies fall into this category. This is especially true for babies who have highly-structured nap schedules and routines at home. It can be difficult for these little ones to adjust to a different schedule at daycare. For example, if your child is used to napping at a certain time each day, or if he’s used to napping in a certain way (with the shades drawn, with a certain CD playing, etc.), it can be very difficult for him to nap at daycare when that same environment isn’t provided. What’s more, daycare is usually a more stimulating place than home — there’s lots of noise, lots of toys, lots to see and do. This extra stimulation can make it hard for a baby to wind down enough to take a nap.

If this is the case, consider writing out your child’s daily routine and asking your daycare providers to follow it as best they can. You may also want to consider sending familiar items from home that will help reproduce your child’s napping environment. These might include sheets and bedding, a “lovey”, a lullaby CD, etc. A good daycare will be willing to work with you and will attempt to accommodate your child’s needs.

Your Baby’s Temperament Matters

If you’re struggling with daycare-related sleep challenges, it’s important to remember that your baby’s unique personality and temperament play a big part. Some babies are great at quickly adapting to new settings, new people, and new schedules. Highly adaptable babies will likely have no problem adjusting to different settings and sleep schedules, and for those babies, daycare may not present any real sleep challenges.

Other babies, however, are much slower to adapt. Slow-to-adapt babies have a much harder time dealing with change, and they tend to need lots of consistency. If your baby is slow to adapt, then it may be hard for him to transition easily between the setting and schedule at daycare and the setting and schedule at home. If this is the case for you, do the best you can to make the transition between home and daycare smooth and easy, and work to build in as much consistency as you can at home.

When Should You Make A Change?

If your child’s getting less sleep in daycare than you’d like, monitor her for a few weeks. If she seems to be coping well, then make the best of it. If you feel that your baby’s lack of sleep is affecting her health and well-being, however, consider making a change. For example, an in-home daycare with fewer children might be a good choice. Or hiring a private nanny might be an option, especially if you only need care a few days a week, or for a few hours each day. And there are ways to offset the cost of a private nanny. The practice of “nanny sharing” allows families to split the use of the same nanny and share the cost.

Daycare is a reality for children of working parents. For some, it may not affect sleep much (or it may even improve it!) For others, however, daycare will negatively impact sleep. If that’s the case for your child, educate yourself about healthy sleep habits, do everything you can to implement them at home, and then do what you can to make sure your daycare provider is implementing them, too.

Has daycare affected your baby’s sleeping habits and schedule? How do you handle the sleep challenges that daycare creates? Share your story with us!

Helping your baby learn to sleep soundly can be a real challenge, can’t it? That’s true for both working parents and stay-at-home parents! Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

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When Your Babysitter or Nanny Just Won’t Stick To The Baby’s Schedule

Posted by on May 28th, 2013 in Sleep Training

babysitter baby toddler sleep

Those of you who rely on the aid of a babysitter or a nanny to help you care for your little one know what a blessing it can be to have childcare help. Raising a child is hard, hard work, after all! And while many cultures around the world consider it the norm to have extended family help with childcare, that’s not usually the case in the Western world. Here in the West, many parents are often alone in their child rearing.

So having the help of a babysitter or nanny can be a real godsend! But what happens if your babysitter or nanny, well-meaning though he or she may be, simply won’t stick to your carefully-crafted schedules and routines? If that’s your situation, then having a babysitter or nanny may not feel so helpful after all when it comes to helping your baby or toddler get the rest she needs.

Why Your Routines and Schedules Matter

If you’re a Baby Sleep Site™ regular, then you probably already know why we think schedules and routines are important. Simply put, babies and toddlers thrive on consistency and predictability. Most babies and toddlers like to know exactly what’s happening, and when it’s going to happen. And consistency is key when you’re sleep training especially. If you’re working towards helping your baby learn to sleep through the night, or towards helping your toddler overcome her sleep challenges, then having predictable and consistent schedules and routines is a critical component.

And if you’re working on getting your baby or toddler to nap well? Oh, yes…you’re going to want to have a predictable daily routine going, in order to encourage consistent naps!

This isn’t to say that routines and schedules are important to every family — they’re not. Some families are more on-the-fly with their daily activities, and that’s okay! But most of the families we work with prefer to stick with consistent daily routines, so for these families, having a babysitter or nanny who doesn’t observe the schedule is a problem.

5 Steps To Take When Your Babysitter or Nanny Ignores the Schedule

If you’re a schedule-oriented parent, yet your child’s babysitter or nanny (and sometimes a spouse, actually) just won’t stick to the routine, what exactly should you do about it? Below are 5 steps we suggest taking to solve this problem:

  1. Evaluate your expectations, and make sure they’re reasonable. This is an important first step. Are your expectations about schedule-following reasonable, or are you asking too much of your babysitter or nanny? Remember, even the tightest, strictest schedules need to have some flexibility built in. Life happens! Our little ones get sick, go through bouts of teething, experience sleep regressions…there’s a lot of unpredictability built in to your child’s early years.

    So it’s important that you offer your babysitter or nanny the option to be flexible, and to bend the schedule when necessary. Obviously, this will require some trust on your part, and some discernment on the part of your babysitter or nanny. But be sure you’re extending your childcare provider the same kind of flexibility that you’d extend to yourself.

    A sidenote about evaluating your expectations: if you’re working on sleep training, and you’re using any form of the cry-it-out method, be aware that it can be challenging to ask other people (like your babysitter or nanny) to do this with you. Nobody enjoys the sound of a wailing baby, and while you may be able to tolerate it, your babysitter or nanny may not. I speak from experience here. When my oldest was a baby, my family briefly lived with my parents. I was working on sleep training at that time, and I was trying some (modified) CIO with my son. My mom could. not. handle. it. It was making her frantic, having to listen to my son cry for even 30 seconds. It became a point of contention between us. So just know, moving forward, that this scenario can be tough.

  2. Clearly explain the schedule, as well as your expectations. This might seem obvious, but it’s important that you clearly outline the schedule for your babysitter or nanny. Don’t take anything for granted here — don’t expect your childcare provider to “just know” what the schedule is, and how to follow it closely. Instead, take the time to explain the schedule in detail. Write it down and put it in a visible place in your home, so that there can be no confusion about what’s supposed to be happening when.

    What’s more, you’ll need to explain your expectations regarding the schedule. Conversations like this can be a bit uncomfortable (at least, they are for conflict-avoiders like me!), but don’t shy away from this. People in any job (childcare or otherwise) tend to perform better when they know exactly what’s expected of them, and when a definite standard has been set.

  3. Share why consistency in following the schedule is important to you. This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. Share with your babysitter or nanny why it’s so important to you that they stick to the schedule. Direct them to this site, if necessary! :) If your babysitter or nanny understands the philosophy behind your schedule-oriented approach, he/she may be more likely to “get on board”, and to make consistency a priority each day.
  4. Check in regularly, to determine how things are going. Once you’ve laid out your schedule for the babysitter or nanny, and explained how and why you want it to be followed closely, you’ll need to follow up. Ask questions — what time did lunch happen? Did she go to bed right at 7? Did he get 30 minutes of tummy-time before his nap? Again, asking these kinds of questions may feel a bit uncomfortable, but it’s important for you to follow through on your expectations. Alternatively, consider having your childcare provider fill out a journal that you can review at your convenience.
  5. If all else fails, consider finding a new babysitter or nanny. We’re not telling you to fire your childcare provider — that’s your call, not ours! But if your babysitter or nanny just won’t stick to the schedule, and if consistency and routine is something that’s really important to you, it might be time to get a different caregiver. It may just not be the right “fit.” No doubt that your nanny or sitter may have years and years of experience, but you still want someone you can work with long-term. Again, not every family will care about consistency in the daily schedule, but if you do, then the person who cares for your baby or toddler each day needs to care about it, too.

Is this something you’ve dealt with? How have you handled it, when the babysitter or nanny won’t stick to the schedule? Share your wisdom with other moms and dads!

Working on creating a schedule for your baby or toddler? Check out Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-to” of good baby sleep. With over 40 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (for babies) or The 5 Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (for toddlers). Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and teleseminars. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations. Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a sleep plan; sometimes you’re just close to the situation or too tired to!

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How Mom Can Sleep More Now That Baby’s Finally Sleeping

Posted by on May 7th, 2013 in Sleep Training

Postnatal insomniaWhen my oldest son was a few months old, and I was deep in the midst of sleep-deprivation and “mommy fog”, I remember thinking one particular thought over and over: “If he would sleep through the night just once — just once — then I could finally get a good night’s sleep.”

But when he finally did start sleeping well, I discovered something — he could sleep through the night, but I couldn’t! Suddenly, I was the one waking up multiple times each night, unable to fall back asleep, while my son slept peacefully in his crib.

What’s that about?!

Actually, it turns out that what I experienced has a name — it’s called postnatal (or postpartum) insomnia. It often affects moms much more than dads, and it’s quite common. About 6 weeks ago, we brought up the issue of postnatal insomnia on our Facebook page, and a lot of moms chimed in to let us know this is something they struggle with.

What Is Postnatal Insomnia?

Postnatal insomnia happens when an exhausted mom, one who desperately needs rest, is unable to sleep even though her baby’s sleeping soundly. Postnatal insomnia has been linked to postpartum depression, but it can also appear on its own, without any noticeable depression symptoms.

Moms who struggle with postpartum insomnia often report that they feel on edge, and unable to relax. They anxiously lie awake and listen for their babies, afraid that if they fall asleep, they won’t hear their little ones cry. And when these moms finally do fall asleep? They’re often awoken by the slightest sounds (or even “phantom” sounds that aren’t real.) This was true for me; when I was struggling with postpartum insomnia, I’d often awake convinced that I’d heard my baby cry, only to find that he was sleeping peacefully.

How To Beat Postnatal Insomnia and Get The Sleep You Need

There’s no fast fix for postnatal insomnia, unfortunately. But if postnatal insomnia is something you struggle with, there are things you can try to overcome it:

  • Watch your caffeine intake. Limit yourself to one caffeinated drink per day, and make sure to drink it before noon. This will help ensure all caffeine is completely out of your system by bedtime.
  • Turn off all screens (computer, TV, and phone) at least an hour before bed. New research indicates that using electronics before bed is terrible for our sleep. Electronic devices stimulate brain activity (not a good thing right before bed), and some researchers have found that the backlighting from these devices may actually lower our melatonin levels. (Melatonin is the hormone that controls sleep.) Note: screen time before bed is bad for kids’ sleep, too.
  • Create a soothing bedtime routine. Take a bath, read a book, drink some herbal tea — do anything that helps you “turn off your brain” and unwind. Having a bedtime routine in place will also help signal to your brain that bedtime is approaching, and as those of you who do bedtime routines with your kids will know, that can be really helpful in promoting a good night’s sleep.
  • Consider using a white noise app, MP3, or machine. This was so helpful for me. I found that the constant hum of my white noise machine helped me to relax, and it masked all the tiny, slight noises that were making it so hard for me to sleep at night. You can also download white noise MP3′s or apps, if you’d rather not pay for a machine.
  • Try blackout curtains or eye masks. Light has never made it hard for me to sleep, but it used to drive my college roommate crazy. Even a little bit of light made it impossible for her to get to sleep! If that’s the case for you, think about investing in some good blackout curtains, or maybe even an eye mask.
  • Try deep breathing and muscle-relaxing techniques. Simple, slow, rhythmic breathing can do wonders to help you relax and feel drowsy. You can also try focused muscle-relaxing techniques to help you calm down and feel sleepy. I used this one a lot when I was struggling with postnatal insomnia: I’d slowly tighten a muscle, and then relax it. Doing this over and over really helped me to intentionally relax my muscles, and it went a long way towards helping me at least feel sleepy.
  • Ask your partner for help. If your partner or spouse is available at night, consider enlisting their help. Maybe your partner could give you a shoulder massage at bedtime, to help you relax. My husband used to scratch my back while I was trying to fall asleep, and that helped a lot. Or maybe your partner could agree to be the “on call” person at night, and listen for the baby, so that you can tune out and sleep (provided, that is, that you can trust your partner to actually wake up to the sound of the baby crying!) Even asking your partner to stay awake with you for awhile can help you feel less alone and anxious.
  • Look for herbal, natural remedies. Certain scents, like lavender and jasmine, have been proven to help people sleep longer. Certain foods can also promote sleep, like cherries, honey, and chamomile tea. Vitamin and mineral supplements can help, too — magnesium and iron are two minerals known to help promote better sleep.
  • Try non-habit forming sleeping aids. Gentle, non-addictive sleep aids like Nytol™ or Simply Sleep™ are some options to help you overcome postnatal insomnia. These sleep aids are available without a prescription and can be taken for as long as you feel you need them. Be aware, however, that the active ingredient in these sleep aids is diphenhydramine, which is also the antihistamine ingredient in Benadryl™. Diphenhydramine may dry up breast milk in some women, so nursing mothers will want to use caution when taking it.

Don’t Hesitate to See a Healthcare Provider About Your Postnatal Insomnia

Lastly (but certainly not least!), consider seeing a healthcare professional about your insomnia. In fact, if your insomnia is severe, of if it’s coupled with symptoms of postpartum depression (like mood swings, overwhelming sadness, extreme irritability, or extreme anxiety), you should probably skip the recommendations above and see a doctor right away. Postnatal insomnia is a minor problem for some women, but it can be a major problem for others.

Have you struggled with postnatal insomnia? How did you overcome it? Have any tips or advice to offer moms who are struggling with this?

Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Don’t forget to enter our Celebrating Motherhood Giveaway for your chance to win a $100 Amazon Gift Card and more!












Disclosure: The Baby Sleep Site™ is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other product affiliate programs. If you click on a product link above and make a purchase, The Baby Sleep Site™ may (but not always) receive a small commission from the company selling the product. This commission will not affect your purchase price. We only recommend products that we believe are quality products and are good for our readers.

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When Baby Sleep Books Contradict Each Other

Posted by on April 30th, 2013 in Sleep Training

We came across this very funny article last week about what you learn when you read all the baby sleep books. And, it is sooo true! So many of the books say something different, whether it’s to cry or not let them cry or to co-sleep or not. It’s tough to make sense of it all. And, really, it simply reinforces that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to helping your baby learn healthy sleep habits just like there isn’t just one type of discipline that works with every child. Even with children within the same family, their needs (whether it’s sleep needs or not) vary a lot. When my sons complain that something is different for them, rather than try to make everything equal and fair (which is impossible), I tell them “You are two different people and what’s right for him may not be right for you.”

Parenting can feel like a puzzle, sometimes, trying this piece or that piece to try to find the right fit, but once you do, it really helps your child thrive. Have no fear, we have several articles to help you try to find the right philosophy for you. Here are a few of those articles:

Is Co-Sleeping a Solution for Baby Sleep Problems?

Can You Mix Attachment Parenting With Sleep Training?

Why Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution Doesn’t Always Work

Taking the Cry out of Cry It Out

Will Your Baby Be Spoiled If You Don’t Sleep Train?

Ferber or Weissbluth?

Dr. Sears vs. Dr. Weissbluth

Warning: Babywise May Not Be For Your Baby

How to Avoid Common Babywise Pitfalls

How Crying Can Lead to Babies Sleeping

Will Cry It Out Lead to Prozac for Your Baby?

Will Cry It Out Change Your Baby’s Personality?

In the end, you know your baby best, not some author of a book. Remember, there are different learning styles, so that will include your baby learning in different ways, too. The challenge is that sometimes your parenting philosophy and your baby’s temperament don’t go hand in hand and that often leads to a lot of frustration on both your parts.

If you are too bleary-eyed to read all of these articles and the baby sleep books out there, maybe you just need someone to help you find your way. Sometimes you are just too close to your own situation or too tired to come up with a plan. That’s where a sleep consultant can come into play and the author of that funny article above may have benefited from one. But, just as different authors and different doctors have different philosophies and strategies, not all sleep consultants will be a right fit for you, us included possibly. :) You may be interested in reading our 7 Tips to Hiring a Sleep Consultant article on WorkingMother.com to help.

If you are ready to venture in your sleep journey to the better night’s rest you deserve, please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Which baby sleep books did you read? Did it drive you crazy or did it help you find your solution? Share your story!

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Breastfeeding and Baby Sleep Training — Can They Go Together?

Posted by on April 9th, 2013 in Sleep Training

Breastfeeding-Baby-SleepReaders, you probably know by now that we’re a little (or maybe a lot) passionate about sleep training at the Baby Sleep Site™. But here’s something we’re equally passionate about: helping breastfeeding moms sleep train in a way that won’t jeopardize their commitment to breastfeeding.

Nicole’s written before about the relationship between baby sleep and breastfeeding. Today, though, we’re bringing you a fresh perspective. It comes from our newest sleep consultant, Miriam. Miriam is highly qualified to speak on this subject, since she’s a certified lactation consultant with experience as a labor and delivery nurse.

We’re excited to have Miriam joining our team, and we’re especially thrilled about the expertise she’s going to be able to provide to our nursing moms!

Today, Miriam will be answering a few common questions that many breastfeeding moms have about sleep training.

Will sleep training affect my milk supply?

Miriam: It can, but it definitely doesn’t have to. And we’ll work to make sure that it doesn’t. Sleep training with Baby Sleep Site™ is very personalized. We take into account you and your baby’s unique needs and develop a plan that will help you protect your breastfeeding relationship while achieving better sleep for you and your baby.

What is “sleeping through the night”, and how does it work with breastfeeding?

Miriam: Newborns (1-4 months) are sleeping through the night when they sleep five hours at a time. Most breastfeeding mothers can go one five hour stretch per 24 hours without breastfeeding and experience no ill effect on milk supply. Newborns should NOT be left to cry it out in order to achieve this five hour stretch, however. There are other techniques that can promote this five hour stretch in the middle of the night.

Babies (5-9 months) sleep through the night when they achieve 6-8 hours of continuous nighttime sleep. Many breastfeeding mothers can go one 6-8 hour stretch per 24 hours (at 5-9 months) between breastfeedings without causing a drop in milk supply. A few mothers can go even longer.

Can I really go 6-8 hours straight without nursing? How can I know for sure that this won’t ruin my milk supply?

Miriam: You first have to determine the size of the milk storage inside your breasts. Some breasts look big on the outside but have small storage capacities on the inside. Others look small but can store a lot of milk, so it’s all about the amount of storage capacity inside the breast.

Think of your breasts like two measuring cups. Each woman has a different sized set of measuring cups. In fact, some women find that each breast is a different size! Most women find when they pump that one breast will supply more milk than the other. For instance, one breast may provide 3 ounces and the other breast may provide 4 ounces. You can pump* your breasts when they feel full to find out how much milk your breasts can store at one time. Usually you will get the most milk just before the first nursing of the day.

If pumping isn’t the best solution for you, you can have your baby weighed before and after a feeding by a nurse or lactation consultant. Many hospitals, lactation consultants, and clinics will do this for free. Babies take different amounts of milk at different feedings; so for an estimate of how much your breasts store at one time, weigh the baby before and after they’ve had one of their larger meals. Of course, your breasts are more like a river than a lake, in that the milk is constantly being made, but some breasts do store more at one time than others, and this will affect how often your baby needs to nurse.

If you are able to store 6 or more ounces in your “measuring cups,” then you can probably go 6-8 hours without affecting your milk supply. Most babies who are exclusively breastfeeding drink 25-35 ounces of milk per day. Moms who routinely store 6 or more ounces of milk in their breasts at one time may be able to feed their babies 5-6 times per day (although this also depends on the appetite of the baby.)

Remember too that some babies have reflux or small stomach capacities and cannot tolerate large amounts of milk. These babies will need to eat more often even if the moms can store a great deal of milk at one time.

* Note: If you want to pump in order to find out approximately how much milk your breasts hold, be sure to use a good, hospital-grade pump, like Medela’s. You don’t necessarily have to buy this kind of pump; you can check with your local hospital about borrowing one. Nicole used this one for a year with both boys (so two years total) and it was still going strong. Also, remember that no pump is going to be as effective at emptying your breasts as your baby, so leave a “margin for error”. The amount you’re able to pump out with a high-quality pump will be at least slightly less than your baby can draw out of your breasts. Finally, don’t be overly concerned if you’re not able to pump out much milk. This exercise isn’t meant to frighten or frustrate you!

Help, Miriam — my “measuring cups” are small! What does that mean for my baby’s sleep?

Miriam: Moms who store less than 6 ounces at a time (those who have smaller “measuring cups”) can still make plenty of milk, because overall milk production is not dependent on the size of the “measuring cups.” Your body can make plenty of milk as long as there is a place for the milk to go. Moms with smaller cups need to feed their babies more frequently to keep room in the storage space for more milk. So a mom who has a storage space of 3 ounces can still exclusively breastfeed; however, she will need to feed her baby 9-12 times per day for the entire time of exclusive breastfeeding. This is much different than a mom who can store 8 ounces and may need to feed her baby just 5 times per day. What’s important is for your baby to get the number of ounces he needs to thrive. It doesn’t matter so much if he gets that amount in 5 feedings or 10 feedings.

I only store 3 ounces of milk at a time. This means that while I am breastfeeding my son, I need to continue offering night feedings. This helps him to be able to grow well. My sister, however, can store 11 ounces of milk at a time! She only needs to nurse 5-6 times per day to maintain a supply. I’m so glad I’m the older sister and had my baby first, because my expectations would have been way off, if I had expected to only need to nurse 5-6 times per day. Our different storage capacities mean that we have different daytime and nighttime feeding and sleep routines. The great thing is that we can both have healthy, breastfed babies.

So if my “measuring cups” are small, does that mean I’m going to spend the next year being chronically exhausted?!

Miriam: Not at all! Each of us is different. Our babies are unique individuals as well. It seems a little silly to expect all mother-baby pairs to need the same schedules and routines! The good news is that all moms can get better sleep with a little help.

Even a mom like me who only stores 3 ounces at a time can still get better sleep at night. Here is a sample feeding and sleep schedule for a mom with a small storage capacity of 3 ounces and a baby over 2 months:

Wake up time 8:00am /feeding
Feeding 10:00am/nap
Feeding 1:00pm /nap
Feeding 2:00pm
Feeding 4:00pm/nap
Feeding 6:00pm
Feeding 8:00pm
Feeding 10:00pm
Feeding 3:00am

Note that newborns may need one (or even two) extra feedings between 10 p.m. and 8 a.m. After 7-9 months, the amount of feedings may drop to 7-8 if baby does well on solid food, and it is cleared with the baby’s doctor, because the baby will be replacing some breast milk calories with calories from solid foods.

Remember, if you have concerns about your baby’s growth or the number of feedings he needs, contact his doctor or a lactation consultant who can evaluate your baby in person. Keep in mind, too, that a baby’s weight gain is the BEST indicator of adequate growth.

So there it is: breastfeeding and sleep training really CAN go together. You don’t have to forsake sleep in order to breastfeed well, but you also don’t have to forsake breastfeeding in order to get some sleep! You can breastfeed and teach your baby to sleep through the night. You can breastfeed and help your baby learn to nap soundly.

That’s right, readers — when it comes to breastfeeding and sleep, you can “have your cake and eat it, too”! :)

Polling all nursing moms: have you found a way to make sleep training and breastfeeding work together? Share your wisdom with us!

Breastfeeding? Formula feeding? Guess what: sleep training can be tough either way! Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Additional Resources on Breastfeeding and Sleep:

Breast Milk Storage Capacity: What It Means and How To Measure It

4 Part Breastfeeding and Baby Sleep Series

Disclosure: The Baby Sleep Site™ is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other product affiliate programs. If you click on a product link above and make a purchase, The Baby Sleep Site™ may (but not always) receive a small commission from the company selling the product. This commission will not affect your purchase price. We only recommend products that we believe are quality products and are good for our readers.

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4 Tips When Your Baby Won’t Sleep Like Other Babies

Posted by on April 2nd, 2013 in Sleep Training

baby-sleep-habits

If there’s one thing we know to be true here at the Baby Sleep Site™, it’s this: the parenting journey is made easier when you don’t have to travel alone. When you can collaborate with other parents, sharing insights and experiences, the journey tends to feel a little easier.

But there’s another side to this, of course. When you journey alongside other parents, and you compare their experiences to yours, you may sometimes feel like you’re coming up short:

‘Her baby nurses so well — why doesn’t mine?’

‘He’s such a calm, relaxed dad. Why don’t I feel that way?’

‘Their baby almost never cries; mine cries all the time!”

And there are few things parents compare more frequently than their babies’ sleeping habits:

‘Your baby naps for two hours twice a day?! I’m lucky to get 30 minutes!’

‘Wait — you don’t have to nurse your baby to sleep? I thought everyone had to do that.’

‘Your baby started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks? SERIOUSLY?!’

It can be so easy to feel like you’re losing when you play the sleep comparison game, especially if you’re surrounded by families whose babies sleep through the night from a young age and take regular, marathon naps. So how are you supposed to handle this? What do you do when your baby won’t sleep like everyone else’s?

Not to worry, Baby Sleep Site™ readers! Today, we’re bringing you four simple steps to dealing with this kind of situation.

4 Steps To Handling The “My Baby Won’t Sleep Like Your Baby” Problem

If you find yourself facing the “why won’t my baby sleep like everyone else’s?” issue, try following this four step process:

  1. Determine what’s actually “normal”. This is an important first step. When you’re looking at other families, and comparing their babies to yours, remember that their babies aren’t necessarily an indicator of what’s standard, or average. Yes, your sister’s baby may have started sleeping through the night at 3 months, but that definitely doesn’t mean it’s standard practice for babies everywhere!

    Instead, focus on what’s considered “normal” for your baby’s age. Our sleep and feeding schedules provide an easy way for you to get a glimpse of standard, average sleep amounts for your baby. And remember, when it comes to sleep, “normal” is always a spectrum.

  2. Take your family’s unique situation into account. No two babies are the same; no two families are the same, either! Some families put baby to sleep in his own crib, while other families are proud co-sleepers. Some parents work night shifts. Some families live in multi-generational households. Some families have to contend with health issues. And the list goes on.

    Your family probably has some unique factors at work, too, and it’s important to remember that those factors may very well affect your baby’s sleep. And since your friends’ families aren’t identical to yours, it makes sense that their babies may sleep a little differently.

  3. Determine how you actually feel about your baby’s sleep. All too often, parents feel highly competitive about baby sleep: who’s doing it “better”, who’s doing it “right”. It’s easy to get swept up in that. But remember, “baby sleep” isn’t an Olympic sport. You can’t medal in it! So don’t let yourself get caught up in the competition.

    Instead, really analyze how you feel about your baby’s sleeping patterns. If your 9 month old still wakes up once during the night to nurse — does that bother you? Some of you might answer yes, but others will likely answer no. If your baby doesn’t nap at the same time each day — does that bother you? Again, some will say yes, and some will say no.

    There are two things to ask yourself here: ‘is my baby getting enough sleep?’ and ‘do I feel fine about my baby’s sleeping habits?’ If the answer to both questions is ‘yes’, then guess what? You’ve won. You’re a winner. It doesn’t matter what your mother, or your neighbor, or your best friend thinks about your baby’s sleep; if you’re okay with the your baby’s sleeping patterns (and if your baby is getting enough sleep each day), then you’ve won. Competition over.

  4. If it’s necessary, make changes to your baby’s sleeping habits. Of course, once you’ve completed step 3, and analyzed how you feel about your baby’s sleeping patterns, you might come to the conclusion that you don’t like them one bit! If that’s the case, then by all means, make changes!

    If your baby’s waking too frequently at night, then take steps to begin sleep training. If your baby’s napping is erratic and chaotic (or maybe even non-existent!), then begin creating a daytime schedule that will help her nap more regularly.

    But don’t do these things because you want to “win”, or because you feel pressured to. Don’t start sleep training out of the panic-stricken fear that “everyone else’s” baby is sleeping the “right” way, and yours isn’t. No, sleep train because you want to, because it’s something you feel is important for your baby.

Nicole’s Note:
“I have two boys, one who was a ‘hard’ sleeper and one who was ‘easier’ (not perfect). However, the ‘easier’ sleeper was a horrible teether. As they grew older, they were both ‘easy’ and ‘hard’ in their own ways. One threw stuff in the toilet and did other things like that while the other would would never do that! So, even if your sleeper is ‘harder’ that may simply mean she’ll be ‘easier’ in another way. Try not to feel the pressure that she must be ‘perfect’ or easy in every way. It’s unfair to her and unfair to you.”

It’s good to be part of a community. It’s good to have friends to walk alongside you as you work to parent your little one. (Some of those friends may be able to support you through sleep training — what a blessing that can be!) But remember that when you surround yourself with other parents, things can start to feel competitive. Guard against that as best you can, and focus on simply doing your best. If you do that (and heap as much love as possible on your little one), you can’t go wrong!

Have you felt the “your baby sleeps better than my baby” pressure? How have you dealt with it? Share your tips below!

Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

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Handling Daylight Savings Time: 3 Ways To Prevent “Springing Forward” From Ruining Your Baby or Toddler’s Sleep Schedule

Posted by on March 5th, 2013 in Sleep Training

Daylight-Saving-Time-Baby-S

Happy March, Baby Sleep Site™ readers! If you’re anything like me, you’re glad we’ve put February behind us. All that snow and ice and biting cold make the shortest month of the year feel like the longest, in my opinion.

(Of course, if you’re reading this from a tropical location right now, and freezing cold wasn’t part of your February, then I have only one thing to say to you: invite me over next February? ;) )

Now that we’ve entered the month of March, we have something besides ice and snow to occupy our attention: the beginning of Daylight Savings Time. If you’re a U.S. reader, circle March 10th on your calendars; thats the date that DST starts here. If you’re a European reader, then you have a few extra weeks — DST won’t start for you until March 31st.

Whether it’s March 10th or March 31st, however, one thing is certain: if you have a baby or toddler at home, you’ll want to make a plan, so that “springing forward” doesn’t result in too much sleep-and-feeding-schedule craziness.

And we’re here to help you make your plan! Today, we’ll explore 3 options for dealing with the upcoming time change; we’ll also review a short list of general tips for making DST easier on everyone.

3 Scheduling Options To Make “Springing Forward” Easier

What can you do to prevent springing forward from wreaking havoc on your baby or toddler’s schedule? Let’s take a look at your options:

  1. Don’t do anything. This is the best option for parents whose babies or toddlers are currently waking too early. If that’s the case, then simply “go with the flow” of the time change. Do that, and the baby who was waking at 5 a.m. will now wake closer to 6; the toddler who was rising at 6 a.m. probably won’t wake until 7. Early rising problem solved! Meals, nap times, and bedtime will also (probably) adjust themselves accordingly.

    Of course, this isn’t always an option. If your baby or toddler already has a late bedtime, then it might not be feasible to have bedtime happen a whole hour later. Or perhaps you need your child out of bed and ready to go at a certain time each morning. If that’s the case, then letting her sleep in an extra hour won’t be possible.

    This option also won’t work for parents who happen to like their baby or toddler’s current schedule, thank you very much, and don’t want to change it.

    Which brings us to option 2…

  2. Stick to your child’s normal schedule. You’re not actually doing any schedule shifting here; you’re simply observing your baby or toddler’s “old” times for meals, naps, and bedtime. So, for example, if your baby was consistently waking at 7 a.m. before the time change, then wake her at 7 a.m. after the time change (even though 7 a.m. was 6 a.m. just a few days ago.) Similarly, if your toddler was going to bed at 8 p.m. before the time change, then put him to bed at 8 after the time change (even though 8 p.m. was 7 p.m. just a few days ago.) Do the same for naps and meals.

    Make sense? This is definitely more of a schedule-oriented method than a child-oriented method, and you may find that it doesn’t work out perfectly at first. Your baby may not sleep at all when her bedtime rolls around, since her internal clock is telling her that it’s too soon for bed. Or your toddler may be sleepy in the morning, even though you’re waking him at his normal wake-up time, because his internal clock is telling him it’s too early to wake up. Same with naps and meals.

    However, after a few days (or maybe a week), your baby or toddler will probably adjust. And if you really, really want (or need) to preserve your current schedule, then this is the option you’ll probably want to try first.

  3. Split the difference. This is a nice, middle-of-the-road option for parents who can’t let DST shift their schedule by a whole hour but who also know that sticking to the old schedule won’t work. With this option, you shift the schedule by 30 minutes. So, the example scenarios would look like this: if your baby was waking at 7 a.m. before the time change, then wake her at 7:30 after the time change. If your toddler was going to bed at 8 p.m. before the time change, then put him to bed at 8:30 after the time change. Adjust naps and meals by 30 minutes, too.

    You can stick with this schedule long-term, if it works for you. But if you want to get back to your pre-DST schedule, you can do that, too. Simply go with the “split the difference” routine for a few days/weeks; then, shift everything back to its original time. So, in the above scenarios, your baby’s wake time would return to 7 a.m. (as opposed to 7:30 a.m.), and your toddler’s bedtime would go back to 8 p.m. (as opposed to 8:30 p.m.)

    This is a nice way to ease your baby or toddler into the time change. It keeps the “post-DST” schedule pretty consistent with the current schedule, but it also accounts for your baby’s or toddler’s internal clock.

Tips to Remember When Planning for Daylight Savings Time

Regardless of which option you end up choosing, be sure to keep these tips in mind as you create your DST plan:

  • Our internal clocks are powerful things. Some babies’ and toddlers’ internal clocks will be so strong, they’ll defy your carefully-planned schedule. Try as you might, you won’t be able to get your toddler into bed at 8 p.m.; his internal clock will be too busy screaming, “But it’s only 7!” And really, our adult clocks behave the same way, don’t they? In my pre-kid days, I had to wake up for work at 5:30 each weekday morning. And on Saturdays, the one blessed day each week that I had a chance to sleep as late as I wanted, guess what time I usually woke up? Yep. 5:30 a.m.

    I repeat: your child’s internal clock is a powerful thing. So respect it as you create your post-DST schedule.

  • Two things will drive your child’s schedule: sunlight and routine. Simply put, sunlight tells us it’s time to wake up (and stay awake). As we approach summer, and our days start to get longer, and our nights shorter, you may find that the extra sunlight is impacting bedtime (making it later) and wake-up time (making it earlier). If that becomes an issue, consider investing in some good room darkening shades. This’ll help keep your baby or toddler on track, sleep-wise.

    The daily routine will also help create and reinforce your child’s sleep schedule. As you’re working to adjust to DST, remember — now is the time to stick with your predictable, daily routines! Doing so will help your baby or toddler adjust to the time change faster.

  • Most children will adjust quickly, but some will take longer. Most babies and toddlers will adjust to the time change in a week or so. For some though, it may be more like weeks, with an “s”! If that’s the case with your baby or toddler, don’t panic. Simply ride out this season and trust that as long as you stay consistent, things will work themselves out. (Of course, if they don’t, you can always contact us for help!)

How are you planning to cope with the time change? What’s worked for you in the past? Share your strategies and tips with other parents!

Special Announcement: Did you know that we’re already two days into National Sleep Awareness Week? In honor of this special, sleep-focused week, we’re hosting another fabulous Baby Sleep Site™ giveaway with a $150 Gift Card to Amazon as the Grand Prize plus many other fantastic sleep related prizes — you won’t want to miss out on entering! Click here to see the complete list of prizes and to enter!

DST have you feeling anxious about your baby’s or toddler’s sleep? Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

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How To Avoid Common ‘Babywise’ Pitfalls

Posted by on February 26th, 2013 in Sleep Training

So let’s just get it out in the open right away: we’re talking about the book On Becoming Babywise today. And if you’ve been a Baby Sleep Site™ reader for any length of time, you know that’s bound to create some controversy.

We’ve written about Babywise before, and about the cry-it-out method in general. And we know all too well that this is an emotionally charged topic for many of our readers. Some of the parents in our Baby Sleep Site™ community are proponents of cry-it-out methods like Babywise; others denounce these kinds of methods completely. And many of you fall somewhere in the middle.

The purpose of today’s article isn’t a controversial one, though. This article doesn’t denounce Babywise methods (like crying it out.) But it doesn’t attempt to convert parents to those methods, either. No, we’re not doing either of those today.

What are we doing? We’re taking a look at how to apply Babywise methods properly and safely, and how to avoid some of the common pitfalls associated with Babywise.

Babywise Works for Some Families; It Doesn’t Work for Others

Before we get into some Babywise “do’s” and “don’ts”, though, let’s make one thing clear: Babywise isn’t for everyone. Here at the Baby Sleep Site™, we believe that every child (and family) is different, so there isn’t a sleep training method out there that’s right for everyone. And Babywise is no exception.

We’ve heard from lots of parents who tried Babywise methods and, for various reasons, had no success. We’ve also heard from parents who’ve used Babywise methods with great success. Recently, Baby Sleep Site™ reader Amy e-mailed us and told us not only about her own success using Babywise, but also about how helpful the techniques were for her friend:

The reason this method is so near and dear to my heart is because of a dear friend of mine. My best friend had her baby a week early, and her daughter only weighed 5 lbs at birth. The baby wasn’t considered failure to thrive, but she was very close. The pediatrician tried everything from supplementing, to medication, but nothing would really work. At 5.5 months, her daughter stopped sleeping through the night, and would only take one 20 min nap a day if they were lucky and she fell asleep while eating. By 7 months, her daughter was losing weight, now making her failure to thrive, and my friend was desperate since there was no medical reason for it. I told her about Babywise, and helped her set up a schedule, coaching her through it. At month 8 (2 weeks into the program), her daughter is now sleeping through the night, taking two 45 min naps, and gained almost two pounds!! I have witnessed what this method can do for a failure to thrive baby.

This is a good example that what doesn’t work for some families will work for others. In some situations, Babywise has been known to contribute to failure to thrive; in others (as Amy points out), it can actually help a baby overcome the failure to thrive problem!

Some Babywise Do’s and Dont’s

In the spirit of Amy’s e-mail, we wanted to remind our readers that you can apply Babywise principles (and cry-it-out principles in general) in a thoughtful, safe way. Babywise tends to be painted in extreme terms, but it doesn’t have to be an extreme sleep training method. Remember, any sleep training method is only as intense and “hard core” as you make it.

So, if you’re interested in using some Babywise methods to sleep train your own baby, but aren’t sure how to go about doing it in a way that’s both effective and safe, consider a few of these “do’s” and “don’ts”:

  • DON’T start too early. Here at the Baby Sleep Site™, we generally don’t recommend formal sleep training until a baby reaches 4 months of age. Some editions of On Becoming Babywise recommend starting earlier (as early as 6-8 weeks), but we don’t support that recommendation. Newborns need loads of sleep and loads of breastmilk or formula, so trying to impose sleeping and feeding schedules too early can be problematic (and potentially dangerous). What’s more, your baby really isn’t ready for sleep training until the 4 month sleep regression, when her sleep patterns have become more developed.
  • DO consider your personality (and your baby’s!) Babywise is built around carefully-timed schedules. This kind of schedule-oriented method can work beautifully for a mom and dad who are schedule-oriented people themselves. But those who aren’t? Those parents who tend to be more carefree, “let’s see what comes” types? Highly-scheduled methods like this may not work.

    You’ll need to consider your baby’s temperament, too. Some babies are very regular and consistent; others aren’t. Having an inconsistent baby doesn’t mean you throw the schedule out the window; it does mean, though, that you need to be more flexible.

  • DON’T check your brain and parental instincts at the door. There is no (NO) parenting book, or sleep training philosophy, that can stand in as a substitute for a parent’s own common sense. If you’re going to try Babywise with your little one, remember that you’ll need to combine the book’s recommendations about schedules and feeding with your own observations and gut feelings. For instance, if you know your baby is crying his “hungry cry”, don’t ignore it, even if the schedule you’ve created says he shouldn’t eat for another 45 minutes. Instead, use your instincts to keep your schedule in check, and vice versa.

    • Nicole’s Note:
    “The biggest misconception we’ve come across is that Babywise is too rigid with feedings and recommends too long stretches when your baby is young. While it does encourage stretching out feedings to a point, it also clearly states that if your baby is hungry before a designated feeding time to go ahead and feed him. It is important not to get too caught up in following every little thing to the letter. Every baby is different.”

  • DO honor your parenting philosophy. Some parents are just flat-out opposed to any method that’s going to force them to listen to their babies cry. That’s okay. Other parents are fine with letting some controlled crying happen, because they believe that, in the end, the benefits to the entire family can be worth it. And you know what? That’s okay, too. Know your parenting philosophy, and own it. If Babywise stands in direct opposition to everything you stand for as a parent, then forget it (and feel fine about doing so!) But if Babywise is right up your parenting alley, you can embrace that, too. If we’ve learned one thing in our work with families over the years, it’s that loving, caring families can have very different approaches to raising their children. But the “approach” matters far less than the “loving, caring” part.
  • DON’T be guided by extremes. There are those who will tell you that Babywise will have your 4 week old baby sleeping through the night. There are others who will attempt to convince you that Babywise will ruin your baby forever. Odds are, though, that neither extreme is accurate. When done properly, Babywise methods can work well, but they won’t perform actual miracles. And provided you implement them with love and care, they almost certainly won’t harm your baby.

These aren’t hard and fast rules, of course. That’s not the purpose of this article. Rather, it’s our hope that these general pointers will help you think through whether or not Babywise is right for your family. And if you decide that it is, we hope that these insights will help you apply it in a way that works well for your baby, and for you.

Have you tried Babywise methods? Did they work for your family? Share your Babywise experiences with us! And remember — let’s keep our discussion civil and respectful. :)

Whether you use Babywise or not, if you’re considering sleep training your baby or toddler, please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

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