baby co sleeping | The Baby Sleep Site - Baby / Toddler Sleep Consultants

The AAP Concludes Parents Aren’t Listening

Recently the AAP released the results of a new study that indicated many parents are not following safe sleep guidelines. Of course, I have a few thoughts on this! Read the study HERE:

My advice?

Make the sleep guidelines more realistic! If parents aren’t listening, it means they are desperate for sleep and the recommendations are falling short without the “village” we once had. Instead, tell parents HOW to co-sleep safely, if they need to. People across the globe do it! (You can read our article on Cultural Differences in Baby and Toddler Sleep.) Get rid of extra bedding, and use a co-sleeper like an Arm’s Reach bassinet. (See our article Is Co-Sleeping Dangerous? with additional discussion about the potential dangers of co-sleeping).

When we create these guidelines without creating other ways to help support parents with their child’s sleep, we are setting parents up to fail – just like I how I felt I was failing when my baby wouldn’t sleep. It’s stressful and frustrating to new parents!

Perhaps another way to help educate parents would be for sleep devices to state explicitly to put baby on their back to sleep, if they don’t already, including right there on the crib/bassinet.

We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

Need help with your baby or toddler’s sleep? Take a look at the resources below.

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Co-Sleeping: 4 Fact vs. Fiction Questions

By Emily DeJeu 5 Comments

co-sleeping fact fiction

Co-sleeping may be a controversial topic around the web (just Google the term, and you’ll see what I mean!), but here’s a fact: many, many families utilize co-sleeping at one point or another. Some families co-sleep for a brief time, out of a desperate desire for more sleep. Other families co-sleep intentionally, because the method fits well with their parenting styles.

Because so many families co-sleep, we have found it crucial to help parents sort co-sleeping fact from fiction. Keep reading for answers!

Co-Sleeping: 4 Fact vs. Fiction Questions

Is co-sleeping dangerous?

This ‘is co-sleeping dangerous‘ question is a good one, and one that has a “yes and no” answer. On the one hand, it’s true that co-sleeping is statistically more dangerous than independent crib-sleeping. When you share a sleeping area with your baby, there are inherently more variables that can put your baby at risk — pillows and blankets pose suffocation hazards, for example, and a baby sleeping on an elevated surface could fall.

That said, there is also an indication that if you follow proper co-sleeping best practices, co-sleeping can be just as safe as independent crib-sleeping.

So the verdict here is that, provided you do it safely and follow all precautions, co-sleeping can be safe. But since the precautions can prove burdensome for some families, it may be safest of all to share a room with your child but not a bed.

Will co-sleeping fix sleep problems?

We hear this question a lot, and this one (fortunately) has more definitive answer than our last question. The answer here is definitely no! While it’s true that co-sleeping can provide some temporary relief from relentless sleep problems (since you won’t have to get out of bed so often to respond to cries, and you can likely nurse your baby continuously every time he or she gets fussy), co-sleeping is not a long-term solution to sleep issues. If you want your nights to be rested and sleep-filled once and for all, you may need to work on sleep training.

Will my child want to sleep in my bed forever if we co-sleep now?

Rest assured that this is a no. 😉 Although some extremists may try to convince you that allowing your child to share your bed now means you’ll never sleep solo again, this just isn’t true. After all, I don’t know many teenagers who are keen to sleep with mom and dad!

That said, co-sleeping can create long-term sleeping habits that are tough to break. If you make co-sleeping a habit during babyhood, it may stick around during toddlerhood, whether you want it to or not. This isn’t necessarily a reason NOT to co-sleep, of course; if you want to co-sleep now, there are ways to gently stop co-sleeping later. But if you are hesitant to create a big, long-term sleeping habit (and that’s what nightly co-sleeping is), then you may want to re-consider co-sleeping.

Is having my baby co-sleep with me better than having him/her sleep in a crib?

The answer to this question is highly dependent on individual factors. I will say, however, that co-sleeping is not inherently better or worse than individual crib-sleeping. It just depends on your goals. If you want to prioritize breastfeeding, and if you want to breastfeed for as long as you possibly can, then co-sleeping may indeed be a better choice for you.

That said, if you are a working mom whose job requires that you are rested and alert – and if you find that co-sleeping doesn’t allow you to get enough sleep – then independent sleeping may be a better idea.

In the end, there is no hard-and-fast answer to this. Use your judgment to decide whether or not co-sleeping works for YOUR family, and try to tune out any extreme voices that attempt to convince you that one is always better than the other.

Co-sleeping tips? Share below, and scroll down to hear other parents’ stories! Questions about safe and effective co-sleeping? Ask, and we’ll answer!

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Co Sleeping With Baby: A Solution For Sleep Problems?

By Emily DeJeu Leave a Comment

Co sleeping tends to be a controversial topic; some parents are adamant that co sleeping is the best and most natural sleeping arrangement for all families, while others are just as adamant about the dangers of co sleeping with a baby.

All that aside, though, what we’ve found in our years spent working with tired families is that, far from being interested in the debate, exhausted moms and dads have a far more pressing about question co sleeping:

“If I co sleep, will my baby and I FINALLY get some uninterrupted sleep?”

That’s understandable – for every parent who co sleeps out of deep attachment parenting convictions, there are many more who are interested in co sleeping purely because they are sooooo tired, and will do just about anything for better sleep.

And that’s the topic we’re examining today, parents – will co sleeping work as a solution to your family’s sleep challenges? Read on for details!

Co Sleeping Versus Bed Sharing: Defining Our Terms

First, it’s important to remember that the term “co sleeping” means different things to different people. Many automatically assume that co sleeping means parents sharing a bed with their baby, but that’s not technically true. That’s actually called “bed sharing.” Co sleeping can also mean parents and baby share a room; more specifically, that arrangement is called “room sharing“.

How Co Sleeping Can Help Your Baby’s Sleep Problems

Co sleeping can, in some cases, help both you and your baby get more sleep, and can solve the problem of constant nighttime waking:

Co sleeping tends to make breastfeeding easier, as there is much less back-and-forth between rooms.
Co sleeping allows for greater soothing: if your baby is in bed with you, or right next to your bed in a bassinet, you can simply reach a hand out to offer comfort if she fusses.
Dr. James McKenna, a renowned anthropologist, points to research which indicates that babies who sleep right very near their mothers tend to fuss less and actually sleep better, due to the calming influence of mom’s smell, mom’s warmth, and the sound of mom’s breathing.
If you work full time outside the home, co sleeping can be a great way to get some quality time with your baby. And if you breastfeed, and need to nurse more frequently at night, co sleeping can make that easier.

Why Co Sleeping May Not Solve Your Baby’s Sleep Problems

It’s not all good news, however; while co sleeping is a great sleep solution for some, it doesn’t work well for others:

Some moms who try bed sharing become so anxious and paranoid about keeping the baby safe in bed that their own sleep is actual worse!
If you’re a sensitive sleeper who tends to wake at every little sound, having your baby in the same room with you may prove to be too noisy, as babies tend to make lots of little noises as they sleep.
Speaking of little noises – some parents report that their babies actually sleep worse during co sleeping, because the parents themselves are overly attentive and pick up the baby at every little sound!
If your baby’s sleep association isn’t one that can be met through co sleeping, then co sleeping may not help you much. For instance, if your baby has to be rocked to sleep, and needs that movement to fall back to sleep quickly, then even if you co sleep, you’re still going to need to get up and rock the baby after every waking.
Some parents who co sleep for the sake of convenience end up discovering that co sleeping has itself become a sleep association that they have to undo later. While this isn’t necessarily a problem – there are ways you can gently transition from co sleeping (and we have a day-by-day co sleeping transition plan in our Members Area designed to help you do just that), some parents don’t want to inadvertently create new sleep challenges by co sleeping, so they opt to avoid it and work on their babies’ existing sleep associations.

Co Sleeping Can Be A Great Short Term Baby Sleep Solution For Some Families

In our experience, many families find co sleeping to be a good short term solution; it allows everyone to the whole family to get a little more sleep at night. However, unless you have plans to co sleep long term (because you are a proponent of attachment parenting, perhaps, or for other reasons), co sleeping isn’t really a solution to your sleep challenges. Most babies who wake frequently at night and take short, inconsistent naps usually have one or more sleep associations that are preventing them from learning to self soothe. If you ultimately want your baby to transition your baby from co sleeping, and have him sleep in his own sleeping area, separate from yours, then while co sleeping can be a great temporary fix, it won’t be a lasting solution. Instead, you’ll want to work on gently weaning your baby away from his sleep associations, and teaching him to fall asleep independently – this is the process we call sleep training. And it’s a process we happen to specialize in!

One of the easiest and fastest ways to get expert sleep coaching help is to try a personalized consultation from The Baby Sleep Site^®? Your consultation will allow you to work one-on-one with an expert sleep consultant. Your consultant will craft a Personalized Sleep Plan™ just for your family, walk you through each step of implementing the plan at home, and then will support you throughout the process.

Browse our list of consultation package options here.

Once you make your choice and purchase, you will immediately receive an e-mail with your Helpdesk login information. You’ll be able to login and start your Family Sleep History form right away – it’s that simple!

Want more information about how personalized help works? Check out our FAQ page here, and get answers. You can also take a tour of the Helpdesk.

Does your baby sleep like a baby, or are you working towards “sleep like a baby” status? Share your stories and questions with us!

Our Members Area is packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! As a member, you’ll also enjoy a weekly chat with an expert sleep consultant. And the best part – members receive 20% off all sleep consultation services!

Essential Keys to Newborn Sleep Essential Keys to Your Newborn’s Sleep is THE newborn sleep book that will help you to not only improve your newborn’s sleep using gentle, sleep-inducing routines – it will also answer your feeding and newborn care questions. You can even buy a bundle package that includes the e-book AND a Personalized Sleep Plan™ PLUS a follow-up email to use for further support!

For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.

If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, I encourage you to explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.

For those persistent toddler sleep struggles, check out The 5 Step System to Help Your Toddler Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your toddler sleep through the night and enjoy a better daytime schedule.

The Co-Sleeping Campaign That Backfired Completely

By Emily DeJeu 10 Comments

To co-sleep, or not to co-sleep…that’s a hot, debatable topic these days! Of course, we work with families all over the world, who sleep in a variety of arrangements, so we pass no judgment. We make it our priority to respect every parent’s personal philosophies and goals.

But we also make it a priority to emphasize the importance of safe sleep practices. And let’s face it, when it comes to co-sleeping, there is quite a debate out there about whether or not it’s a safe way to sleep.

The Overlooked Facts About Co-Sleeping

There’s a lot we could say about safe co-sleeping, but we’ve already made those points in this article, Is Co-Sleeping Dangerous?

But here’s the thing – we have learned a lot about how and why parents co-sleep in the years since the American Academy of Pediatrics issued its warnings about the dangers of bed-sharing in 2011. The AAP went to great lengths then to issue warnings about the dangers of co-sleeping…and some states (New York and Wisconsin, for example) have taken up the call by creating their own anti-co-sleeping campaigns. The goal was to staunch the rising tide of infant deaths related to bed-sharing, and some of the tactics used in this anti-co-sleeping campaign were downright disturbing (like this image of baby sleeping next to a meat cleaver).

But it’s looking more and more like these campaigns have not only failed to make a meaningful difference in co-sleeping rates — it’s looking more and more like they have backfired…and it’s easy to see why.

For one, most of these campaigns strongly emphasize the dangers of sharing a bed with your baby – but really, sharing a bed is far, far less dangerous than parents sharing a couch with their babies, or a recliner. As Dr. Melissa Bartick shared in a recent article with WBUR, in Boston,

“As states have adopted the AAP 2011 recommendations, the advice to never sleep with your baby has backfired in the worst possible way. Rather than preventing deaths, this advice is probably even increasing deaths. Included in 2009 study that the AAP even cited in its statement for other conclusions, parents of two SIDS babies who slept with their infant on a sofa did so because they had been advised against bringing their infants into bed but had not realized the dangers of sleeping on a sofa. In fact, deaths from SIDS in parental beds has halved in the UK from 1984-2004, but there has been a rise of deaths from cosleeping on sofas.”

And it’s becoming clearer and clearer that not all co-sleeping is equal. An attachment parent who is committed to co-sleeping, and who is incredibly intentional about her family’s sleeping arrangements, is not at all the same as a parent who simply collapses on the sofa with baby on her chest, out of sheer exhaustion. So to treat ALL co-sleeping as dangerous is really unfair; we know that intentional co-sleeping, done safely and carefully, is actually quite safe indeed.

And finally (and perhaps most importantly), here’s what is most revealing about how far short these anti co-sleeping campaigns have fallen: the evidence suggests that in spite of the AAP’s best efforts, over 40% of mothers report that they frequently or always share a sleep space with their child (and it’s likely the co-sleeping stats are grossly underestimated). The scare tactics simply aren’t working.

So what does this suggest? To us, it suggests that what we don’t need is a fear-based campaign designed to terrify mothers into not co-sleeping…instead, what we need is a comprehensive system to educate mothers about how to co-sleep safely and with intention, if they do choose to occasionally or frequently (or even always) share a sleeping space with their babies.

In some ways, this is similar to the sex education that many teenagers receive in school. (Okay, not totally similar, but stick with me here!) There is lots of evidence that abstinence-based sex ed, on its own, is not nearly as effective as programs that teach both the value of abstinence AND safe-sex practices. You simply can’t terrify or persuade teenagers into not having sex, and hope that works. It doesn’t.

Similarly, you can’t terrify moms into not co-sleeping – the evidence suggests that they will anyway. So what if, instead, we focused on educating moms about what safe co-sleeping practices look like?

The fact is, as Dr. James McKenna points out, co-sleeping has been around since the dawn of time. We will never eradicate it, and campaigns that are designed to dissuade parents from sharing a sleep space with their children are bound to fail – whereas campaigns designed to educate and inform can only succeed.

How To Co-Sleep Safely

With all this talk about how to co-sleep safely, you may be wondering, “How exactly DO I co-sleep safely, anyway?” Glad you asked! These resources are great ones, if you want to educate yourself about safe co-sleeping practices:

In the end, what we want to leave you with is this: there is no “right” or “wrong” sleeping arrangement for you and your baby, provided your sleeping arrangements are safe. Safe bed-sharing, safe room-sharing, safe crib-sleeping…it can all work! And your baby can sleep well, and peacefully, in any sleeping arrangement. The Baby Sleep Site^® team is 100% committed to respecting your parenting goals, and your family’s sleeping arrangements, and we will work with you to improve your child’s sleep no matter what those arrangements look like. We will never pressure you to change you sleeping set-up; instead, we will work within the parameters you give us, and will respect them every step of the way.

Browse our list of consultation package options here.

Once you make your choice and purchase, you will immediately receive an e-mail with your Helpdesk login information. You’ll be able to log in and get started immediately!

Want more information about how personalized help works? Check out our FAQ page here, and get answers. You can also take a tour of the Helpdesk.

What are your thoughts on co-sleeping? Any co-sleeping stories or tips to share?

How Room-Sharing Affects Your Baby’s Sleep

By Emily DeJeu

When a family is expecting a new baby, one thing that’s likely high on the to-do list is setting up a nursery. That’s one of the fun parts of being pregnant, after all — buying cute nursery stuff makes up for all the nausea, leg cramps and constant trips to the bathroom! 😉

What is Room-sharing?

When setting up a nursery for your baby, you’ll probably include a crib in your plans. Whether or not your baby will sleep there, though, is less certain. Plenty of parents prefer keeping their babies (especially newborns) nearby at night. These parents often sleep their babies in bassinets near (or right next to) their own beds. This practice is called room-sharing.

Room-sharing directly affects sleep (both yours and your baby’s); whether those effects are good or bad (sleep-wise) varies from family to family. Some families find that room-sharing helps everyone sleep better; for others, the opposite is true.

In this article, we’ll explore all the ways (good and bad) that room-sharing affects sleep. However, before we continue, I should note that room-sharing and bed-sharing are not the same thing. Room-sharing is considered safe; bed-sharing, however, is inherently risky, if precautions aren’t taken. We’ll talk primarily about room-sharing in this article.

How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Good

Whether your baby sleeps in your room or you sleep in hers, there can be some definite advantages to keeping your little one close by.

It’s breastfeeding-friendly. This is especially true if you use something like the Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper; one side drops, allowing the bassinet to be pushed up right next to mom’s side of the bed. When baby is so close at hand, it eliminates the need to get up and walk down the hall, leading to faster nighttime feeds and more sleep for mom.
You can monitor baby easily. When you and baby share a room, you’re better able to monitor him throughout the night. And this makes a difference: according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, room-sharing can actually help reduce the risk of SIDS. Some parents find that having constant access to their baby throughout the night actually helps them (the parents) sleep better, since there’s no wondering if baby’s too hot or cold, or if baby’s still breathing.
Nighttime fussiness is quickly resolved. If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know by now that hunger isn’t the only reason a baby wakes during the night. Babies wake due to discomfort, or because they need their pacifiers replaced, or simply because they’re going through a sleep regression. And when baby’s nearby, it’s much easier for mom and dad to offer comfort. After all, simply rolling over and replacing baby’s pacifier is easy; walking across the house to do it (especially if you’re doing it 10 times each night!) is frustrating.

How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Not-So-Good

There are plenty of families who find that room-sharing disturbs everyone’s sleep (including baby’s).

You hear every.single.sound. This was me! When my oldest son was a newborn, he slept in a pack-n-play right next to my bed. That arrangement lasted a grand total of 3 nights. Turns out becoming a mom had given me the hearing of a bat; every little hiccup or sigh or grunt from my son caused me to wake instantly. It wasn’t until I moved him down the hall that I finally started getting some sleep! Your baby may also hear every single sound you make, which is not so good, if you have a snorer in the family or an early riser.
You might be tempted to check on baby constantly. This goes right along with the last point; when you hear every sound your baby makes, you end up checking on your baby all the time. (You know — just to make sure that sneeze wasn’t something serious! 😉 ) Not only does this wreak havoc on your own sleep; it can disturb your baby’s, too. Often, those little sights and grunts happen when baby is fast asleep; when you check on her, you risk actually waking her up.
Your baby can develop less-than-ideal sleeping habits. This dovetails with the “nighttime fussiness” point in the last section. When you’re room-sharing, it’s easy to stop nighttime crying by offering the breast (after all, how many people can sleep next to an all night buffet and not eat?), or replacing the pacifier. And that’s a good short-term solution; everyone will get more sleep on that particular night. But is it a good long-term solution? If that happens every night, your baby runs the risk of developing major sleep associations. And of course, sleep associations ultimately mean less sleep for you and, especially, for your baby.

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: there is no one-size-fits-all solution for baby sleep. Room-sharing is a perfect arrangement for some families; it’s decidedly not for others. We recommend finding the solution that allows everyone in your family to get the rest they need (including you!) That might be room-sharing; it might be something else.

Nicole’s Note:
“When my youngest was born, we planned on having him in a bassinet in our room. He *hated* it! Never slept even one minute in it. We switched to a Close and Secure Sleeper between us after that and he was so noisy! I would ‘pat him back to sleep’ even when he was sleeping! LOL That was the end of room-sharing for us with that one. 🙂 But, we have many clients who room share successfully. All babies (and situations) are unique!”

Have you tried room-sharing? Does it work for you? Share your story!

If you’re looking for ways to to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine, please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.