We’ve discussed how YOU sharing a room with your baby can affect your baby’s sleep, but what about when your baby needs to share a room with a sibling? We know that some of you have been anxiously (dare we say desperately?) awaiting this article. Fear not, we have 7 tips to successful sibling room-sharing.
Why Should Siblings Room-Share?
We know many of our readers are finding themselves faced with the task of transitioning their kids into sharing a room. And we know that for many of you, room-sharing isn’t really a choice — it’s something you have to do.
This is often the case for families who are expecting a new baby; suddenly, you have more children than you do bedrooms, and the sleeping arrangements have to change.
Or maybe you’re downsizing. This was the case for my family. A few years ago, we moved from a three bedroom home to a two bedroom rental, and it just wasn’t an option for my boys (age 2 and 8 months) to have separate rooms anymore. Some of you may even like the idea of siblings sharing a room and being (emotionally) closer growing up. Whatever the reason, these tips should help!
Sibling Room-Sharing: “Is This Going To Work?!”
The prospect of suddenly shoving two (or more) kids into a room together and expecting them to easily sleep in the same room can seem overwhelming. If your children have never shared a room before, you may be wondering how the new sleeping arrangements are going to affect their sleep (or if they’ll sleep at all!)
Take heart, readers! We know how you feel. A few of us have done room-sharing in our own homes, and we understand perfectly well the panicky “Is this going to work?!” feeling. So we compiled a list of 7 tips we think will help make room-sharing easier for everyone in your family.
7 Tips For Sibling Room-Sharing
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Create Personal Space.
One of the toughest things about having your children share a room is that all privacy disappears. While this might not bother young children, it may bother older kids a lot. If you know that the lack of privacy and personal space is going to be a problem for your kids, then work to create a private, personal area for each child, as best you can.
For example, consider buying two of everything (2 beds, 2 dressers, 2 night stands), and then creating a side of the room for each child. This creates separate spaces for the kids, and helps both feel like they have their own space. Some families have even gone so far as to string a curtain along the center of the room, so that when it’s pulled shut, there’s actually a separate (and private) area for each child.
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Honor Your Child’s Sleep Schedule.
This is especially true for those of you who are putting babies and toddlers/preschoolers in the same room. Don’t assume that just because your children are sharing a room, they also have to share a sleep schedule.
If your baby needs to go to bed at 6:30, but your toddler won’t fall asleep until 8:00, that’s okay. Put your baby to bed first, and then use the extra hour and a half to have some one-on-one time with your toddler! Read a few extra books, take a longer bath, or squeeze in some cuddle time. It’s perfectly okay for each child to have different (and separate) bedtime routines and schedules, even though they’ll be sleeping in the same room.
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Be Creative With Naps.
One of the toughest parts about sleeping your children in the same room (in my experience, at least) is figuring out how to do naptime. Naptime can be more challenging than bedtime to begin with; add to that the fact that your two children are now supposed to be napping two feet away from each other, and you might have a real problem on your hands!
If you find that your children simply won’t nap in the same room, and are keeping each other awake, you may have to get creative about the napping arrangements. My solution was always to nap my boys in different rooms. The youngest would nap in his room, in the crib, while my oldest took a nap in my room, on my bed. That worked well for our family. And there are plenty of other creative arrangements you can come up with, too. I knew a family who always had a portable crib set up in one of their bigger closets; it was their baby’s favorite place to nap!
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Get A White Noise Machine (or MP3).
White noise can help promote better sleep for everyone, but in my opinion, it’s especially useful in helping to create deeper, more peaceful sleep for kids who are sharing a room. The noises that one child makes during the night can make it harder for the other to sleep — one snores (or talks, or coughs) and wakes up the other. White noise can help solve that.
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Be Firm and Consistent.
This is good advice for parenting in general, but let’s talk about how it applies specifically to sibling room-sharing. It’s a given that putting two children in the same room is going to (at first) make sleeping harder. Your children will want to look at each other, talk to each other, play with each other, etc.
Decide early on what you’re going to allow, and what you’re not. Establish boundaries, and set limits. Some families have a strict “lights out, no noise” policy at bedtime — when the lights go out, the children have to be silent. Other families allow some talking and giggling at bedtime, but put a limit on how long it’s allowed to continue before the kids have to be silent.
My approach has been to send my boys (now ages 5 and 3.5) up to their rooms 30 or 40 minutes before bedtime. I let them play and make noise to their hearts’ content. Then, precisely at 8, it’s lights out and no more talking. This works well for us. The boys get their fill of noisy, wild play (and of each other!); then, when it’s bedtime, they’re ready to settle in and be quiet.
There is no right or wrong way to do this, of course. The only thing that really matters is that each of your children get the sleep that he or she needs. However, if you find that one child is keeping the other awake, and that both children’s sleep is suffering, make some changes to your approach.
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Have a Back Up Plan.
Sometimes, even your best-laid plans go haywire, don’t they? Even us supermoms and superdads get caught off-guard!
Maybe the baby goes through a sleep regression and suddenly starts waking during the night. Or maybe your preschooler contracts the flu and is up half the night vomiting. In times like these, it’s a good idea to have a back-up plan.When my boys were little and were first sharing a room, my youngest son still wasn’t always sleeping through the night (he was only 8 months, after all!) And so, during nights that he just wouldn’t sleep soundly, I’d set up the Pack-n-Play in our kitchen and let him sleep there. It allowed our oldest son to get the sleep he needed, and it spared me the stress of having to frantically shush and rock the baby, in the hopes that he wouldn’t wake his brother.
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Remember That Room-Sharing Gets Easier With Time.
Changing your children’s sleeping arrangements probably isn’t going to be an easy process at first. (Change never is, right?) In the beginning, your kids will probably wake more often at night, and will probably be more sleepless than usual. But know that it’s going to get better! Once your children adjust to the new sleeping arrangement, things should return to normal.
In fact, if your kids are anything like mine, once they get used to sharing a room, you may find that they can’t sleep any other way!
Nicole’s Note:
“This is an important one! If need be, do your baby or toddler’s bedtime routine in another room, if they are waking the other while getting settled for bed. Also, at different ages, your toddler may be going to bed earlier than the baby (who still naps, for example). Make sure you are ‘unfair’ to them in that you are respecting their individual needs.”
Nicole’s Note:
“We have a lot of families who need their toddler and baby to share a room. One caution I share with others is not to have them share too early. A toddler has good intentions, but they are unpredictable. She may try to feed the baby something or cover him with a blanket, for example. They can be good intentions that can be unsafe for a baby. I recommend waiting until the baby is older, if you still have a toddler who is too young to understand the ramifications. Instead, YOU share the room with the baby.”
Do your children share a room? How do you make it work for your family? Share your own tips below!
Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.
We share a house with my sister and brother in law who is a shift worker. So is my parnter. So there is often no spare room in the house to put an unsettled baby! I dilly dallyed about putting the baby in the toddlers room. In the end I just had to – parnter needed his sleep. Turns out the toddler can sleep through ANYTHING as the sleep training I’d done had turned herinto a ‘good’ sleeper. She might sit up and look at me settling her brother but rolls over and goes back to sleep. He on the other hand, can wake 10 or more times a night! At least once a week. And good night is only on d or twice and he is 13 months old. I suspect her snoring, grunting , yabbering in her sleep wakes him. I do try to have them awake in the room together occasionally if they are in good moods and let them laugh till they ventral my fall asleep. But mainly it’s best if the older child is already asleep ( 20 mins after going to bed) before putting the baby in
We have recently had to downsize to a 2 bedroom unit, and had to put my 6 month old and 2 1/2 year old in the same room. We were lucky that the baby was sleeping through the night, so havent had the problem of waking each other through the night, however we need to ensure that either one or the other is asleep first at both nap time and night time. If they are both going to sleep at the same time, my toddler gets very excited and wont stop talking to the baby. The other issue is the toddler waking the baby whenever she wakes up in the morning, luckily it is not normally till about 6:30am. This has just meant shifting the baby’s schedule to start at 6:30 rather the the 7am that she was on before.
Thank you so much for this article Emily. This is exactly what I needed to read! I have a 3 year old, and an 8 month old, and have decided to keep the younger one in our room for a bit longer, but I was wondering how I would ever get them both to sleep in the same room at a later stage. These are very practical and helpful tips, particularly the idea of using the Pack-n-Play in another room, I hadn’t thought of that. I also find white noise to be invaluable. Thanks again for your tips!!
@ Alicia Stanley — glad to hear your toddler’s sleeping soundly (even if your baby isn’t!) My oldest son is like that now; he can sleep through ANYTHING. I think having to share a room with his younger brother has helped with that, actually.
@ Kelly — YES on the toddler waking the baby too early! I remember that well. My toddler would practically be up with the sun, and of course, his first course of action every morning was to go and shout at his brother to “wake up!” They quickly ended up on the same morning wake-up schedule!
@ Melanie Thomassian — thanks for your kind feedback! So glad you’re finding these tips useful. I hope they’re helpful to you when you do put your two in the same room, and that they’ll spare you some exhaustion.
Truly, room-sharing is one of those things that gets better with time. A little rough at first, but eventually, you’ll struggle to remember what it was like before your little ones were in the same room!
We have 19 month old TWINS! Boy & Girl that have had to share a room since birth and shared the same crib til they were 5 months old. (two cribs now) Our son is a light sleeper and wakes at the smallest noise (grrrr) but our daughter sleeps like a log, can hardly wake her up sometimes. When our son wakes up and cries our daughter usually just grunts and goes back to sleep. Sometimes when we put them down for a nap they jump and “talk” to each other for a while. It’s actually good… they get the wiggles out and then finally just lay down and fall asleep. We let them work through it for a while instead of going in and laying them back down which actually is counterproductive. For those odd times when one doesn’t want to sleep we take them out of the room to have one-on-one time while the other sleeps. It seems to work for the most part but they have been on a very strict sleep schedule since birth. They know what to excpect!!!!
@ Brenda — Wow; sounds like you have the whole twins thing down pat! Good for you!!
I agree with your comment on “letting them work through it” instead of intervening at each little noise. I usually do that with my older two as well. Usually, they end up falling asleep without any intervening on my part, which I think is nicer for all of us.
Thanks for commenting, Brenda! And lots of strength and energy to you today; with twins, you surely need all you can get!
Hi there Emily,
Really, putting young toddlers to sleep once they wake up in the middle of the night isn’t that easy. I think I should try your suggestions and hope for better results.
@ Emily — I hope these tips will help make things a bit easier for you! I know they helped me in the beginning, when my boys were first sharing a room.
Good luck to you! And thanks for commenting
Hi
I’m expecting twins and I already have a son who will be 3 when the babies arrive.
Do you think it’s a good idea to have everybody in the same room? If so, from what age?
Thanks
@ Lydie — congratulations on your expected twins! Very exciting
Good question about room-sharing. At first, you’ll probably want to keep your twins and your toddler separate. As Nicole notes in the article, it isn’t always safe to have toddlers in the same room as their baby siblings; toddlers may put small toys or snacks into the crib, for example, or may attempt to cover the baby with a blanket.
However, once you feel confident that your son wouldn’t be a risk to the twins, you could consider putting them into the same room. You’d probably want to wait to do that until your twins are sleeping reasonably well at night; room-sharing doesn’t work so well if one child is up frequently during the night.
Down the road, of course, having three children in one room might get cramped (especially as your children get bigger!) But in the short term, that could definitely work.
Thanks for commenting, Lydie! And best of luck to you, as you prepare for life with three kiddos!
Hello,
We planned on having our 2 year old & baby share a room, however our 2 year will go down for naps great, but will often fight bedtime and can be very vocal about it. I have been waking him up from naps earlier to try and ensure 5 awake hours before bed. Still, some nights are great, but some are a battle.
In the last 6 months we worked on babies sleep & thanks to the advice on this site he goes down great & generally only feeds twice in a night.
Our current plan is we put baby to bed in our room & when he wakes up for the 1st feed we move him into the crib in his big brothers room. So far neither have woken each other up.
Any ideas on how we can transfer to both bedtimes in the same room? Or should I just be happy with things the way they are?
Thanks
@ Ginette — Sounds like you have a pretty good system to me! It could be that your 2 year old is going through the 2 year sleep regression (read more about it here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/toddlers/5-things-about-2-year-old-toddler-sleep/) It’s likely that his bedtime battling will pass with time.
As for your baby — things sound great, sleep-wise!
I’d suggest waiting until your 2 year old has passed the regression phase, and until bedtime returns to normal. At that point, you could certainly try doing bedtime in the same room (especially if they’re at a point now where they’re going to bed at roughly the same time.) When you’re ready to do that, you can just do one big bedtime routine that involves both kids — everyone reads a story together, etc.
It’ll probably take your kids a few nights (at least) to adjust to going to bed together, in the same room. But if you can push through that, in no time, it’ll be easy. I’d still suggest having a back-up plan, though, for those nights when your baby won’t sleep well. Maybe keep a crib (or pack-n-play, or something) in your room for a little while longer.
Thanks for commenting, Ginette! And good luck to you