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How Your Baby or Toddler’s Schedule Can Be Isolating

I’m an extrovert. Always have been, probably always will be. So much so that I occasionally take on a catering job as a waitress just to get out of the house and talk with people. 😉

Being a mom is the most amazing job I’ve ever had. And I especially love the moments when time just kind of stops and I am overwhelmingly aware of how blessed I am. It often hits me the most after another long day has ended and I’m snuggling with my girls during their bedtime routine. That is my favorite time of day…though pre-sleep coaching, I dreaded it!

I realize I am so blessed! But, to be honest, being a parent has also been super isolating as well. My kids thrive on routine. And while my husband and I used to be very spontaneous (we were married 7 years prior to having kids), our spontaneity has changed since we had children.

If you have a sensitive sleeper, you probably understand why. My oldest daughter, at 4 ½ months, was waking 8 times a night when I contacted Nicole from The Baby Sleep Site^® for help. Through sleep coaching and working with my daughter’s schedule, I was able to help her learn how to sleep well at night. However, as a baby and young toddler, she didn’t sleep well on the go. We made exceptions for special occasions (traveling, day trips), however, for the most part, she slept in her crib, where she slept best. Working my life around her naps wasn’t always convenient, and at times, made me feel stuck at home.

Some people understood my need to make sure she got enough sleep, while others didn’t quite get it.

I oftentimes had to ask myself if I was willing to pay the consequence for a skipped nap or late bedtime. Sometimes an event was worth it, though oftentimes it wasn’t. I remember going to a wedding across the country when she was 18 months. She was in a sleep regression and wasn’t napping well. To spend time with family, I was keeping her up a half hour or so late each night. When the wedding rehearsal came a few days later, she was exhausted! The day of the wedding, she woke at 4 in the morning and never went back to sleep. I tried my best to help her get a long nap that day; however by 8:00 p.m. that night, she was a wreck. We left the wedding early. Some family members understood while others told us to relax! They said, “She’ll sleep in the next morning if you keep her up!” Not my baby…not my experience. 😉

Parenting can be challenging! Making sure your little one gets the sleep they need can feel like a sacrifice. If you’re feeling stuck at home or “controlled” by your little one’s naps, you’re not alone! We, at The Baby Sleep Site^® (I became one of your sleep consultants here!), understand what it’s like to need to put your child’s sleep first, in order for everyone in the house to be happy. However, I promise this too shall pass. My oldest is 4 years old now and thinks taking a nap in the car is an adventure. She and I just traveled 1,000 miles in the car for a two week trip to see family, and it was won-der-ful! And guess what… when we stayed out late, she slept in! So, hang in there! You won’t be stuck at home forever.

Struggling with your baby’s sleep? We can help. We have helped thousands of families around the world with their babies' sleep problems, and we can help you, too! Take a look at our consultation packages, and see which one looks like a good fit for you.

Click here to see all our personalized consultation packages.

Once you purchase, you will immediately receive access to the Helpdesk, and you can set up your account, fill out your family's sleep history survey, submit it to a consultant, and get started on the journey to better sleep!

Want more information about how personalized help works? Check out our FAQ page here, and get answers. Or, read parent stories and reviews here.

Need Baby and Toddler Sleep Help? We Have the Resources You Need!

For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.

Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! As a member, you’ll also enjoy a weekly chat with an expert sleep consultant. And the best part – members receive 20% off all sleep consultation services!

Can't decide which product or service is right for you? Visit our Getting Started Page for help.

Controlled Crying – 5 Reasons Why This Could Be The Best Coaching Method For Your Child

By Daniella Knight Leave a Comment

If you have been with The Baby Sleep Site® for some time, or if you have just found our sleepy little village, you know that what sets us apart is our belief that nothing works better for baby sleep than a truly individualized approach. We don’t believe there is one method of coaching that will work for everyone. No “one-size-fits-all” solutions here! Your parenting philosophy, your child’s temperament, and your unique situation will best determine what sleep coaching style will fit best. And, it may change along the way, too! If “Cry-it-Out” is not for you, but “No-Cry” methods are not a great fit, either, Controlled Crying may be the answer. Today we will talk about controlled crying, and 5 reasons why it may be the best fit for you and your little one.

With controlled crying, (also known as Ferberizing and check and console), you essentially allow your child to fuss and cry at bedtime or at the start of a nap (or after a night waking or a too-early nap waking), but you plan to check in with your child at regular intervals. Sounds pretty straight forward, right? Here are 5 reasons why controlled crying would be the best sleep coaching method for you.

1. You Want a Method That’s Flexible
Your little one is waking up many times a night, or taking tiny naps, and you are both exhausted. You know that you need to begin sleep coaching, but you don’t know where to start. With controlled crying, you can set the rules and the method to work for you and your child, as well as tweak it along the way. One of the main benefits of this method, is that you can start as gradually as you like. For example, you can choose to be in the room during the entire sleep training process, or leave during the intervals. You can start with intervals as short as 2-3 minutes, or as long as 10 or more minutes. You can also choose how much soothing you provide when you check on your child. This can be a brief reassurance with only your voice or little to no touching, to completely calming them down with picking up and hugging. You can also try different approaches to see what works best for your individual needs.

2. Your Little One is Persistent
When we sleep coached our oldest daughter, I spent months trying to help her adapt to gentle, no-cry sleep methods. But despite my best efforts, she persisted for hours each time, and seemed to cry anyway! I know many parents out there with strong willed little ones know what I mean. With a persistent child, if mom is right there providing soothing, but what the child really wants is to nurse, or to be held, for example, nothing else will do, and there will be fussing and crying no matter how much gentle soothing you try to provide. So, in these situations, sometimes the best thing to do is to simply give your child some space to learn independently. You might be surprised it may mean less tears in the long run!

3. You Have a Full Plate
I know what you’re thinking – which parent doesn’t have a full plate? I know, you are right! Some of us are working parents with babies or toddlers in daycare, and even if you aren’t, we are performing multi-tasking feats that would put any circus juggler to shame. It’s true. But for some parents, gentle, no-cry methods would be simply impossible. I found this out when our second baby was born. For parents of more than one child, spending an hour or more sleep coaching one of them, could potentially mean ignoring your other child for that entire time completely! Can you imagine sitting crib-side nap coaching your baby for an hour while your 2 or 3 year old has the run of the house? With controlled crying you can check on your baby periodically, while still ensuring your 3 year old didn’t glitter glue the dogs’ ears together. 😉

4. You Need Results, Fast!
Yes, we would all love to be sleeping through the night and have a champion napper with just 24 hours of effort. Who doesn’t want results fast?! However, we work with a lot of parents for whom chronic sleep deprivation simply isn’t an option. There is no question that all of us are healthier, smarter and more alert with optimum sleep, but for some, being tired could be downright dangerous! So, if you are one of our families where a parent has to drive a work vehicle the next morning, or be in surgery at 7:00 am sharp, you will want a sleep coaching method that provides quicker results.

5. Your Perceptive Child Won’t Fall Asleep While You’re in the Room!
A lot of parents will tell us that they simply don’t want to leave their little ones in the room alone to cry. It’s not easy, we understand. But we have also realized that there are many children who simply won’t fall asleep with mom, dad or a caregiver in the room. If they do, it will be hours later and they will already be overtired! Some babies, especially perceptive babies, seem to endlessly want to interact with a caregiver, and do anything and everything except focus on going to sleep. If you have been sleep coaching, but your little one simply seems to be distracted or frustrated by your presence – “why aren’t you rocking me to sleep mom?,” controlled crying is likely a good fit for you.

So, there you have 5 reasons controlled crying may be the right sleep coaching method for you and your family. If you aren’t sure, we’re happy to hear your background and help you figure it out!

Are you considering using controlled crying to help your child learn to sleep independently? Have you used controlled crying as a sleep coaching method? We love to hear from you!

Baby and Toddler Sleep Resources That Work – Guaranteed!

If you are tired of wading through stacks of baby sleep books that just aren't working, if you are beyond exhausted and just can't solve your child's sleep problems on your own...than personalized sleep consulting is for you. Our team of expert consultants will create a Personalized Sleep Plan^® just for your family and then support you through every step of implementing your plan. We encourage you to consider our personalized, one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultation packages if you want to see real, meaningful results now. Your consultation package also includes ample follow-up help, designed to help you troubleshoot problems and tweak your plan as needed.

For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.

If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, I encourage you to explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.

For those persistent toddler sleep struggles, check out The 5 Step System to Help Your Toddler Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your toddler sleep through the night and enjoy a better daytime schedule.

Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! As a member, you'll also enjoy a weekly chat with an expert sleep consultant. And the best part - members receive 20% off all sleep consultation services!

Can't decide which product or service is right for you? Visit our Getting Started Page for help.

5 Tips to Fast Sleep Coaching

By Nicole Johnson

In speaking with clients, I tend to see two types of parents. One type tends to have a mindset something like “Sleep has been bad this long, what’s another month or two?” and they are fine with a slower process and expect it to take awhile before their baby sleeps better. The other type is more like “I’m at the end of my rope. I can’t take this anymore. Please help me TODAY!” Of course, there are parents in between, but this article is for those parents “at the end of their ropes (or tethers)” and need FAST sleep coaching results. You might be going back to work soon, sending the baby to daycare soon, or you.just.can’t.take.it.anymore. This is for you! Here are 5 tips to fast sleep coaching with fast results.

How to Sleep Train Fast At-a-Glance

Decide when
Make a plan
Commit and follow-through
Decide how long is too long
Re-evaluate

How to Sleep Train Fast — The Details

1. Decide When

Ideally, you would not just decide “I’m sleep training right NOW!” at a random bedtime. Ideally, you tell yourself and/or your partner/spouse, “We are starting Friday night, so we can take a nap on Saturday (hopefully!)”. Giving yourself 1 or 2 days to gear up for it and not feel like you’re “snapping” will make it more likely that you will follow through with it. So many people we’ve talked to over the years have one failed attempt abruptly at one bedtime and then are hesitant to try again. Working yourself up to it will help mentally prepare yourself, which can be a key component of success!

2. Make a plan

No matter if you are trying a gentle sleep coaching approach or full-on cry it out or anything in between, it’s best to have some type of a plan. Will you tackle bedtime first? Night-weaning? Naps? What sleep training method will you use? What schedule will you follow or will you follow a schedule? In my experience, the most successful families with sleep training already knew how they’d handle the first night-waking or when they would night-wean. “Going with the flow” can work for the most easy-going babies, but the more intense your baby, the better it is to have a plan, usually.

PRO TIP: Too tired to make a plan but need one right away? Consider one of our Express Sleep Plans^®, where a customized plan is created just for you in mere minutes.

3. Commit and follow-through

Be prepared to commit 100% to your plan for at least ONE WEEK. We can all do something for one week, right? Once you gain confidence after the first several days, I promise it almost always gets easier. With the right plan, your commitment, follow-through, and consistency, your baby can be sleeping through the night or become a pro napper in no time!

4. Decide how long is too long

At what point will you feel it’s not working? One week? Two weeks? I can tell you that REALISTICALLY, most babies or toddlers take 1-2 weeks to make more significant changes, but with these tips you can see progress in just 2-3 days, which will relieve some of the pressure on your family. Remember, your baby or toddler has had these habits for weeks, months, or years, so it will take some time to convince them to make new LONG-TERM habits, so plan to stick with it at least 1 week, preferably 2 weeks. Remember, the rate at which you will see progress is directly related to your child’s temperament and personality and your ability to follow-through and be consistent. If you would, take a moment to imagine teaching your child to tie his shoes. If you constantly give up mid-way through teaching him how to do it in order to do it for him, he will take a MUCH longer time to get faster at doing it himself. The more he does it, the faster (and more confident!) he will get at doing it himself. Same goes with working on his sleep. 🙂

5. Re-evaluate

The pace is ultimately up to you and your child. If you feel you are making little to no progress after a REALISTIC amount of time (i.e. don’t expect overnight success), it might be time to re-evaluate your sleep coaching method, your expectations, whether your child is ready, or whether your plan is right for your situation. Please don’t spend 2 or 3 months on this process without seeing even a glimmer of progress. Most of the time, there is some other reason it’s not working, if it’s taking that long. And, if you need help troubleshooting just why it isn’t working, a third party perspective may be just what you need and we are here for you!

Need Baby and Toddler Sleep Help? We Have the Resources You Need!

How to Get My 2, 3, or 4 Week Old To Sleep

By Daniella Knight

You can’t believe you are actually holding your baby in your arms after you felt them grow inside for so long. You get to feel their skin, gaze into their eyes, feed them, put on those insanely adorable baby clothes you so lovingly picked out, and bask in the glow of motherhood. It can be a magical time. But, it can also be an exhausting time. Your baby is likely feeding around the clock and the concept of days and nights may yet be a foreign thing. Your baby may sleep most of the day and night and you wish they would be awake a little longer. Or, you may have a very curious newborn, who tries to stay awake as much possible, and you may be asking yourself, “How do I get my baby to sleep?” We have you covered new moms and dads. Today we are answering the big question – how do I get my 2, 3, or 4 week old to sleep?

Let’s take a look at the 6 steps to help your 2, 3 or 4 week old baby sleep.

Life with a tiny newborn can be one big roller coaster. They need you 24/7, you likely have a lot of appointments and check-ups to go to, you are working on learning their rhythms, their personality, their preferences, their unique feeding needs, and trying to settle into a loose routine. In addition, you might even have older siblings to tend to, family and friends coming and going, and sleep might feel like a distant dream. But, sleep is very important for you and for your newborn baby. Sleep and rest are important to help mom recover and establish a good milk supply, if you are breastfeeding, and an enormous amount of your newborn’s crucial development happens while they’re asleep! To help you get you and your baby off to the best start possible, let’s review the key steps to getting your 2, 3 or 4 week old to sleep.

How To Get My 2, 3 or 4 Week Old To Sleep At-a-Glance

Develop a consistent sleep routine
Review your baby’s schedule
Consider gentle sleep coaching/training
Create a sleep plan for your family
Gather support from your village
Prepare for the next sleep speedbump

And, now for a few details…

1. Develop a sleep routine for your 2, 3 or 4 week old

Taking a little bit of time to set the environment for sleep is crucial, and part of cuing your baby it’s time for sleep. It may feel a bit silly to do this so soon, especially if your baby is sleeping most of the day. But, it’s never too early to start working on just bedtime, at least, and creating the perfect routine for you and your baby. Plus, it’s a bonus if dad, grandparents and older siblings can be a part of the process, so they learn and enjoy this special time, too. So, if you haven’t started yet, there’s no better time to begin practicing a consistent set of steps you do before bed (and eventually, at each sleep period, including night and at nap times). It is absolutely fine to keep it pretty short at this age. You might say goodnight to everyone, turn down the lights, close curtains, change your baby’s diaper, sing a lullaby, nurse or offer a bottle, cuddle the baby for a few minutes while burping, and then lay your baby down for sleep while saying a key phrase (e.g. “I love you. Time for sleep. Night night.”). As your baby grows it can be wonderful to add a story, for example, but right now it’s best to keep it brief. After all, 3 week old’s have very short periods of wakefulness and it’s important to avoid overtiredness.

2. Review your 2, 3 or 4 week old’s schedule

Having an actual schedule is likely weeks or months away, since we expect your days and nights with your newborn to vary a lot! So, we are not recommending that you have a strict schedule with your baby, right now. But, everything with newborns is connected – feedings and sleep. So, it can be helpful to start thinking of your day in terms of activities and begin laying the foundation for consistency down the line. Your baby’s hormones may not begin to normalize and enable them to stay awake more during the day for another couple of weeks or so, so it’s common to see some confusion still on your baby’s part. This means they may be awake longer during the night than during the day. Although this day/night confusion will typically go away on its own, it can be helpful if you begin to set a more consistent wake-up time, and first nap, for example. Be sure to expose your baby to plenty of light (not direct sunlight) during the day, to help the process out. What might a typical day or schedule look like you ask? Check out our sample schedules here or make your own custom schedule!

3. Consider gentle sleep training (or coaching) for your 2, 3 or 4 week old

If the previous steps haven’t seemed to make much a difference in your 2, 3 or 4 week old’s sleep and you’ve downloaded our free e-Book, 15 Baby Sleep Facts New Parents Need to Know, it’s likely your baby may have some sleep associations that need to be resolved with gentle sleep coaching. Ideally, you’d get a professional assessment of your baby’s sleep challenges, but if you feel certain a dependence on parental help could be part of the issue, then you may want to consider gently sleep coaching your baby towards more independent sleep. This essentially involves helping your baby learn to fall asleep with less help from you – at this age it would be an extremely gradual process and with a lot of reassurance and comfort from you along the way. We expect most babies this age to need significant help going to sleep, but even now, certain habits may be difficult to maintain. This likely means that we may be working toward only minor changes to begin with. But even minor changes can make a big difference for a struggling mom and baby. For example, a common goal at this stage may be that you are trying to help your baby learn to fall asleep while in his bassinet for some sleep periods, rather than being held by you or sleeping on you for all of their sleep times. It can be hard to hold a newborn to sleep all day when you have an active older sibling, as an example. Given your baby’s age and our experience, however, we do feel strongly this should be done using a very hands-on, gentle sleep coaching method which limits crying.

Not sure where to begin? Check out Gentle Sleep Training Explained + 5 Strategies

4. Create a plan for your 2, 3 or 4 week old

If gentle sleep training is something you are considering, it will be important to figure out what to do next. Some of us are planners and others do fine just jumping in. If you are not a planner, you can certainly skip this step, but newborn parents are usually so exhausted and overwhelmed, that maybe a plan is just the ticket. After all, it’s hard to know how to get to where you’re going without a travel plan. Make the plan as detailed as you want it, but having a step-by-step plan helps you stay on track, committed, and consistent. Remember that things are not likely to go very quickly at this age, so it’s important to take it one step at a time, but not lose sight of your overall goals. Not sure where to begin or need help creating your baby’s sleep plan? Consider making your own sleep plan or letting us create a Personalized Sleep Plan™ for you and your baby.

**5. Get support for your 2, 3 or 4 week old’s parents (you!)**

We always hear that “it takes a village” to raise a child, but gone seem to be the days where we have a lot of help nurturing our babies (and ourselves!). I don’t know about you, but my mom came out for only one week when my first baby was a newborn, and that was about it. My husband and I were largely on our own. No Aunts to regularly hold the baby while I took a nap or enjoyed a (hopefully hot) meal. So, getting through lack of sleep during this 2, 3 or 4 week old period can be tough without much support. We sometimes have to recruit our own village. Consider hiring a sleep consultant or asking your partner, friends, or family members to help you implement your sleep plan. Having a support system in place can make all the difference in the world in reaching your sleep goals!

6. Prepare for your 2, 3 or 4 week old’s next speedbump

Whether you’ve already made some progress getting your 2, 3 or 4 week old to sleep a little better, or you’re just starting on your journey to better baby sleep, it’s important to keep in mind what’s coming next. Why? Because babies are growing and changing at an incredible rate! Every day your newborn is likely to surprise you. So be prepared and make sure you plan ahead, and have a game plan in place, before the next sleep challenge emerges. Around 6 weeks your baby is likely to go through a growth spurt, and at 3 to 4 months old your baby may begin to experience their first sleep regression. What’s a “sleep regression” you ask? Now is also the time to start thinking about how you’ll help your baby through any potential setbacks (teething, travel, and illness are BIG ones!) – sometimes the key to overcoming or even avoiding setbacks is knowing when they are likely to happen, what is happening when you experience a sleep change, and having a game plan in place for how you’ll get through them!

So, is your 2, 3 or 4 week old sleeping well for their age? Or, maybe it’s time to learn how to get your 5, 6, or 7 week old sleeping?

Why It Makes Sense to Get Help with Your Baby’s Sleep

By Daniella Knight

When I knew I was going to become a mom for the first time, knowing I would be away from most of my family, I devoured all the books I could find on pregnancy, birth, the newborn stage and beyond. It helped me feel more prepared overall, but everyone kept reassuring me that everything would be just fine…that my baby and I would settle into a rhythm – naturally. But not everything did come naturally. We needed help with feeding and tackling reflux, but, most notably, we needed help with sleep! As my little girl grew and her sleep did not improve, I was left alone and confused. With my “village” living so far away, I tried to fix things on my own for far too long.

But you don’t have to feel alone, tired and confused. Being part of The Baby Sleep Site^®‘s sleepy little village helped me see I was not alone, and empowered me to tackle my daughter’s sleep problems once and for all. If you have a challenging sleeper and have not been able to improve your little one’s sleep on your own, read more here about how you can grow your village and get some help!

As the years have passed, I still ask myself why it took so long for me to get help with my baby’s sleep. It’s possible that part of me felt that I was “supposed” to be able to figure it out on my own, and that if I couldn’t, it meant something was wrong with me – or my baby! And, I absolutely did not want that to be true. In my mind it was okay that I needed the lactation consultant to help me with breastfeeding, and our doctor to help with reflux and eczema. But, when it came to sleep, my pediatrician told us to close the door and not go in until morning. My husband and I were just not comfortable with that. So, we read about gentle sleep coaching methods and tried some. Unfortunately, we had no idea what to expect and had no plan of action, and in the end didn’t see much in the way of results. It was heartbreaking and I was starting to lose faith.

I knew that we needed serious help, but it was a pretty big investment for us, and I was skeptical that it would pay off. Why was getting help from a professional consultant with my baby’s sleep such a difficult step to take when it hadn’t been hard to get help from my doctor and lactation consultant? I mean, when I got serious about losing weight I enlisted the help of a nutritionist. When I was having a hard time getting in shape on my own I enlisted the help of a personal trainer. When I struggled with moving past my grandmother’s death, I enlisted the help of a therapist. These knowledgeable professionals became a cornerstone of my support system… and my village. They helped me sort through the confusion that often paralyzed me – “should I eat carbs or should I not eat carbs?” And they helped me find solutions that were right for me, like complementing yoga with strength training.

When I finally took the plunge and got professional help with my daughter’s sleep, I wanted to kick myself for waiting so long. Having a real village of knowledgeable sleep coaching experts behind you who are there to provide guidance and support during the whole process; who help you pinpoint exactly where the issues are and how to tackle them; who help you set realistic expectations and stick to your plan of action; and who cheer you on as you succeed – was more than I ever thought I was signing up for. But I am so glad I did! I have learned that sleep does not come naturally to every baby – or even to most babies! And, just because our village of family and friends may be far away, we don’t have to face this challenge on our own. It is okay to reach out for help, and every exhausted family deserves the gift of better sleep. I consider myself SO lucky to be a Sleep Consultant now, and help tired families find their best sleep!

Have you ever felt alone in tackling your baby’s sleep problems? We would love to hear from you! If you are feeling alone right now, reach out and our village is here to help! The fact is that parents who hire us to create a Personalized Sleep Plan^® for them have higher rates of success than those who attempt to go it alone. Why? Because our consultants bring decades of experience and insight to your consultation – we have worked with literally tens of thousands of families! All that experience combines to create a Personalized Sleep Plan^® that is guaranteed to equal sleep training success. You can check out our consultation packages here.

Want more information about how personalized help works? Check out our FAQ page here, and get answers. You can also take a tour of the Helpdesk here to see how the whole process comes together.