Tag Archives: toddler sleep training

5 MORE Things You Need To Know About Baby and Toddler Naps

Posted by Emily DeJeu on June 4th, 2013 in Baby Naps

Last month, we brought you a napping “cheat sheet” — 5 things you need to know about your baby’s or toddler’s naps. Since many of you found that nap list so helpful, we’re bringing you a new one this month — 5 more things you need to know about baby and toddler naps (it’s amazing how much there is to share about baby sleep! ).

Let’s dive in!

**5 More Things You Need To Know About Baby and Toddler Naps**

On-the-go, “moving” naps aren’t as restorative as naps that happen at home, in bed. This might come as a bit of a surprise, but it’s true — naps that happen “on the go” (in a moving car, for example, or in a moving stroller or shopping cart) aren’t as restorative as naps that happen on a non-moving surface (like a bed). They aren’t as long, for one thing, and during a “moving” nap, your baby’s or toddler’s sleep won’t be as deep. The occasional on-the-go nap isn’t a big deal, of course; sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. But if the majority of your baby’s or toddler’s naps are happening in the car, or in a stroller, you may need to rethink your daytime routines and schedule.
It’s possible for your baby or toddler to nap too much. Yes, we realize that this particular “problem” doesn’t plague most of you. But it’s true; some babies and toddlers nap too much, and it negatively affects their nighttime sleep. How much nap time sleep is too much? You can check out this article for details, but here’s a fast breakdown:
*INFANT STAGE (birth – 4 months) — newborns will sleep 14-18 total hours during the day. To maximize nighttime sleep, limit naps to two hours, and try to keep your baby awake for 30 minutes between naps.

*BABY STAGE (4-12 months) – babies need 13-15 total hours of sleep during the day. 2-4 of these hours should be naps (depending on how much sleep your baby is getting at night.)

*TODDLER STAGE (12 months – 3 or 4 years) – 1-3 hours of total naptime is considered normal and healthy.
Educate yourself on when common nap transitions occur, and how to manage them. Nap transitions are likely to occur at the following times:
*3-4 MONTHS – baby transitions from 5 naps to 4.
*5-6 MONTHS – baby transitions from 4 naps to 3.
*8-9 MONTHS – baby transitions from 3 naps to 2.
*15-18 MONTHS – toddler transitions from 2 naps to 1.

As for how to handle these nap transitions? Be sure to read through this article from some hands-on, practical tips on how to manage them well.
If a nap just isn’t happening, know when to give up and try again later. We end up dispensing this advice quite often to our consultation clients who we are working on nap training: don’t waste too much time trying to make a nap happen. After about an hour, it’s okay to give up and wait for the next nap window to come along before trying again. No sense in spending 3 hours trying to force an afternoon nap to happen — at that point, you’re probably closer to bedtime than you are to naptime!
When your toddler is finally done taking naps, consider replacing nap time with “rest time”. It’s always a little sad when your toddler finally ages out of his naps. Gone are those one or two hours of peace, when mom or dad could get some work done, catch up on chores, or take a nap themselves! However, the end of nap time doesn’t have to mean the end of your afternoon peace and quiet. Simply replace nap time with rest time. I’ve done this with my boys (and Nicole did it with hers), and let me tell you — it’s a beautiful thing.
What does rest time look like? That will vary from family to family, of course, but here’s how rest time goes in my house: after lunch, my boys retire to separate rooms, where they’re allowed to read books, do puzzles, and play quietly with toys. It usually lasts about an hour (although on days when I feel like I’ve used up all my patience and sweetness by noon, it lasts a bit longer! ) My boys are past the toddler years now; one’s a preschooler, and one’s in kindergarten. But this is the nice thing about rest time — it can extend well into the elementary school years. Win!

This time of solitude is good for your child; it gives her time to unwind. It also gives her a chance to learn how to occupy and entertain herself, which (in my opinion, at least) is a great skill for a child to have. And, of course, it gives you a much-needed break in the middle of the day.

As always, if you need help working through your baby’s or toddler’s napping problems, we’re here for you! We offer an e-book devoted entirely to helping parents overcome their babies’ or toddlers’ napping issues; take a look!

Are you working through any of these nap situations? Any tips or advice to offer other parents who are struggling with naps? Chime in and let us know by commenting below!

Ready to get your baby or toddler napping like a champ? First, make sure you are not making those pesky 7 Common Napping Mistakes and/or check out Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-to” of good baby sleep. With over 40 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (for babies) or The 5 Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (for toddlers). Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and teleseminars. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations. Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a sleep plan; sometimes you’re just close to the situation or too tired to!

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When Your Babysitter or Nanny Just Won’t Stick To The Baby’s Schedule

Posted by Emily DeJeu on May 28th, 2013 in Sleep Training

Those of you who rely on the aid of a babysitter or a nanny to help you care for your little one know what a blessing it can be to have childcare help. Raising a child is hard, hard work, after all! And while many cultures around the world consider it the norm to have extended family help with childcare, that’s not usually the case in the Western world. Here in the West, many parents are often alone in their child rearing.

So having the help of a babysitter or nanny can be a real godsend! But what happens if your babysitter or nanny, well-meaning though he or she may be, simply won’t stick to your carefully-crafted schedules and routines? If that’s your situation, then having a babysitter or nanny may not feel so helpful after all when it comes to helping your baby or toddler get the rest she needs.

Why Your Routines and Schedules Matter

If you’re a Baby Sleep Site™ regular, then you probably already know why we think schedules and routines are important. Simply put, babies and toddlers thrive on consistency and predictability. Most babies and toddlers like to know exactly what’s happening, and when it’s going to happen. And consistency is key when you’re sleep training especially. If you’re working towards helping your baby learn to sleep through the night, or towards helping your toddler overcome her sleep challenges, then having predictable and consistent schedules and routines is a critical component.

And if you’re working on getting your baby or toddler to nap well? Oh, yes…you’re going to want to have a predictable daily routine going, in order to encourage consistent naps!

This isn’t to say that routines and schedules are important to every family — they’re not. Some families are more on-the-fly with their daily activities, and that’s okay! But most of the families we work with prefer to stick with consistent daily routines, so for these families, having a babysitter or nanny who doesn’t observe the schedule is a problem.

5 Steps To Take When Your Babysitter or Nanny Ignores the Schedule

If you’re a schedule-oriented parent, yet your child’s babysitter or nanny (and sometimes a spouse, actually) just won’t stick to the routine, what exactly should you do about it? Below are 5 steps we suggest taking to solve this problem:

Evaluate your expectations, and make sure they’re reasonable. This is an important first step. Are your expectations about schedule-following reasonable, or are you asking too much of your babysitter or nanny? Remember, even the tightest, strictest schedules need to have some flexibility built in. Life happens! Our little ones get sick, go through bouts of teething, experience sleep regressions…there’s a lot of unpredictability built in to your child’s early years.
So it’s important that you offer your babysitter or nanny the option to be flexible, and to bend the schedule when necessary. Obviously, this will require some trust on your part, and some discernment on the part of your babysitter or nanny. But be sure you’re extending your childcare provider the same kind of flexibility that you’d extend to yourself.

A sidenote about evaluating your expectations: if you’re working on sleep training, and you’re using any form of the cry-it-out method, be aware that it can be challenging to ask other people (like your babysitter or nanny) to do this with you. Nobody enjoys the sound of a wailing baby, and while you may be able to tolerate it, your babysitter or nanny may not. I speak from experience here. When my oldest was a baby, my family briefly lived with my parents. I was working on sleep training at that time, and I was trying some (modified) CIO with my son. My mom could. not. handle. it. It was making her frantic, having to listen to my son cry for even 30 seconds. It became a point of contention between us. So just know, moving forward, that this scenario can be tough.
Clearly explain the schedule, as well as your expectations. This might seem obvious, but it’s important that you clearly outline the schedule for your babysitter or nanny. Don’t take anything for granted here — don’t expect your childcare provider to “just know” what the schedule is, and how to follow it closely. Instead, take the time to explain the schedule in detail. Write it down and put it in a visible place in your home, so that there can be no confusion about what’s supposed to be happening when.
What’s more, you’ll need to explain your expectations regarding the schedule. Conversations like this can be a bit uncomfortable (at least, they are for conflict-avoiders like me!), but don’t shy away from this. People in any job (childcare or otherwise) tend to perform better when they know exactly what’s expected of them, and when a definite standard has been set.
Share why consistency in following the schedule is important to you. This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. Share with your babysitter or nanny why it’s so important to you that they stick to the schedule. Direct them to this site, if necessary! If your babysitter or nanny understands the philosophy behind your schedule-oriented approach, he/she may be more likely to “get on board”, and to make consistency a priority each day.
Check in regularly, to determine how things are going. Once you’ve laid out your schedule for the babysitter or nanny, and explained how and why you want it to be followed closely, you’ll need to follow up. Ask questions — what time did lunch happen? Did she go to bed right at 7? Did he get 30 minutes of tummy-time before his nap? Again, asking these kinds of questions may feel a bit uncomfortable, but it’s important for you to follow through on your expectations. Alternatively, consider having your childcare provider fill out a journal that you can review at your convenience.
If all else fails, consider finding a new babysitter or nanny. We’re not telling you to fire your childcare provider — that’s your call, not ours! But if your babysitter or nanny just won’t stick to the schedule, and if consistency and routine is something that’s really important to you, it might be time to get a different caregiver. It may just not be the right “fit.” No doubt that your nanny or sitter may have years and years of experience, but you still want someone you can work with long-term. Again, not every family will care about consistency in the daily schedule, but if you do, then the person who cares for your baby or toddler each day needs to care about it, too.

Is this something you’ve dealt with? How have you handled it, when the babysitter or nanny won’t stick to the schedule? Share your wisdom with other moms and dads!

Working on creating a schedule for your baby or toddler? Check out Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-to” of good baby sleep. With over 40 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (for babies) or The 5 Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (for toddlers). Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and teleseminars. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations. Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a sleep plan; sometimes you’re just close to the situation or too tired to!

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5 Things You Need to Know About Baby and Toddler Naps

Posted by Emily DeJeu on May 14th, 2013 in Baby Naps

We’ve written quite a bit about baby and toddler naps here on the blog, so if you’ve been following our site for awhile, you’ve had the chance to read a lot of baby and toddler nap tips and tidbits. But, some of you are new moms or new to The Baby Sleep Site™ and we strive to educate all of our parents on the importance of good sleep and how to achieve it!

Today, we’re presenting you with 5 must-know facts about your baby’s or toddler’s naps. Think of it as your nap “cheat sheet”. And we’re not stopping here; look for another post in the near future with 5 additional baby and toddler nap tips.

5 Things You Need To Know About Baby and Toddler Naps

The first nap of the day is the most important. This isn’t to say that other naps aren’t also important. But the first nap of the day tends to be the most restorative, setting the tone for the day, and it’s generally the one that produces the best sleep for babies and young toddlers. (Note the generally there — this isn’t true for everyone!) So what does this mean for you? Make that first nap a priority. If you have errands to run, run them in the afternoon, if possible. Schedule appointments for the afternoon, if you can.
Most babies don’t transition to one nap at 12 months; most transition to one nap between 15-18 months. There seems to be a prevailing opinion out there that at the one year mark, babies should suddenly transition from two naps to one. And some will, with no problem. But we’re here to tell you that making the 2-to-1 nap transition at 12 months isn’t the norm for most babies. In fact, most babies aren’t ready to move to one nap a day until 15-18 months. While it’s possible that your baby will be ready to make the transition at 12 months, we usually urge families to wait until closer to the 15-18 month window before making this shift.
Most 6 month old babies aren’t ready for just 2 naps per day; most still need 3 (or even 4). Just as there’s a misconception that all 12 month old babies are ready to transition to one nap per day, there’s also a misconception that 6 month old babies are ready to transition to just 2 naps each day. We think this misconception is at least party due to a recommendation that Weissbluth makes in his book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. In the book, Weissbluth states that only 16% of babies need a third nap after 5 months. Keep in mind this statistic came from a study of a limited number of children.
We are not discounting Weissbluth’s studies, but we do take it with a grain of salt, since all babies vary in their ability (particularly mood-wise) to stay awake for long periods of time. In our extensive work with families, we’ve found that far more than 16% of babies appear to need 3 naps at 6, 7, even 8 months of age. Therefore, we usually tell parents not to rush into a 2 nap schedule with their 6 month old babies. Doing that increases the chances that their 6 month olds will become overtired, which will in turn affect their night sleep. We’ve found it’s better to stick to a 3 nap schedule (or even a 4 nap schedule) and then gradually transition to a 2 nap schedule around 8 months.
Your child’s nap needs will change greatly between birth and 18 months. Greatly. This just makes sense if you think about it — newborns nap pretty much constantly during the day, while an 18 month old needs just 1 nap. That’s a lot of change during a relatively short period of time!
So, how many naps does your baby or toddler need in the first 18 months of life? You can read this article for detailed information, but here’s the short version:

*1-3 MONTHS – 4-5 naps per day, depending on how long his naps are and how long he can stay up between naps.

*3-4 MONTHS – 4 naps.

*5-8 MONTHS – probably 3 naps (though some will need 4 until after 7 months). A few babies will only have 2 naps at a very young age, but those naps are usually long.

*9-15 MONTHS – 2 naps. Some babies will transition to 1 nap at 12 months, but that’s not common.

*15-18 MONTHS – 1-2 naps. The transition from 2 naps to 1 usually happens in this window of time.

*18 MONTHS-4 YEARS – 1 nap. The age to transition away from all napping varies a lot, from 2 to 5+ years old, but the average age is between 3 and 4 years old.

Nicole’s Note:
“But, of course, my son was very NON-textbook. He had 4 naps until 7 months old, because he simply could not stay awake longer than 1 hour 15 to 30 minutes without turning into Senor Cranky Pants! It was simply NOT fun to even try. So, I rolled with it and he stayed home all day pretty much until he seemed to change overnight, taking 3 naps at 7 1/2 months old. He then dropped to two naps a short month later at 8 1/2 months. It happened so fast! He also transitioned to one nap early and away from napping early. I would never have guessed that based on our first 7 months. So, if your baby is struggling with staying awake for long periods, he’s not alone and it could change fast for you, too! ”

If your baby or toddler sleeps well at night, that doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll nap well during the day. Remember, nap sleep is different than night sleep. Naps happen during daylight hours, when the sun’s up and when it tends to be noisy and busy. External factors like that can make it hard for a baby or toddler to nap well. And many families struggle with keeping a consistent daily nap routine in place — because life tends to get in the way! That, too, can make it hard for a baby or toddler to nap consistently. Contrast that with nights — it’s dark, it’s (usually) quiet, and everyone is (usually) at home. That at least partly explains why many babies and toddlers who sleep just fine at night struggle with their naps.

Don’t forget, if you need help working through your baby’s or toddler’s napping problems, we’re here for you! We offer an e-book devoted entirely to helping parents overcome their babies’ or toddlers’ napping issues; take a look!

Which of these 5 things are you currently working through in your house? Any nap-related info you’d like to contribute to our “cheat sheet”? Add your voice to the conversation by commenting below!

Tagged baby nap, baby nap transition, baby sleep patterns, baby sleep regression, baby sleep schedule, baby sleep training, getting baby to nap, getting toddler to sleep, helping baby sleep, how to get baby to nap, sleep regression, sleep training toddler, toddler nap, toddler nap schedule, toddler not sleeping, toddler sleep regression, toddler sleep training | 30 Comments

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Your Toddler’s Sleep Regressions Explained

Posted by Emily DeJeu on April 23rd, 2013 in Toddlers

Baby and toddler sleep is an ever-shifting, ever-changing thing, isn’t it? Just when you think you’re done with sleep training, done with nap time drama, done with night wakings — you find out you’re not. Something happens (an illness, a bout of teething, a vacation, etc.), and everything falls apart.

And it’s so discouraging. So normal, but so very, very discouraging.

Sometimes, you can trace the blip in your little one’s sleep to an obvious factor (like a recent vacation, for example.) Other times, though, the blip seems to come out of nowhere. In cases like that, you can usually blame a sleep regression.

We’ve written about sleep regressions pretty extensively, so if you’ve been reading The Baby Sleep Site for any length of time, you probably know at least a little bit about when they happen and what they are.

In today’s article, we’re going to put aside the “baby” sleep regressions (the ones that happen at 4 months and at 8, 9, or 10 months) and focus on the two toddler sleep regressions. We’ll look at when the two most common toddler sleep regressions happen, why they occur, what kinds of problems they cause, and how you can cope.

What are Toddler Sleep Regressions, and When Do They Happen?

Most people use the term “sleep regression” to mean that a baby or toddler, who’s been sleeping well, suddenly (often without any warning) begins waking frequently at night and/or refusing to nap during the day. These regressions usually last for a period of time (anywhere from 2 – 6 weeks); then, your baby or toddler’s sleep should return to its normal patterns. (The exception to that rule is the 3/4 month regression; those changes to your baby’s sleep patterns are permanent.)

There are two regressions that happen during toddlerhood: one happens around 18 months, and the other happens right around the 2 year mark.

A Look At the 18 Month Sleep Regression

All sleep regressions can be traced to a baby’s physical and mental development at that particular stage. At 18 months, some of these physical and developmental milestones contribute to the sleep regression:

Teething (many toddlers are cutting their 4 canine teeth around 18 months)
Separation anxiety (this tends to peak and be at its worst from 10-18 months)
Growing sense of independence (18 month olds are learning to exert their own wills, and are likely to resist doing something they don’t want to do — like going to bed)

Truth be told, the 18 month regression is a really, really tough one. Why? Because as we’ve written before, there’s a “discipline factor” involved in this regression that wasn’t part of the earlier sleep regressions:

Being sleep-deprived always makes parenting harder. Add to this the fact that your 18 month old is likely starting to throw temper tantrums and exhibiting plenty of defiant, oppositional behavior, and parenting can seem downright impossible! The stress of dealing with your toddler’s behavior compounds the exhaustion you’re already feeling.

What’s more, these two elements (your toddler’s newfound sleeplessness and your toddler’s oppositional behavior) can end up influencing each other. Your toddler’s willful behavior can lead him to refuse naps or to shriek stubbornly for you each time he wakes at night. And of course, the lack of sleep caused by this regression can make your little one cranky, which leads to more tantrums and temper fits.

For more details about the 18 month sleep regression, check out this article.

A Look At the 2 Year Sleep Regression

The 18 month sleep regression is tough, but the 2 year sleep regression is no picnic, either! There are a number of factors that contribute to your 2 year old’s sleep regression:

Awake time is getting longer (this explains why your 2 year old’s sleep schedule may suddenly start falling apart)
Separation anxiety may resurface (separation anxiety tends to improve after 18 months, but it may suddenly re-appear when your toddler is about 2)
Naps may suddenly stop (we usually advise parents to treat their 2 year old’s naptime resistance as a phase, and to avoid eliminating naps altogether)
Big transitions may be happening at home (many 2 year olds are facing transitions like moving to a big kid bed, awaiting the birth of a new sibling, or potty training — and all of these transitions disrupt sleep)
Nighttime fears appear at this age (your imaginative 2 year old may suddenly feel afraid of the dark, or of monsters in the closet, and that can affect naps and bedtime)

For more details about the 2 year sleep regression, check out this article.

How to Deal with Toddler Sleep Regressions

There’s no “cure” for sleep regressions, unfortunately. But there are ways you can work to minimize your toddler’s sleeplessness (and your own!):

Set clear boundaries and limits with your toddler, especially at nap time and bedtime. This will help nip any sleep-related tantrums in the bud.
Don’t rush into altering your toddler’s schedule, or dropping naps. Sleep regressions do pass eventually, and as Nicole has pointed out in past articles, it usually isn’t a good idea to create new, long-term habits for a short-term phase.
Do your best to remain consistent, and remind yourself that this phase won’t last forever.
Be careful about chalking everything up to this sleep regression (or any other regression phase, for that matter!) If you’ve spent the last year and a half waiting for your “baby” to outgrow her poor sleep habits, you’re dealing with more than just a sleep regression. Instead, it may be time for you to tackle your toddler’s sleep issues head-on.

How did you cope with the 18 month or 2 year sleep regressions? Share your tried-and-true tips with the rest of us!

Sleep regressions wearing you out? Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of Toddler Sleep Secrets, our e-Book offering tips to help your toddler sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Tagged toddler nap, toddler naps, toddler not sleeping, toddler schedule, toddler sleep, toddler sleep help, toddler sleep issues, toddler sleep patterns, toddler sleep problems, toddler sleep regression, toddler sleep training, toddler sleeping problems | 27 Comments

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How (and When) To Transition Your Toddler From a Crib to a Bed

Posted by Emily DeJeu on March 12th, 2013 in Toddlers

Here’s a common toddler-related question we hear often:

“When should I transition my toddler from his crib to a ‘big kid’ bed? And how exactly am I supposed to do it?!”

Is that a question that’s been on your mind lately? If so, never fear — it’s the question we’re answering in today’s article!

When To Transition Your Toddler From Crib to Bed

First, let’s tackle the “when” of making the crib-to-bed transition. There’s no easy answer to this one — ages for making this transition vary from family to family. However, it’s interesting to note that the average age for making the switch from crib to bed is between 3 and 4 years.

Typically, we here at The Baby Sleep Site™ recommend that you don’t rush into making this transition. Why? Because once you remove those crib bars, you remove your little one’s bedtime boundaries. And that can cause problems. Your little one may take advantage of her newfound freedom, and play the “jack-in-the-box” game with you, popping out of bed every time you turn your back. That can be exhausting.

So don’t rush into making this switch; if your little one is doing fine in her crib, then leave her there. If you can wait to make the transition until your toddler is older than 2, then it’ll probably be easier on everyone. (Emphasis on the probably — we’re not making any promises!)

However, if the crib just isn’t working anymore, it may be time to make the switch. For instance, if your toddler is routinely climbing out of her crib, and you feel that her monkey-like antics are starting to become dangerous, consider switching her to a big bed (particularly if she’s past 2 years old).

Or maybe your toddler is just plain too big for his crib. If that’s the case, then it may be time to switch to a big kid bed (again, particularly if he’s past 2 years old.)

Of course, your desire to make the transition may have more to do with you — if you’re expecting a new baby, you may need to transition your toddler out of the crib so that you have it free for the new baby. Again, if your toddler is past 2 years old, then make the switch; if not, then consider getting 2 cribs. We did that in my house for a bit — my oldest son was 19 months old when my second son was born. We used 2 cribs for 6 or 7 months, until my oldest was ready for a bed.

Nicole’s Note:
“The biggest issue here is that even IF your toddler understands he is supposed to stay in bed, he may lack the impulse control to actually do it. We all know adults who lack impulse control, too, but that’s for another day. Both our boys transitioned around two years old, but it certainly helped to have solidified our sleep habits, first. I do talk to some families where the loss of boundaries can majorly affect a toddler’s feeling of security, so make sure she’s ready before making the switch.”

What Kind of Bed Should You Transition Your Toddler To?

If your toddler is small, consider transitioning him to a toddler bed. This is a smaller-sized bed that uses a crib mattress instead of a twin-sized mattress. A toddler bed can feel cozier in a toddler bed than she would in a twin bed, and that may make the transition easier for some toddlers.

Of course, if your toddler is outgrowing the crib, then switching to a toddler bed won’t work (since it’s essentially the same size as the crib.) In this case, you’ll want to transition your toddler to a twin-sized (or larger) bed.

Nicole’s Note:
“Both our boys transitioned to toddler beds, which may or may not have helped, but that only lasted about 6 months, so if money is tight or you think your toddler will transition well, skip the toddler bed. We went from toddler bed to full size bed, so we wouldn’t need to buy yet another bed once they got bigger (and frankly, it’s more comfortable for us to cuddle at bedtime, too!).”

How To Transition Your Toddler From Crib to Bed

There’s no script to follow when you’re helping your toddler switch from a crib to a bed. There are, however, some tips to keep in mind:

Before you do anything else, safety-proof! Once you remove those crib bars, your toddler is going to have unhindered access to his room. So take some time to carefully toddler-proof that room! If you’re transitioning to a big bed, you’ll also want to invest in some safety bed rails, to prevent any falls.
Talk to your toddler about the switch ahead of time. Few toddlers will react well to entering their room and suddenly seeing their old bed replaced with a new one. Remember — toddlers like routine and predictability! So let your toddler know what’s coming. Talk about it, and maybe read a book about it (like this one) together.
Make the big bed welcoming. Pile on your toddler’s favorite toys or stuffed animals. Layer on any favorite blankets or bedding. Consider taking your toddler shopping for new “big kid” sheets, and let her pick them out.
Consider leaving the crib in the room for a bit. This may or may not work. For some kids, having the crib there proves to be a huge distraction, and only makes the switch harder. For others, though, it makes the switch easier. Toddlers love choices, after all, so if (for a few weeks) you give your toddler the choice to sleep in the crib or the big bed, it can help your toddler feel more in control of the transition.
Prepare yourself for the “jack-in-the-box.” Your toddler WILL try to get out of his new bed. And that’s understandable — the sudden freedom is bound to go right to his head! So be prepared for it. When your toddler (inevitably) wanders out of bed, quickly put him right back into it. It’s a good idea to make it an emotionless interaction — too much positive or negative reaction on your part will likely serve to make the jack-in-the-box behavior worse. But if your toddler can’t get a rise out of you, he’s likely to quit the behavior faster.
Don’t expect the transition to happen overnight. It’ll probably be 2-3 weeks before this transition is done, and the new bed feels normal for your toddler. And yes, there will be a handful of rough nights in there. Stick with it, though — be firm, and be consistent. And before you know it, your little one’s new bed will feel just like home.

Want more guidance on how to make the transition from crib to bed an easy one for your toddler? Or maybe you just want to get your wide-awake toddler sleeping and napping better? Check out our e-book, The 5 Step System to Better Toddler Sleep, for tips on how to tackle your toddler’s sleep issues.

When did you transition your toddler from the crib to a bed? How did you handle it? Share your insights!

Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of Toddler Sleep Secrets, our e-Book offering tips to help your toddler sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Tagged toddler bed, toddler bed mattress, toddler bed rails, toddler not sleeping, toddler sleep, toddler sleep problems, toddler sleep training, toddler transition bed, when to move to toddler bed, when to switch to toddler bed, when to transition to toddler bed | 36 Comments

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Toddler Sleep Problems or Typical Toddler Behavior?

Posted by Emily DeJeu on February 5th, 2013 in Toddlers

Toddler behavior sleep problems
If you have a toddler at home, then you know toddler behavior can often seem downright crazy. From running around naked to eating the dog’s food to peeing in their dresser drawers (yes, this actually happened at my house…). Toddlers tend to act in ways that make even the most veteran, experienced parents shake their heads and say “What?!”

Sometimes, though, it can be hard to distinguish between “normal” toddler behavior and behavior that signals some kind of larger problem or deeper issue. This can be especially true when it comes to our toddler’s sleeping habits.

Maybe your toddler throws huge tantrums every night before bed. Maybe your little guy has “jack-in-the-box” syndrome and pops out of bed every 10 minutes for hours on end. Or, maybe your little girl is plagued with nightmares that make it impossible for her to get a good night’s sleep.

What’s considered “normal” bedtime behavior for a toddler, and what’s a sign of a more serious sleep problem?

Typical Toddler Behaviors

First, let’s take a look at what kind of behaviors are considered typical for toddlers:

Your toddler throws tantrums: Very normal! Starting between 18 and 24 months, our toddlers start to develop their own strong feelings and opinions (what they want to eat, what they want to wear, what toy they want to play with), but they don’t have the intellectual and verbal skills to discuss these preferences with us. The result? When things don’t go their way, they use tantrums as a means of communication. Tantrums before bed can also be quite normal. Many toddlers won’t like the idea of stopping play and doing something “boring” (as Nicole’s son puts it!) like going to bed.
Your toddler refuses to obey: A general refusal to obey is also really common in the toddler years (and often goes hand-in-hand with tantrums). Remember, your toddler is pretty powerless — you, the parent, are calling all the shots. Shouting “No!” at every turn and refusing to obey even your simplest request is just your toddler’s way of trying to exert control. Therefore, if your toddler’s refusing to obey your bedtime or nap time instructions (like “STAY IN BED!”), you can rest assured that it’s normal.
Your toddler has nighttime fears and nightmares: It’s completely normal for your toddler to start having lots of nighttime fears. You might find that your little one suddenly wants to sleep with the light on, or wants you to barricade the closet door against monsters. And you may discover during this stage that your toddler starts to wake during the night as a result of nightmares. This is very standard toddler behavior.
Your toddler is going through sleep regressions: There are two sleep regressions you’ll have to contend with during your child’s toddler years: the 18 month regression and the two-year regression. Both of these sleep regressions can be traced to developmental milestones that are happening to your toddler, and both are quite normal.

Nicole’s Note:
“If there was a toddler job description, ‘testing limits’ would be on it. The whole point is to have an independent grown up one day and it starts early! And, their requests aren’t always logical or rational. Maturity does change your toddler from one who cries for 20 minutes that he can’t have the red cup to not caring what kind of cup he has as long as he has something to drink.”

Toddler Behaviors That Can Signal A More Serious Sleep Problem

Some toddlers’ bedtime behaviors are more extreme. And these can be a sign of a more serious, underlying sleep problem. While it’s usually fine to ignore normal nap time and bedtime behavior (like tantrums before bed), you probably won’t want to ignore some of these more serious problems:

Your toddler regularly doesn’t get enough nighttime and nap time sleep: It’s one thing for toddlers to resist bedtime or nap time, but if you’re finding that your toddler is routinely missing out on the sleep he needs, that’s a problem. Toddlers should be sleeping 10-12 hours each night (depending on age), and taking between one and two naps (of at least an hour each) during the day. If your toddler is regularly getting less than that, it can start to impact her growth, development, and behavior.
This kind of sleeplessness could be a sign of an underlying sleep issue (like Restless Leg Syndrome or sleep apnea). It can also be a sign of a nutritional deficiency (like a magnesium or iron deficiency.) If you suspect an underlying medical issue might be to blame, take your toddler to see a healthcare provider.

Of course, this can also be a sign that your toddler is in need of some sleep coaching (especially if your toddler has never slept through the night, or has never taken a decent nap!) Many parents assume, when their children are babies, that they will outgrow their sleep issues. However, we’ve talked to enough parents of toddlers over the years to know that’s not always the case. If your little guy or little girl has been waking multiple times each night for years, it’s time to teach your toddler how to sleep through the night.

(Do note that it’s very normal for you toddler to get less sleep during a sleep regression. It’s when your toddler is regularly getting less sleep than is recommended that it becomes an issue.)
Your toddler is having night terrors: Nightmares and nighttime fears are standard, but true night terrors are something else altogether. During a night terror, your child will seem to be awake (her eyes may be open, or he may be sitting up in bed and shouting), but you’ll find that your toddler doesn’t really “wake up.” You’ll also be unable to comfort your toddler for the first few minutes of a night terror. These episodes can be as terrifying for parents as they are for toddlers.
If your toddler’s night terrors are few and far between, then they’re probably not cause for serious concern. But if the night terrors are a regular event, and they’re interfering with your toddler’s sleep, you may want to make a trip to see a healthcare provider. There are currently no treatments for night terrors, but there are steps you can take to manage and prevent night terrors at home.

Nicole’s Note:
“One important note is that sometimes lack of sleep is directly related to your toddler’s behavior. With my son, I ALWAYS saw a rise in tantrums and defiance when he didn’t get enough sleep the night before. Sleep can’t cure all toddler behavior, but lack of sleep can definitely make your days more tantrum-prone (and exhausting)!”

How To Tell if Your Toddler’s Bedtime Behavior is Typical or Not

If you’re trying to determine whether your toddler’s behavior falls in the “Typical” or “Not-So-Typical” category, ask yourself these questions:

Is my toddler getting the sleep he needs? If the answer is yes, then you can consider any bedtime tantrums or disobedience to be ordinary toddler behavior. Yes, it may be driving you up a wall, but it’s likely nothing to be overly concerned about. If the answer is no, however, then don’t ignore the problem. You’ll need to take steps to help your toddler overcome his sleep issues and start getting the naps and nighttime sleep he needs.
Is this a phase? If your toddler normally sleeps well, but has had a few days/weeks of sleeplessness, then you can probably chalk it up to being a phase (especially if you’re in the 18 or 24 month window; if that’s the case, you’re probably smack in the middle of a sleep regression.) However, if your toddler’s sleeplessness is a regular affair around your house, and has been a long-term problem, it’s not a phase. Rather, it’s a problem that needs to be corrected through planning and sleep training.
Are my parental instincts telling me something else is going on? Moms and Dads, hear this: your instincts are powerful things. If you have a feeling that there’s something serious underlying your toddler’s sleep problems, or that there may be a medical issue involved, don’t ignore it. Remember, you know your toddler better than anyone else, so if you have concerns, act on them.

Nicole’s Note:
“What’s funny is that my younger son was sooo laid back, especially compared to my first (who inspired The Baby Sleep Site). But, one day, I had to ask myself ‘What happened to my laid back son??’ A boy who once happily went upstairs when I said ‘nap time’ started to say ‘Noooo!’ It turned out it wasn’t a phase. He simply became more aware that it was more fun to play. His toughest years were actually 3 to 4 1/2 years old whereas his brother’s was 2 1/2 to 4 (and I was sooo happy I was already pregnant with his brother lest he surely would have been an only child!). ‘Terrible Twos’ is a misnomer.”

If your toddler’s behavior falls in the “Typical” category, then don’t spend too much time worrying about it. Instead, practice good discipline. Set firm nap time and bedtime boundaries for your toddler, and then enforce them. Work to establish a good routines; these can help create a sense of predictability around nap time and bedtime, and may eliminate some battles.

However, if your toddler’s behavior falls in the “Not So Typical” category, then figure out what action you’re going to take. If necessary, visit a healthcare provider, especially if you know (or even have a feeling) that something medical may be going on. If you know the problem’s not a medical one, but rather that your toddler is in dire need of sleep training, then take that first step on the road to better sleep for your toddler (and for you!)

Do you have a toddler at home? Have you struggled with frustrating nap time and bedtime behaviors? What solutions have worked for your family? Share your tips with other parents!

Tagged 3 year old behavior, getting toddler to sleep, setting limits for children, terrible threes, terrible twos, toddler behavior, toddler development, toddler discipline, toddler nightmares, toddler sleep issues, toddler sleep problems, toddler sleep regression, toddler sleep through night, toddler sleep training, toddler tantrums, toddler temper tantrums, two year old tantrums | 14 Comments

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When Is It Too Late To Sleep Train?

Posted by Emily DeJeu on January 29th, 2013 in Sleep Training

Often, exhausted parents contact the Baby Sleep Site™ and share some variation of this story:

“My son/daughter has always been a terrible sleeper. I kept hoping he/she would grow out of it, and that the sleep issues would resolve on their own. Now, he/she is getting older, and the problems are only getting worse. But he/she isn’t a baby anymore; is it too late to sleep train?”

And that’s the question we’re tackling today, readers: When Is It Too Late to Sleep Train?

Is It Ever Too Late To Sleep Train?

Good news — the answer is no, it’s not! There’s no expiration date when it comes to sleep training.

Remember, sleep training is simply the practice of teaching your baby to fall asleep on his own, without help from you. It’s helping your baby or toddler break her sleep associations.

Remember too that for many parents, sleep training is a big step towards helping their baby or toddler build healthy sleep habits. And we can’t overemphasize the importance of healthy sleep habits! Chronic sleep deprivation in children can lead to obesity, learning issues, behavior problems, and even depression. And chronic sleep deprivation’s no picnic for adults, either — it can lead to a host of health issues and mental problems.

So if your little one is a terrible sleeper, and you’re getting the sense that it’s time to tackle the problem, don’t worry that it’s too late. Even if you’re worried that you’ve missed the “ideal” sleep training window, don’t let that stop you. It’s never too late to help your baby or toddler learn to sleep soundly!

Nicole’s Note:
“Quite simply, sleep training is the practice of teaching healthy sleep habits much like you teach healthy eating habits and everyone can agree it’s never too late to change bad habits into good ones! We work with children of all ages and even some 2-3 year olds who never had sleep problems need help with healthy sleep habits and new routines. It is never ever too late to make changes for the better. Even adults need to do that from time to time!”

Sleep Training: Naps vs. Nights

An aside — often, when parents talk about sleep training, they’re talking about nighttime sleep training. That, after all, is the killer for most families — the endless, middle-of-the-night wakings. But, sleep training applies to naps as well. If your baby or toddler is sleeping relatively well at night but suffers from terrible (or maybe even non-existent) naps, you can utilize sleep training to make those naps more restful. Naps may be different than nighttime sleep, and may present more challenges, but babies and toddlers truly can learn to take good naps, just like they can learn to sleep through the night.

Nicole’s Note:
“Children nap until between 3 and 4 years old and sometimes beyond. Holding your baby for naps at 10 months old is very different than a 2 year old (if you can get them to stop playing long enough to lay in your arms)! So, of course, it’s best to establish healthy nap habits as well as nighttime sleep habits.”

When Should I Start Sleep Training?

It may never be “too late” to start sleep training, but that doesn’t mean that some times aren’t better than others for sleep training. We’ll discuss good times to sleep train in just a moment, but use this as your guiding principle in determining when to sleep train: the longer you wait, the harder sleep training (usually) is on everyone. That’s simply because deeply ingrained habits take longer to break, and the habit-breaking process is more difficult. Ask anyone who has tried to change their eating habits or quit smoking.

Of course, every family is different, and not all babies (okay, few babies!) follow our nice, neat little plans. Remember, you know your baby best; if your situation simply demands that you delay sleep training for awhile, then so be it!

That said, let’s look at some good (and some not-so-good) times for sleep training to happen.

Good times for sleep training include:

The 4-7 month window. This is the earliest that parents should start any kind of formal sleep training; it’s also the best time to start, for many families (although not all). Why? Because at this point, your baby is past the 4 month sleep regression, so she’s starting to develop more “adult” sleep patterns. Your baby is also much less mobile at this stage than she’ll be in a few more months, and that lack of mobility makes sleep training a bit easier. Finally, because your baby is still quite young at this point, any sleep associations she may have formed won’t have had time to turn into strong habits. That means they’ll be easier to change.
The 11-16 month window. This isn’t as ideal a time to sleep train as the 4-7 month window, but if you skip that one, this is the next one to try. Why? Because you’re baby is past the sleep regression that happens at 8/9/10 months, and her sleep patterns should be back to normal. (Although if your baby has never been a great sleeper, her “normal” sleep patterns may be fairly crazy!) Remember, it’s best to sleep train when things are as normal as possible, so waiting until a sleep regression has passed can be a good idea.

More challenging times for sleep training include:

Before 4 months. We don’t recommend that parents start any formal sleep training before a baby is 4 months old. Why? Because before the 4 month mark, a baby has newborn sleep patterns, and it’s best to wait until your baby has developed more adult sleep patterns before you sleep train. It certainly doesn’t hurt to put your baby down for a nap awake if she lets you, but real sleep training needs to wait until your baby’s a bit older. For advice on how to get help your baby sleep well in those early, newborn months, check out our this article on tips to help your newborn sleep.
The 8-10 month window. There’s a sleep regression that can happen right around this time, and it can be a doozie. Between 8 and 10 months, a baby’s mobility is just exploding. They’re learning to crawl, learning to stand, learning to cruise…some are even walking! This new-found mobility is exciting, but it definitely can be disruptive for sleep. So if you haven’t done any sleep training before 8 months, it may be challenging to obtain “perfect” sleep, while your baby gets through this regression. That’s not to say you can’t sleep train during these few months, of course; it’s just that things might be a little tougher and you may need to have lower expectations about what “success” will look like.
After 18 months. Let’s be clear — you CAN sleep train your toddler after he’s 18 months old. It’s definitely possible. Our many clients will testify to that! But sleep training a toddler who’s 18 months or older can be tough. Very tough in some cases. By 18 months, your toddler’s sleep associations have become strong, deeply ingrained habits that can be difficult to break. And as he gets closer to those Terrible Two’s, his will is getting stronger and stronger, too. That means you’ll have the added challenge of trying to make your persistent toddler do something he doesn’t want to do. No easy task!

Nicole’s Note:
“Although there are more ‘ideal’ times to sleep train than others such as before your baby can pull up and stand at the side of the crib, if you and your family are ready to make big changes, I wouldn’t wait just because of your baby or toddler’s age. Every baby is different and you know your baby best. It may take a bit more time and patience, but it can work! There is always a reason to put off making positive changes in your life whether it’s delaying a diet, because the holidays are near or work is too busy or you put off budgeting because you have too many bills, you can always find a reason to avoid the hard work that sleep training sometimes entails. The first step is the hardest, but I find families are happily surprised when their child adapts to the new routines faster than they anticipated. Carpe Diem! (Seize the Day!)”

When did you decide to sleep train and how did it go? Was it the “right” time?

Thinking about sleep training your baby or toddler? Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Tagged baby sleep training, my baby wont sleep, newborn sleep training, newborns and sleep, Sleep Training, sleep training 1 year old, sleep training 4 month old, sleep training babies, toddler sleep, toddler sleep training, when to sleep train | 6 Comments

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How to Manage Your Baby or Toddler’s Nap Transitions

Posted by Emily DeJeu on December 4th, 2012 in Baby Naps

You know what frustrated me most when my oldest son was a baby and a young toddler?

The fact that just when I’d worked out a nice, predictable daytime sleep schedule, he’d get a little bit older, and that would blow my perfectly-crafted routine to pieces.

I’m positive a lot of you know exactly what I’m talking about (even those of you who’ve never been able to establish a nap schedule.) The first few years of a child’s life are full of changes, and those changes add up to mean ever-shifting sleep patterns and schedules.

This is really apparent when you consider a child’s typical nap schedule from birth to toddlerhood. Newborn babies take 5 or more naps each day; by 18 months, toddlers are taking one nap. That’s a lot of change. And transitioning between all those nap schedules can be a huge headache for little ones and for their parents.

That’s what we’re tackling today. We’re looking at when nap transitions usually happen, how to tell if a nap transition is coming, and how to navigate nap transitions your baby or toddler.

When Do Nap Transitions Usually Happen?

There’s no blueprint, of course, that’ll let you know exactly when your baby or toddler is due for a nap transition. However, there’s a general timeline (we’ve shared it previously in this article) that most babies and toddlers seem to follow, and that will be helpful in pinpointing when nap transitions are most likely to occur:

From 1-4 months, the number of naps your baby takes will be variable, but will hover around 4-5 naps per day, depending on how long his naps are and how long he can stay up between naps.
By 3 or 4 months old, she will lean towards just 4 naps, rather than 5.
From 5-8 months, most babies will have three naps per day. They will start to resist the fourth nap, no matter how tired they are. There are a few babies who will only have two naps at a very young age, but those naps are usually long.
From 9-15 or 18 months, on average, your baby will nap two times a day. Although many people believe most babies can transition to one nap at 12 months, the average age is actually 15 to 18 months.
From 18 months to 4 years, toddlers nap once a day. The age to transition away from all napping varies a lot, from 2 to 5+ years old, but the average age is between 3 and 4 years old.

The early nap transitions (from five, to four, to three) usually happen quickly and aren’t as problematic. It’s the other nap transitions (from three, to two, to one, to none) that tend to frustrate parents. Those nap transitions take longer, for one thing (my middle son has been transitioning from one nap to none for the past YEAR), and they seem to affect children more noticeably.

Nicole’s Note:
“By far, we get the most questions in the Helpdesk about the transition from 3 to 2 naps and from 2 to 1. The 2 -> 1 transition can be the most difficult, for some, because you now have a toddler who has tantrums and a mind of her own! It also causes the most sleep deprivation, usually.”

How To Tell If A Nap Transition’s Approaching

How will your baby or toddler let you know that a nap transition is coming? Here are a few signs to look for:

Your baby or toddler begins consistently refusing a nap: Most parents find that their little one suddenly starts refusing a nap (usually an afternoon one) that, just yesterday, they agreed to without a problem. That tends to be the classic sign that a nap transition is apporaching.
The timing of your baby’s or toddler’s naps begins to change: Other parents discover that before a nap transition, the schedule generally goes crazy. Naptime goes from being predictable to being all over the place. This can interfere with nighttime sleep, too — if the afternoon nap doesn’t happen until late afternoon or early evening, for example, it can interfere with bedtime.
The length of your baby’s or toddler’s naps begins to change: You may notice that one or more of your little one’s naps are suddenly much shorter than normal. This can be a sign that your baby or toddler is getting ready to drop a nap.

Signs of an Approaching Nap Transition, or Signs of a Sleep Regression?

One thing to remember — not all nap craziness is a sign that a nap transition’s coming on. Let’s not forget about those sleep regressions! Refusing to nap is often a symptom of a sleep regression; in those cases, it shouldn’t be treated as a sign that a nap transition is coming on.

For example, a baby who’s in the throes of the 8/9/10 month sleep regression may start to resist naps. But that’s not a sign that she should downshift from two naps to one — not at all! Most children aren’t ready for one nap until 15-18 months. Similarly, an 18 month old who suddenly starts refusing to nap probably isn’t giving up naps altogether — he’s probably just going through the 18 month sleep regression.

How to tell the difference? Wait a bit. Most regressions work themselves out within a week or two. If the napping issues haven’t resolved themselves within a few weeks, then you can think about making a nap transition.

Nicole’s Note:
“We tend to be cautious about jumping into a nap transition. Our general rule of thumb is to wait until your baby is skipping a nap more than 4 times a week. All situations can have the ‘What ifs’ of course, so we evaluate it on a case-by-case basis. Many times, your baby doesn’t seem to give you a choice and you know what to do.”

Making Baby and Toddler Nap Transitions Easier

For some babies and toddlers (especially those who are highly adaptable), nap transitions are a piece of cake. They only take a few days, and there’s little (if any) “pain and suffering” involved. If that’s the case in your home, then a sort of “cold turkey” approach to nap transitions might work well. Simply cut out a nap, re-vamp the schedule, and endure a few fussy days. Bam. Done.

For others, though, nap transitions are difficult and loooong. If your baby or toddler is in that second category, you’d probably appreciate some suggestions as to how to make those transitions a bit easier, right?

We hear you. Here are a few ideas to consider:

Use alternating nap schedules for awhile. Nap transitions aren’t an all-or-nothing process. During the nap transition itself (which can take weeks or even months!), there’s no harm in alternating nap schedules. If your baby is transitioning from three naps to two, for example, offer two naps for a few days, and then switch back to three naps for a day or two. Going back and forth like this will ensure that your baby doesn’t become overly exhausted during the nap transition, and will help ease him into the new routine. Of course, alternating like this tends to prolong the nap transition, and it won’t work for every child. But it’s a good approach for babies and toddlers who are especially sensitive to over-tiredness.
Make changes in small increments. Some children (especially those who are highly adaptable) won’t bat an eye at big schedule changes. Others, though, have their worlds rocked by even small adjustments to the routine. If that sounds like your baby, then make the nap transition happen in small degrees. If your toddler is transitioning from two naps to one, for example, don’t suddenly eliminate the morning nap altogether. Rather, push it back a bit (by 10 or 15 minutes, even). Wait a few days, then push it back a little more. Sure, this approach takes awhile, but it’s a gentle way to ease your toddler into the new schedule.
Shift bedtime as necessary. When you’re navigating a nap transition, everything else in the schedule is up for grabs, too. And this can mean manipulating bedtime to account for the changing nap schedule. To be clear, we don’t recommend pushing bedtime back; instead, we’d recommend waking your child from a late afternoon or early evening nap that’s going too long. Rather, we recommend an earlier bedtime on days when it seems necessary. For example, if your toddler is transitioning from one nap to none, on those days when she doesn’t take a nap, an early bedtime might be in order.
Don’t be afraid to wake your baby or toddler from a nap. It’s rare that we recommend you wake your child from sleep. But during a nap transition, you may need to wake your baby or toddler from a nap. For example, if an afternoon nap started later than normal and is going to extend into the “danger zone” (the point at which it starts to interfere with bedtime happening) then by all means, end the nap. Your baby or toddler may need you to guide her through the nap transition, and to make sure that she’s sleeping at appropriate times.
Be Patient. Stay Calm. This Too Shall Pass. I feel like I say this in every other article I write, but if you’re like me, you need to hear this often. Keep this phase in perspective — yes, nap transitions can be difficult. Very difficult, for some families! But your little guy or little girl will have higher hurdles to clear than this one, when it’s all said and done. There’s still potty training to contend with. And school starting. And learning to drive. And dating.
I’m going to stop now, before I give us all heart attacks.

How have you handled nap transitions with your baby or toddler? Share your wisdom with us!

Naptime sleep (or lack thereof) making you feel flustered and frazzled? Check out Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-to” of good baby sleep. With over 40 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (for babies) or The 5 Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (for toddlers). Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and teleseminars. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations. Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a sleep plan; sometimes you’re just close to the situation or too tired to!

Tagged baby nap, baby nap transition, baby sleep patterns, baby sleep regression, baby sleep schedule, baby sleep training, sleep regression, sleep training toddler, toddler nap, toddler nap schedule, toddler sleep regression, toddler sleep training | 34 Comments

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Why You Should Be Unfair In Your Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler’s Sleep

Posted by Emily DeJeu on July 31st, 2012 in siblings

“No fair!”

If you have toddlers or preschoolers, you’ve probably heard that phrase more than once. And if you have a toddler and a preschooler, I’m betting that’s an almost-constant saying in your home!

Young children have a strong sense of what’s fair and what’s not. They seem to know instinctively that it’s unfair when their brother gets a bigger snack, or when their sister has a longer turn with a toy.

And so, as a parent, we do everything we can to keep things fair, don’t we? We insist that our toddlers share their toys. We make sure food is doled out in equal portions.

Does the “Rule of Fairness” Apply to Sleep?

We may even try to apply the “rule of fairness” to sleep. After all, it’s only fair that your older child gets to stay up later or your toddler and preschooler go to bed at the same time, right? And it’s only fair that if one has to nap, the other should have to nap, too.

Wrong!

Those of you who have multiple children at home know that when it comes to sleep, “fairness” just doesn’t work! If you have a newborn and a toddler at home, for example, you know that their sleep needs and schedules are way, way different. It’d be crazy to expect your toddler to nap as often as your 8 week old!

And at that age, it’s not usually a problem. Your newborn’s not aware of her own newborn sleep schedule, much less how her schedule compare’s to your toddler’s schedule.

But what about when your toddler and your preschooler have different nighttime and naptime schedules? That can be when the problems begin. For example, your toddler’s perfectly aware that he has to take a nap, but that his older brother doesn’t. Unfair!

Even worse: if your preschooler has just transitioned from one nap to no nap, you may find that she needs an earlier bedtime than her younger siblings. Imagine how that feels — she’s the oldest, but she has to go to bed before her younger brother. Really unfair!

So what’s a parent to do? When it comes to sleep, do we do what’s “fair”, or what’s best?

I’ll bet you know what our answer will be.

With Sleep, Fairness is Not the Goal

With regards to your children’s sleep schedules, sometimes, you have to just throw fairness right out the window. And while your toddlers and preschoolers might not understand this, that’s okay. You do. And you know what’s best.

Because after all, every single child is different, and that means your children are likely to have different sleep needs. Your preschooler might be extremely sensitive to overtiredeness (this has been the case for Nicole, with her older son). If that’s true for you, is it really “fair” to put him to bed at the same (later) time as his younger brother, even if that means he’s not going to get the sleep he needs? Not really.

And of course your toddler think’s it’s downright evil of you to force her to take a nap, while her older sister gets to keep playing.

The cruelty! The injustice!

But you know that your toddler needs sleep in the middle of the day in order to be healthy and feel good, so really, you are being fair. You’re considering her needs and then making sure they’re met. Very fair!

In part 2 of our Sibling Series, Nicole explains the idea of fairness and sleep this way:

“One important thing I have learned since I’ve had two sons is that everything can’t be 100% ‘fair’ all of the time. They are different people with different needs. You must make decisions based on what’s best for each of them. It will be impossible for everything to appear fair and, although I do try when it applies, I have stopped trying when it doesn’t make sense.”

In other words, be fair when it makes sense to be fair (like during snacktime or playtime), but forget about fairness when it doesn’t (like during naptime and bedtime.)

Tips for Being “Unfair” As Nicely As Possible

It’s easy for me to tell you to forget about fair, but how does one do that, exactly, without feeling like the meanest mommy or daddy on the block?

One of the best ways to handle this is to simply talk to your child about her feelings, and to let her know that you understand. In our Sibling Series, Nicole offers this advice:

“Adjusting expectations and explaining why something is a certain way often helps. Also, listening to their frustration and empathizing helps them feel heard, which is important. It may not change the outcome, but at least they can feel good that you understand how they feel.”

It doesn’t feel good to be “unfair”, of course, but simply put unfairness about sleep in the “Things I Don’t Like Doing But I Know Are For the Best” category (right along with things like discipline and potty training!)

Nicole’s Note
“I hear from parents who feel guilty the baby can’t be home all day for naps (it’s hard to keep a toddler in the house all day!) or they feel guilty keeping the toddler home ‘too much’ for the baby to sleep. The best you can do is just try to balance it with everyone’s needs in mind. I still rush through my older son’s routine to make sure he’s asleep earlier, even if his younger brother goes to sleep later than him. My younger one can simply handle it better and we are all happier. ”

Are you fair or unfair when it comes to your children’s sleep schedules? Any tips on being unfair in a gentle, loving way? Share them below!

Tagged baby sleep schedule, family sleep, helping toddlers sleep, preschool sleep, preschooler sleep, preschoolers and sleep, sibling sleep schedule, siblings sleep, sleep for preschoolers, toddler sleep, toddler sleep issues, toddler sleep training | 8 Comments

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Your Real Goals In Baby Sleep Training (Hint: It’s Not Sleep!)

Posted by Nicole Johnson on July 10th, 2012 in Sleep Training

Surprise! We’ve had to sleep train our son (the one who inspired this website)…again! Can you believe it? Well…actually, I’ve stopped calling it “sleep training” and think more of it as teaching him new habits when the ones he’s established aren’t working anymore. And, this has changed over time.

Last week, we talked about how inertia can keep you from sleep training and the discussion was interesting. One commenter suggested that perhaps night-waking is normal and there really isn’t a “problem” to fix. I can see why she would say that. If all these babies have sleep problems, doesn’t that just make it normal and sleep deprivation is just a part of parenting?

I answer with a resounding “No!”

Our children do not come out knowing what to do in many areas (actually it surprised me all the little things I take for granted that I now have to teach!). Back in caveman days, I’m sure our ancestors taught our children how to hunt. Just because a baby doesn’t come out knowing how to hunt doesn’t mean we didn’t teach him. And, our children certainly do not come out with manners, either. We teach them how to say “please” and “thank you.” To me, it’s like saying since most kids like sweet foods that they should have a diet high in sugar and we have no influence over establishing healthy eating habits. Habits are just those. And, the way we parent our children can change those habits in a big way!

Does this mean your child should never wake at night? Of course not. There is a huge difference between a newborn waking 5 times a night and a 2 year old. There is a huge difference between a 10 month old eating once or twice a night and a 3 year old. And, there is a huge difference between a 4 month old waking every two hours and an 18 month old. Waking once a night for 18 months may be manageable for some, but waking EVERY two hours for 18 months would hardly be manageable for anyone, I can imagine. Even 6 months was too long for me and I am simply a worse parent when I am sleep deprived!

I know that many people believe that children will outgrow their sleep problems and perhaps some do, but these are long-term habits that can be very hard to change, if they don’t. This is similar to how hard it would be to teach a 6 year old to eat broccoli when he hasn’t eaten it for the first 5 years. I recently worked with a family of a 3 year old waking every 2 hours for a pacifier. That is not “normal,” that is “habit.” And, we influence our children’s habits just like we teach them to wash their hands after using the potty. The longer you have a habit, the harder it is to change.

So, what is your goal in sleep training? It’s not sleep!

As I mentioned above, we recently had to teach our son new sleep habits yet again. Here’s what happened:

It all started as nightmares back when he started Kindergarten last Fall. Understandably, he was nervous and the transition had him feeling a bit more anxious. Over the months, he’d have ups and downs and nothing major to worry about. Nighttime fears are very common after the age of 3 or 4, by the way, so it’s likely that your baby or toddler will go through something similar. When my son was 3, he had a fear of dinosaurs (no matter how many times you try to explain what “extinct” means ). I’ve had clients with toddlers afraid of a variety of things from monsters to the dark, and it’s not always rational.

During this past Spring, things started really getting out of hand with night-waking every night and more and more fear. It started out as me trying to be understanding and comforting and then I decided I was only feeding the fear and I had to do something. But, you wouldn’t “sleep train” away fear, would you? Well, that’s exactly what I did, but first, you have to stop and redefine what “sleep training” means. And, you’ll see why it worked!

First, I decided I was reinforcing this fear, rather than empowering him not to be afraid. This was a very important realization for me. After all, I rationalized that one day he would outgrow this fear, right? I didn’t want to wake up one day to a 10 year old with phobias, but I wanted to be a comforting mom and for him to know that I was always there for him. And, that’s what I did, only he no longer “needed” me, he had new habits of being afraid. This is the same way you might be reinforcing your baby’s need to be rocked, fed, bounced, or pacifier’d to sleep (yes that’s a word, I think). By continuing to do the same thing over and over, you only instill the habit even more and reinforce their “need” for it. It’s possible he wouldn’t be ready, but it didn’t hurt for me to try, much like a 4 month old may not be ready for sleep training, but maybe another 6 month old would.

So, I started talking to my son more and more during the day and at dinnertime about his fears and we started “Operation Brave” and we talked about ways he can be brave. I talked to both he and his brother about this and they both came up with their own ideas. It was also important that I not minimize his very real feelings of why he was afraid. Instead, we talked about them and faced them and thought of ways to empower all of us, so we didn’t have to be afraid (such as talking about how we make sure all the doors are locked before we go to bed).

The other thing I did was I stopped laying with him as long at bedtime as that had become a recurring sleep association and I hadn’t realized just how much that was becoming a new habit for me to stay longer and longer. To “sleep train,” I started out simply leaving 1 or 2 minutes earlier than I recently had been and I said something like “You are so brave.” and I would leave for two minutes or so and then come back to check on him, give him a hug and a kiss and positively reinforce how brave he was being. We started VERY slow (as I most often recommend to anyone sleep training) and we did all of this with no crying. No tears whatsoever (which I can’t say was the case years ago when we first sleep trained or subsequent times after that!). After 2-3 weeks, he was doing soooo much better and since then I have only heard him say “I’m scared.” one or two times. Phew! We are currently in our longest stretch of good sleep since I can remember, actually (knock wood!).

The bottom line? Whether you have a baby, toddler, or older child, your focus in sleep training is NOT sleep! Your primary goals of sleep training are increasing self-confidence, improving skills with practice much like learning to walk or ride a bike, avoiding reinforcement of poor habits and, going back to the comment, instilling good routines and sleep habits. Nothing is a problem until it is one, but that doesn’t mean you sit back and wait to see if a problem goes away. Be sure that you DO have the wisdom and influence on your child’s habits, sleep or otherwise, and it’s an ongoing process.

Focus on the above goals and sleep, my friends, will follow!

What are your goals in sleep training?

Please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Tagged baby night waking, baby schedule, baby sleep, baby sleep goals, baby sleep training, baby wont sleep, night fears, nightmares, sleep associations, sleep regression, toddler night waking, toddler sleep training, toddler won't sleep | 5 Comments

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Tag Archives: toddler sleep training

5 More Things You Need To Know About Baby and Toddler Naps

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5 Things You Need To Know About Baby and Toddler Naps

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More challenging times for sleep training include:

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How have you handled nap transitions with your baby or toddler? Share your wisdom with us!

Does the “Rule of Fairness” Apply to Sleep?

With Sleep, Fairness is Not the Goal

Tips for Being “Unfair” As Nicely As Possible

Are you fair or unfair when it comes to your children’s sleep schedules? Any tips on being unfair in a gentle, loving way? Share them below!

So, what is your goal in sleep training? It’s not sleep!

What are your goals in sleep training?

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**5 More Things You Need To Know About Baby and Toddler Naps**