Posts Tagged ‘baby temperament’

Welcome to the final article of my Baby Temperament & Sleep Series. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1, where I define baby temperament.

During this series, we have reviewed 9 temperament traits that make up all of our personalities and seen how they might affect the way you help your baby or toddler sleep better. I’ve grouped some of the temperaments together to give you some ideas on helping your baby or toddler sleep better.

Adaptable, Regular, and Positive First Reaction

If your baby or toddler is adaptable, she is probably a little more easy-going than other babies. If she skips a nap, she might not get cranky and will take it in stride. Her regularity makes it easy to plan play dates around her nap schedule and potty training might be really easy if she pees and poops at the same time every day. It might even be easier to master elimination communication, where you can gradually reduce the number of diapers you use for your baby by learning their rhythms and signs before they “go”. If your baby or toddler also typically has a positive first reaction to a new person, food, event or change to routine, she will likely not skip a beat to many changes in her sleep routine at once.

A baby with these temperament traits will likely respond well to a nudge from mom and dad when it comes to solving her sleep problems or breaking sleep associations. It will likely be a lot easier than you think to break some habits and get on a good routine and sleep schedule with your baby and all you need is a little confidence, time, and patience. All you have to do is take the first step and try.

Sensitive, Perceptive, and Adaptable

If your baby is sensitive, he will be more apt to wake up from noises, care more about being hot or cold, and be in tune with your own emotions or stress. Your baby might also notice a lot more around him and things might keep him awake by catching his attention if he is perceptive.

When it comes to sleep, combining sensitivity and perceptive-ness, your baby might be a little more “high maintenance” than our adaptable and regular counter parts above, but if he is also adaptable, he might be able to change his sleeping habits fairly easily. You may just need to go through extra steps helping him sleep through noise, be comfortable (especially during things like teething), and make sure his room is dark enough that it will not distract him too much from the task at hand (sleeping). Some of his other temperament traits will be a factor in terms of how easy or difficult it will be to break problematic sleep associations.

Intense, Persistent, and Energetic

Probably one of the most difficult temperament traits is the intense child. She does not whimper or fuss, she wails and SCREAMS! When she’s happy, she’s HAPPY but when she’s not WATCH OUT! She will let you know loudly how she feels about something. Combine this trait with her persistence and you can have fairly long and loud temper tantrums when she doesn’t get that cookie or toy in the store.

When it comes to sleep, the intense and persistent baby or toddler will probably be much more challenging to help learn to sleep. Disclaimer: I could be partial to saying that because my eldest son, who inspired this site, is both intense and persistent, of course. He also has a lot of energy. This combination of temperament traits are most likely a part of the babies you hear “cry all night” if the parents let them. My son did not, so I know there are more intense and more persistent babies out there. Cry it out is not the only option for these babies, either. It highly depends on your baby and your own temperament, too.

 
These are arbitrary temperament trait combinations I put together and obviously this list is not exhaustive (doing the math because I’m a nerd, it’s 512 combinations if we assumed a trait is on or off, which obviously is not true so chew on that for awhile and just think how long that article would be!). Although you believe your baby will be the hardest there is, the chances are actually small and you might really be surprised how small a nudge you might have to give your baby to encourage her to sleep on her own. I talk to MANY parents who are pleasantly surprised how much “easier” it was than they originally thought it would be.

Taking the first step, making a “sleep coaching” plan, to help your child sleep is the hardest part, especially when the “easy” answers haven’t worked for you in the past when that neighbor says “I just put her down awake and she went to sleep”. Not so easy for all of us. Some parents are also so judgmental about the method some parents choose to help their child sleep, but unless you have “that” temperament kid, you really don’t know what that other person might be going through and since all babies are a unique combination of these traits, you won’t ever have someone else be able to walk in your shoes or vice versa. Don’t be so quick to say what you think you’d do in the same situation. Even if you have a tough sleeper, how YOU react to sleep deprivation will be different.

While many feel the only choice is sleep deprivation or cry it out, there is A LOT in between, depending on your baby’s temperament. Don’t let sleep deprivation be the choice you make. You owe it to yourself and your baby or toddler to get the rest you both need to function at your optimum!

So, tell me, is your child easy-going, spunky, or spirited? What about you? Take my quiz and find out!

Baby Temperament Quiz

Share your results down below

Explore each of the 9 temperament traits, Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood, focusing on how they play a role in your baby’s sleep.

Welcome to Part 10 (and our final temperament trait) of my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1, where I define baby temperament. This article will discuss your baby’s mood as a baby temperament trait. In the next couple of weeks, I will give you a quiz to determine your child’s temperament.

Baby Temperament – Mood

Your child’s mood is generally how happy and smiley she is versus the child who is more serious in nature or will be more analytical and tell you how to improve something rather than how great it was. According to Raising Your Spirited Child, a specific pattern of brain activity is responsible for your child’s disposition. If your child rarely shows a happy or joyous side of herself, you may want to go to the doctor to test for depression, but overall, she may just be more serious, but this does not necessarily mean she’s unhappy, even as a baby.

My sons are generally very happy boys, which makes me very happy, but my eldest son, who once again inspired this site, has his moods. Almost every day he has cranky moments that can be difficult to deal with. It is particularly difficult when he hasn’t gotten enough sleep and his behavior goes out the window. He has more tantrums and small things upset him more easily than when he’s in a good mood and well-rested. This is very common among many toddlers and pre-schoolers, so thankfully, I don’t think this is an area in which he is extreme.

Sleep and Mood

How might your baby or toddler’s mood affect her sleep? As I mentioned above, mood can be affected by your baby not getting enough sleep, but his mood can also affect how you approach getting sleep for your baby or toddler. If your baby or toddler is more serious or analytical in nature, you might approach bedtime and nap routines a different way. I can tell my son is analytical, just like me, even though he is still young. I give him lots of choices and allow him to choose what we do, when. This lets him have some control that he (and most toddlers) crave, but also, I notice that as he’s gotten older, he is very logical. If this, then that. He will negotiate a lot and I tend to joke he will be a lawyer one day.

Alternatively, if your child is very happy most of the time and isn’t serious in nature, this can make for a very long bedtime routine, especially adding “toddler slow poke time” in. During some occasions when my son is being very silly and I’m trying to get both boys in bed, it can be frustrating when I want him to be serious! If he was like that every night, I could see how that might drive me bonkers. It’s fun when we are both in the right moods, but in the end, it’s my job to get him to bed on time to avoid the whole over-tired mess that can come into our lives. It’s hard having to be the responsible one, sometimes. Add to the fact that by his bedtime these days I’m just beat! His energy never ceases to surprise me!

Lastly, mood has crept into our night-wakings. There was a time, when he was around 2 or 2 1/2, when he’d wake up in the middle of the night and be very cranky, yelling and screaming! There is nothing worse than screaming in the middle of the night, especially when you’re getting up feeding a baby. Obviously, by now, he hasn’t eaten in the middle of the night in a really long time, but we finally figured out that he was hungry! He must have been going through the growth spurt. The same way a 4 month old might be able to roll over during the day, but not at night half asleep, or a 10 month old who can replace a pacifier but won’t in the middle of the night, for some reason my son never said “I’m hungry.” It seems so simple, but he just didn’t do it. For about a week, we left him graham crackers and water in his room, just in case. It was a phase, like almost everything else in the first few years of their lives.

Once again, there are good and bad things about all of these temperament traits. A serious, critical or analytical child can point out things that you might not notice if you aren’t the same type of person. These children are those that might be able to help you make a chore plan for the family or point out why you shouldn’t buy that used car you have your eye on.

Stay tuned in the next couple of weeks for the quiz to see where your child lies on the spirited-ness spectrum!

What is your child’s mood most of the time?

Explore each of the 9 temperament traits, Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood, focusing on how they play a role in your baby’s sleep and in the final part, take an assessment quiz to help figure out you and your baby or toddler’s temperament and see how it might be similar or different.

Welcome to Part 9 of my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1, where I define baby temperament. This article will discuss your baby’s first reaction as a baby temperament trait. At the end of the series, I will give you a quiz to determine your child’s temperament.

Baby Temperament – First Reaction

When a person is presented with a new food, idea, social situation, person to meet, or a new place to visit, some people will jump right in and others are hesitant. Your child’s first reaction is how she responds to one of these new concepts. An easy-going child will just jump in. This is not always a good thing if they are jumping into mischief. A spirited child will initially say “no” or be hesitant about the new idea, food, person, etc. The hesitant child might learn better by watching rather than doing or will simply hang back and watch before jumping in.

You will likely see this temperament trait very early on. It’s the baby’s first reaction to a bath, a new food, a new highchair, the first day at a new daycare or school or the first day of summer when he has to change from wearing pants to shorts. It is important to know this is your baby or toddler’s first reaction, not a final decision. He may warm up to the birthday party or the new food. Sometimes you just have to keep trying.

If you have read the rest of this series, you can guess that my spirited son also has the tendency to react strongly against a new idea. When he was a baby, around 8 months old, he would SCREAM when visitors came in the house. It seemed to be a combination of stranger anxiety and a first reaction to an unfamiliar person, even if they weren’t a stranger. When he was a toddler, he would sit back and watch the other kids play before he’d jump into playing at the playground or mall play area, etc. When he sees something new on his plate, he says he doesn’t like it before he tries it. As he’s gotten older, he has actually outgrown it a little bit and now jumps right into playing and trying new things. He still has this temperament trait, of course, but it has “lightened up”.

Baby and Toddler Sleep and First Reaction

How might your baby or toddler’s first reaction affect her sleep? If your child is prone to react against a new idea, you likely want to take changes slower. Allow your baby or toddler to warm up to an idea before you “throw” them in. For example, you probably want to spend time in her new room and crib before you expect her to sleep there. You’ll want to put your baby in her crib while you put away laundry or just to play for 5-10 minutes. While you don’t want her to necessarily associate her crib with a playground, she will start to feel comfortable in her room and crib.

Another thing to keep in mind is to be careful about introducing new steps into his nap or bedtime routines. He might not react favorably to that new teddy bear at bedtime, when he’s the most tired. It might be better to slowly introduce the bear earlier in the day and let him warm up to it. With my son, most things new we need to give him warnings about what we are planning. This is related to both his first reaction and his adaptibility. Combine his persistence and intensity and you can see a 45 minute tantrum about cutting his sandwich into rectangles when he wanted triangles with him insisting on making a new sandwich. It sounds worse than it is (sorta) and we choose our battles wisely. Much of it is about control and therefore I’ve gotten very good at asking him questions that he can control: Triangles or rectangles? What vegetable do you want? (Not *if* he wants vegetables) It has become an art and it is tiring, sometimes, but manageable. Now that we are outside the height of the “terrible two’s”, things are much much better.

One thing to keep in mind with your baby or toddler’s first reaction, if she is spirited and initially reacts negatively to most things, when it comes to sleep is no matter what method you use, cry it out or a no-cry sleep training method, at first she isn’t going to like it no matter what. So, your philosophy might be more like rip the band-aid off or go slowly, but the key will be to stick with it and 100% commit to the method you choose for at least one week before you give up on it. Consistency is key! There are many times my son has not wanted to go somewhere or do something, but given time, he has changed his mind. From a baby who resisted sleep, he became a toddler who enjoyed his mornings to himself (and cried when I came in too soon) and has, on occasion, asked me to go to bed because he’s tired (not too often there, but it has happened and it’s shocking just the same!).

As I’ve mentioned throughout the series, there are good and bad things about all of these temperament traits. I have not minded my son’s cautious nature. I can already see my younger son being very different and I’m a little nervous. He’s a lot more “dare-devil-y” and mischievous, so far. I know that my older son won’t really jump head first into something too daring and I think that might help ME sleep better when he’s a teenager (if he’s still this way). My other son, on the other hand, will probably give me more gray hair. They are both challenging in their own ways.

What is your child’s first reaction?

Explore each of the 9 temperament traits, Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood, focusing on how they play a role in your baby’s sleep and in the final part, take an assessment quiz to help figure out you and your baby or toddler’s temperament and see how it might be similar or different.

A parent recently mentioned to me something about her mom making her feel guilty about the things she was doing to help her baby sleep and I thought this would be a good article topic to write about.

There are co-sleeping parents whose loved ones believe in cry-it-out and don’t understand why they wouldn’t let their baby cry-it-out. Then there are parents who do cry-it-out whose loved ones don’t understand how they could let their baby cry. And, of course, there is everything in between.

I am an optimist (at least I think I am) and try to find the good in people, so I remind myself that people are only trying to help and honestly feel they are giving their best advice. Those without kids that give advice, I definitely take their advice with a grain of salt. I mean I know *I* had all the answers before I had kids. It seemed so simple didn’t it? Little did I know what a loop motherhood would put me in! I guess I didn’t have as many answers as I thought, so now I don’t expect non-parents to have as many, either.

When I would mention to people what a challenging sleeper my son was I got ALL kinds of advice! From a lady (a stranger!) on an airplane asking me if my baby needed a bottle when my son was overtired and needed a nap and I was frantically trying to “hard rock” him (as we called it) into a slumber to my mother-in-law telling me to keep him up late so he’d sleep better, anybody and everybody thought they knew how to help my son sleep:

“You need to make more noise when he sleeps” – He can’t sleep through noise!

“Don’t let him nap” – Less naps meant more over-tiredness which meant more night-wakings!

“Keep him up late” – See above

“Give him a pacifier” – Yeah because I didn’t try that when he was up every hour last night. Thanks.

“Breastfeeding is not enough” – Yes it is! He’s not hungry. He’s tired. (I went on to breastfeed both sons for a year and didn’t start solids until close to 6 months)

“Put cereal in his bottle” – No solids until 6 months old, thank you, and it can be a choking hazard*. And, see above, he was not hungry.

“When my baby was 6 weeks, I just put her to bed and didn’t get up again until morning. (even if crying)” – No thank you. Not for me.

“Does he have to go to sleep now?” (when people wanted to visit) – Yes. Yes he does, because the ramifications of not getting him to bed now is not pretty.

The advice was endless and much of it might work for other people, but just not for me. The beautiful part is that these are my children and I’m the one who gets to decide what’s best for them. Well, okay, my husband does have a say, too. So, I nodded my head or said we tried it and, okay, in some cases e-mailed all the benefits of breastfeeding to educate my mother-in-law people (by the way, I am pro-breastfeeding but not a breastfeeding nazi and feel formula feeding moms are just as loving and their babies will be just as smart as mine).

When you’re struggling with your baby or toddler’s sleep and everyone around you either has “the answer” or the baby or toddler who is that perfect sleeper, it’s easy to lose confidence and wonder if you’re doing everything wrong. You might question your ability to parent. But, what I tell my clients a lot is that sometimes you do EVERYTHING right and your baby just. won’t. sleep. You can only do so much. You can lead a horse to water, but can’t make him drink is how the saying goes and it is so true when it comes to your baby’s sleep.

Your job is to provide the soothing sleep environment and to give the opportunity for sleep and the rest is up to them (unfortunately in many of our cases!). When my son, now older, tells me at bedtime “I’m not tired” (when he says that every night and I know is not true and just that he doesn’t want the day to end), it is my job to set firm limits that lights are out at 8:30, no matter what. Most of the time he is asleep in a few minutes and other nights he might take 10-15 while he listens to a CD playing. Either way, I’ve done my job. And, when he was a baby, my job was to make sure we stuck to routine pretty regularly because of his temperament and get him the sleep he needed because of the ramifications if we didn’t. Sure, family members didn’t understand why we had to skip the barbecue for his nap (among many other things), but his sleep and well being came first and we knew him best. AND, we were the ones who had to get up at 10pm, 1am, 3am, etc. when he wasn’t sleeping from being overtired. They weren’t going to do it! There are many things to help promote sleep, of course, and that’s what this site is all about, but at some point you do have to let go and realize they are just going to do what they are going to do and they will have good days and bad days just like we do.

All in all, YOU KNOW YOUR BABY BEST! You are the one with them day in and day out (even working parents like me!). And, you know what you can handle as a parent. We knew the result if we kept our son out too late, so we chose our special events very very carefully. They would always set us back at least a week. Our second son has been much more go-with-the-flow, so I can definitely see how people do it. It just wasn’t going to happen with our first son and it’s not because he was first. It’s just his personality, temperament, and sleep needs. It’s just how the cookie crumbles.

How do you handle the guilt?

* Note: Some pediatricians will recommend some cereal in a bottle for severe cases of acid reflux, but please check with your pediatrician.

Welcome to Part 8 of my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1, where I define baby temperament. This article will discuss energy as a baby temperament trait. At the end of the series, I will give you a quiz to determine your child’s temperament.

Baby Temperament – Energy

Your child’s energy level is how much she sits quietly versus runs or moves around. Some kids are always on the move. But, just because your toddler might not climb, doesn’t mean he isn’t energetic. Maybe he runs, never walks. Many spirited children have high amounts of energy. These are the babies that might roll over early or kids that fall out of their chair at the dinner table and have trouble with long car rides without the ability to get out and run around. Being house-bound in the winter can be a nightmare for these children. Investing in a bouncer for your newborn or a Jumperoo for your older baby may be a necessity.

Many children who have been diagnosed with ADHD have a lot of energy, however, it’s important to note that having a lot of energy does NOT mean your child will be diagnosed with ADHD. ADHD is not being able to focus that energy to complete a task. Many children with a lot of energy can and will complete tasks. They simply need to exert a lot of energy to feel good.

Once again, my eldest son also has a lot of energy. As I’m typing this, he is jumping around watching some race cars. I think he loves the energy of the race cars. Also, after meals, you can often find him running back and forth between the couch and playroom (we call it “exercising”). He’s in his own world when he does this for about 10-15 minutes almost after every meal. It’s actually pretty cute. He has also suddenly fallen out of his chair at dinnertime (now that he’s no longer in a booster seat) out of the blue. He just needs to MOVE! But, from when he was 2 he was able to sit and focus on a jigsaw puzzle that was actually designed for kids older than him and since he was a year old he could sit and read books with us for an hour at a time. So, I’m not worried about his energy, I only needed to know it’s a natural part of him and who he is.

Baby and Toddler Sleep and Energy

How might your baby or toddler’s energy affect her sleep? If your child has a lot of energy, you will likely notice she moves around a LOT in her sleep. If you have a video monitor, you might think she is awake with all the activity in there! Twice, my son fell out of bed when we first transitioned to a big boy bed (once he didn’t even wake up!). Note: Falling out of bed is actually very common even with children who don’t have a lot of energy due to the missing “boundaries” of the crib.

Another way your child’s energy might affect her “sleep” is in the bedtime routine or settling down for a nap. I have found that a one-hour bedtime routine for my eldest is best. I have tried repeatedly to make it shorter and failed every time. The more I try to hurry or rush through it, the more he pushes back and doesn’t cooperate. As he’s gotten older I’ve had to distinguish between a too-early bedtime and his needs to unwind. I have found that no matter what, he seems to fall asleep no less than one hour after we start the routine (some days have been exceptions). This means that it is up to me that we start on time if I want him to go to bed on time. I also have to have the lights out and him “settled” 15 minutes before I want him to be asleep. He needs this unwind time, no matter what. No doubt that part of our long bedtime routine is his energy plus he is slow-to-adapt, so we can’t go through transitions too quickly. Our current routine is: quiet playtime, pajamas, brush teeth, use the potty, more quiet playtime or read books, complain about getting in bed (LOL — and yes every night), tell him homemade bedtime stories (around 10-15 minutes), cuddle quietly or rehash our day a bit and then quiet, him say he’s not tired, me telling him good night and giving him a kiss, and then him falling asleep 5 minutes later, literally.

When you choose a sleep training method for your baby or toddler with a lot of energy, he will likely go longer than others. My youngest son can be playing hard and not seem tired to sleeping 5 minutes later. He’s just different than my first. So, whether you choose cry it out or a no-cry sleep training method, plan for a longer process and be pleasantly surprised if it’s not. With a lot of energy, you can probably bet your baby or toddler will not protest a short 5 minutes like some children, but that will also depend on his persistence.

Again, there are good and bad things about all of these temperament traits. We need all different kinds of people in this world and while it can be tiring keeping up with my sons, it’s a whole lot of fun, too! The most challenging part of the energetic child is combining this energy with other temperament traits. If your child is slow-to-adapt and energetic, he might react like a wild animal with a lot of energetic running around when he is really anxious about having visitors over. If he is overtired after a late bedtime and is sensitive to stimulation, he might get very hyper to the point you think he might not be tired, but in reality he is exhausted (been there, done that). It is important to be in tune to his other temperament traits because if there is something else that he is responding to, no amount of running around may resolve it.

If you are high-energy, it may be easier for you to keep up with your child than a person with lower energy levels. Thankfully, both my husband and I are energetic and active people. If you need more ideas on how to set up your energetic child for success, I recommend the book Raising Your Spirited Child for ideas on tackling each temperament trait.

Explore each of the 9 temperament traits, Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood, focusing on how they play a role in your baby’s sleep and in the final part, take an assessment quiz to help figure out you and your baby or toddler’s temperament and see how it might be similar or different.

Describe your energetic child

Welcome to Part 7 of my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1, where I define baby temperament. This article will discuss regularity as a baby temperament trait. At the end of the series, I will give you a quiz to determine your child’s temperament.

Baby Temperament – Regularity

Your baby’s regularity is how predictable her schedule is from day to day. There are some babies whom you can set the clock by. They wake up at the same time every day. They eat at the same times every day. They take naps at the same time every day. And, yes, some even poop at the same time every single day. No doubt those kids are very easy to potty train.

Inconsistent children are very irregular. They wake up at different times every day. They get hungry at different times and nap at different times for different lengths every day. You can rack your brain and figure out what you did wrong today or right yesterday, but the truth of the matter is, this is just their temperament and nothing you do or don’t do will change it. Getting these children on a schedule can be very frustrating.

Part of my eldest son’s spirited-ness is his inconsistency and boy did it drive me crazy his first 10 or so months of life! I kept an Excel spreadsheet and tracked his sleep, looked for patterns and wondered what I did right or wrong every day. He gets hungry every day at a different time. Some days he’s hungry at 10 a.m. and I give him a little snack and that makes lunch at 1 p.m. or later. Some days if he has a snack, he’s starving at noon. It is so hard to know what will push everything too late or not and it’s hard! But, one of the best things I ever did was one day I finally accepted that the only thing consistent about him was the fact that every day would be different. And, that has been true every day since. But, accepting it relieved my stress about it.

Baby Sleep and Regularity

How might your baby’s regularity affect her sleep? Even though you have an inconsistent baby or toddler or preschooler, it doesn’t mean you don’t try to have a routine and a schedule. You might need to be a little more flexible, but children still thrive on routines and knowing what to expect next. You will want to come up with routines that are flexible for his temperament, but also don’t make you eat dinner late and have your baby go to sleep late. Establishing routines now will only help your child later when it comes to school and you don’t want your family life to be chaotic. Moving your irregular child to a schedule will likely take longer given his natural tendency is not to adhere to a predictable schedule.

The trickiest part for me is that my son is slow-to-adapt, yet inconsistent. So, he thrives on his routines and really needs them, but can’t let them change too much, even though he’s inconsistent (yeah I don’t understand that sentence that much either). For us, that means we have a routine “shell” and things vary in between. I do have to choose my battles wisely as some things are just not worth pressing against his persistence about routine changes.

With an irregular baby who may or may not be tired at “bedtime”, you may need to be a little flexible with the bedtime routine. Of course, with toddlers, they try a lot of things to stall bedtime, so it is tricky to know the difference between stalling and inconsistency. I am flexible within 15-ish minutes (at least I try to be) and then after that I put him to bed and tell him that I will come back to check on him if he isn’t asleep in 10 minutes. Most of the time he falls asleep within 5 minutes of me leaving.

When she is a baby, depending on the age, you may worry if you are doing cry it out whether she’s just not tired. Depending on the age, this can be true, and it’s important for you to know your baby and it helps to track their sleep for a couple of weeks before starting any formal sleep training. After 3 or 4 months old and up through before the age of 2, even the most inconsistent baby will be sleepy sometime between 6 & 8 p.m. After 2 years old, if she is still napping, it’s possible bedtime could get later until she drops the nap (or you drop it for her), but many will continue to go to bed before 8 p.m. In my experience, most babies cry more when they are over-tired than under-tired. If they are under-tired, you can usually tell during the bedtime routine.

If you are using a no-cry sleep training method, you still want to have routines and an early bedtime. You will want to be careful not to let bedtime get too late while you are waiting for your baby to appear sleepy. When a baby is over-tired, her body will release hormones to fight fatigue and they can appear hyper when they are really exhausted. It will just be important to set limits as it will be very easy to let things go too long.

I speak with a lot of frustrated parents with inconsistent children and it is frustrating, but keep in mind you might not do the same things every day at the same time, either. While it might be frustrating now, keep in mind, that we need these irregular children. They’re the ones who work the night shifts, the doctors who work 36 hours straight, and the pilots who fly the red eye (safely I might add). Our society needs all types of people and that’s why it’s really a good thing we have all these different temperaments.

Explore each of the 9 temperament traits, Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood, focusing on how they play a role in your baby’s sleep and in the final part, take an assessment quiz to help figure out you and your baby or toddler’s temperament and see how it might be similar or different.

Can you set a clock by your child?

Welcome to Part 6 of my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1, where I define baby temperament. This article will discuss adaptability as a baby temperament trait. At the end of the series, I will give you a quiz to determine your child’s temperament.

Baby Temperament – Adaptability

Your baby’s adaptability is how quickly your child adapts to changes in schedules and routine. Slow to adapt children often cry or fuss when one activity has to end and another one must begin. They also can get upset with changes in routine. Slow to adapt children may also not react favorably to surprises.

As Raising Your Spirited Child states, “It’s the slow-to-adapt child who loses it because you cut his toast in triangles when he wanted rectangles or you stopped at Burger King when he was expecting McDonald’s. Naptime, lunchtime, bedtime, drop-off at daycare…are all daily transitions that are challenging for this child.”

As I’ve mentioned before, my eldest son is spirited and part of what makes him so is that he is slow to adapt. This improves as he gets older, but is still very much a part of him. When he was a baby, we would need to break our errands into separate events. Every time we left the car, left the store, and got back in the car was an issue because of the transition. It took us a little while to figure that out. We’d go to the store and he’d be ok, but by the 3rd stop, he’d lose it, even if especially if it was a short 5 minute stop. As he got older, when he could understand, we had to count down everything and I’d give him several warnings. “10 more minutes before we have to go inside” (from playing outside), “5 more minutes”, “1 more minute”, “10 more seconds” and then countdown and he’d STILL put up a fuss going inside. Fun times. Now that he’s older, we can run as many errands as we want and don’t need to give him as many warnings, but he is still slow-to-adapt when our routine changes, sometimes, and when it comes to bedtime, in particular.

Baby Sleep and Adaptability

How might your baby’s adaptability affect her sleep? Your child’s adaptability will most affect sleep when it comes to routines, naps, nights, and just day-to-day routines. Many parents like to follow routines even when their baby is a newborn by following an eat-play-sleep routine, for example. For slow-to-adapt children, this can be your saving grace. As a newborn, you might not know, yet, that he is slow-to-adapt, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to try a routine, especially if your baby seems extra fussy all day. Slow-to-adapt children crave routine and need to know what to expect next. Even though my son is more adaptable now, he still does not like routine changes too much and can melt down in certain circumstances.

As you can probably guess, consistency is the most important aspect when it comes to your slow-to-adapt child. As easy and tempting as it feels to read just one book when you usually read three or switch teeth-brushing with putting on pajamas, it might just erupt into a meltdown or rough night for all. A bedtime routine and sleep schedules are musts and whether you use cry it out or a no-cry method, your success will be highly dependent on your ability to stay consistent, which is easier said than done, I know. I have been there!

If your child is slow-to-adapt *and* persistent like mine, it will be challenging to set limits, but limits will be instrumental in tackling sleep problems as well as raising a happy and healthy child in the years to come. If you need more detailed recommendations on helping your child with his adaptability, you can read more in Raising Your Spirited Child and Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child, if he is also persistent.

Explore each of the 9 temperament traits, Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood, focusing on how they play a role in your baby’s sleep and in the final part, take an assessment quiz to help figure out you and your baby or toddler’s temperament and see how it might be similar or different.

Share your child’s slow-to-adapt tendencies

Welcome to Part 5 of my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1, where I define baby temperament. This article will discuss perceptiveness as a baby temperament trait. At the end of the series, I will give you a quiz to determine your child’s temperament.

Baby Temperament – Perceptiveness

Your baby’s perceptiveness is how much your child notices things like people, colors, and noises. A perceptive child may forget directions or instructions you have given her because something else has caught her attention. In addition, she might notice many things that other people don’t, such as a rock in the grass that other kids would walk past.

Perceptiveness and distractibility is not the same as ADHD. Raising Your Spirited Child explains that a child who is more perceptive than other children will notice a lot around them, but will be able to process and eventually be able to focus on something he is interested in and complete a task. A child with ADHD won’t be able to figure out the most important information and won’t be able to focus and complete the task at hand, even if he wants to.

Baby Sleep and Perceptiveness

How might your baby’s perceptiveness affect his sleep? Your child’s perceptiveness will most affect sleep when it comes to napping, routines, and whether you use a nightlight in his room. When you are doing your bedtime routine, your toddler may not be able to follow multi-step instructions, so you may need to break the routines into smaller steps. In other words, instead of asking your toddler to go get a diaper, get his pajamas, and come over to sit down, you might need to ask him to get the diaper first and then ask him to get his pajamas. You also might need to take more time for the routine. If he’s like my eldest son, it might take longer to get through books because he will notice a lot of different things on each page of a book such as the cloud that looks a little like ice cream, even if I’ve read the book 10 times before. I don’t mind at all and encourage his inquisitiveness, but I do need to keep it in mind and plan for how long it takes to get through some things, sometimes.

When it comes to napping, your baby or toddler might look at the light dance on the ceiling from the sunlight shining through the window rather than go to sleep. It is likely she might take longer to fall asleep than a child who is not as perceptive simply because she notices more in the room, especially when there is something new. It is because of this that you will want to put him down for bed at least 10-15 minutes before you want him to be asleep.

You may or may not want to use a nightlight in your baby’s room until he is old enough to care. Remember, he was in the dark in your womb for a long time and until he goes through certain developmental milestones, he is too young to be scared of the dark. I noticed my eldest son would look around entirely too much when he was a baby and it would keep him up, so we did not have a nightlight in his room until he asked for one between 18 months and 2 years, roughly when we transitioned him to his toddler bed and new room. My 2nd son liked to look around, too, so we opted to keep the light off for him, too, though I’m not sure he is as perceptive as his older brother, but time will tell.

When it comes to perceptiveness, you will need to help your child manage it and “hear” you. She will have trouble sorting out what is important and what is not, so keep your messages clear and simple. Encourage her by pointing out the positive aspects of her perceptiveness to her. If you need more detailed recommendations on helping your child with his perceptiveness, you can read more in Raising Your Spirited Child.

As with your sensitive child, a perceptive child will likely take in a lot more around them and can get overstimulated and overtired, so keep that in mind when establishing her sleep schedule. For help tracking your baby’s schedule, you may want to use an online tool, such as Babble Soft.

Explore each of the 9 temperament traits, Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood, focusing on how they play a role in your baby’s sleep and in the final part, take an assessment quiz to help figure out you and your baby or toddler’s temperament and see how it might be similar or different.

Share how your child is or isn’t perceptive

Welcome to Part 4 of my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1, where I define baby temperament. In part 2, I discussed baby temperament trait, intensity, and in part 3, I reviewed persistence. This article will review sensitivity. At the end of the series, I will give you a quiz to determine your child’s temperament.

Baby Temperament – Sensitivity

Your baby’s sensitivity is how aware your child is to noises and emotions, and also, how aware she is to temperature, taste and texture. Your child’s sensitivity (or lack of) can come out in a variety of places. For example, some kids might meltdown if their sock is a little crooked on their toes. Another child might complain about loud noise or light being too bright. Your child might also pick up on your stress or emotions, depending on her sensitivity level. You might notice she starts acting “off” if you are under an undue amount of stress.

My first son is fairly sensitive, but probably only moderately so. From even in the womb, he used to wake up and kick when my husband and I went to the movies. After he was born, he’d become over-stimulated in loud gatherings and melt down even when he was just 2 months old. It shouldn’t have surprised me then, 2 1/2 years later, when we went to the Diego Live! show that he told me it was “loud”.

Baby Sleep and Sensitivity

How might your baby’s sensitivity affect his sleep? If your child is sensitive, this means that most likely he will not be the baby or toddler that falls asleep in a room full of people or with a lot of noise. Due to my son’s sensitivity, I had to remove the nightlight from his room because he’d wake up, see the light, and decide to play in the middle of the night. They are too young to be scared when they are a baby. Once he was older, I bought this nightlight, but still had to cover it up with a washcloth so it wasn’t too bright (he LOVES this light, though!). I also have always had to make sure I put away the dogs so they didn’t bark during naps and keep the noise down, in general. It used to drive me CRAZY when people would tell me he just had to “get used to it”.

It is important to watch your baby or toddler’s reaction to things, even at a young age. You might start to notice a connection between your daily activities and her emotions. You will want to take her sensitivity into consideration when you set up where she sleeps, what she wears to bed and how much noise is going on in the house. Some babies will not like to be too hot or cold while others won’t complain either way. As a baby, we couldn’t have a jacket on my son in the carseat because inevitably he would cry in the backseat within 10-15 minutes during every car trip. Being first time parents, we were especially clueless, but we did figure out that he just would get so hot and be uncomfortable.

Sleep training your sensitive child might be more difficult. You might question whether he’s comfortable, what’s wrong and why no two days are the same. He might become overstimulated easier and need to nap more often. But, your sensitive child’s sleep is ever more important. Sensitive children “take in” a lot around them and that can be exhausting! But, it’s also difficult for him to settle down for the night and therefore, his bedtime routine might need to be longer than normal.

There is a wide spectrum in sensitivity levels. Once you know your baby’s temperament, you can take it into consideration when you choose how to help her get more sleep. You may or may not want to use cry it out to help your baby sleep, but once you know your baby’s personality, that can help you come up with a plan that is more likely to succeed. For help in finding patterns and schedules in your baby’s day, you might want to keep track. You may be interested in using an online baby tracking tool.

For more ideas on how to guide your child in coping with her sensitivity, I recommend Raising Your Spirited Child. She also discusses how to distinguish sensitivity from sensory integration dysfunction, where your child is so sensitive that it’s debilitating.

Explore each of the 9 temperament traits, Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood, focusing on how they play a role in your baby’s sleep and in the final part, take an assessment quiz to help figure out you and your baby or toddler’s temperament and see how it might be similar or different.

Share how your child is or isn’t sensitive

Welcome to Part 3 of my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1, where I define baby temperament. In part 2, I discussed baby temperament trait, intensity, and today I will move on to the next trait, persistence. At the end of the series, I will give you a quiz to determine your child’s temperament.

 
 
 

Baby Temperament – Persistence

Your baby’s persistence is how easily or difficult she can stop a task if you tell her to and how strong-willed they are when they get their mind set on something. Persistence might reveal itself when you take your 8 month old’s toy away from him to start a new game or your 2 year old who needs to get out of the bath and isn’t ready. Or, you might even see it as early as 4 months old when she wants to nurse and he won’t take no for an answer without erupting in tears and will not settle down with any other soothing method. A very persistent baby or toddler doesn’t take “no” for an answer very easily.

I have personally seen my eldest son’s persistence from very early on and it hasn’t let up in his 3 years. When your child is persistent, they really “lock in” to an idea or desire and will not let up easily. I can share a few examples. When my son was a baby, he would “lock in” and get upset when we took a toy away. When he was a little older, taking away the bottle (around 15 months) proved difficult and rather than drink from a sippy, he’d wait it out without milk until his next feeding (we worked on one feeding at a time). We saw his first tantrum not getting what he wanted very early, around 15-16 months, too, and there have been numerous times we’ve been driving somewhere, we didn’t go the way he wanted, and we heard about it ALLLLLL the rest of the way home. As soon as you think he’s forgotten about what he wanted, he will keep harping on it. Sometimes distraction works, but often it doesn’t. Happiest Toddler on the Block has good information about dealing with toddlers in this way (or watch the DVD).

I have purposely kept from using the word “stubborn” to describe this temperament trait. Stubborn has a negative connotation and will only frustrate you if you have a persistent child. Remember that your child is not purposely doing this to drive you crazy (even though there have been numerous times I thought I was headed that way). This is their in-born personality. A persistent child will require you to have more patience and set firm limits. You also have to pick your battles, in my opinion, but giving in to every demand of a persistent child simply to avoid their will, is not a good idea. I suspect many “spoiled” kids are very persistent and I can certainly understand how it “feels” easier to just give them what they want. Combine intensity with persistence (think 30 minutes with a screaming toddler when he wants something) like my eldest son and it can be VERY tiring, but we press on to make sure he has reasonable limits and can grow into a child who won’t expect to always get what he wants. It is my goal to help direct him to be persistent at appropriate times.

As I said last time, there are good and bad things about each temperament trait. The photo I chose for this article is not an accident. Without persistence, it can be difficult to reach the highest mountains and achieve successes in life. There are a number of jobs / careers that need a persistent nature, some more than others. In a job where you might be told no a lot, such as an actor or actress, a less persistent person is not as likely to achieve their dream. Becoming a doctor, lawyer, Fortune 500 CEO, etc. take a lot of persistence, too.

Baby Sleep and Persistence

How might your baby’s persistence affect her sleep? If your child is a less persistent baby, this means that it will not likely be that difficult to get better sleep out of her. Typically, less persistent babies and toddlers accept no for an answer and do not stay upset very long when you make changes. You may simply just need to commit to making changes. If you decide to sleep train with a no-cry sleep training method, your baby will not likely complain very long and quickly take no for an answer when you refuse to continue to replace the pacifier or nurse to sleep or discontinue any other sleep association. Once she is 4 months old if you decide to sleep train using a crying sleep training method, your baby will likely not cry very long, if at all.

On the other hand, if your baby is a very persistent baby, you can bet that it will be harder to get more cooperation out of him when he has his mind set on something. If you use a no-cry sleep training method, it will likely take you longer than those with less persistent babies. It might take you a month or two of consistency to really make a lot of progress and it will take a lot of patience and wherewithal on your part. If you decide to use a crying sleep training method, you can expect long crying bouts, unfortunately. Depending on his intensity level, this may or may not be difficult to get through. If he is low-intensity and fusses for an hour, that might be “easier” than if he is screaming at the top of his lungs for an hour. Regardless of the method, your key to success will be to be more persistent than he is. Luckily for me, I am a very persistent, too (gee where did my son get it? Ha!). You might also notice that you need to keep setting firm limits during bedtime routines as he gets older and wants “one more book”, “one more drink” or “one more” anything.

As you can imagine, since it did prompt me to make a whole website about this, my son’s persistence was prominent throughout our whole endeavor to get better sleep out of him. Not only that, but we fell backwards many times after illnesses, vacations, and teething.

As always, there is a wide spectrum in persistence levels. Once you know your baby’s temperament, intensity level, and persistence level, you can take it into consideration when you choose how to help her get more sleep. You may or may not want to use cry it out to help your baby sleep, but once you know your baby’s personality, that can help you come up with a plan.

For more ideas on how to guide your child’s persistence (i.e. help her learn appropriate times to be persistent), I recommend Raising Your Spirited Child.

Explore each of the 9 temperament traits, Intensity, Persistence, Sensitivity, Perceptiveness, Adaptability, Regularity, Energy, First Reaction, and Mood, focusing on how they play a role in your baby’s sleep and in the final part, take an assessment quiz to help figure out you and your baby or toddler’s temperament and see how it might be similar or different.

Share how your child is or isn’t persistent