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Do you want more sleep?   Yes! I need more sleep.

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  1. I found your site after trying to put my 9 month baby girl arround 5 hours and even at that time I used to think I wanted more than 2. Now that she is almost 2 years, somedays I feel like I don’t want more kids but next day I want 4 and have a big and happy family.

    My husband have always said he wants 3. I don’t know yet what to do and my biggest fear is to leave a big gap between my first and second!

  2. I always knew I wanted at least 2 and used to think I wanted 3, however we have decided 2 is enough. My first son was a bad sleeper, but he got slighlty better after the year mark when we did a bit of cc, he didn’t sleep through until he was 2 though and every so often will go through a bad patch of either waking early or nightmares etc, but he goes to bed really well. I truely thought that i would get lucky second time round as you never get two the same right? Well that is right because Oliver my second son is a worse sleeper *sigh* at almost a year we co-sleep. He goes in his cot around 7 ish and will wake twice usualy before I go to bed at 10 ish and bring him in with me. He will then wake once or twice for a feed. I must admit that it has put me off having another I dont think I could cope with another bad sleeper.

  3. Great topic! I always knew I wanted more than 1 child – no specific number. My husband was reluctant to have our #1, then he came around and even though we had some issues with #1 it didn’t stop us from falling pregnant after 13 month, I lost it and then lost another. Now #1 is 18 months and frustration on all sides is setting in, the only good thing is that # one is finaly sleeping 11-12hrs straight, but my husband is back to saying no kids due to the daily dramas. As I’m still recovering from the loss, it’s difficult to see how things will work out but the topic is on my mind a lot. Thank you for pointing out the pros and cons!

  4. What perfect timing. My husband and I have just decided we want another ride on the baby rollercoaster with our first 12 months old and still a bad night sleeper. We figure, it could all be different in nine months and if not than we’ll handle it because, in the light of day, they’re really worth it.

  5. Another good article! Nicole, every time I read about your personal experiences, I cannot get over the similarities to ours. We always wanted 2, and in spite of the challenges with #1, we jumped into it. We also got pregnant quickly, and lost that, leading to the 27 month spacing between our girls. Our #2 is also much easier in a lot of ways. She’s still only 5 months old, so it’ll be interesting to see how much more different! Potty training in particular I’m crossing my fingers on b/c #1 was done by 21 months(!). Tonight was a good illustration of what you talk about with not pushing as much with #2 on some sleep things; she had a tough time b/c I’ve been finding it almost impossible to provide a regular schedule for her and she has been getting over-tired too often. I would still say she’s solidly in the middle (although I may be back in touch with some recent issues!) instead of a ‘dream’ sleeper or as bad as our first. I have to say, the first couple months with 2 were pretty much that worst case scenario you describe – and worse as our oldest was quite sick during the first 3 months after our second was born, which led to the whole host of issues you helped on with her.

    One thing I’d love to see you address on a practical level is how to handle older children & younger children’s different sleep needs. Our #2 is NOT flexible on her sleep environment so far, so it’s been very hard to provide regularity for her and to not keep my oldest cooped up. Hopefully you’ve got another good article up your sleeve?? 🙂

  6. What an interesting topic! I admire people who can have many children close in age together. In my situation, however, my daughter turned out to be difficult if not impossible to wean at age 1. So, I continued breastfeeding her until after age 2. That means my children are 3 years apart by natural child spacing. My daughter was a terrible sleeper as a baby and toddler, but as a 3 year old goes to bed easily, sleeps 12 hours each night and rarely wakes us up. I guess I am just trying to point out that if the first child is a bad sleeper, it’s not always a “now or never” situation.

  7. My son was a difficult sleeper. He had reflux and I know I did things wrong with him at the beginning in regards to his sleeping. At 8 months he started sleeping through the night (7a-7p). So we decided we would try for #2. well, it happened quickly for us as we are expecting in November and just a quickly as we got pregnant, my son started waking up in the early morning and now at 1yr old he is having trouble napping some days which leads to a disaster all night. Having said all this, we are still so happy that we have a second one on the way. I guess the silver lining is that at least we never got used to having a full night of uninterrupted sleep so adding a waking newborn will be less of a shock since we are already used to waking in the night. 🙂

  8. i finally decided to have baby no. 2 after my 1st daughter is 5 years old, i know it’s too big gab between them but i was so afraid bec she was sooo bad sleeper,,now i feel so calm and optemistic after reading your words and hope it can work on me…

  9. I’m pregnant with no.2 and still up with no.1 (1yr old) most nights. He was sleeping at one point but I started work again – had to – and although he’s happy in daycare, he’s become more clingy at night. Teething and the bugs they pick up from other kids doesn’t help. But we always wanted 2 kids reasonably close, so they’ll have more in common growing up. Plus at 35 if I leave it too long… you know the score. So here we go! Due in February so all I ask is the strenghth to take each day as it comes. And we’re saving like crazy so I can get some help around the house in the early weeks. At the moment, when I’m really tired, it’s the thought of the new baby that keeps me going (irony?!?!).

  10. I love this article, thank you for posting! This is something my husband and I talk endlessly about. We always said we would have two, but neither one of were prepared for how hard it was having a baby. I thought the first week 8 of his life were practically impossible, the next 6 were only slightly easier. My little one required tight swaddling and lots of bouncy/swaying/pacing to get to sleep. I was walking up and down the stairs for hours a day getting him to sleep, only for him to wake up the moment he was put down in the crib. I was so emotionally & physically exhausted by the time my hubby got home from work. I had no idea what we had gotten ourselves into and both of us thought no way to a second baby. But then around the 4 1/2 month mark we stopped swaddling and all the bouncing and he just started sleeping better. Everything got easier after that and we finally started to understand why people have more than one baby. My son is an absolute joy and I can’t imagine my life without him and I think that 4 very difficult months was totally worth it. I’ve often times felt like a bad mom because I question if I want more children based on the difficulties I had my first. Its nice to know that other parents have the same concerns and feel the same way. Thanks again for posting.

    • @Wendi I think the first few months are definitely the most exhausting… and really the first year and then you start to see the light and how people can have more than one. 😀 I’m glad knowing others have the same doubts helps you feel not alone. You are definitely not alone as I have parents ask me sometimes about this and why I thought it would be a good topic. Thanks for sharing!

      @Ems I agree! Since my husband and I were “older” we didn’t want to wait too long, either. Congratulations on your new baby! 🙂 I hope you are able to have help in those early weeks. That would help a lot. Good luck and thanks for commenting!

      @Mariana Congratulations on having your second! I hope your second is a much better sleeper like mine, too! 🙂

      @Jen B That is a silver lining! I often think that parents who are used to getting a lot of sleep and then having a difficult sleeper likely have an even harder time adjusting, so I agree with you. Hopefully, your second will be a champion sleeper! Good luck! 🙂

      @Heather You are definitely right that nothing is forever. I think of families with 4 kids and wonder how they go thorough 8 years of sleep deprivation, though! 😀 Well, potentially 8 years. 😉

      @Ellen Thank you! 🙂 When your toddler is waking that definitely makes those first few months with a newborn MUCH more difficult. Yes, I’m planning to do a couple of articles on how to juggle more than one child and differing sleep needs. Challenging indeed and, of course, you can only do the best you can in some respects. Thank you for commenting!

      @Wendy You’re right about that. Good luck!!

      @Anna I’m so sorry for your multiple losses. 🙁 It is hard with the daily dramas of an 18 month to 3 year old. 🙂 They can be soooo cute and soooo frustrating at the same time. My husband was always adamant about two and I was always open to 2, maybe 3, but then 2 seemed really good. LOL My friend’s husband was intent on just one for a really really long time and they just had an “oops” and are expecting another when their eldest is now 6! 🙂 I hope your husband comes around, if you do decide you want another. I know it’s hard with the losses. Good luck to you!

      @Alex Oh I’m so sorry your second ended up being harder and even the first was tough! 🙁 I don’t blame you for deciding you can’t do it again. That’s how we felt. Although my second was easier, it still wasn’t “easy” per se, so we just didn’t see going through that first year all over again and still have the energy and attention for our first two. Thanks for sharing!

      @Carolina Oh I remember those yo-yo feelings. One day it’s so manageable and then the next is so challenging. Good luck in your decision! I know it’s a hard one, sometimes, and it’s such a personal decision to make. You will know. 🙂 We wanted our spaced about 2 years apart, too. Too long and the kids are in such different places in their lives. Even 2 years is a lot sometimes. My 5 year old just can’t grasp why my 3 year old doesn’t grasp some things. 😀 We didn’t want to feel like we were starting ALL the way over, but there are pros and cons to different age gaps, I’m sure. Older kids can help more with the baby, too, so that seems like a plus. I know you’ll figure it out. 🙂 Good luck!