Sleep Associations – Is Rocking Your Baby Harmful?
Posted by Nicole on April 11th, 2008
Is it a bad idea to rock your baby? It depends. It is never a bad idea to cuddle your baby and give him/her lots of love and affection! It’s only when rocking your baby becomes something you can’t keep up with is it a problem. Let’s take a step back and let me explain what a sleep association is.
What is your sleep association? How do you fall asleep?
What kind of routine do you do before you go to sleep each night? Do you watch TV? Talk to your partner? Do you read a book? Do you sleep on a pillow? These are the types of things you associate with going to sleep each night. What would happen if your power was out and you couldn’t watch the news or read your book? Would you have trouble falling asleep? Perhaps. Or, perhaps not. Would you have trouble going to sleep without your pillow? That might be more likely to give you trouble. Some sleep associations are stronger than others. What if you went to sleep with your pillow and covers and 2 hours later woke up and they were gone? Would you be able to go back to sleep without looking for the pillow? Now let’s look at how this concept might affect your baby/child.
What is your child’s sleep association? How does your child fall asleep?
Let’s look at how many babies fall asleep. They might fall asleep while their mother or father is rocking them in a rocking chair, bundled up and very cozy in their parent’s arms. Or, they may fall asleep sucking on a bottle of breastmilk/formula. Or, perhaps they doze off with the simple use of a pacifier. Minus the teeth issue with breastmilk/formula later on, there isn’t a problem with any of these methods of falling asleep until it is a problem.
From the time my son was an itty bitty baby, he loved to be walked, rocked and nursed to sleep. He also loved napping in the moving swing. At first this was not a problem. He would fall asleep quickly and we’d put him down. But, several weeks later, I found myself rocking him for 2-3 hours each night to put him to bed. He’d fall asleep easily, but then when I put him down he’d wake up! Ah! And, then I’d need to repeat it every 1-2 hours when he woke up. It was exhausting and I was at the end of my rope! So, we took to co-sleeping, which got us both more sleep, yet I was so nervous I’d roll on top of him or my husband or I would cover him with blankets. I’m not the best sleeper, so every time he’d want to nurse, I’d have trouble going back to sleep (and I never got good and switching sides without actually switching sides either). Co-sleeping works for many and I’m not knocking it. It just didn’t work for us and it is important for every family to learn what works for them best. After learning about sleep associations I was able to transfer him back to his crib at 4 months old and we both got a LOT more sleep then!
The problem with sleep associations lies in the fact that your baby needs YOU to recreate the environment in which they fell asleep. YOU become their “pillow” and when they wake up through sleep transitions (that we ALL have!) and their pillow is gone, they don’t know how to go back to sleep. So, the key is to allow them to go to sleep the same way they will wake up periodically throughout the night. If they wake up briefly and find you gone or the movement has stopped (as with my son) or their pacifier is gone or…they will wake up more and have to call out to you so you can “help” them once again. The beauty of this is that after they get to be about 3-4 months, they really don’t “need” you as much as you might think and they can actually learn to fall asleep on their own, if they haven’t learned already up to this point.
One final thought. I want to reiterate that rocking your baby, using a pacifier, nursing or drinking a bottle before bed, etc. are not bad things to do. If you don’t mind rocking your baby for 10 minutes and (s)he falls asleep, you transfer him/her to his/her bed and (s)he sleeps all night, then there is no problem. It’s only when you can’t keep up with the (insert sleep association) that it becomes a problem. Keep in mind that your sleep fragmentation that makes you exhausted is no better for your baby than it is for you. If you are cranky, don’t you think (s)he will be too over time? I would have LOVED to rock my son and boy did I try (unintentionally — just in my nature). We slipped back into bad habits more times than I wanted to count, but it just became a hitch for him EVERY time. In the end, I was able to continue to nurse him to sleep once he learned the necessary skills to go BACK to sleep throughout the rest of the night. With opportunity and practice we can all learn a new way to sleep, even without a pillow!
If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, I encourage you to explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 40 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out Help Your Child Sleep, a Step-by-Step Guide. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. Or, join our Members Area packed with premium content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, peer support, and more. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations.
What kind of sleep associations do you have? What about your child?
Tags: association of sleep, associations, baby, bottle, Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cosleeping, end of my rope, nursing, pacifier, rocking, sleep, sleep association, sleep associations, swing
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April 12th, 2008
Great writing Nicole!
I loved the pillow Analogy.
April 12th, 2008
@Rose Thank you! The pillow sleep association is in other books, but one day it seemed to occur to me that *I* was my son’s “pillow”. It made it make a lot more sense to me. :p
August 20th, 2008
This helped me understand WHY my baby wakes up frequently and cannot fall back to sleep. Holw can I learn HOW to correct it? What should I do now that we have this ‘bad habit’?
August 20th, 2008
@Janine You might check out some of my other articles on this site (See Featured Blog Posts in my sidebar) or my e-Book which is a step-by-step guide on how to break sleep associations and helping your baby sleep. Click on “Resources” on my menu and choose “Detailed (Step-by-Step) Guide”.
Thank you for pointing out this article does not give additional links on where to go next. I’ll get that updated.
December 2nd, 2008
this was a good article…i’m right now with my 1 month baby and i do rock him for a couple of mins…but than he wakes up when i put him in his crib…But he’ll fall asleep on his own if I don’t pay attention. The pacifier works also..but whenever he realizes that he dropped it he wakes up crying. I think that the best way to make him through the night is to give him pumped milk through a bottle without picking him up just to burp him. And breast feed through the day. During the day my baby usually falls asleep looking at me.
December 2nd, 2008
@Gigi Thank you for commenting! Just so you know, I successfully breastfed my 2 boys at night until I night-weaned around 9 months old and didn’t have to give a bottle. It is possible to do both but still have them sleep. The pacifier is just another sleep association instead of rocking. The trick is not to replace one sleep association for another and even a bottle can become one. Good luck!
July 23rd, 2009
Thanks Nicole for this article. This hit home in ways you can’t imagine. My first baby was such an easy sleeper, and we could put him down wide awake from the get go and he put himself to sleep, even sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old. My daughter, now 12 weeks, is a completely different baby, and though we tried to put her down “drowsy but awake” at the beginning, she put up a fuss, and I found myself picking her up and rocking her to sleep. At 8 weeks old she was falling asleep on her own and sleeping 8-10 hours a night, but suddenly one day it all went downhill FAST. And now if I put her down in her crib drowsy, she’s up crying 5, 15, 30 min later, and some nights it takes 3 hours before she’s down for good. I’ve been racking my brain wondering what went wrong, and after reading this, I realize she’s suffering from a sleep association. Is it too late to break her of this? She’s not 4 months, so it’s still too early for sleep training, yet we can’t continue in this way. What do you recommend for the “in between” age?
August 7th, 2009
@Gina Your story sounds just like mine taking 3 hours to put baby to bed! You can work with her on trying to fall asleep on her own, staying with her while she is upset. It will depend on her personality and temperament how successful you will be, at this age, though. Hang in there!
September 10th, 2009
Thanks for the great article! My 5 month old definately has a sleep association problem! She always ‘needed’ to be rocked to sleep as a newborn and at 3 1/2 months I finally got her to self settle! All was great for about 3 weeks (she was only waking once in the night and going straigt back to sleep after a feed)and then she learnt to roll. Now she rolls over in her sleep and wakes up and can’t get back – even if we roll her back she then can’t settle again without a feed. THis has been happening every 2-3 hours all night every night now and I can’t break it! If I leave her to self sooth like she used to she just rolls over like its a game and then can’t sleep! Any ideas for rolling bubs??
September 18th, 2009
@Rebecca This is usually a temporary problem until they can control the rolling. It is recommended for them to continue to sleep on their back to reduce the chance of SIDS, but some people help them learn to self-sooth on their tummies once they start rolling. Otherwise, it will probably be over in a week or two, if it’s not already by the time I answered this and you read it.
Good luck!
September 24th, 2009
Thanks Nic – you were right! After 2 totally sleepless weeks my ‘rolling bub’ has learnt to sooth herself on her tummy. She now refuses to sleep any other way and will roll striaght to her tummy and go to sleep when put in her cot – so we just check her regularly and have our monitor on! Thanks for your reassurance!!
September 25th, 2009
@Rebecca You’re very welcome! I’m glad it was a “short” 2 weeks for you.
Once my son went to his tummy, he didn’t go back either and slept so much better that way!
October 27th, 2009
Finding this site today was the most eye-opening of all sites I’ve read in the past couple of days! My daughter is 7 mo old and she MOST DEFINITELY has a sleep association. I know exactly what I have been doing wrong (which is breastfeeding her to bed at night) and I have no clue how to fix this! Please HELP me! As soon as I put her down into her crib she wakes up crying and if she doesn’t as soon as I put her down, she does after 1/2 hr max! And if I don’t pick her up (bc I want her to cry it out and maybe she’ll cry herself to sleep) she scream cries! I can’t hear her like that. What do I DO!??
November 5th, 2009
Zena– I have the same dilemma (to put it lightly) with my almost-10-month-old. He nurses to sleep (naps and at night) and wakes every 3 hrs. to eat. I co-sleep because I was going batty from having to stay in the room with him for HOURS because he’d woken up when I tried to transfer him to the crib and had to re-feed him (his sleep association) to get him sleeping again. When I transferred him to the crib he’d cry till he’s gagging and about to throw up; face, pj’s and sheet soaked with tears and there’s no way my husband and I can go through the pain of hearing him like this..so we go around like wrecks throughout the day because of lack of sleep. Help. Help. Help
November 13th, 2009
@Zena I’m so glad you found the site and it’s helpful to you! The key to changing sleep associations is to help your baby fall asleep in the same environment she falls asleep in at night, so when she wakes periodically she can go right back to sleep. The whole site and books are dedicating to helping you find the method that best suits you and your baby. I am also available for a personalized plan of action for you and your family, too. Good luck!
November 22nd, 2009
@Adi I remember those days.
I hope you can find a method that suits your son’s personality. There are many methods to choose from. Good luck!