If there’s one thing we know to be true here at The Baby Sleep Site®, it’s this: the parenting journey is made easier when you don’t have to travel alone. When you can collaborate with other parents, sharing insights and experiences, the journey tends to feel a little easier.
But there’s another side to this, of course. When you journey alongside other parents, and you compare their experiences to yours, you may sometimes feel like you’re coming up short:
‘Her baby nurses so well — why doesn’t mine?’
‘He’s such a calm, relaxed dad. Why don’t I feel that way?’
‘Their baby almost never cries; mine cries all the time!”
And there are few things parents compare more frequently than their babies’ sleeping habits:
‘Your baby naps for two hours twice a day?! I’m lucky to get 30 minutes!’
‘Wait — you don’t have to nurse your baby to sleep? I thought everyone had to do that.’
‘Your baby started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks? SERIOUSLY?!’
It can be so easy to feel like you’re losing when you play the sleep comparison game, especially if you’re surrounded by families whose babies sleep through the night from a young age and take regular, marathon naps. So how are you supposed to handle this? What do you do when your baby won’t sleep like everyone else’s?
Not to worry, Baby Sleep Site® readers! Today, we’re bringing you four simple steps to dealing with this kind of situation.
4 Steps To Handling The “My Baby Won’t Sleep Like Your Baby” Problem
If you find yourself facing the “why won’t my baby sleep like everyone else’s?” issue, try following this four-step process:
- Determine what’s actually “normal”. This is an important first step. When you’re looking at other families, and comparing their babies to yours, remember that their babies aren’t necessarily an indicator of what’s standard, or average. Yes, your sister’s baby may have started sleeping through the night at 3 months, but that definitely doesn’t mean it’s standard practice for babies everywhere!
Instead, focus on what’s considered “normal” for your baby’s age. Our sleep and feeding schedules provide an easy way for you to get a glimpse of standard, average sleep amounts for your baby. And remember, when it comes to sleep, “normal” is always a spectrum.
- Take your family’s unique situation into account. No two babies are the same. No two families are the same, either! Some families put baby to sleep in his own crib, while other families are proud co-sleepers. Sometimes parents may work night shifts. Other families live in multi-generational households. Some families have to contend with health issues. And the list goes on.
Your family probably has some unique factors at work, too, and it’s important to remember that those factors may very well affect your baby’s sleep. And since your friends’ families aren’t identical to yours, it makes sense that their babies may sleep a little differently.
- Determine how you actually feel about your baby’s sleep. All too often, parents feel highly competitive about baby sleep: who’s doing it “better”, who’s doing it “right”. It’s easy to get swept up in that. But remember, “baby sleep” isn’t an Olympic sport. You can’t medal in it! So don’t let yourself get caught up in the competition.
Instead, really analyze how you feel about your baby’s sleeping patterns. If your 9 month old still wakes up once during the night to nurse — does that bother you? Some of you might answer yes, but others will likely answer no. If your baby doesn’t nap at the same time each day — does that bother you? Again, some will say yes, and some will say no.
There are two things to ask yourself here: ‘is my baby getting enough sleep?’ and ‘do I feel fine about my baby’s sleeping habits?’ If the answer to both questions is ‘yes’, then guess what? You’ve won. You’re a winner. It doesn’t matter what your mother, or your neighbor, or your best friend thinks about your baby’s sleep; if you’re okay with your baby’s sleeping patterns (and if your baby is getting enough sleep each day), then you’ve won. Competition over.
- If it’s necessary, make changes to your baby’s sleeping habits. Of course, once you’ve completed step 3, and analyzed how you feel about your baby’s sleeping patterns, you might come to the conclusion that you don’t like them one bit! If that’s the case, then, by all means, make changes!
If your baby’s waking too frequently at night, then take steps to begin sleep training. Is your baby’s napping erratic and chaotic (or maybe even non-existent!)? Then begin creating a daytime schedule that will help her nap more regularly.
If you find that you need help making changes to your baby’s sleep, we are here for you! Our team of expert sleep consultants is standing by, ready to create a Personalized Sleep Plan™ just for your family, and to support you as you implement it at home.
Browse our list of consultation package options here.
Once you make your choice and purchase, you will immediately receive an e-mail with your Helpdesk login information. You’ll be able to login and start your Family Sleep History form right away – it’s that simple!
But remember, don’t work on your baby’s sleep because you want to “win”, or because you feel pressured to. Don’t start sleep training out of the panic-stricken fear that “everyone else’s” baby is sleeping the “right” way, and yours isn’t. No, sleep train because you want to, because it’s something you feel is important for your baby.
“I have two boys, one who was a ‘hard’ sleeper and one who was ‘easier’ (not perfect). However, the ‘easier’ sleeper was a horrible teether. As they grew older, they were both ‘easy’ and ‘hard’ in their own ways. One threw stuff in the toilet and did other things like that while the other would never do that! So, even if your little one has a ‘harder’ time than others, that may simply mean she’ll be ‘easier’ in another way. Try not to feel the pressure that she must be ‘perfect’ or easy in every way. It’s unfair to her and unfair to you.”
Being part of a community is a good thing. It’s good to have friends to walk alongside you as you work to parent your little one too. (Some of those friends may be able to support you through sleep training — what a blessing that can be!) But remember that when you surround yourself with other parents, things can start to feel competitive. Guard against that as best you can, and focus on simply doing your best. If you do that (and heap as much love as possible on your little one), you can’t go wrong!
Have you felt the “your baby sleeps better than my baby” pressure? How have you dealt with it? Share your tips below!
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9 thoughts on “4 Tips For When Your Baby Won’t Sleep Like Your Friends’ Babies. (Most People Overlook #2).”
I feel completed defeated by my two month old’s sleep. He usually sleeps anywhere from 1-2.5 hours every night. Sometimes he’ll sleep 3 and I’ll get so excited but then I realize I’m still very dissatisfied with the way he sleeps. I have close friends and family who have a girl either a couple weeks older than him or a few days younger than him who BOTH sleep 8-10 hours every night. I feel so left out. I’ve tried everything but he just constantly wants to wake up to be fed. I try feeding him more but he won’t take any more. So it’s an endless cycle of feeding for 5 minutes and sleeping for an hour. It’s really hard & I just want to scream. I hate that this is my life now
Thank you for writing to us! I’m sorry to hear you’re having trouble with your baby’s sleep, but you’re definitely not alone! Try not to compare your baby to others that may be sleeping in longer stretches! We totally get it, but just know that sleeping in such long stretches at such a young age is not the norm and again, you’re not alone!!! Waking every 1-2 hours is a lot, and oh so hard on you! If you haven’t yet, you can sign up to receive our free guide written just for families with young babies, “15 Baby Sleep Facts New Parents Need to Know” for some more helpful information about your 2 month old’s sleep. Here is the link, and we hope it is very helpful!:
You may also want to take a look at this article, 7 Gentle, Natural Ways To Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Better:
We do offer a few more in-depth solutions for parents who need more help with their young infant’s sleep. Our e-book, Essential Keys to Your Newborn’s Sleep, may be a good option for you. In it, we give you a complete toolkit to help your baby establish healthy sleep habits today and throughout the first year. In addition, our highly trained sleep consultants can help families of newborns manage soothing issues, crying, schedules, sleep associations, and coordinating sleep and feeding times. Our sleep consultation packages are perfect for helping you feel confident in your newborn’s sleep, and we’ll work with you to provide a path forward for understanding when to switch from managing sleep to more formal sleep coaching too.
You can read more about our wonderful newborn options here:
I hope this information helps, and hang in there Brianna!
This is exactly what I needed to read!!!! Especially number 3. I often hear friends talk about their perfect babies who sleep so well and I feel like such a failure.
Yes my baby wakes up at night but she gets more than enough sleep and we are happy with our situation.
Reading the words “you’re a winner” was exactly what I needed to hear as I daily feel like I’m losing an imaginary competition.
@Dina, we are so glad this was encouraging for you! You are a winner, hang in there through the hard times are we are here to help if you ever need. 🙂
@ Brandy L-J: you’re definitely not alone! Glad to hear you’re taking small steps and making some progress. You can do it!! 🙂
If my little girl could become a marathon sleep for at least four-five hours in her crib that would be HEAVEN…i am expecting number 2 in Oct and i am trying to work with her small steps at a time getting her in her crib for the night. But glad to see some light shed on some families with getting there babies to sleep.
Hi, Liv, am so amazed to here that there is such marathon child who sleeps like that ,have ever ealised that some babies do prefer to have some soft drink at night which I have so far experienced , otherwise thanks to BABY SLEEP HELP.
@ Liv — Your comment made me smile 🙂 Good insight on #2; babies are sooooo different (even babies that are born to the same parents!)
Glad to know your son is sleeping now, and that the “fog” has lifted! That’s a nice feeling.
Thanks for commenting, Liv!
Hell yeah I felt that pressure!
My friend’s daughter was a marathon sleeper. They would actually have to wake her at 9.30am from about 9 weeks of age. When looking for breastfeeding tips she told me about feeding her daughter “IF she woke at night”…..
Meanwhile my son was waking every 90 minutes or so, feeding for 45 minutes and taking 20 minutes to settle back to sleep. For months.
I felt like a total failure.
Thankfully my son got better at the sleep thing and now I’m out of that fog I can understand that babies are all different.
However the same friend is expecting No2 in a couple of months and I can’t help but wonder if she’ll get another amazingly good sleeper, or if she’ll get a taste of sleep deprivation!
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