Cry It Out Defined and Age to Do It
Posted by Nicole on August 12th, 2008
If you are unfortunate enough to consider letting baby cry it out (because let’s face it, none of us PLAN to let their baby cry it out when they are still in the womb or anything! It’s typically the last resort for most of us.), many people want to know when it is okay to do it. Some people would answer “never” and that is their right.
Here at The Baby Sleep Site™, I understand that all situations are unique and what works for you might not work for others and what works for others might not work for YOU! I am here to help you develop the plan that will be most likely to succeed based on your baby’s temperament and personality and your parenting style and philosophy. If your philosophy goes against cry it out, simple DON’T DO IT (it won’t work anyway).
First, let me define what I mean by “cry it out” because it means different things to different people.
What Cry It Out Isn’t
- Cry it out is not replacement for feeding when baby can not comfortably sleep all night without food.
- Cry is out is not meant to be used when baby is hungry, wet, very sick, in pain, etc.
- Cry it out does not mean throwing your baby into a room, closing the door and ignoring baby forever and ever.
- Cry it out is not replacement to parenting when baby needs it.
That last one some would say is always true, but I disagree, but we’ll get to that.
What Cry It Out IS
- Cry it out is a sleep training method to break poor sleep associations.
- Cry it out is setting limits on what you will and won’t allow your baby to do (at nap time, all night, etc.).
That’s it! Sometimes it’s just about setting limits that you will not nurse all night or replace a pacifier 10 times per night or rock your baby in the rocking chair for 3 hours and then every 2 hours after that (like my son wanted me to do). Those are all sleep associations that sometimes need to be broken (and not replaced with a new one).
The act of crying does nothing to teach baby to sleep and it won’t change his personality. Cry “it” out is simply letting baby find his own way to fall asleep and allowing him to cry out his frustration about not being able to get that pacifier replaced for the 10th time. None of us get better at something without practice.
OF COURSE, some parents can nurse all night and it works great for them. Others can rock their baby for 10 minutes and he sleeps all night. But, many of us are simply not that lucky. If baby cried being in the car seat, would you take him out while driving because he was crying?
It is hard for many of us to break habits, but the longer you do it, the harder the habit is to break, right?
Cry It Out – What age?
So, what’s the right age to allow baby to cry it out? Once again, this answer will vary. I try to empower parents here on this site. You know your baby best! At some point you know that your baby is very capable of putting herself to sleep, but prefers you to rock, bounce, nurse, etc. her to sleep. There is not going to be a magic age, but one day you will realize what baby once NEEDED to fall asleep, now she simply WANTS it. That is the key to finding the “right” time. You are simply at your wits end and just can’t do “it” anymore.
Having said all that, if your baby’s temperament is “easy”, sometimes all it takes is for you to just get out of the way a little bit and allow baby to fuss for 5 minutes or less and that can be done when he is just a newborn. Aside from a little fussing, I usually don’t recommend finding a cry it out method to formally use until at least 4 months old. The ideal age is usually before 8-10 months. I’ve had parents tell me they feel they waited too long by only waiting until 10 months old. Once baby can pull to standing, it gets harder (but not impossible) and personalities only get stronger, so it’s great to lay the foundation before that time.
How to Cry It Out
There are NUMEROUS variations to the cry it out method and it’s important to be responsible about it. It is unfair to just “snap” one day, let him cry and then go to him the next day, on/off, on/off. You need to make A PLAN. I also never recommend to allow baby to cry it out when she is still swaddled, because they need to find a way to self-soothe by finding their fingers/thumb. Also, you should ensure your baby does not have any health problems by visiting her pediatrician before starting any formal sleep training method such as cry-it-out. If your baby changes sleep patterns abruptly, it can be an ear infection or reflux or another issue, so those should be ruled out, first. Generally, if your baby has had “sleep problems” for several weeks / months and there have not been health issues, that is when you may want to consider the cry-it-out method.
If you are confused about how to go about letting your baby cry it out, please do some reading on this site or buy my e-Book, Help Your Child Sleep, a Detailed Guide which outlines various methods and has pros and cons of each method. It’s a step-by-step guide in helping you through the process and how to achieve maximum success. If you want help developing a plan you can 100% commit to (consistency is key!), I also offer sleep consulting services.
What does Cry It Out mean to you?
Tags: babies cry it out, babies sleep, babies sleeping, baby and sleep, baby cry it out, baby sleep, baby sleeping, children sleep problems, cry it out method, cry it out sleep, cry-it-out, crying it out, ferber method, ferberizing, healthy sleep habits, infant sleep, letting baby cry it out, newborn sleep, sleep ferber, sleep toddler, sleeping through night, toddler sleep, weissbluth
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December 28th, 2008
Cry It Out is no lnger generally accepted as the best way to “train” babies to sleep. Babies cry for a reason – the job of parents and caregivers is to figure out the reason and provide help for the baby. We have to remember babies are still getting used to a world outside the womb – a world that is not as accomodating as the womb. And some babies take longer than others to self regulate – learn to live outside the womb. Some babies take longer to regulate their temperatures, calm themselves down, learn to sleep for a significant number of hours at one time.
Crying it out for long periods of time can change a baby’s personality – it’s a broken Cycle of Trust. The child cries and no one comes to see what is wrong or take care of the child. The child learns “No one is here for me” This can have significant impacts on the child’s later ability to trust others.
Given all of that – it is definitely true that parents can be completely worn out by a baby who cries for long period of times. Research now shows most babies will stop crying if attended to within 15 seconds of beginning crying. If this doesn’t work, the best thing a parent can do is call another adult for help. A crying baby combined with an exhausted parent is a recipe for child abuse. All parents need other adults to take over for them when they have reached their limit
Warmly, Linda
The Babies Can’t Wait Lady
http://www.bcwlblog.babiescantwait.com
December 28th, 2008
@Linda Thank you for your comment! You are absolutely correct that babies cry for a reason. No one is disputing that. But, sometimes, that reason is not always what’s best for them. For example, a baby may cry being in a car seat because maybe they don’t want to be constrained or they can’t see mommy or some other reason. That does not mean that we should remove them from the car seat while we are driving. Similarly, when it comes to sleep, a baby might cry because he has lost his pacifier for the 10th time of the night and is tired, it’s not always best for him that he continues to use that pacifier as a crutch (or mom rocking him or a bottle every 2 hours, etc.).
All babies are different and I do have an article about cry-it-out and your baby’s personality. Every parent needs to find the right solution for their family. While one baby might fuss for less than 10 minutes, others will cry for a lot longer with stronger intensity. You can’t really say that any one thing damages trust forever, because our relationships are very complex. It is not healthy for babies or families to go without sleep for extended periods of time and it is up to each of us to figure out when we have stepped over the line of “healthy sleep deprivation” (i.e. when a newborn must eat every 2-3 hours all day and night) and when it becomes debilitating to the whole family (i.e. when a 10 month old is still waking every 2 hours for a bottle). There is no one-size-fits-all approach for everyone.
True, a baby might stop crying within 15 seconds if attended to, but replacing a pacifier or giving him a bottle or nursing every 2 hours is not any healthier for the baby or the parents, either. The reason to do cry-it-out is not to stop crying. Crying does nothing to teach a baby anything (see above article). Cry-it-out is one option in helping your child learn how to fall asleep without a crutch he has developed.
I appreciate your comment!
January 14th, 2009
I just wanted to mention something that you seemed to have overlooked in your article…
My son, who once upon a time slept through the night began waking every few hours at 6 months old (a little before, actually). I figured it was the 6 month growth spurt, but instead of stopping, it continued to get worse. I contemplated CIO a few times but just didn’t have the heart to do it. I thought for sure he was only crying because he had gotten into the habit of me nursing him to sleep every time he woke up…
Right before he turned 7 months old, he began waking every TWENTY MINUTES. No joke. It was getting ridiculous. The only way we could get him to sleep longer than that was to drive him around. My husband and I took shifts on the weekend so that one of us was always up so that we could drive our son around so that our son could get some sleep.
We took him to the doctor the day before his 7 month “birthday” and he was diagnosed with reflux.
I know that every mom knows their baby, but sometimes it really is hard to tell if they’re trying to really tell you something or if they’re just upset that things aren’t going the way they expected. I think that is the most dangerous thing about CIO. There really COULD be an underlying cause for the constant wakings. Even if giving back a pacifier (or any other “crutch”) makes the baby go back to sleep, it only means that he was comforted enough to be able to get through whatever it is for the moment… It doesn’t necessarily mean that your baby was ONLY waking BECAUSE of those things… Ryan has always been nursed to sleep, and he was still letting me nurse him to sleep a month ago…
But he wasn’t waking up because he wanted to nurse, he was waking up because he *was* in pain. But when babies can’t verbalize their feelings, it’s just hard telling.
January 14th, 2009
@Erica Thank you for writing. You are 100% absolutely right. I will edit my article because you are correct that you should always take your baby to the doctor if he/she changes habits abruptly and before you start any formal sleep training method, especially cry-it-out. I do recommend parents get the okay from their doctor that there are not any health issues. Typically, the parents I work with have ruled that out already, but thank you again for pointing this out.
January 31st, 2009
I was always against letting my baby cry it out, but we did try to let him cry more at about the four month mark that you mention. I noticed with my darling boy that when he started crying he would often hit a point where he would go into an uncontrollable “crazybaby” cry that he could not calm himself down from. He would claw at his ears or twist in our arms and refuse any comfort. We found that we had to avoid that crazybaby cry at all costs! We chose a path recommended by Cathryn Tobin (The Lull-A-Baby Sleep Plan) and it worked out fairly well.
I think you have hit the right note here by stressing that each child is unique and trying something new isn’t going to scar them.
Jills last blog post..five things I know about baby sleep problems
February 5th, 2009
@Jill Thank you for commenting and sharing the name of a plan I have not heard of by Cathryn Tobin. I’ll have to check that out!
March 1st, 2009
Hi,
At 4 months of age it is proven that babies can become manipulative. By this I mean that they know you will come and rock them if they cry. THerefore, it is proven that at 4 months of age a baby will cry for this ‘reason.’
March 2nd, 2009
Yes, four month old babies start to figure out you will come and rock them if they cry – that is called The Trust Cycle and it is an essential part of development. It has absolutely nothing to do with manipulation – I have studied and researched infants for many years and have never heard of the reserach you reference. Please provide citation and author as I am very interested in reading this research.
Research on basic needs says that 100s of completed Trust Cycles are how babies learn that they will be taken care of – this is what Ericson called Basic Trust. The trust cycle is composed of baby having a need, baby expressing a need, parent noticing the need, parent responding to the need, baby being able to relax and calm down because the need was met. It is not limited to crying at sleeptime but is part of feeding and other routines as well.
March 2nd, 2009
Hi Linda,
So what about the checking up on the baby that Ferber suggests? Doesn’t that allow the baby to trust that mom will keep coming back?
March 2nd, 2009
@Carly, @Linda Thank you for commenting! I agree that babies need to trust their caretakers and their basic needs must be met every time. That, to me, means that they eat when they are hungry, changed when they are wet, comforted when they’re scared, etc. I think the “argument” comes in about what they “need” vs. “want” once they get old enough to learn to start to self-soothe. I don’t think babies are manipulating by crying, they simply can’t tell you in words “Please replace the (sleep association) because it’s the only way I know how to sleep.” A baby who has a set bedtime routine and a comfortable place to sleep can learn a new way to fall asleep. There is a lot in between replacing a sleep association every hour and letting a baby cry alone all night. It is important to develop a plan that is going to be successful for your unique situation. Good luck to you both!
March 3rd, 2009
Have really been enjoying this blog. I have 3 children who are all proving to need different forms of “sleep training.” My oldest son who is now almost 7 was very easy to sleep train. He went to sleep quickly and easily when rocked and when he began to object around 5 months he only needed to fuss about 10 minutes before drifting off to sleep. He is now a VERY happy, trusting and loving little boy- his teachers even tell us this often! My second son now 5 had a pacifier he was very good at keeping in his mouth. He needed almost no sleep training until he was 6 months old and even then it was quick. He too is a fabulous sleeper and such a happy, sweet little guy.
Now we have a 15 week old daughter who is just precious and an excellent napper. The only difficult thing about her is putting her to sleep at night. My husband and I dread the evening because it involves on average 2 hours of bouncing, rocking, swaying and/or dancing trying to get her to sleep. We begin this at 6:30, we have a calming routine we do each night and it starts out great with her little eyes beginning to get heavy and shut and then she arches her back, spits out the paci and squirms herself awake. This repeats over and over for hours. I’m beginning to think about doing our routine, placing her in her crib and allowing her to cry say 15 minutes, then 20, then 25 and so on. I know she is not quite 4 months but we are just exhausted!
March 6th, 2009
Hello all…. What a great site. If nothing else, I feel affirmed that knowing my child is the best way to meet her needs as opposed to a one size fits all approach. Our little girl is nearly 6 months and is our second child so we feel a tad more at ease. With consistency (and time) she has become a great napper typically sleeping 1.5 – 2.5 hours for 2 naps during the day. Her bed time is between 5:30 and 6:30 pm. She goes down very easily and usually awake, but drowsy. She uses a pacifier at nap time and sometimes at bedtime. She has just been weened from BF and is on formula without any issues in transitioning. So what’s my question??…….
1. she is still ‘loose’ on a day time schedule waking anywhere from 4:00 to 5:30 a.m. (EEEK!). Her early nap is always within an hour or two of waking. The earlier she goes down, it seems it is a shorter nap. Perhaps she’s just continuing her night sleep?
2. she naps again after her early waking any time between 10:30 a.m. and noon. And again sometime between 1 and 2:30. These are her longest naps lasting between 1.5 to 2 hours each. And bed at 5:30 or 6:30. Is this loose schedule normal at nearly 6 months? I’ve been following her lead somewhat.
3. she wakes in the evening between 10:00 pm and 11:30. Has a bottle and returns to sleep right away. Doesn’t seem to be a problem there. BUT…. she wakes again around 3:30 or 4:00. Her diaper is soaking wet. I change her and sometimes she’s pooped. If I don’t change a wet diaper, I sense she doesn’t go back to sleep b/c she is uncomfortable (she chats and/or cries for a bit at this waking while we see if she’ll go back to sleep — perhaps 10-15 minutes or so). She’ll have a bottle and return to sleep but only for another hour to maybe 1.5 hours.
Bottom line — the day is great. The night is tiresome. I’d love to see her go down closer to 7 pm and sleep until 5 or 6. What can we do to get her there? Is this just a wait it out consideration, meaning she’ll eventually phase out the early morning waking? Perhaps she is needing to mature as you’ve talked about in other articles? Should we start letting her cry it out and not give her the ‘full treatment’ at the 3:30 waking? Are we reinforcing a habit by attending to her every 4-5 hours as we have been at night?
Any tips are appreciated. I feel like we are on the right track, but I’m pretty tired. The articles are fantastic. Just not sure of what we might do better or to speed up her progress in the sleep through the night brass ring!
Thanks!
Lynn
March 15th, 2009
@Rebecca It really goes to show how each baby is different and even when you’ve done it before, how a different baby can throw you for a loop! I “enjoy” hearing about these only to help those of us with challenging sleepers be reaffirmed that it’s not really what we did or didn’t do and truly babies are all different. If you haven’t read my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series, you might be interested in it. Here’s the link: http://www.babysleepsite.com/temperament/baby-temperament-sleep-series-part-1 I wish you luck with your 15-week old. There isn’t really a “magic” age. Some start at 15 weeks, some at 6 months. Every situation is unique. Good luck!
March 15th, 2009
@Lynn It sounds like you possibly have a schedule problem and will need to tweak your daughter’s schedule. I just wrote an article about Owls and Larks (http://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/owls-and-larks) that you might be interested in. In general, naps that are too early can be the continuation of night sleep and therefore, you just have a long night-waking and I generally do not recommend starting the day much before 6 a.m., but depending on the total amount of sleep in 24 hours, you need to be careful you’re being realistic in your expectations. Good luck!
March 22nd, 2009
Hi!
I am just reading through things and wanted some advice. My daughter is 10mths old and sleeps very well. She goes to bed at 8pm and sleeps until 6am. Her naps vary from 30-90 mins depending on how tired she is. I usually only have to get her clamed down and doozing off to sleep then I can put her down and not look back untl she’s up. The question I have is if I put her down awake, she just stands up and plays in her crib. She doesn’t fuss or cry she just plays so I’m wondering if there’s a way to start getting her to put herself to sleep. I have no problems taking 5-10mins to get her relaxed and down but she will have to learn eventually right?
March 24th, 2009
I have been reading and i have premature twins, 10months now.
I give megan a bottle before going to sleep and she sleeps throu the night.
Meggy will cry alot during the day,even when she is dry and am feeding her she just wont stop crying, do you think she is sick or just being a normal baby,cause now its coming to a point where i want to take her to the docter.
March 25th, 2009
Hi again: I read Larks and Night Owls — I may have the name mixed up (great article so look for it!!!) We have been doing a combination of controlled cry it out (for the 2nd night feeding occurring sometime between 3-4 a.m. — formula/bottle) and a concerted effort to push her bedtime later (from 6 pm to 7 pm) while still feeding her at 10 pm. Meanwhile, her day time naps are also shifting, so we are learning to be flexible!! Thank you Nicole for the wonderful adivce. Our next step is consulting. BTW: my husband has had to take on the cio task. I will cave and soothe her or pick her up. He, instead, can go in without her going nuts. AND, his attitude is “listen to those healthy lungs. She is so healthy!.” I, meanwhile, go into the basement to sleep with earplugs!! I’m such a wimp! So, at 6 months, we have hope for an eventual full nights sleep but still have a long way to go (week one is nearly done!). Down to one wake up thus far. One to go!! Gradual approach is working for us, so for those wondering if it will ever change, celebrate the small improvements! Remember to lean on your husbands. And if you don’t have a husband, call your best friend to help out. The benefit: I am getting a little more sleep and feel I’m better able to function all around.
Lynns last blog post..The perfect careers for an Aries
March 27th, 2009
@Jessie As long as the 5-10 minutes is working, I don’t think you necessarily want to rock the boat. It doesn’t hurt to try to put her down awake and see what happens, though. I’d probably need to know her whole schedule to make any further recommendations, but all you can do is keep trying.
March 27th, 2009
@Paly If Meggy hasn’t typically cried a lot, then yes, I would take her to the doctor. Ear infections can sneak up on you and cause a lot of problems. ((HUGS)) Good luck!
March 27th, 2009
@Lynn Good luck! I typically don’t recommend cry-it-out for families where both parties can’t “do it” because it is sometimes not a cure-all and there will be setbacks down the road after teething, illnesses, vacations, etc. so both people really need to sorta be on board with it. But, every family has to do what’s right for them and many people do have their partners do the consoling and be the “strong one”. I hope things continue to improve!
April 1st, 2009
I can attest to every child being different. Any advice I get from friends and family doesn’t seem to work because my little one is just, well, himself!
I have read the temperament series and my baby is definetely intense and persistent. He sure can cry and probably would all day and night without giving in. I have tried laying him down awake, but man, that goes over like a whole in the head! He even cries when I rock him to sleep for about 2 minutes- such a fighter! He does alright if I lay him down almost asleep at night, but during the day he fights.
He is almost 5 months old and sleeps from 8:30 pm- 7 or 8 am with wakings at 1 am, 4 am and 6 am. I feed him when he wakes. Is this normal, terrible or good? With him being my first and everyone else I know having bottle fed instead of nursed, I just don’t know.
His naps are erratic but seem to be stabilizing into 1-2 45 minute naps in the mornings (9 and 11 am) and one longer (1 1/2-2 1/2 hrs) at about 1:30 then he is usually awake till bed. He’s happy, I feel rested but just stressed that he isn’t where he is “supposed to be.”
What is the average age that babies sleep through the night? Am I worried for nothing? Am I a bad mom because he can’t put himself to sleep? As of right now, I cannot let him cry it out because I just give in. He also sleeps much much better when he is swaddled, as he is the king of waking himself up.
What to do, what to do…any advice would be very helpful!
Ashley
April 1st, 2009
Ashley – that is exactly what mine did at that age. He slept usually a four hour stretch, then a three, then two, one hour or less spurts – or something like that (he was also a terrible napper!). He’s now a year old, and has been sleeping through the night consistently since 9 months. Babies have very small stomachs, and breast milk digests much faster than formula, so its completely normal for you to have to feed him regularly. Just don’t be afraid to experiment with new ways of helping him get to sleep over the next few months in my opinion!
April 14th, 2009
My baby will be 5 months this Thursday. I nurse him to sleep at night. He has pretty consistently slept in our co sleeper 8-9 hours through the night without a waking for feeding/changing since at least 3 months old. He may stir, talk, suck his fingers, and even wimper or squeal once, but soon falls asleep on his own again without full blown crying.
By day he naps poorly, and never meets his 12 to 14 hour sleep quotia per 24 hours, and has pretty stormy days sometimes. It’s agonizing when nothing works to get him to nap. It feels like abuse, because it is my responsibility to see him A. well slept and B. therefore happy. It gets to the point where crying it out for 5 nights seems less abusive than him crying in agony and exhaustion while all our gimmicks (bouncing, nursing, strolling, etc,) gradually lose their effectiveness.
We are crying it out full-on in 1 and a half weeks, no checking in, to transition him from ours to his own room, but most importantly to teach him to self sooth by day. We know he actually can but doesn’t, because he’s gone to sleep with eyes open by day for baby nurses when tired
enough and because we’re certain he wakes at night. Also, we don’t worry about night hunger since he on his own began his 8-9 hour night schedule, and our pediatrician has consistently told us at 3 months their digestive systems are prepared to go 9 hours without food, 12 hours by 4-5 months. They advocate cry it out without checking in as the only method that works. Tribecca pediatrics, Dr. Michele Cohen, he’s published.
Any comments?
Please no impassioned opinions, just fair observations.
Thanks.
April 16th, 2009
@Ashley Don’t feel like a bad mom because you don’t have all the answers. We’ve all been there! We moms are supposed to worry.
All babies are different, but the daytime naps sound decent and 3 feedings are within normal range at this age, thought he will probably be able to go down to just 2 very soon. If he is happy and rested, and you feel rested, then that’s all that’s important! I just wrote up an article about how many night-feedings at each age. Here’s the link: http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/night-feedings-by-age-when-do-you-night-wean
April 16th, 2009
@Lala First, I typically don’t recommend going from in your room to don’t-go-in-and-check cry-it-out all night in another room, abruptly. They are two extremes. I typically recommend a more gradual approach. Also, day and night sleep are handled by different parts of the brain and short naps are common and normal up through 6 months until their sleep systems have matured. The first nap of the day is generally the first to form. So, just because he can sleep on his own at night does not mean he has “learned” to do this during the day. It sounds like he is a great night sleeper! Good luck to you!
April 17th, 2009
Hi Nicole, thanks for your response!
I read about the 2 parts of the brain in Weissbluth’s book. Seems to make sense because as I stated it appears to us that he knows how to put himself back to sleep at night but does not apply this during the day.
During the day he hardly sleeps at all, and his fussines because of it is anything but normal, it’s really devastating. Basically his days are red faced and crying until he crashes at the weirdest hour and on someone, or if we’re lucky, in the carriage during a stroll.
We are going to Europe and staying with my husbands various family in June, and he will have to learn how to day nap and to sleep in something other than the cosleeper one way or another, wherever he’s placed, as he will be moving around a lot and always staying in other people’s homes where he won’t have a cosleeper nor his crib, nor his swing, nor a bouncy ball, nor many gimmicks, but whatever crib they can make available .
When you say you recommend somthing more gradual, what do you mean? Nursing him to sleep as usual but into his crib / own room, and seeing how that goes? And then when he has that down, using Weissbluth’s controlled crying for naps?
I forgot to mention that we have spent the past 3 months trying controlled crying with him and it doesn’t work. Comforting him (ie rubbing his belly, giving him a pacifier) only aggravates him more. The minute you enter the room he goes from crying to screaming, and wants out of the crib (though he continues to cry from exhaustion once he’s up, or within a half hour of it, and wants to try to sleep again).
The one time we let him cry it out without going in, he cried non stop for one hour at 7 pm, then crashed until 6 am the next morning. But we didn’t repeat it, because he was only 3 months old and we didn’t have the heart to.
What would be your solution to transition him from cosleeper at night to crib, and also, to improve his day naps, now knowing the particulars of our situation?
April 17th, 2009
Hi Nicole: Thank you for your response. The exchange with others is invaluable. The professional advice and participation from you, gives us all a rudder in reality! Lack of sleep can distort things, so thank you for this board.
Your last input suggested we have a possible lark in our hands, and we definitely do!! An update on my last post, we did eliminate the 3-4 a.m. bottle with modified CIO. However, she was still waking up even though not being fed — chatting, laughing, talking then eventually crying after 30-45 minutes alone. Plus she was then adding another nap in the day. Not a direction we wanted to go — we can’t start our day at 4:30!! So, for the last few nights, we’ve returned to offer a 3-4 oz bottle at 3:3- 4 a.m. She goes back to sleep until 5:00-6:00′ish and her day time naps are more reasonable. The first one starting around 8:30 or 9 and another in the mid afternoon. Her bedtime is still 6:30 or 7 pm. Later bedtimes have not changed her body’s clock to wake up later — the 3:30 or 4 a.m. body clock would go off anyhow (are we missing something to change this???).
The net of it is — she will be 7 months Saturday and she is still getting up for 2 feedings in a 11-12 hour span. Should we wait this out (hoping she’ll gradually sleep through) or is there something else we should be doing. Trying to be as objective as possible, I don’t sense she is using the bottle to sleep (she doesn’t for naps), but I do see it allows her to sleep longer in the morning. Is that a crutch or is it a body need? Oh, and PS, she cut a tooth in the middle of all of this which didn’t dramatically change anything one way or the other.
Thanks for your thoughts! Lynn
May 6th, 2009
@lala We’ve gotten into custom sleep consultation here.
This is really too long to type here as I can write articles and articles about this. In fact, I just wrote a whole e-Book about naps and schedules. Have you signed up for my free nap sessions? It might help. You are also welcome to join me on my free chat or check out my services: http://www.babysleepsite.com/services
May 6th, 2009
@Lynn Sleeping all night without a feeding is a developmental milestone and as long as the baby does not have a sleep association problem, they often will start to reduce feedings on their own. However, sometimes it does become a chicken and egg problem for them to eat more during the day, they need to eat less at night. There are some adults who don’t go 12 hours without a feeding and some babies have trouble going without two at 7 months. You might try to night-wean down to one feeding if she hasn’t done it on her own by 8 months. Good luck!
May 12th, 2009
hi
I really like your website and all the articles. I have just started the cry it out tonight for the first time. it was hard to not go and comfort my DS. sofia is almost 7 months old and she is still nursing at night approx. 2 – 3 times a night so I was wondering when she wakes at night and i feed her if she is still awake after the feeding should I just put her in the crib and let her cry? and also, if she falls asleep during the feeding is that going to set her back?
thank you for making me feel better about the cry it out method I wanted to do it but i felt bad. when I read that your are teaching her to comfort herself to sleep it made me feel better about it
May 15th, 2009
@Jennifer When baby does not go to sleep after a feeding, then yes, you would want to encourage her to learn to do it on her own. Falling asleep during a feeding is not a problem, usually. I hope it’s going well! Glad you like the site! Thank you!
June 4th, 2009
@ Linda
Linda, could you post links to recent the articles and research you claim does not support CIO? I didn’t know that you were a PhD with years of research like Dr’s Weissbluth and Ferber. Unfortunately you’re not, and it seems that you simply an educator posting on someone else’s site in order to promote your own business.
Thanks, Nick for offering this site and for being upfront about who you are. Moms talking/sharing with other moms is sometimes the best. Good on you for being cheerful to all.
June 4th, 2009
Hooray! Nicole, your advice has been spot on. I’ve posted at 6, 7, and now 8+ months with comments about difficulties getting little one to sleep through the night. Well, last night, we had a first night without a wake up (too bad mom hasn’t managed this yet). As you predicted, she self-weened to one feeding just about 8 months. In the last 2 weeks, she is pretty much making it 8-9 hours without a wakeup and last night was for 10! She takes two naps — one at 8:30 for an hour or just a bit longer; one at 1:30 for 2 hours, so overall, she’s getting 13+hours. She is still going to bed fairly early (6:30-7) and waking at 5-5:30, but we can live with that. I hope we are on a developmental milestone that will hold (barring other interruptions, which are natural, of course!). Your advice continually reinforces the fact that there is no one-size-fits all – nor should we measure your baby’s sleep habits by someone else’s. Good for them if they have an early sleeper. Hang in there for those of us still looking forward to a full night’s sleep. Thank you Nicole for a great site. Lynn
June 4th, 2009
Oh, and PS. I’ll make this brief, but it was funny enough that I thought I could share it. We were puzzled why our daughter was waking up like clock work at 12:01 a.m. every single night. Well, one night I was restless, up myself and just before she woke, I heard a faint beeping sound. The mini clock fell off the nightstand in her room the week before (I hadn’t missed it) and in falling, it pushed the alarm button on. So each night, she was indeed, waking up like clock work!!!! Groan. We don’t go immediately to her so by the time a few minutes had passed, it had already stopped beeping. Poor parent award on that one! She thankfully quickly gave it up once the clock was gone!! ha ha
Lynn
June 10th, 2009
@Dianne You’re welcome!
@Lynn You’re welcome! I’m so glad sleep has improved so much. It sounds like you guys are doing great! Woohoo!
June 10th, 2009
@Lynn LOL! on the alarm clock!
Something similar happened to us. One night he slept right through it, but we heard it and ran in there and turned it off. Another night he woke up. We found out his older brother was messing with the button (up, down, up, down…oops he left it down which was on and set to go off at midnight!). Glad you figured it out!
July 18th, 2009
I appreciate this website and all the comments. We are doing our own CIO—CIO, but we stay in the room with him until he is asleep, or if he lays down happy, without crying we walk out after sayign “good night” so that our presence isn’t necessarily a crutch. Our 4 1/2 month old was sleeping through the night when he was about 9 weeks old (heaven, since our first child never slept longer than 2 hours at any given time until she was nearly 1 1/2 years old!), then we moved and it screwed everything up. Tried all the books (Sleeplady, Baby Whisperer, etc), but nothing was working. My hubby and I were trading of and we were both sleep deprived to the point of a safety concern (I was ready to sleep while driving my kids on errands, he was barely functioning at his new job which you can’t afford to lose in this economy!) We had been through this alreayd with our first child and it was unbearable, our relationship was suffering under the stress and sleep deprivation (which is a form of torture by the way and as bad as driving while intoxicated if you drive). What these opponents to CIO fail to appreciate is that CIO is usally the last method for parents who have exhausted all other efforts. I have a toddler who needs me to have energy to play with her and give her proper attention during the day. I have a husband who I need to have a healthy and loving relationship with. If we kept going on this miserable path a second time, I”m fairly sure I have a toddler I would fail and a marriage that probably would suffer long-term if not irrevocable damage, possibly divorce much later down the road as a result of this damage. So, CIO doesn’t seem so bad in the end if it means my baby has a happy sibling and parents who are happily married who can raise them in a safe, happy and secure environment, and I am not half crazed as a person and can drive safely. So sometimes we have to look at the big picture! And parenting is not only about sleep , it’s aobut how you treat your child druing the awake moments that I believe has the most impact. Sorry, no time for spell check, but good luck to everyone!
August 3rd, 2009
What a great site, excellent article by Nicole and interesting comments. We started CIO a week ago with our 9 1/2 month old and the results have been very positive for the whole family, especially our baby girl. Incidentally, I should say I used to be very much against the idea, believing the mantra ‘a baby’s wants are a baby’s needs’. I still believe CIO isn’t for all babies. Anyhow, I breastfed our baby girl to sleep on and off for 8 months. When she lost interest in the breast (self weened in favor of the bottle) we started bottom-patting-to-sleep with no tears. One day I walked out of the room to answer the door and when I returned she was asleep. For a few weeks she happily babbled herself to sleep for naps and bedtime. Then suddenly she decided she didn’t WANT to do this anymore. After resuming bottom patting for what seemed like eternity, one of us would head for the door only to have her flip over on her back and cry hysterically. After three days of tending to her (including night wakings), I finally pulled a back muscle. Seems all that leaning over the cot eventually took its toll. With no family support nearby and my husband working full time, I basically lay on the lounge with my bored and annoyed baby playing with the same toys all day on the floor. Something had to change. To cut a long story short, we knew that she knew how to settle and believed she was old enough to do so. Most importantly, her sleep problems were starting to impact my ability to continue be a good mum. The first CIO attempt was the worst: a morning nap starting with 30 minutes of all out sobbing while I stood under a hot shower and cried. We had agreed to try the all-or-nothing-approach. She slept solidly and woke up happy. She cried for 10 minutes before her afternoon nap and then nothing since (so far!). Lots of happily babbling though, which suggests to us that she has benefited from the experience. I would like some advice on what to do when she gets sick (maybe it has been mentioned elsewhere). How do you ensure you are giving a sick baby the very best care without disregarding the sleep training teachings? Do you just let everything go out the window and CIO again when baby is better??
August 7th, 2009
@Kia I agree 110% and I worry about parents who withstand months and years of sleep deprivation to avoid CIO. It’s definitely not for everyone, but in the right situation I do think it’s a fine choice. I just wrote an article about something related here: http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-news/when-sleep-deprivation-drives-you-to-the-unthinkable/ Thank you for commenting and I’m glad CIO was successful for you.
August 8th, 2009
So after my last posting, our own “version” of CIO didn’t work and we finally went to straight CIO—it worked in 3 days. We are a MUCH happier FAMILY. And guess what? My son is still just as happy and smiley as he was before, actually more so—-HIS PERSONALITY DID NOT CHANGE. And I am a better, more patient mother and wife because I am getting badly needed sleep. Did it occur to those who are speaking out against CIO, that the opposite could be true–that a child’s personality might change if your child doesn’t get deep restorative sleep for months or years? I was re-reading some of the responses here about “changing personalities” and “losing trust”. I respect if you have that philosophy, but fear mongering like that led us to put off CIO for longer than we should have (like I said, our marriage was hanging in the balance because we were so tired). I wish that the “sisterhood” would support each other more, and judge and scare each other less. My mother used to brag about how she never let her babies cry it out (back in the 70s). So, according to the logic proposed by some, my brother and I should have a super trustful relationship with our mother, right? Well, we don’t, in fact I don’t talk to her anymore, and my brother has a tenuous relationship with her at best. Like I said, as long as they are getting good solid sleep for their age group, it’s the waking hours they spend with their parents that has the real, most significant and longest lasting impact. Chances are, if a parent is on this site, they have reached the end of their rope, they aren’t lazy—they have tried everything else and it didn’t work—so don’t make them second guess themselves or put off something they need, unless you would like to bear the responsibility for the end result—-a car crash from lack of sleep, divorce, etc. Or go on over to their house and volunteer to get up all night for a week or so!!! So, let’s save Judgment and mind what’s going on in our own lives, time spent judging others is time you aren’t taking care of your own marriage or children. Good look to everyone, whatever you choose for your family—-do it, and best of luck!
August 14th, 2009
@Paula Wow! 30 minutes plus 10 minutes is a dream for some people. I know that it was not easy, though, because with cry-it-out every minute you multiply by 10 in terms of how it feels. I know. I’ve been there. I’m glad it’s been a positive outcome for you and your family…and YOUR BACK! Ouch! When baby gets sick, I would do what you can to make her comfortable and yes, that might mean doing a bit more than usual, but not necessarily. My advice is typically not to overdo it if it’s not necessary to. Basically, try to stick to the same routine and only do more if you have to. After all, they need the most sleep when they are sick.
August 14th, 2009
@Kia I agree wholeheartedly that our relationships with our babies are so complex that not one thing (except for say molesters or something) will damage them forever. They are not so fragile like that and sleep deprivation can be so hard on families that I always worry about the families that do all in their power to avoid cry-it-out, when it’s not always such a bad thing in the right situation. I am not a cry-it-out pusher and have helped many families without it, but sometimes the situation warrants it. Thank you for commenting again!
August 25th, 2009
We have a 15-month-old daughter who has never been a stellar sleeper. We’ve offered various loveys – always taking time to introduce and associate each ‘version’ with the usual bedtime routine – and have done what we can to create a soothing sleep environment (small night light, soothing rain sounds, loveys in her crib). While not opposed to CIO, I had hoped to avoid what seemed a ‘last resort.’ We’ve been sleep deprived for some time, as our daughter has never slept through the night without waking 1-2x with intense crying; but until recently, she was easily soothed back to sleep by being held (and running Mom’s hair through her fingers) and was easily returned to her crib. This summer, a brief sickness and later vacation disrupted her routine to the extent that our daughter now resists sleeping in her crib altogether, wanting to be held or cuddle up next to Mom or Dad in bed (given these “ideal” circumstances, she’ll sleep through without difficulty). This is a deal-breaker for me – a sign that we’ve reached the end of the line and need to firmly encourage her independence in sleeping through CIO. The dilemma I face is that my husband – a poor sleeper himself – agrees with the logic of CIO during daylight but caves when her crying threatens his own sleep at night (we live in a condo – no escaping the noise). I understand his position but am struggling to help him understand our daughter’s – and am also conflicted re: how to move forward. Is there any benefit to one parent sticking with the CIO routine (I work part-time but am home 4-5 days/week to put her down for naps/bedtime) if the other is not willing/ready? Or is this just confusing our daughter and destined to ultimately fail? You should know that I’ve suggested my husband get earplugs or even sleep elsewhere for a week while sleep training – I’m happy to manage this alone – but fear things will unravel when the inevitable maintenance for illness, transitions, etc. occurs.
August 26th, 2009
HELLO!! i need help!!…im considering the CIO but im not sure how to go about it. My son is 6 months old, when he was born he had “colic” so in order to sleep he had to be walked/danced around..once he seemed more calm we quickly stopped that and now he relies on a pacifier and patting to fall asleep. Well hes learned to FIGHT IT and cries once hes almost asleep at his naptimes during the day and its soo frusterating especially when at peoples houses and he wont just go to sleep on his own. At nighttime he falls asleep during his last bottle I still swaddled him and put him down. He stays asleep generally for 5-7 hours straight then wakes up and cries..i then take him into my room.
Heres what I want to solve! 1) to get him to take naps in a steady place like his playpen during the day and to fall asleep on his own when he gets tired
2) to get him to sleep unswaddled(partially so that he can self-soothe)…he is just SO wiggly!
3)To stop bringing him into my bed and let him put himself back to sleep until his morning.
He has recently been able to go 8-10 hours without a feed so I know thats not what he wants, He doesnt pee alot in his sleep so his diaper is hardly full when he wakes up so its not that, hes on gentle formula and good bottles so I know that it is not gas.
The only thing is he is teething. Anyway Im just not sure how to do the CIO for naps and once he has woken up int he morning and to get him to sleep unswaddled :S..
any suggestions would be sooo appreciated!? or experiences from ANYBODY…you can email me @ chrizzy_333 [at] hotmail [dot] com if you want to help! thanks
September 4th, 2009
@Katy That is a tough situation! The answer really depends on your daughter’s personality if things would backslide too much during illness, etc. I still think it might help to go ahead and commit to a plan and do the initial sleep training because she might surprise you and not need much “maintenance”. Another option is to sleep in her room, temporarily, and employ a “fading” technique where you encourage her to sleep in her room all night and you slowly get to the point where you are leaving the room. It takes longer, but maybe your husband can stick to it. Good luck!
September 4th, 2009
@Christie The first key is to establish a nap routine. My boys never napped as well in a playpen as their own cribs, so you might not get him to do that depending on how perceptive he is (have you read the Temperament series?). Another key to naps is trying them at the right time and to stop the swaddling just takes practice on their part. There are a lot of variations on cry-it-out, so the key is just to come up with a plan that you will 100% commit to and then stay consistent. Good luck!
November 14th, 2009
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html – just an article that takes the other opinion that I found interesting. I have a brother who was raised with the CIO method – I was not and it is interesting that he matches all of the examples in this article.
To the woman who posted above – Christie…my baby had colic, reflux and major food allergies. He has outgrown the colic and reflux, but he was similar to yours at 6 months when it came to napping. It was a real challenge to get him on the right track, but I have to recommend a book that changed everything. Sleep Habits for Healthy Children. Hope it helps.
November 14th, 2009
@Tiffany: I respect your opinion that you and your brother may fit the research results of the CIO sibling personality vs. the nonCIO sibling personality and the differences. However, this article also fails to note that most research also indicates that birth order and age of parents at time of raising infant/toddler also affect a child’s security and confidence or lack thereof. Also, these research results fail to indicate what kind of parenting occurs during waking hours (i.e. are the parents of CIO or non CIO equally attentive during waking hours? are the CIO parents strict or allow for checks when a baby is sick or going through a growth spurt or teething, or dirty diaper?). Are both sets of parents in CIO and nonCIO in the experiment equally emotionally nurturing and physically demonstrative in affection for their children? What is the extended family like? Are the parents stay-at-home or working? Do any of these variables alter the research results? See—–there are sooooo many factors that may or may not have been taken into account in this study. Also, who sanctioned this study? Who funded it? Who benefits from this research (just a possibility)? Then there is the whole debate on nature vs. nurture, and they are also finding genetic components and indicators for “who we are”, be it gay/straight/aggressive/shy/depressed/etc. While it is good to make parents aware that there are other methods they can consider for the child’s sleep habits, these kinds of articles only serve to scare, rather than inform. There are TOO many variables in what makes our personality what it is to make this study THE definitive one that is an absolute indicator of why we are the way we are individually. I’d like to see this same group do a study on the marriages/relationships of the parents in CIO vs. nonCIO—what are the divorce rates, stress indicators, internal ratings of satisfaction in their home and relationship, job performance, health, car accident rates? I have a sincere belief that parents that suffer through 2-4 or more times of wakefulness through the night for 6 months–2 or 3 years have very strained marriages, not because the adults do not love each other, but because sleep deprivation is SERIOUS—-just think—it is used as a form of torture in interrogations—it has serious consequences for the parents, the siblings and the babies. All I know is my son is happier and smiles more and is hitting developmental milestones rapidly and in advance of the average because he is finally getting the rest his little body and mind deserve and need. If you can get that without CIO—great. If you need CIO (within reason–it doesn’t mean ignore your child completely)–great. But I really wish people would engage in some critical thinking and analysis about these studies and the results they claim, as a lot of factors go into these studies and holes can very easily be poked into them—so while it’s an interesting study to you, it can scare someone who is looking for help on this site (as similar postings initially scared me and kept me and my baby from getting badly needed sleep for longer than we should have) and can result in a parent harming their child from severe sleep deprivation, divorce from sleep deprived parents, poor school performance for the other children in the home losing sleep based on a baby waking up several times during the night), car accidents with the children in the car, the list goes on, but you get the idea. So if you are on here and scared by articles saying CIO will determine or damage your child’s future personality—-think about all these other factors and don’t let the articles scare you.
November 26th, 2009
I put a limit of 10 minutes of rocking/holding/singing to my 6 month old. I then put her in her crib (she’s usually pretty much asleep at this point). She usually stays asleep. If not, I will go in once or twice because often she fusses because of a latent burp. But if she’s still fussing, I let her cry for five or ten minutes to get her frustration out and get some energy out.
My problem is that we are still swaddling her and and she uses a pacifier. I’m not sure how to break either of these things. I would like to break the swaddling more than the pacifier. anyone have any ideas? Swaddling makes it hard to put her in her crib before she’s fully asleep.
December 3rd, 2009
I was wondering I have a 3month old son and I blame myself for his sleeping issues since he was born (he was premature) I have either slept with him on my chest or very close to me on the couch or in his swing. He has never slept in his crib and I havent slept in my own bed since he was born. I want to put him into his crib but he constantly cries if I lay him down. For the last few nights I have laid him down and fed, changed, and attended to, but he cries non the less. I feel guilty for letting him cry but somehow I feel like if I keep running and picking him up he will know that I will always do that and continue to cry until I pick him up. I have taken him to the doc and he is in wonderful health (thank God) but I guess I am wondering if 1. I should feel guilty and pick him up 2. If im doing the right thing by stopping his habit now 3. What suggestions people may have for me.
I also must say I have a 2 1/2 yr old that STILL sleeps in the bed with me because I wasnt strong enough to break that habit and do not want to do this again.
Any advice would be GREAT.
Thanks
December 4th, 2009
@Tiffany As Kia pointed out, it is virtually impossible to pinpoint any ONE thing that affects our baby’s personality. As many stories of CIO babies that have “issues” there are probably just as many without them. And, similarly, there are just as many stories of “non-CIO” babies who have “issues” as there are without them. We are complex beings and it’s my belief that it’s the whole of all we do with our children that form their personalities and even then there are certain things they are born with. You might find my Baby Temperament series interesting: http://www.babysleepsite.com/temperament/baby-temperament-sleep-series-part-1 Good luck to you!
@Kia I agree with everything you said.
Thank you for commenting!
December 5th, 2009
hi! I have found this website and Nicole’s emailed advice so helpful. We started out as an attachment parenting cosleeping family, and had to make a change when the sleep deprivation was making me depressed. We did CIO and moved the baby to his own room and are all much happier for it.
my question is – how do you handle the times when the baby is sick? obviously I go to him when he is really sick, but as he gets better I continue to go to him and we really backtrack on his sleeping well for a while. It just feels cruel to ignore a slightly sick baby and I really don’t know how to handle it. Or is it just a given that there will be some crying after an illness as the baby relearns to sleep through the night? Are there any guidelines on this subject?
thanks!!
December 11th, 2009
@Elisabeth It’s probably time to unswaddle your baby and work with her on falling asleep on her own, without the pacifier. It will take a few nights to a week, but she will get faster and faster at doing it and things will probably be much better by then (but maybe not perfect). It just takes practice…much like riding a bike. Good luck!
December 29th, 2009
@Ginger It’s taken me awhile to get to the blog comments, but I just wanted to say that it’s a big difference between a 3 month premature baby and a 2 1/2 year old, so don’t feel like you have break any habits now or be at this again until 2 1/2. There is a lot of time in between. Is 3 months the adjusted age? I guess, by now, he’s almost 4 months, but some babies have trouble self-soothing until 4 to 6 months, so you probably want to wait a bit longer. My younger son needed a lot of soothing, in the beginning, but he ended up being a decent sleeper pretty easily, so don’t feel like now will dictate the future. Hang in there and good luck!
December 29th, 2009
@Rachel We’ve talked on the phone since this comment (I’m a bit behind LOL). I typically table formal sleep training during illness and get back to it when baby is on the mend. You know your baby best when it’s the “right” time to get back to normal. It’s always tricky when they need more sleep when they’re sick. I did used to allow some fussing simply because my son fought sleep so much that when he was sick I couldn’t afford to allow him to miss out on an hour or two fighting sleep. Hope this helps!
January 9th, 2010
We are having sleep issues with our 4mo old son. He is our second child, so we are a little more at ease this go round and last night made the tranistion from the pack n play in our room to the crib in his room. Up until 3 1/2 wks ago, he was sleeping fairly well…almost 6-7hrs at night. Then he began waking frequently (nearly evey hour) and this is still the case. He was not waking fussy or screaming, just waking. I would nurse him back to sleep and realized it seemed to be becoming more of a habit in which he was using me as a pacifier to get back to sleep (won’t take a pacifier though!!). He also has been sleeping in a Boppy in the pack n play…every time he would lay flat he would wake up until we began propping him with the Boppy. But even in the Boppy for the past 3 wks he’s been waking. We had his 4mo. check up this past Monday and no ear infections and no current concern for reflux. Dr thought it was most likely a behavioral thing where he has become dependent on me. But still just don’t understand what is making him wake up? Last night we started the CIO method, although my husband seems to think 4mo is too young!!!! He initially screamed for 25min and I checked on him several times without picking him up before he went to sleep. Then he woke up after 30min. This is how it was ALL night with the longest stretch of sleeping being not quite 2hrs I put rolled up receiving blankets on either side of him to help him feel more secure. Just don’t know why he keeps waking. Nursed him twice in the night and rocked him back to sleep a couple times. Same thing happened for a nap today…only slept for 30min. How many times should I keep putting him in the crib throughout the day to CIO for a nap? He’s almost asleep in his swing now!!!!!! Any thoughts would be GREAT
January 25th, 2010
I’m glad to have found this site and the input from other parents. I only want to share my story to stress the importance of parents paying attention to their children and not choosing the CIO method due to family pressure or just from being tired.
When our first daughter was born we listened to our parents and the same doctor I had seen as a baby. We had severe issues breastfeeding (we found out later that it was acid reflux and a dairy protein allergy), and if we altered her routine by even 5 minutes at night it would throw her off for literally weeks. We started CIO when she was 4 months old and it only got worse, not better. The doctor confirmed there was nothing physically wrong with her. By 12 months she could cry forever and we honestly thought it was manipulation because if we did rock her for a couple hours she would fall asleep easily and stay asleep and if we walked into the room she would laugh. Her sleep issues never stopped. Much later we found out that she actually lacks the ability to self soothe due to her mood disorder (juvenile bipolar disorder). Imagine how bad I felt for all those nights she screamed while my parents and my husband’s parents told us we were doing the right thing.
This time around things are a bit different. Our second daughter had lots of issues in the beginning (reflux, dairy protein allergy, fractured collar bone from birth) and she would only sleep for up to 2-4 hours at a time which I understood. At 3 months she began to sleep 6-8 hours a night, then at 5 months it stretched to 10 hours. Everything was great until a few weeks ago at about 7 months.
All of a sudden my super sleeper who nursed to sleep each night within half an hour was ending her nursing sessions wide awake and ready to play. Now I’ve seen this little one put herself to sleep many times when I simply put her down to tend to her older sister and I know she doesn’t have the same inability to self soothe so tonight, at 10pm when she finished nursing, looked up at me and smiled before trying to scramble for the floor to crawl around I kindly told her it wasn’t play time, rocked her for a couple minutes while she still fought to get out of my arms and play, and brought her into her crib.
So far she was quiet for 10 minutes and is yelling at me at the moment. I think for this part of parenthood I’m kind of glad my husband is deployed for the first year of her life, somehow it’s a bit easier to follow and enforce the rules if I know I’m the one who made them.
Once again, just a reminder to KNOW your child, pay attention to your child and don’t just take well meaning family and friends advice, research it. If I had done that years ago then maybe I wouldn’t feel so guilty now. Baby girl #2 has quit yelling and is now crying so due to my own rules it’s time to reassure her that Mommy hasn’t run away to join the circus. Good luck to all of you, no matter what method you choose.
January 27th, 2010
I wrote in earlier about having trouble getting my baby to sleep. We worked for several nights on sleep training, using sleep associations, scheduling and some crying (but not fully letting her cry herself to sleep). Just wanted to say that this article and this website was tremendously helpful for us. Evangeline is now eight months old, sleeping twelve hours at night and taking 2 1-2 hour naps a day. She is able to put herself to sleep in her crib after we do our regular sleep routine. She knows that it’s time to go to sleep based on these cues. Of course she has bad nights, but so do all adults, so it’s to be expected. For the most part, our lives are so much easier, and she is so much more well rested. We still use the pacifier, although half the time she spits it out. We no longer swaddle her (as we did for the first six months) but found that she felt safe and secure falling asleep on her stomach. And since she can roll over we know it is safe. Thank you!
January 29th, 2010
@Kim This is very common for this age. I have an article about it here: http://www.babysleepsite.com/how-we-sleep/4-month-baby-sleep and he’s waking so often because he has a sleep association with nursing to sleep. You can read about that here: http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-association There are many different ways to do this, so the key is to find the method that works best for you and, mostly, your son. Good luck!